Scarred Souls

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Title: Scarred Souls



Author: Misty Moonlight/Co-author: QueenBoadicea



Beta: QueenBoadicea



Pairings: Severus/Harry



Published: 12/10/2008



Summary: A widowed Harry must bond with Snape in order to save his daughter’s life. Sev gains a family, for better or worse, and the hearts of two scarred souls will be changed forever.



Warnings: Romance, Drama, Angst, Alternate Reality/Universe, Sexual Situations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, Anal, Language, Humor, possible MPreg, Bonding, Original Characters, Family, non-canon, OOC, WIP



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Chapter 34: I Think She Likes You





“What’s he doing down there?” Albus whispered.



“How should I know?” James whispered back.



Harry watched his children covertly. He didn’t need his Invisibility Cloak since he’d finally managed to learn Disillusionment Charms. So they didn’t know he was standing a few feet away, discreetly watching them for signs of mischief.



So far, Severus’s plan to have them all dine together hadn’t provoked any major scenes. Lily had shown herself to be surprisingly cheery in Severus’s company. The twins were also coming around, especially since Severus talked to them in a grown-up fashion, without the condescension they got from other adults. He even got them to laugh by telling them about the childhood antics of their father, much to Harry’s embarrassment.



Now they were lurking at the door that led to the dungeon. Harry banished the Charm around himself. “Boys. What are you doing?”



The twins both jumped, looking startled and guilty. “We weren’t doing anything!” James yelped.



“We weren’t! We were just wondering what he was doing!”



“You know how Severus likes to brew, boys. I thought I explained this.”



“Yeah. But he’s been down there all day. Kreacher said he didn’t even come up for lunch.”



“Really?” Was this cause for concern? Harry admitted that he still didn’t know much about his bond mate or his habits. Perhaps an all-day brew was perfectly normal for Severus.



Or maybe something is wrong. He didn’t know either way and James and Al were looking at him as if they wanted confirmation or denial.



“Never mind Severus. He’s fine. I’ve been looking for you two. I want you to clean your room.”



“What? Why?” Albus demanded.



He gave them both a stern look. Severus was right; he was too soft on the boys. He needed to take a firmer hand with them, if only to keep them from plaguing their new daddy. “Don’t argue with me, Albus. Your rooms are starting to smell and that can’t be good. Do as I say, you two, and clean your room.”



“Why can’t Kreacher do it?” James asked. “That’s what he’s for.”



“Don’t let Hermione hear you say that,” Harry responded wryly. “So you boys have a choice: either you clean your room or I’ll do it myself.”



“No!”



“We’ll do it!”



Panic was not a good sign. Whatever they were concealing in their rooms, they definitely didn’t want him to see it. “So you’ll clean your rooms now?” he asked mildly.



The boys nodded and edged around him. Then they pelted for the stairs. “I’ll be checking later so don’t skive off by shoving things under the bed! And don’t bother asking Kreacher for help because I’ll just ask him!” he called after them.



Albus stopped and looked back at him. “You’ll tell us if he’s okay, won’t you?”



Surprised but touched by his concern, Harry said gently, “I will, Albus. But you’ve got to clean your room.” The boy nodded and took off after his brother.



There, that should keep them busy for awhile. Now to deal with his crotchety bond mate.



Concentrating all his strength, he managed to break down the ward. Even if Severus were involved in brewing, that would surely attract his attention. Harry braced himself for the angry roar that was certain to follow.



When nothing came, he advanced down the stairs, his wand out. “Severus?” Harry called out. There was light flickering in the dungeon depths…then he heard what sounded like a moan.



“Severus? I’m coming down!”



Harry bounded down the stairs two at a time. He charged into the lab only to see Severus glaring at him from his workbench. Approaching him cautiously, Harry could see a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead. The exposed skin was so pallid, Severus almost looked like an Inferus.



He knelt beside the taller man, alarmed at his silence. Harry searched the shadowed eyes and winced at the pain he caught in their black depths. “Severus? Are you all right?”



The man scowled like he wanted to bite off Harry’s head. Then he sighed and sagged against the wall. “I was trying out a milder version of my antivenin potion to help with my spasms. The experiment was not successful.”



Translation: Severus had been down here for who knew how long quivering in agony. Harry rubbed his own forehead. “Severus, why didn’t you send word to the orphanage if you were in trouble? I would have come.”



