Situational Ethics

Situational Ethics

By Zega

A/N: This is the unedited version. My betas and I are very busy and I do not want to withhold this chapter from my readers any longer.

Posted on August 20, 2009

Chapter 33:

“Caitlin Lys McCoy”

Encompassing the two wizards were bright, flickering flashes and reporters calling out urgently to The Man Who Triumphed. Harry recoiled, trying to use Dumbledore as a moving barricade between him and the clutters of reporters. Harry could easily see excitement and joy splattered over their eager faces, and it repulsed him. These people, these reporters, whom had given no arms for war but instead found individuals to blame unfairly for their trauma. They falsely condemned and reprimanded and did not seize so long as their articles would be mentioned on the front page. Harry could see that most of them knew nothing or the horrors he faced. Him or anyone who stood courageously before Voldemort. No, these people were keen on getting a story; to celebrate later because their pay checks would include a bonus for any accounts. They would celebrate their own personal gains while so many others would grieve and remember those who stood strong for the light, then celebrate the end of the war.

"Stand aside," warned Dumbledore as he hurried Harry into the Ministry. They were to enter into the Department of Inquiries, where Harry would share his accounts and relay the showdown between him, Voldemort, and documented Death Eater Severus Snape. His assessments of the battle were to be told under oath, and as an extra precaution, Veritaserum. Most importantly, what Harry disclosed to the council today would ultimately determine the fate of Snape and alleged Death Eaters. "I trust that what you will tell them will be of nothing but the truth." Dumbledore said softly as they were let into the Ministry. They continued on further and ignored the thumping of reporters running into the glass walls, their determination for a story not in the least faltered. They continued yelling out questions, though they were muffled by the glass.

"Yes, sir."

"I will not doubt that they will want a confirmation of Snape's allegiance to Voldemort, and that of Caitlin's. You will know that Severus has always been loyal to the Order and our cause. And even without his word, I know he will never think twice before putting everyone before himself."

Harry nodded as he walked slowly beside Dumbledore. "I know, sir," but Harry was hesitant about Caitlin. "But I do have a concern."

"And what might that be, Harry?"

"Will they question me about my affairs with...." Harry couldn't help but worry about word reaching Caitlin's ear about her husband’s infidelities.

"They should not. If they do, however, you have the right to that privacy."

"And if they insist?"

"Veritaserum will only guarantee them so much. As long as you don't speak." And Dumbledore winked.

The magical elevator doors dinged and opened. Dumbledore proceeded forwards, followed by Harry. When they entered, they found a small council of ten members gathered including the new Minister for Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt. Sitting along the sides were the reports of the Daily Prophet, who had offered an astounding one hundred thousand galleons to the Ministry to hear Harry's recollection. Kingsley wouldn’t have allowed this, but the previous Minister made an agreement and signed a contract after having accepted the money.

Kingsley gestured to the lonesome chair before the council. Dumbledore stood at the doors, watching. Kingsley then spoke, "Harry James Potter, you are here to state your accounts of the battle between you and Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr." Kingsley then pushed a long parchment towards Harry and a quill. It was a contact, ensuring that Harry told only the truth and that since he would speak nothing but the truth, he would not contest about taking Veritaserum. Harry signed then took the tiny bottle from one councilwoman and dropped three droplets onto his tongue.

The meeting started from there and occupied three hours of Harry’'s day. Most questions were not out of order. They asked Harry if he knew for sure that the man he fought was in fact Voldemort. They asked if Harry could recognize any of the faces of the present Death Eaters. They asked about how they fought. They asked about which members of the so called "Order of the Phoenix" were present in the final battle. They would be given awards and recognition for their heroic deeds. They then reached the issue of Snape and his co-alliance. Harry did his best to voice Snape's heroic and selfless actions. He wanted to ensure the council that Snape was a hero and that he fought as a spy for the light and without him, Harry was sure he wouldn’t be alive. "He was present during the final minutes?" asked one woman.

"Yes. He revealed his role as a spy for Dumbledore by using himself as an obstacle between Voldemort and me."

The councilwoman smiled and Kingsley arched his brow at her.

Though long, the meeting wasn't entirely burdensome, and Harry was thankful that little had been asked about Caitlin, as she still laid in a coma and no one could be sure about her standing. He then shook hands with the council members and he was off before the Daily Prophet could inquire about his still ambiguous love life. Still under the potion's unwavering effects, he was extremely concerned about spewing him being romantically involved with Snape.

