The Nothing I've Become (Areas of Expertise II)

Ok, as promised (or threatened, depending on your viewpoint!) the author\'s notes - part one!



The Boring Author’s Notes – Part One



This story came about purely as I couldn’t leave Areas I on such a downer forever. I had worked out much of it whilst still writing Areas I (as I knew quite early on that Sapphire was going to die), and had a bit of a mare finding the right name for it. It was whilst I was idly flicking through some CDs that I hit upon Evanescence’s “Bring Me To Life” and decided that instead of going with the chapter title and quotation approach that I’d used for Areas I, I’d just put up lines from the song. Yes, some of them fit the action in the chapter, and yes, some of them utterly don’t fit!



For about the first fifteen chapters, I listened to “Bring Me To Life” before writing to remind me of the big picture. Damn near went insane!



Chapter One – How can you see into my eyes



I was going to start with Harry saying “Severus” but decided to use a bit of misdirection instead. I thought it was fairly obvious that he was going to forget everything, as he’d done pretty much that in Areas I after the Death Eater attack, but then, I wrote it, so all of it seems obvious to me!



I am going to avoid pointing out the blindingly obvious, but I hope everyone got that Snape was sad about Sapphire and Harry (and Dumbledore).



Chapter Two – Like open doors leading you down



Ah yes, “Old Ogden’s Special Reserve” makes an appearance again! It features in “The Most Difficult of all our Tasks”, Areas I and now “Nothing”! This story was less smutty than Areas I, mainly because the heroes didn’t meet for ages, so I had to do some creative writing to include some smut for all you pervs out there!



This chapter includes a small hint of a plot line that was later dropped. Hermione thinks she’s forgotten to clear up an item of Harry’s. She’s right, she forget to get his diary. I was going to have him remember by coming across it and reading it, but changed my mind as it seemed to make the most sense for it all to come back when he finally looked into Sev’s eyes.



Although it isn’t obvious, Severus does love Harry, and that runs throughout the story, guiding some of his actions.



Chapter Three – Into my core



The dream sequence is clearly Severus seeing his future. Don’t ask me how he was able to do so, I just know he could. It also means I don’t have to write anymore of this story, as their future is already included in it! (me lazy!) And yes, it was another excuse for some sweet snarry goodness!



Chapter Four – Where I’ve become so numb



For this story, I didn’t consult DH as much as I consulted HBP for Areas I, but this chapter I was very careful to make sure it roughly agreed with DH, obviously though, twisted for my purposes.



Oh, I also made Ginny look almost Snapeish when she’s trying not to cry – eyes looking black, face “harsh” – Harry still loves Snape, even if he doesn’t know it.



Chapter Five – Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold



Another dream of their future.



This chapter is really a chapter of characterisation – more about how Severus feels, stuff about how Harry’s changed, and some plot driven characterisation of the teachers.



Chapter Six – Until you find it there



I wrote the letter from Aberforth thinking he’d actually have a bigger role in the story, but it was another plot idea that got dropped in favour of focusing on Harry in the RoR. Still, I was able to make use of the introduction of Aberforth later on.



Chapter Seven – And lead it back home



I had such problems with my computer during the writing of this story. My brother was such a star to help sort it out without losing everything!



This is what I term the “Mirroring” chapter. Done to show that they are emotionally close, as they are doing/thinking the same kinds of things, even though they have different reasons for doing what they do.



Here we also learn that the map has gone. This is important later in the story as poor Sev moons over his darling Harry.





Chapter Eight – Now that I know what I’m without



As the AN say at the start of this chapter, RL was busy when I wrote this one. RL is pretty much always busy for me, but those few weeks were a humdinger!



Even Severus, with all his knowledge of the world, didn’t understand the Bonding procedure – as usual, it takes Hermione to figure it out!



The dream, although it isn’t clear, is Harry becoming pregnant with their fourth child. (The first, Sapphire, died. Hope – the second, was conceived at King’s Cross, the third Harry took Gero without telling Severus, and the fourth is this one).



Chapter Nine – You can’t just leave me



I think the only chapter that I managed to work the title into something a character said!



I really hope people picked up the irony of Harry thinking that it’s hard to lie to yourself – cos after all, this whole story is about Harry doing just that!



Chapter Ten – Breathe into me and make me real



I had such trouble getting the things Harry could see in the tent down, as I have camped myself and really wanted to describe that almost gritty texture the darkness has, but I’m not convinced that others can imagine it clearly. All I can say is, go camping, lie under a CANVAS tent roof and stare at it in the dark, then you’ll get what I was driving at.



And yes, this was another pathetic excuse to have smut! (Poor Hermione, having to listen to that!)



Chapter Eleven – I’ve been living a lie



I really hope this chapter didn’t confuse people too much, cos we went into the past to explain Voldie’s reaction to what happened at the end of HBP.



Chapter Twelve – There’s Nothing Inside



I knew people would be upset that Severus missed seeing Harry on the map, which is why I did it. I am slightly evil!



Chapter Thirteen – Frozen inside



The thing Harry needs to remember is Severus. I knew that when I wrote this chapter. I liked the idea of misleading you all by having Hermione think Harry needed Sapphire to be able to remember.



Originally, the sections with Harry and Severus weren’t split up as they are now, it ran up until Harry discovered his wand missing, then switched to Severus, but I changed it around to keep the knowledge of Harry’s lost wand a secret for a bit longer.



Chapter Fourteen – Without your touch



It is in this chapter that I began to slowly drive Jilliane crazy, as she desperately wanted to know what was in the lake (you didn’t have to put up with the emails nagging me too!).



Chapter Fifteen – Without your love



The idea of the pink comes from a story I began writing a LONG time ago, but have never finished, in which Severus is locked in the RoR with James as they need to become more amicable. They were put in there because they had jinxed each other and Albus was sick of it. James had changed all of Severus’ robes to pink, and Severus had covered James in boils. Might get round to writing it one day – along with all the other millions of stories I have buzzing around my head!



I thought it was decidedly appropriate of Hermione to ensure the House Elves needed to be included in the spell casting! It took me quite a while to word it properly, as otherwise Harry and Hermione would have needed to cast spells too, which would have been a bit of a giveaway that there were people hidden in the school!



Chapter Sixteen – Darling



Another excuse for smut.



Chapter Seventeen – Only you are the life among the dead



This was the pay off for the letter from Aberforth in chapter six.



Harry is drawn to the lake as there is a strong sense of Sapphire there, and his soul needs her. (Also, as Severus put in his memories of Sapphire, there is his own presence there too).



Hermione ensured there would be a diversion to allow her and Harry into the head’s office, it wasn’t just them taking advantage of a lucky fluke.



And, the most annoying cliffhanger in the world? I did grin evilly when I wrote that!