Yuleride

Chapter 34 ~ Realization

Surrounded by family, Ron lamented Snape’s refusal to retract his offer to Hermione. Harry and Ginny listened closely, Harry’s green eyes narrowed slightly.

”You say he asked her before Christmas and she didn’t tell you about it?” Harry asked him.

Ron nodded glumly.

”Why would she hide something like that?” Harry wondered. “That doesn’t sound like Hermione.”

In fact, it did sound like Hermione. She didn’t talk about a lot of things on her mind because she felt they would be shot down before they could be discussed logically. If things weren’t Ron or marriage-oriented, they were heartily discouraged. Of course, no one recognized this fact. Harry had been indoctrinated into the Weasley way of thinking ages ago. He and Ginny were practically walking up the aisle. However, Ginny was the right witch for Harry, and not his first. His first was Cho Chang, who didn’t work out.

“Maybe I should talk to her, find out what’s what,” Harry said. “It’s a really drastic step for somebody to take out of the blue. Sounds suspicious to me.”

Ginny looked at Harry’s furrowed brow.

”Do you think magic’s involved?” she asked him.

Harry didn’t know. Snape had been in his corner for years, he knew that much, but he wasn’t sure about his character. If the Potions master wanted something bad enough, he might be capable of anything. He knew a lot about potions and elixirs. If anyone could possibly sneak in a bit of magic to help Hermione make a decision in his favor—Snape could.

“Maybe dark magic,” Ron interjected, grasping at anything that could throw a wrench into the gears of Snape’s machinations.

”But would Snape do that? Manipulating a person with magic is punishable by imprisonment. He barely escaped Azkaban when Voldemort died. It’s hard to believe he’d do anything to put himself at risk,” Bill said doubtfully.

Fleur was silent. She felt Hermione had a right to leap off the end of the earth if she wanted to do it. Fleur was all for independent witches. She had married Bill because she loved him, not to wait on him hand and foot or be a baby machine. But she had her own pursuits, just as Bill had his, and it worked for them. Love was about two people being themselves and coming together as one, rather than merging into one whole and losing their identity.

That was what was intrinsically wrong with Ron and Hermione’s relationship. To be what Ron wanted, Hermione would have to not be who she was.

And that’s precisely why she was going with Snape, to reconnect to the young woman she had nearly forgotten in her attempt to fit in and be “normal” according to the standards of those around her. But it was hard for those who loved her, and who accepted the “normal” life, to accept her choice not to immerse herself in it.

So, Harry told everyone he’d do some investigating, to try and find out what was going on.. First, Harry checked with the Headmistress and found out that Hermione had indeed put in her resignation for the end of the term. Since Harry and Hermione were friends, Minerva had no problem discussing her Charms teacher with him.

”It just happened out of the blue, Harry. I was shocked. Hermione is a wonderful teacher and had a long, bright future here. She would have become tenured and had job security. I just couldn’t believe she wanted to leave us. Normally, she is so—logical about things. She’s definitely acting out of character,” Minerva said with a sigh. “Now, I have to replace two fine teachers. But Severus, I can understand him needing a change of scenery. He’s been here for years, and has many dark memories, but Hermione is just starting out. It’s very strange and unexpected.”

Harry then informed her that Hermione would be accompanying Snape, and the witch was gobsmacked. Hermione just said she was entering a new field of work. She didn’t give any details.

”She traveling with Severus? Oh, my. I’m not sure if that is a wise decision at all. From what I understand, his travels will be fraught with peril. He’ll be traveling to little visited parts of the world, many of them uncivilized. It could become very dangerous,” she said worriedly.