“Very touching. But I was in no need of assistance you could provide.”



“Then why not call Hermione or Poppy?” Harry demanded, starting to get angry now.



“Mrs. Granger-Weasley is a married woman with a child, another on the way and a bustling legal career, all of which require considerable time, dedication and attention on her part. She does not need to be dragged away from her life every time I have a twinge. Besides, it was one of her suggestions that I was attempting to formulate. There is plenty of time to let her know that it failed,” he finished in a more subdued tone.



“And Pomfrey?”



“That irritating woman cannot keep herself focused. In fact, she drives me to distraction with her prattle about my unborn, what I should do to keep healthy, exercises I can try. She talks about everything conceivable concerning my condition. I’m surprised she hasn’t discussed baby names… What is so blasted funny, Potter?” he snarled.



Harry just barely choked back his laughter. “You. You said conceivable and since you’re the one conceiving…” He started laughing again.



Severus rolled his eyes. “Very droll. I wouldn’t have thought you capable of such sophisticated wit.”



Harry waggled his eyebrows at Severus. “There’s a lot of things you hadn’t thought me capable of, aren’t there?”



The black eyes widened. For a moment, there was dead silence in the basement.



Heat crept up Harry’s neck. Had he just talked about his one-time sexual fling with Severus—as if it were a joke? He hadn’t thought he could do that. At the time, Severus’s manipulation had left him so furious; it had seemed beyond the pale.



And now? He honestly couldn’t say that the memory weighed on his mind much these days, not when poor Severus was the one suffering because of what they’d done together.



Abruptly, Harry realized that kneeling at Severus’s bent knees left him in a very suggestive position and he scrambled to his feet. He resisted the urge to shuffle like an awkward adolescent. He was a father of three children (soon to be four). He couldn’t allow Severus to unnerve him like this.



“Well, anyway, I was worried about you. The twins told me you’d been down here all day. Do you think you can eat anything?” he inquired.



The waxen pallor acquired a greenish tint. “I do not think ingesting food would be prudent at this juncture,” he gritted through clenched teeth.



Harry resisted the urge to laugh again. Only Severus could sound so much like a dictionary while he was in pain. “Then let me help you up the stairs. I don’t want you collapsing and hurting yourself or the baby. Please, Severus, it’s the least I can do.”



Severus sniffed but allowed Harry to pull him to his feet. “You’ve done quite enough to me as it is, Potter.”



This time Harry did break out laughing. “This isn’t my fault, Severus. It’s the woman’s job to see about protection, innit?” he replied with mocking accusation.



Severus glared and wrapped his arm around Harry’s neck tight enough to strangle. “Potter, so help me—!”



Harry wriggled loose but caught Severus before he could stagger. “I’m just teasing, Sev.”



“I see you share your baby’s infantile penchant for silly nicknames.”



“It’s better than Sevvie, isn’t it?”



“I object to both names, Potter.”



“And I object to being called ‘Potter’ by the person carrying my child. What happened to the two of us getting along better?” Harry remonstrated.



“I suppose I can allow you this little indulgence, if you insist.” Harry waited. Severus’s lips thinned but he ground out, “Harry.”



“See, that wasn’t so hard.” Harry pulled Severus’s left arm over his shoulders and steered him gently towards the stairs. He noted idly a rich scent of balsam wafting from Severus’s hair. It was quite…nice, actually. He found himself leaning against the man, sniffing to absorb more of that scent. Then he jerked away.



“What is it?”



“I just wanted to say, I set the twins to cleaning their room. That ought to give us some privacy for awhile,” Harry babbled. That wasn’t at all what he was thinking. But there was no way he was letting Severus know that he’d been sniffing at him like a girl enjoying her boyfriend’s cologne.



Severus lifted an eyebrow. “While I am glad you’re taking a firm hand with them, I wonder at this change in policy. What happened to their being too young to attend to such a mundane matter?”



“You were right. I’ve been taking it far too easy on them. I just…I think of Ginny, yeah? She asked me to protect them and I can’t bring myself to get too tough on them. Childhood passes too quickly and I don’t want them to look back on theirs and think how miserable it was.”



Harry stopped. That was getting too close to home. He didn’t want to discuss his miserable past with Severus. The Slytherin would sneer at his pain or tell him to buck up and be a man. He couldn’t bear the ridicule or, worse, the questions. The man would think he was lying or wonder why he hadn’t just hexed his entire family.



