Jaded

JADED

For Summery, warnings, spoilers and disclaimers see chapter one.

A/N: The numbing spell was kind of cheating… Well, what can I say, they’re a couple of big wooses.

As always, my greatest thanks to my faithful and brilliant betas- Kat and Dragon.

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Chapter Thirty-three: Well, here’s to a secret very well kept
(Once again, it’s the sisters from the Simpson desert.)

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As days moved deeper into summer bliss Harry was starting to feel more and more anxious. Life at Grimmauld Place were never much fun in general and now were becoming almost unbearable. He felt trapped.

Molly, in a true ‘Mother Hen’ fashion called Dumbledore the very same night that Harry and Remus showed up after their little shopping expedition and told him all about ‘Remus’ dangerous stunt’ and as a result Dumbledore forbade Harry to set one foot outside of the Grimmauld wards, much to the annoyance of both Harry and Remus. Remus especially felt like his judgement was being doubted, and he felt demoted to a teenager when he learned that Molly went behind his back and prompted Dumbledore to imprison Harry in the house.

This new rivalry brought a new level of tension to the house and Harry felt he was in the middle of a fierce tug-a-war. On his own part, being mad at Molly’s meddling brought a whole new level of tension between him and Ron, who wasn’t too happy that Harry was giving his mother the cold shoulder.
Harry watched enviously as everyone came and went from the house pretty much at will. Molly, of course supervised where and when her children and Hermione went, but none of them were ordered to stay behind. It was like third year all over, when he’d had to find ways to sneak into Hogsmede just for a pack of sweets. But this time even the twins couldn’t come to his aid, as the Marauders never made a map of Grimmauld Place.

On top of everything he still hadn’t told Ron about things… Somehow the time never seemed right, not even when Ron caught him and Remus in what could be called a compromising position, that Remus somehow managed to explain by him helping Harry change the dressing on his tattoo, which led to Harry having to show said tattoo to Ron and explain why he had two wolves on his lower back (something that Harry been so evasive about it had left both him and Ron with a severe headache and no real answers and Ron eventually gave up asking).

Matters were made even more difficult since Harry had to wait every night well until he was positive Ron was fast-asleep to slip into Remus’ bed for a few hours, always having to make sure he was back in his bed before dawn. This added stress and the fact that he was sulking and depressed and lost most of his appetite were starting to take their toll on Harry and he turned into himself these days, hardly speaking, eating or sleeping. The only place he found comfort was in Remus’ arms, but those weren’t around him often enough for his liking.

A month passed much in the same manner as most of Harry’s previous summers in Grimmauld Place did. Molly set the children cleaning in a desperate attempt to get the house into even the slightest resemblance of hominess. One of her big projects this summer had been the cleaning and painting of the attic, where Sirius had kept Buckbeak. The poor Hippogriff had died from a broken heart soon after Sirius fell through the veil and no one knew how it sensed that his master wasn’t returning.

Hagrid had buried the huge beast next to his pumpkin patch, and Dumbledore said a few words over the freshly dug grave, while the half-giant sobbed like a child into his spotted handkerchief. That was over two years ago, and since then Hagrid had gotten himself a new pet, a Jarvey which he named Nibbles, which would constantly insult everyone within hearing shot. Needless to say Hagrid found the thing to be especially adorable. Visits at Hagrid’s have been made quite fun, if one took Ron with him, as his red-headed character would not let him sit idly by while a ferret-like creature insulted him.

And so, after getting rid of all the rodents skeletons in the attic (while Ron and Harry shared a little bonding moment over the memories of the chamber of secrets), and painting the walls wash-white the attic actually looked … pleasant. Two large skylights let in the rays of sun and the room was standing in a sharp contrast to the rest of the bleak house.

On the eve of the first of July, Dumbledore informed them that a very important order meeting would take place. Harry trudged his way down the stairs, not wanting nor caring about what the order had to discuss. Whatever the order might decide it would not be something that would allow him any more freedom than he had at the moment and thus he didn’t really care.