"Your performance in there was reassuring, and your accounts were remarkable. You must be tired," Dumbledore spoke softly.

"Actually sir, I kind of slept for six days or so. I'm fine, really."

"Well, nevertheless, our final destination today should be to comforting. Take my arm."

Harry Apparated with Dumbledore to the Burrow, where, as soon as he touched ground, he was greeted excitedly by his best mates Ron and Hermione. Hermione threw her arms around him and was instantaneously on the edge of tears. "I thought we lost you! Oh, Harry, don't ever do that again!"

"Yeah, mate! I reckoned you were a goner." Ron joined Hermione in smothering him.

Mrs. Weasley and Arthur smiled fondly as Remus and Sirius came out of the house, holding baby Erasmus in their arms.

"How is Eras?" Harry choked out with the little breath he had left.

Hermione pulled away. "He's up all night crying. He eats like Ron, and love pulling my hair. Actually, he likes grabbing everything to see what he can crush and what can withstand him."

"He's a little stinker. And I think his nose got bigger." was all Ron had to say.

Harry laughed as he walked over and kissed his son's forehead. "It's good to be back."

"Great! Now, come along. You haven't told us what happened!" Hermione linked her arms and began to tug him away.

"Can't it wait? I've been at the Ministry for three hours telling them about what happened."

Hermione pouted and Ron nudged her in the side. "It's alright. You can tell us after we've had a little something to eat."

They headed for the tall, curiously balanced house when Harry whispered to Remus, "How's Severus?"

"He hasn't awakened."

"It's been six days," Harry whispered incredulously while motioning with his hands.

"Yes, but you've only left the hospital yourself. Severus sustained far more damage than you did. I actually wanted to ask you, how is it looking for Severus?"

"He'll be free. No charges will be placed against him. Everyone here is actually expected to receive an award at the big ceremony next weekend."

"Splendid news, I suppose. I was expecting a post."

"Well, Fudge isn't the Minister anymore." Harry ticked Erasmus' nose and the baby sneezed. Harry chuckled then kissed him again. "He's been eating a lot?"

"Yes. He's also been putting on weight since you've been away."

"That was only seven days."

"Yes, well, a baby can grow a lot in a week. Look, his arms aren't as scrawny as they used to be."

"How are his legs?"

Remus closed his eyes. "Harry, there's something I've been meaning to mention to you. I went with Sirius to the healer so that they may have a close look at Erasmus. They expect him to grow and live healthily, except that they do not think he'll ever be able to walk."

Harry's eyes clenched shut and felt something much like an iron ball rolling around in his stomach. Held his son closely and tried to expel the images of his child being teased for being so young and already using a cane.

"His legs have been scrawny for a baby since birth, have they not?" Harry nodded. "Something must have happened during your pregnancy."

"But I won't love him any less."

"And I'm sure, neither will his Severus." Harry stopped and looked up at Remus. "It's gone on too long. There is no reason for you to hide Eras from him."

"I told him."

"You what? When?"

"I told him... He was slipping away and I thought that if anything could bring him back, maybe knowing he was a father would. It probably wasn't the best time to drop the cauldron, but he's isn't dead. Maybe he'll remember when he wakes."

A warm hand rubbed up Harry's back. "Soon. He'll remember."

HARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTER

They were gathered in the drawing room, Ginny and Hermione sharing cookies and scones as Ron and Harry wrestled each other to the floor. Fred and George cheered Harry on while Mrs. Weasley stood there shaking her head. "Be careful with him! He almost just died!"

Sirius was bouncing Erasmus in his lap while Tonks made silly faces. The baby choked out little laughs and occasionally burped.

It was a peaceful evening, then the fires roared and Dumbledore stepped into the room. Everyone turned to him and Molly offered him tea. He smiled and politely declined. He turned his attention towards Harry. "A moment, if you please."

Harry hurried over and Dumbledore placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Madam Pomfrey just informed me that Severus has regained consciousness. If you wish to see him-"

Dumbledore hadn't even finished his sentence before there was a flash of green fire and Harry was gone. Dumbledore chuckled and stroked his beard. "Ah, young love." He walked further into the room and picked up a scone. "I think I'll take your offer of tea, Molly."

Dumbledore's clam mood assured the others that there was nothing to be worried of.