He was aware of those obsidian eyes digging into the side of his face but refused to answer the unspoken question. If the Slytherin truly wanted to know, he could ask.



But Severus didn’t. Instead, he murmured, “I believe I would like to retire to the library. In spite of Mrs. Granger-Weasley’s worries about its dubious contents, there is much to be learned about the various different flora and fauna in the magical world that warrants further study.”



“No.”



A dark eyebrow lifted. “No? What do you mean, no?”



“You just spent several hours locked in a dark, airless dungeon. What you need now is good food inside you. I know you think you don’t want to eat. But we’ll find something mild for your stomach and then you can read in the library if you want.”



The pale face clenched in a scowl. “You think you can order me about, Harry? I’m no frail woman who needs her husband’s guidance.”



“That’s right, you’re not. You’re my bond mate and I want to take care of you, make this time as comfortable as possible.”



Severus didn’t answer. As they neared the top of the stairs, he thrust back his shoulders and took his arm deliberately from Harry’s shoulders. Clearly he wanted to show his returning strength. His hand shook slightly as he reached for the door handle but he was able to open it.



“Kreacher?” Harry called.



There was a pop. The old house-elf bowed. “What does Master Harry require?”



“We’d like a light supper. A plate of fruit and a light salad for me and a plate of sliced Edam and Swiss cheese, an orange, a peach, some steamed asparagus spears and a bowl of cream of tomato soup for Severus. Oh, and lots of whole wheat crackers.”



“Very good, Master Harry. Might Kreacher add it is almost time for Miss Lily’s feeding?”



“Oh, okay. Bring the food to the dining room along with something for her.” The house-elf nodded and disappeared.



“That’s quite an eclectic menu you’ve selected for me. What is the rationale behind it?”



“Molly and Ginny. They told me the kind of foods a pregnant woman should eat during the nine months. Some of these got to be Ginny’s favorites. If you have any kind of food you’d prefer, just let me know.



“And the fruit and salad? There’s no need for you to starve yourself because of me,” Severus offered.



“I know. But I’m not going to have anything heavy or meaty. The smell alone might make you ill again and I don’t want that.” Once again, he was subjected to that piercing look. “What? What is it?”



“You’re truly serious about taking care of me—and my child?” Severus asked. His tone was almost indifferent but that narrow stare demanded an answer.



Harry gave it. “Of course. I swore I’d love any child of our union. This isn’t the way I would have wanted it to happen. But if you’re going through with it, then so am I.”



Harry wasn’t sure but it looked like Severus was disappointed somehow. What had the man expected to hear?



“Very well. I will join you in the living room,” Severus replied stiffly and wanted away from him, his back ramrod straight.



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Lily was getting almost too big to sit comfortably on Harry’s lap. But he so loved her weight and sweet-smelling skin that he didn’t mind. She ate her food mostly without fuss. But once again she was clutching her toy lion and then murmuring unhappily when food got on it. What with balancing her, getting her fed and using wordless charms to clean the soiled fur, Harry had his hands full.



Severus sipped delicately at his bowl of soup. He didn’t speak to Harry; conversation between them had gotten much better since Lily’s birthday. But there were still awkward moments. Harry would have been nervous about it if he hadn’t been so busy feeding his youngest.



“You’re quite proficient at wordless charms,” Severus murmured.



“I guess. It’s amazing how much you’re forced to pick up when you have three active children to look after. It makes me wonder how Molly managed it so well, what with having seven and all.”



“Indeed.” The conversation lapsed. Lily actively began rejecting her food. Harry decided she’d eaten enough, cleaned her face and toy one last time and set her down on the floor.



Severus leaned back; he’d finished his meal. Harry had thought he would leave at once but he seemed inclined to stay. He looked marginally better and not so ashen as he had in the dungeon. If he was in pain still, he didn’t mention it. Harry decided not to bring up the subject again.



Lily crawled across the floor, following the path of her furry toy. Harry cleared his throat. “I wanted to thank you again for Lily’s toy, Severus. She adores it. Practically the only time she’ll let go of it is when she’s bathing.”



“I’m pleased she likes it.” Severus seemed about to say something else but he subsided. Then he started and stared down at his leg.