He slumped in a chair making sure he had a respectable distance from Hermione and Tonks who were whispering together in the corner- obviously on inane girly stuff. Remus walked into the room to see Harry looking just as dejected as he did before. It really broke the werewolf’s heart to see his lover so forlorn but there wasn’t much Remus could do. He knew that once their secret was out it would probably cause more troubles than it was worth, so he just had to bite down his desire to take Harry into his arms in front of the whole house and carry on as if nothing was wrong.

Soon the room filled up with older Order members, who came through the fireplace in a whoosh of green flames and ash that covered the clean kitchen floor, much to Molly’s dismay. Remus slipped into a seat next to Harry as quickly as he could, before anyone else got the same idea. Under the table he grasped Harry’s hand in a comforting gesture, letting him know that he was there for him. The last to appear was Dumbledore, using the green flames to accentuate his arrival. Remus rolled his eyes, Dumbledore could be such a drama queen sometimes.

As soon as the meeting started Harry tuned the voices out. He didn’t want to listen to the Order going on and on about him again. What had been such an exciting prospect last year when he had finally been allowed into the meetings turned out to be such a burden. Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort! Everything revolved around the narcissistic bastard, all his fucking life was dictated by the snake-faced piece of trash. Harry hated it so much.

The fingers on his interlocked hand were suddenly squeezed, bringing Harry back from his daydreaming. He looked over at Remus who gestured with his head for him to look around. At first Harry couldn’t tell what Remus was referring to but then he saw it. He watched with amusement as Tonks swept her gaze around the table, looking at each member with a bored air, until she reached the end of the table and her eyes met the obsidian black of Snape’s, in which point she turned a deep shade of pink and dropped her eyes to her lap, only to have the process start again in a minute or so. Snape’s eyes never left her, and this fixed gaze made Harry want to squirm even though it wasn’t directed at him.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Harry smiled, it was nice to know that Remus was paying as much attention to the meeting as he was.

“Probably not, I tend to think of more than just sex…” He responded cheekily and was punished by a strong squeeze of his upper thigh that made him jump up, catching the attention of the whole table.

“Mr. Potter, is there something you want to add?” Dumbledore asked politely and Harry felt his cheeks flame and his body doing it’s best to shrink as much as possible.

“Erm, no sir.” He replied in a small voice, not daring to turn and look at his lover, knowing full well that Remus was holding back his laughter, lest he be tempted to join in. He sank in his chair, until his face was barely visible above the wooden surface.

“Very well, unless no one else feels the need to say something I declare this meeting concluded. Have a very good evening ladies and gentlemen.” Dumbledore nodded to his peers and stood up, making his way to the fireplace with a dramatic swish of his robes and disappearing into the grate.

Harry waited until he saw everyone’s attention veering from the meeting to Molly who was checking to see who was staying for dinner. As it turned out, only Tonks and Moody and for some unfathomable reason, Snape accepted her offer. Remus gave Harry’s hand a little squeeze and gestured for him to follow. The two swiftly disappeared up the stairs using the commotion in the kitchen to cover for their disappearance.

Ron watched his friend go, feeling the sour ache in his chest rising again, as it did every time Harry was close to their teacher. Despite of what people thought, Ron was not a complete fool and he knew something was going on, something big. He felt Harry drifting away from him since that time he and Malfoy were on their ‘detention’ and he was unable to reach out and bridge the gap between them. And now the gap had turned into a chasm and Ron felt like he was loosing his best friend and he didn’t know how to stop it. If only Harry would talk to him and tell what was going on.

“Ron, dear, please run upstairs and let Harry and Ginny know that dinner is almost ready.” His mother’s voice pierced through his thoughts and Ron looked around him. Gods, he did not want to deal with Ginny right now. The poor girl was the only one currently in the household who was prohibited from joining order meetings and the young flame-haired Weasley didn’t waste any words letting her parents (and everyone who was unfortunate enough to be within hearing distance) what she thought of it.