As Harry left Hogwarts, he thought about the situation with a clearer perspective. Hermione was a good defensive fighter, one of the best he’d ever seen. She was fast too, and probably had forgotten more spells than Harry knew. No, that’s not right, more than likely Hermione remembered every single one she’d ever encountered. She had always been the best duelist out of himself, her and Ron. If Snape were looking for someone to help him navigate dangerous places, Hermione really was a good choice. She was tough too, or at least, she used to be—

On his way home, Harry began to really think about Hermione now as compared to the Hermione he knew at Hogwarts. She loved to be challenged back then, and was never happier than when trying to figure out some mystery. For him, it had been a matter of having to face the peril he was in, but Hermione had chosen to do it of her own free will. Even Ron bailed on him when things got rough, for a little while, but Hermione never faltered.

When it was all over, the only challenging thing Hermione had left was to finish Hogwarts with high marks, which she did easily. It was all rather downhill after that. Harry himself was perfectly happy with a normal, peril-free life. He would never have chosen the life of his younger years if it wasn’t forced on him.

Ron was deeply affected by the deaths of his brother, friends and associates during those dark years, and felt extremely lucky to have survived himself. He’d had enough “danger” to last a lifetime. He didn’t need to be challenged any further. He’d been challenged enough.

For Hermione though, there were no more challenges, no more mysteries in the wizarding world as it was now.

Harry blinked as he began to see why Hermione would want to go with Snape. Because, all in all, her life was dull. There was no challenge anywhere. Everything from here on out would be nice and predictable, which was fine if you were the kind of person that liked nice and predictable.

Snape didn’t have to use any magic on Hermione to make this decision. He probably told her his plans and it all went from there. She wasn’t happy—she really wasn’t happy with what she had now. And although it seemed cold of her to just dump Ron and take off for parts unknown, it was better than her staying here and never doing anything that was in her heart to do. But in order to follow her heart, she had to make a choice.

And she’d made it.

Harry sighed. He knew Ron wasn’t going to like his findings. But he had to be honest with him. That’s what friends did.

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”Oh, come on, Ron! I’m not siding with Snape,” Harry said to his irate friend. “Snape really has very little to do with this other than he’s a means to an end, a way for Hermione to pursue a more exciting life than the one she’s living now.”

”She doesn’t need an exciting life. She needs to be a normal witch,” Ron said vehemently.

Harry’s eyes went dark behind his glasses. Didn’t Ron care how Hermione felt at all?

”No, Ron—you need to find somebody who likes a quiet, peaceful life, not try to change someone who doesn’t. Hermione’s just doing what’s best for her,” Harry said, “and if you really cared about her, you’d see it was the right thing for her to do!”

“Sounds like you and Snape read the same book,” Ron grumbled. “He accused me of isolating her to keep her from doing anything else. Isn’t that ridiculous?”

Harry didn’t answer him. Ron did keep Hermione around the Burrow and his mum quite a bit.

”Isn’t it?” Ron pressed, frowning now.

Harry drew in a deep breath.

”Ron, you know you’re my best mate, and I’d never purposely try and hurt your feelings, but—Hermione has a right to be happy, and she’s not happy with this life. She was just settling for it. She wants to be out in the world discovering new things, using her mind. What good is being brilliant if you never get the chance to show how brilliant you are?”

”But everyone already knows she’s brilliant. She’s proven that already,” Ron said sullenly. “She doesn’t have to keep showing it off!”

”Ron, she’s never going to stop being brilliant. But she has to use that brilliance or it’s going to go stale. Can’t you see that? If she doesn’t do anything meaningful with her smarts, then they’re just a waste.”

”Teaching students is doing something meaningful,” Ron declared.

”No, that’s just passing what she already knows on over and over again. It’s like working on an assembly line, just with children year after year. Imagine her working in a factory just dropping things in boxes. The same thing in different boxes, hour after hour, day after day, year after year. Don’t you think that would be a waste considering what she’s capable of doing with her mind?”

”It’s not the same thing,” Ron said. “There’s satisfaction in making someone smarter.”

”You don’t know if it’s that way for Hermione, Ron. Maybe she wants to continue getting smarter as well. I bet you if there were universities in the wizarding world, Hermione would be taking all the courses available.”