Lily was pulling herself up, clutching at his trousers. The lively brown eyes were staring into his face and she waved her lion at him. “Dada Sevvie.”



He grimaced but accepted the sticky toy. However, Lily refused to let him go but kept tugging at his trouser leg.



“Your infant is quite tenacious, Harry. What in the world does she want?”



Harry hid his grin. “She wants you to pick her up, Sev.”



“What? I most certainly will—ow! Stop pinching me, you little urchin. Merlin, your fingers are like daggers,” he groused, glaring at her.



“Well, pick her up and she’ll stop nipping at you.”



Severus sighed as if this were a great imposition. But he leaned down and picked up the little girl. “I can’t see why you want to be hauled about like a piece of furniture. Your father was holding you and you couldn’t wait to be rid of him.”



The brown eyes stared at him solemnly. Then, quick as a flash, Lily reached out and gripped Severus’s prominent nose. The man huffed in indignation and twisted his head in an effort to escape. But the toddler had a firm grip on him and refused to let go. She let out childish squeals of amusement as she explored this large protuberance on her new daddy’s face.



“Leddo, you siddy chibe.” He reached up and finally managed to pry away the grasping fingers.



Harry let out a loud laugh. “I think she likes you—Sev.”



The black eyes glared but Harry couldn’t detect any real ire in them. He held out his hands to Lily but she nestled in Severus’s arms. She smacked her lips and then let out a burp. Drool dribbled from her lips down Severus’s shirtfront.



“Oh, for Merlin’s sake!” Immediately, Severus stood up, strode to Harry and dumped the child in his arms...or rather he tried. Lily dug her fingers into his shirt and began to whimper. “Let go! What is wrong with you, miserable girl?”



“I told you. She likes you.”



“Well, I don’t like her. Especially when she drools.” Severus glared at Lily. The expression had no effect at all on her as she merely giggled and grabbed for his nose again.



“You might as well get used to it. Newborns aren’t easier to take care of, Severus. They just cry, eat and wet themselves.”



“What a charming image. It’s so delightful to know what I have to look forward to,” Severus growled. “I expect you to take care of such onerous duties as changing the nappies.”



“Oh no, Severus. That’s not the way it works. I don’t care what sort of family life you had growing up. But, in my household, people pitch in with household tasks and that includes childcare.”



Sharp teeth flashed at Harry. “Does that mean I’ll be allowed to discipline your other offspring?”



“Their names are James and Albus. And, yes, you may…within reason,” Harry added hastily.



“Fine. Oh, Merlin’s pants…” Lily had wound one of her hands in Severus’s hair and Harry laughed again as he watched the man’s vain attempts to free himself from her clutches.



It seemed Severus was a huge softie underneath his bluster. Perhaps this marriage wouldn’t be so bad, after all.



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Then again, perhaps not.



“Potter!” The lean figure surged into the kitchen.



The boys gaped. Harry knew just how they felt. It was all he could do to keep his jaw from hitting the floor.



Severus was standing there, completely naked except for a towel wrapped around his middle. Images of Severus screaming underneath him, supple male physique, that hot, tight arse clamping around his prick and burning black eyes collided in his mind as a new picture was added: one of ivory skin gleaming with water.



Those dark eyes were glaring at him now. “Potter, this is intolerable. Someone has been in my personal bathroom and removed my balsam shampoo!”



“Um, really?” Harry blinked, trying to get his mind under control. His trousers suddenly seemed two sizes too small and he swallowed—hard. No, mustn’t think of hard! Get a grip, Harry!



Severus’s tone dripped with scorn. “Yes, really, Potter. I suspect your house-elf has been up to mischief again.” He glared at the twins. “Or your rebellious sons.”



“It wasn’t us, Daddy, really!” pleaded Albus.



James glared at Severus. “We weren’t in your bathroom!”



“James, Al. Tell me the truth. Did you have anything to do with this?”



“No, Daddy, honest,” James cried. He actually looked hurt.



Harry raised his voice. “Kreacher?” When the house-elf appeared, he asked, “Kreacher, Severus claims someone took something from his bathroom. Do you know anything about that?”



The house-elf responded in his usual flat gravelly tones. “Kreacher was cleaning the bathroom and a bottle fell and broke on the tiles. Kreacher removed the mess but did not replace the lost liquid. Kreacher apologizes if any damage was done.”



“There, you see, Severus. It was an accident.”