“Oh, mum, why do I have to go?” He practically whined, why couldn’t she send Tonks- she was a professional Auror, she should know how to deal with demented girls… The second he saw the flash going through Molly’s eyes he knew he lost,

“Ronald Bilius Weasley!” Great, full name mode… nothing good ever came out of full name mode, “Don’t make me ask you again!” Ron sighed and shoved himself back from the table. This was not his evening.

He trudged up the stairs until he reached the girls bedroom. Pulling out his wand Ron knocked on the door and cried out to Ginny that dinner was ready before he backed away quickly and moved upper on the stairs. He didn’t really care if people were going to make fun of him because he was scared of his baby sister- they didn’t have to deal with her!

He heard Ginny storming out of her room, stomping down the stairs and grinned wide, congratulating himself for escaping her wrath. He climbed the stairs to his and Harry’s room, still smiling and opened the door wide

“Harry, mum says that…” The smile instantly drained from his face, his eyes going wide with shock. Harry looked up from his kiss and felt every muscle in his body freezing up. He knew that he probably should let go of Remus’ neck, try and somehow explain the situation to Ron, but he knew that this time he had been caught red-handed. After a long shocked pause Ron turned around slowly, his body moving mechanically to leave the room, his brain completely blank. As soon as Ron’s eyes were no longer on him Harry felt the spell break and he dropped his head on Remus’ shoulder,

“Shit.” Remus felt like spanking his lover, ‘shit? Your best friend just caught you kissing the man who used to be your teacher and of which you didn’t tell him even after a month and all the lad could come up with was ‘shit’?’

“You should go after him.” Remus said gently, prying himself away from his stunned boyfriend.

“What’s the use?” Harry pouted,

“Harry…” Harry sighed and pulled himself up,

“Oh, alright!” He cried and stomped out of the room. A short search revealed that Ron had retreated to the library, still looking shocked and white-faced but now somewhat angrier. Harry took a deep breath and walking inside. Well, it was time to confront his demons at last. “Hey mate,” He said slowly, feeling his heart sink when he saw Ron flinching at the term of friendliness, “What’s up?” Ron snorted and crossed his arms over his chest, eyes stubbornly fixed on the fire,

“You’re asking me?” Harry accepted the sting with clenched teeth, Ron was playing it hard-to-get…

“Look, Ron…” He started, and Ron cut over him before he had a chance to formulate his thoughts into something coherent,

“Is that why you have two wolves on you back?”

“Yes.” Somehow Harry knew that finding this little fact was going to make Ron even madder,

“How long?” Ron asked, his voice cold and harsh. He was mad, he was furious! If there was one thing Ron hated more than anything it was to be lied to and to be made out a fool, and here was his best friend, supposedly best friend making the biggest ass out of him.

“It’s complicated.” Harry sighed, and Ron let out a snort of laughter,

“You can’t even tell me how long you’ve been shagging our professor?” Ron turned to fix the bowed-headed Harry with a scorching glare, “Is that how you got your ‘O’ in DADA?” Harry’s head snapped up in anger,

“That was uncalled for Ron! I got that bloody ‘O’ because I happen to be good at DADA, not because I’m shagging Remus!”

“Oh, so he’s Remus now, is he?” Harry shrugged and smiled,

“He’s always been Remus, that’s the name his parents chose.” He said before he could stop himself,

“Don’t get smart with me Potter!” Ron snarled. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” He demanded and Harry lowered his head again,

“I haven’t really told anyone…” He mumbled, feeling like ten kinds of bastard for the outright lie, but right now he was willing to go that far to protect Ron’s feelings.

“Did you tell Hermione?”

“Except Hermione…” Harry sighed, great… Tug-a-war again.

“That’s just bloody brilliant!” Ron yelled and pushed Harry out of the doorway, storming his way downstairs. Harry cursed under his breath and turned to follow Ron to the kitchen. This evening was just getting worse by the minute. Harry rubbed his forehead and turn to follow Ron.
When he entered the kitchen he immediately knew that something was wrong. Dumbledore stood there, looking graved and old, and besides him stood Draco Malfoy, wearing a haughty expression and refusing to acknowledge anyone in the room and Neville Longbottom who’s face were all puffy and red from crying.

