The Echoes Of Yesterday

The Echoes Of Yesterday…by Samayel

Chapter 34: Something Amiss


Harry sighed with contentment while he slumped into the comfortable chair in his quarters. The cup beside his was for evening coffee, not whiskey, and the past two weeks had been a set of good ones, especially when graded against the past months debacles.

Ron was still handling the classes for first and second year students, and he really did shine when working with younger children, but the later years’ DADA courses had cried out for Harry’s return. Not that they’d been handled badly, but there were spells that were just hard to teach…and some of them required an instructor who knew them well and could explain them easily, which neither Ron nor Draco could have done. As a result, while basic dueling had remained on track, some of the spell knowledge had slid behind for the sixth and seventh years, and Harry had made himself busy catching things back up, using his newfound measure of free time to find ways to bring the situation back under control.

Draco, interestingly enough, had become indispensable, and had actually been remarkably pleasant company of late. There hadn’t been any reason to dismiss him as a teacher’s aide, and he was still of great help to Ron, and Harry could make use of the spare time this gave him to prep a handful of spells just for Draco’s benefit, so it all worked out quite nicely. Draco had been quiet, if a little sheepish, the first few days after the encounter in John’s quarters, but had quickly developed a comfortable working relationship as soon as the last of the papers on the matter had been signed and sent off, likely happy to see the matter put to rest and done with for good and all.

There was still a certain tension that hung between them, and Harry accepted that it would probably remain, but Draco hadn’t broached any subject of the sort since that day, and more than met the expectations that were placed upon him as a student and as an assistant. John had assured Harry that Draco had been more than a little overwrought that day, and while he couldn’t break confidences told to him in private, he could suggest that Harry relax and let the matter of Draco’s feelings rest quietly.

Easier said than done, however. There had been something…dizzying and terrifying…in what Draco had said, and it had gnawed at Harry like a canker since. That warmth…that smoldering and immediate desire, pressed against him and waiting for an answer. It hadn’t really missed its mark. He’d felt it…and had promptly, instinctively pushed it away, just as he ought to have. It was the right thing to do.

So why did his stomach turn at the memory of it?

’God! Get over it, Harry. You’re lonely. That’s what it is. That’s all it is. You haven’t done anything…with anyone…in longer than that kid has been alive!’

And the dreams had been back. Not with the same clarity as before…not at first…but they had been growing more coherent with every passing day, despite John’s brewing skills. Having made a certain peace with his past, it didn’t bother Harry nearly so much as before, but it was still…disconcerting…at times.

Especially in the morning. No whiskey…no nightmares…less grief…and constant reminders of his Draco. It all added up to an uncomfortable and embarrassing fact, one which he’d felt obligated to share with John in session. His libido, long pummeled into submission by a desire to forget and to be left alone, had finally woken up. Most people, be they young or old, had some sense of the sensual that hung about them on a daily basis. Harry had buried his, making sure that he never diluted what he’d felt years ago, never letting anything take away from what had been so precious to him.

But what would one do after letting go of that past? It wasn’t gone. Not really. All those memories were still precious, and important, but they‘d ruled his life too long. Letting them start to fade was a fine thing, but what was replacing them? Vaguely inappropriate thoughts…or regrets…about someone with a painful resemblance to the person he’d loved a long time ago?

It was unnerving to wake in the morning with a certain clarity regarding his dreams…always of his own Draco years ago, still as lean and fine and handsome as he’d been then…it was entirely another matter to hover on the border of wakefulness with flickering images of warmth and closeness tied to an emotionally stunted adolescent rambling through his brain! Worse, it was simply wrong in every possible sense, and completely opposite everything Harry held to be moral and decent!

‘You’re thinking too much. Only makes this worse. There’s plenty that needs thinking of other than this. Got classwork, three students in the first seventh year course need additional work on defensive conjurations, seven in the sixth year courses, and about the same in the fifth year. That’s not even considering the chapter on offensive transmutations next week. They’d want to see that stone-to-fist I used against Draco last month…’

And then it was Draco in his thoughts again. Bugger.

The knock at the door was the very essence of relief, breaking his drifting train of thought entirely and dragging him back to the here and the now. Harry sipped the coffee and brought the cup along with him as he made his way to his door. Coffee wasn’t nearly as popular with most folks as tea, but he’d grown to like it in the evening now and again…more so than ever now that he’d abandoned whiskey.

“Yes?” As Harry opened the door, Hermione smiled and greeted him cheerily.

“Hello, Harry. Just thought I’d nip in before going home. Touch bases on a few things and see how you were doing. Holidays coming up soon enough…we can expect Uncle Harry’s traditional visit?”

Harry waved a hand and set the coffeepot to pouring a second cup while he let Hermione shut the door and find her seat.

“Of course. Wouldn’t dream of missing it. Haven’t seen ’the Brood’ since summer. How’s your family holding up lately? I know I kind of set things off kilter with Ron taking on extra courses. At least he’s getting home nights again though.”