“I very much doubt it, Harry. Your house-elf has been decidedly antagonistic towards me since my first day here. It gives me awful food unless you request otherwise, is slow to respond to my requests and shows me nothing but contempt. And I believe he is the reason I received none of your letters from the cottage when your children were ill.”



Harry stared in shock at Kreacher. Emotions were hard to read on the alien, wrinkled face but the old defiance shone from the sullen eyes. “Is this true, Kreacher?”



The house-elf looked towards the floor. “It is, Master Harry.”



“Why?”



“It was thought, if your bond mate were sufficiently estranged from you, you would not have to suffer his viciousness.”



“It was thought…by whom? Was this your idea, Kreacher?”



This time the house-elf did not speak, merely continued staring at the floor.



Harry knew he could force the house-elf to answer him. But he shied away from commanding the decrepit Black servant. As it was, he could see the tremors running over the sagging frame; the house-elf was two seconds away from banging his head on the floor for failing in its duties.



A quick glance at the boys showed them tucking away into their meal, both pair of eyes bent avidly on their plates. Harry sighed. “James, Albus. Look at me.”



Hazel and green eyes reluctantly raised to his. “Have you been making Kreacher an accomplice to your tricks?”



“Daddy…” Al whispered.



James burst out, determined to defend himself and his brother. “He hated us, Daddy! We didn’t want him. And he didn’t want us. But we don’t hate him now,” he finished plaintively.



“Did you tell Kreacher to harass Severus?”



“Only at the cottage. We didn’t think…” James stopped, flushing.



“You didn’t realize he’d keep up the mischief,” Harry finished. “You forgot to tell him to stop so he’s been bothering Severus here as well.” This was going to be hard, but it had to be said. “When you finish with dinner, go to your room. You’re not getting any dessert tonight. Don’t argue with me, boys. You put Kreacher in a terrible spot when you did this and it’s your fault. Be glad this is your only punishment,” he added, glaring as harshly as he could at the two boys.



If they were going to say anything else, one look at Severus’s glowering expression stopped them. However, Harry wasn’t finished. “Before you leave, say you’re sorry to Severus.”



Both boys mumbled, “We’re sorry.”



Albus added, “We didn’t know Kreacher was doing this. You were so much nicer to us and we forgot.”



Severus looked down his nose at Albus. “That is no excuse.”



“Let it go, Severus,” Harry warned. The older man sniffed but subsided.



James and Albus finished their meals quickly and then shuffled away from the table. Albus stopped and turned towards Severus. “We’re really sorry.” The Potions master didn’t deign to answer and the little boy crept off with a visibly crestfallen expression.



Harry sighed. “I’m so sorry, Severus. I didn’t realize what they were up to.”



“I did tell you those two trouble makers needed discipline. Frankly, I would have preferred a hex.”



“Trust me, going without their favorite desserts will be far more effective. Kreacher, listen to me. There are to be no more tricks or pranks; ignore the boys if they ask you to do so. Severus Snape is my bond mate. You’re to obey his commands with the same attention and care that you do with mine.” He paused. “Remember, there is going to be another child in this household soon. My bond mate needs all the fine attention you’ve paid to generations of Blacks. I’m sure you’re capable of that.”



The large ears twitched. A curious shudder ran over the house-elf’s thin shoulders. Harry wasn’t certain if it was because of the aborted self-punishment or inner revulsion at carrying out his orders. Whatever it was, the house-elf bowed towards him and made a spastic twitch towards Severus.



“Perhaps Harry Potter’s bond mate should dry and cover himself before he catches cold,” he grated before disappearing.



With that, Harry became aware—again—of Severus’s near nudity. Severus appeared to realize it as well. A faint flush covered his cheeks before he swept out of the room with as much dignity as he could manage in bare feet and a towel.



Harry shrank into his chair. Getting a stiffy for Severus—what was wrong with him? He had been married to the most wonderful woman and had three children with her. He wasn’t supposed to be troubled with inconvenient erections and lust-filled thoughts about another man. He was straight!



The more time he spent around Severus, the more confused he got. As usual, his first impulse was to run to Hermione. But she couldn’t help him with this. What if Ron found out? What if MOLLY found out?



He sagged forward until his head hit the table and groaned. Life seemed so much simpler when all he had to worry about was killing a crazed wizard.





TBC