Ron knew Harry was right. He’d hardly see Hermione if she could have continued going to school.

“Look, Ron, nobody is at fault here. Hermione hasn’t gone crazy and Snape hasn’t given her any potion or done anything more than offer to give her what she wants. Challenge and adventure. You can’t give her that, Ron. You’re a different kind of bloke. You’re a good guy, but you just want to live a good life and have a wife, a home and a family. To accomplish that would make you feel like a success. But that’s not for Hermione, not if she really wants to be happy. She’s complicated—and you’re not. What you need to do, Ron is just be glad about the time you had with her and wish her well. Being angry isn’t going to solve anything. At least you could part friends. Good friends are hard to find. I’m going to go now.”

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Ron plopped down on his bed and didn’t say good-bye to Harry as he left. Instead, he scowled at the floor for several minutes, going over what Harry had to say about Hermione. Presently, he sighed.

Harry was right, and Ron had been too selfish to see it. No, that wasn’t correct. Ron did see it, but didn’t want to acknowledge it. He had always felt Hermione was out of his league, but she stayed with him anyway, and he began to feel—entitled to her affections rather than appreciative of them. Whenever he felt her moving away from him, he pulled her back in as if on a line, demanding more of her time, more proof of her affection. Even sex became a given. While Bill worked with him, Ron began to see just how much of a selfish bastard he had been to Hermione, how much he had denied her emotionally when engaging her physically.

Ron sighed again. Even their relationship had been predicable, as well as the future he had planned for them. A carbon copy of his own parents’ lives together.

How had he ever thought she’d be satisfied by that?

The truth was he didn’t even give it any consideration because HE would have been satisfied by that.

Now he knew why Hermione ran from him the night he proposed. It was more than cold feet. She ran for her life—like a gazelle being pursued by a lion that was going to swallow her down. She balked because if she accepted, then his dream would become a living nightmare for her.

Ron rubbed his eyes and sat there, miserable. Miserable because he knew for certain Hermione was beyond him, and in a sense had always been. Maybe George was right. Maybe she had stayed with him as long as she did because she was more friend than lover, and was just being loyal and supportive when he wasn’t. She was trying to make him happy at the price of her own happiness.

She might have just gone along with it all and settled if Snape hadn’t made her that offer to search out potions. She might have given up on everything she was and hoped to be if that opportunity had never come along. And Ron would have been happy with that, with having tied down one of the wizarding world’s brightest stars, hiding her light under a bushel of redheaded offspring in a house a stone’s throw from his parent’s home. It would have been quite a coup to be the husband of Hermione Granger.

It would have also been her downfall.

As Ron sat there, understanding finally dawned on him. It was as if a long, dark night lifted from the landscape of his mind and he could see every mountain and valley in startling clarity.

He might not want Hermione to go, but she had to go.

And he had no right to try and stop her. She wasn’t his possession or a trophy. She was a person, a witch and someone who had been his friend long before she became his lover. To be honest, he showed her more respect and appreciation as a friend.

Ron took a large stride toward maturity and manhood in that moment of clarity. He still had a long way to go, but at least, this was a start for the wizard.

He lay back in the bed, and stared up at the ceiling. There was no way to make this up to Hermione, but—he could try and hope she’d forgive him. It was one thing hearing the truth from Snape, who had his own designs on Hermione, but it was another thing entirely to hear it from Harry, who loved them both. He wouldn’t have said what he did if he didn’t believe it. Ron had always been rather slow to see the whole of a situation, but once he did, it stuck with him like never-releasing glue. Harry’s insight had reached him, because it came from the heart.

And it’s the heart that really matters in the end.

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A/N: I couldn’t let Ron go down like that. He wasn’t purposely being a git, he was just—being one. With age and experience comes wisdom and first loves are generally painful awakenings and starting points. He’s not unredeemable. He only needed to be honest with himself. Thanks for reading.