Hermione grinned, looking girlish in spite of her years. “A little hard work is good for him. He loves teaching flight and Quidditch, but we both know it’s hardly a challenge for him. Besides…even if he grumbles a bit, he loves teaching the young ones and we both know it. As long he‘s home nights there are no complaints worth rehashing. But how about you? Things seem like they‘re calming down a bit. Getting on well enough with our resident star pupil?”

Harry mentally flinched, annoyed by the reminder, but it really had become a part of his everyday reality now. It wasn’t as awful as all that, and he knew it. There were…complications…but nothing that terrible.

“I suppose. I’d even go as far as to say that I’m getting used to this. He seems to be blending into Hogwarts’ life fairly smoothly as well. Even Ron doesn’t mind having him underfoot and helping with classes…and that says something right there! As for me…you know how it’s been. I feel well, even with the dreams. They haven’t stopped since I came off the Dreamless Sleep. Some nights more vivid than others. They don’t hurt though. Just so you know. Not really…not anymore.”

Hermione’s glance was a soulful one, full of unspoken sympathy. “And you’re still serious about leaving here at the end of term…aren’t you? You’re really going to reopen Grimmauld Place? I ask because…if you’d prefer, we wouldn’t mind you staying with us awhile. I know the kids would love it, and it might seem a bit crowded at first, but you know we’d both love having you there.”

“That’s sweet of you to offer, really…but I know what you’re thinking. Rattling around Grimmauld Place like some attic ghoul wouldn’t be healthy for me…I might backslide or get too maudlin on my own. Won’t happen, love. I had tearing the place apart and giving the whole house a facelift in mind. Plenty of work to keep me busy, and that’s not including visits here and there. I’ve been looking at things…differently…lately. I might take a few lecture offers…or some charitable appearances. Mostly…once I’m settled in…I think I’ll try writing some DADA material. Might take a few years to get something comprehensive enough for use as a textbook, but I certainly know the subject well enough…and Merlin knows it needs an upgrade. We’ve been using the same books for near a century and a half!”

“Okay, okay.” Hermione shrugged mildly and smiled. It was enough that Harry seemed sure. If he truly believed in what he was doing, it was beyond her to gainsay him.

“As long as that’s what you really want. I’ve just gotten used to Harry the Professor...now I’ll have to get used to Harry the Writer. I did want to ask a few questions about Draco though…call it ‘teacherly’ concern, but he’s been a little off his par just lately, and I wondered if you’d sensed anything out of sorts.”

That part was news to Harry, and even if Draco wasn’t the topic he’d choose for evening thoughts over coffee with Hermione, it did pique his interest.

“Well…he’s been quiet to be sure, but hardly anything that seemed wrong. Polite…maybe a little distant, but he’s a bit stand offish sometimes and has been since he got here. I haven’t seen anything that would suggest a reason for concern. Why do you ask? How did your class with him tonight go?”

Hermione sipped her coffee slowly, giving careful thought to her observations before voicing them.

“You are his mentor again, so it seemed appropriate to mention it to you. He just seemed distracted. Like his mind was somewhere else. His work was above par, but he didn’t really participate the way he normally does. At least in my class…he always has questions…which is good because half the time we don’t really have answers and the point is to refine and create better questions. Today he just seemed absent. It reminded me of something, but I can’t put my finger on it.”

Harry gave a little more thought to the comfortable state that had formed between Draco and himself in the past weeks, and while he couldn’t think of anything wildly out of place, Draco had been more than a little quiet just of late. Had he been too eager to enjoy a quiet working arrangement between them…and missed something of significance in the process?

“Alright…I’ll look into it. I trust you enough to take your word that something’s a bit off. I’ll see if I can nudge some conversation out of him tomorrow. He might be a little hesitant around me…since…you know how well last month turned out…and if need be I’ll see what John thinks of this. Good enough?”

“Good enough, love.”

Their chat drifted to lighter things. The children’s foibles, Molly and Arthur’s well-being, and the latest papers Hermione was preparing for publication, and an hour had passed before they knew it. Harry made his peace with the dreams he knew would come that night, as he had every night, and that was that.

It was probably going to be necessary to bring the subtle changes in them to John’s attention, and Harry couldn’t imagine anything more unpleasant than such scrutiny over his traitorous subconscious, but there you had it. Another day would bring conversations that were fraught with tension for all involved, and that was simply the way things were.

Draco had seemed calm and reasonable, no sign of potential trouble on his face, and Harry hoped that that was the way things genuinely stood. It had been hard to find an equilibrium since that day in Prewett’s office, and Harry was loathe to risk the fragile one they’d built, but he couldn’t very well ignore Hermione’s sensitivity to the subtle signs of something amiss.

Even if he dearly wanted to.


TBC!!!