“… An attack was issued on Augusta Longbottom’s house tonight.” He heard Dumbledore say in a heavy voice, “She and her son Algernon were killed. The dark mark was hovering above the house.” Neville’s face was blank, his eyes dull and empty of emotions. He cried himself to the point of sickness before, but now there were no tears left.

“Oh, Neville…” Ginny cried and ran to the tall boy, hugging him tight. Neville looked down at the red-head that was pressed against his sternum but didn’t say a word. Dumbledore excused himself quietly and left to take care of the murdered bodies.

Harry looked sadly at his friend. Neville was acting like a zombie, going through the motions without any feeling behind them. Harry could understand him well, this was exactly how he had felt after Sirius had died. He knew that Neville needed to be left alone for a while, so that he could process what happened, he also knew that Ginny and Molly’s tendency to smother with hugs and affection was not going to do the boy any favours.

“Draco?” He asked tentatively, trying to distract himself from the heart-broken Neville. “What are you doing here?” Hermione, who was the closest to him fixed him with a disapproving glare and muttered under her breath,

“Gods Harry, if you just paid attention during the meeting instead of playing footsie with Remus under the table you’d know that Malfoy has denounced his parents and asked for Dumbledore’s protection.”

“You’re staying here?” Harry asked excitedly, completely ignoring Hermione’s comment. Draco shrugged and tried to look as indifferent as possible.

“Looks like it.” He cast his eyes over the low-ceiling and dark stone walls of the basement kitchen, “So, this is the side of light then… Looks rather dreary to me.” Ron snorted in revulsion but both Harry and Draco ignored him. Harry marched over to his friend, trying to hold his smile,

“Nah, this is just Head Quarters. Come on.” He grabbed Draco’s arms and the two left the room. Molly turned from her fussing over Neville and looked around her,

“Alright Remus, make yourself useful and put a couple more beds in the boys’ room for tonight. We’ll see about making proper arrangements tomorrow.” Ron turned to his mother in shock,

“WHAT? I’m not sleeping in the same room as that slimy snake!” He cried, causing the three other Gryffindors in the room to exchange a pained, knowing look,

“You will do as you are told, Ronald! It’s just for one night!” Molly admonished her youngest son. This was no time for arguments and she felt that Ron was behaving rather immaturely, especially when poor Neville had just lost his grandmother. Ron crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest,

“Well, I refuse to sleep in the same room as him!” He cried and Molly flushed a dangerous red,

“Then you can sleep on the stairs for all I care!” She cried and stormed out of the room. Ron looked stunned at his mother, how can she be taking Malfoy’s side, of all people? Ron’s chest was heaving, his breathing laboured and his face flushed. This day was one of the worst days he could ever remember having, and now on top of it all he had to share a room with the person he hated most. He tossed a glance at the corner of the room where his two friends and sister where standing and then lifted his nose high up in the air and left the room, stomping and making a ruckus to show his anger.

Hermione rolled her eyes and prompted the two others to get a move on, and they left the kitchen as well. Remus was left there standing alone. Well, dinner was obviously not going to happen, he thought with a little pang of regret and fixed himself a sandwich, before he went upstairs to add two more beds to the boys’ room, which probably meant that he would be sleeping alone in his tonight. Yes, the fun never ends in the most Noble and Ancient House of Black.
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A/N: >Jarvey- Resembling an overgrown ferret, the Jarvey is one of the few beasts that can actually talk. Its speech, however, consists entirely of rude phrases and insults. Jarveys chase gnomes. (According to HP- lexicon. org)

Ron knows that Harry is a wolf animagus because after his return Harry told them that he discovered the spell to determine which animal you were destined to be and they had a little ‘What sort of animal am I?’ party at the dorms. As it turned out Ron is a cock (as in rooster), Neville is a lion (how very fitting), Seamus is a phoenix and Dean is a parrot (specifically a Hyacinth Macaw- which if you ask me are the prettiest of all parrots).