Miles away, Harry had slipped through the floo and was heading towards the Hospital Wing. He ran through the doors, ready to see Snape, ready to hold him, kiss him, and ask him if he was alright. But as he burst through the doors, his eagerness drained. He was not prepared to see Snape up and seated beside someone else. Madam Pomfrey noted Harry's entrance, but seemed to make no effort to approach him as she closed the doors and headed to her office to give the two some privacy. Harry approached, determined to stay if he was to be turned away. He wasn't but a bed away before Snape spoke softly, "Thank you for restraining the Aurors."

Harry saw that Snape's hand was holding tightly to Caitlin's little one and that his expression was pensive. Harry swallowed then exhaled slowly. "This isn't love, Harry. This... what you see between Caitlin and me."

"Then what is it?"

"Redemption," he said, woebegone. "For the unfaithful husband. I ignorantly thought, if I had her, everything would change. I would finally be content and I could settle down and start a new life. Yet, fate had it in for me. I know that now. This marriage of mine to Caitlin was structured on lies."

"Severus...."

"I cannot remember the final moments of the battle. I cannot recall if I was there and fought beside you. I know not of how I came to be here, at the brink of death. Poppy assures me it is temporary amnesia and not to worry, for when I have healed, everything will come back."

In that moment, Harry was relieved, yet tensed. All he needed was for Snape to show up one random day, demanding to see his son... if he had in fact heard him.

"Harry, you have the right to know what happened. I know it will never amend my thoughtless deeds, though probably, we can reach an understanding."

Snape began his story.

SEVERUSSNAPESEVERUSSNAPESEVERSSNAPE

Some years ago, Snape was seated in his study, basking in his solitude and tea when the door opened and McGonagall invited herself in. Snape smirked and set his tea down, reminding himself of his flawless ability to convince the old witch to let him be. He was just about to do so when Dumbledore burst in, dressed in his formal yet flamboyant robes and a tall, variegated hat. He approached Snape and did a slowly circle before smiling at his young friend. "It's a fine evening, Severus." Dumbledore spoke softly.

"As fine as every," the wizard spoke with suspicion.

"Surely, a young wizard as such as yourself would not mind accompanying me to a little party?"

Snape's eyes concentrated hard on the old blue ones. The nerve of Dumbledore some nights. He was ready to demand that they leave when McGonagall stepped forwards. "Only for a few hours, I assure you. I trust you can step away from your books and live a little?"

"If only for a few."

"No more than three."

"Very well. I supposed I can grace you with my presence, since it is so highly desirable."

"Oh, Severus. You think too highly of yourself. No wonder you're rotting away with these books. Come along now before we transfigure you into a book end." McGonagall placed her hand on Snape's back and led him from his study.

With McGonagall and Dumbledore working together, Snape knew there was no excuse he could make that would allow him the evening in peace. He rolled his eyes and hoped for the best that no one would pick him as a worthy adversary if there were in fact angry drunks.

Several minutes later and Snape really wished he could take back his wish. The attendants and guests were so friendly and modest that any moment, he was expecting golden light to shine from their heads to accentuate their ethnics. He chuckled then sipped his drink. It was then that he felt a presence. He turned; ready to blast off the halo of whomever had dared to invite him to chit chat session, for Snape was not one to socialize. "Evening there, my old friend," said an older man who Snape immediately recognized as Corvus McCoy; an old friend with whom Snape studied with to become a Potions Master.

"Corvus," Snape raised his glass to the older man and sipped.

"As unsocial as ever, Severus. Some things never change."

"What menace diverted you from your cauldrons?" Snape passed the man a pitiful look. "Your wife?"

"Actually, my daughter. A friend of hers wished for her to accompany her. Naturally, I wanted to make sure my daughter was safe."

"I forget you have a spawn."

"She's beautiful. Just like her mother."

"Has she left, or is she stranded here?"

"She's right over there. Look, her curls."

Snape raised his head, looking out at the crowd as a young woman, at least five years younger than Snape, came hurrying towards them. Her red curls bounced on her shoulders, her brilliant green eyes shone with youth and brightness. Snape frowned as the candles behind her rendered a glowing background. "Hi, daddy! Are you enjoying the party?"

"Severus, I'd like for you to meet my daughter, Caitlin Lys McCoy." The girl smiled and giggled then extended her hand. Snape indolently received Caitlin’s hand and raised it to his lips. He didn't brush it or look away from her eyes.

"And Caitlin, this is Professor Severus Snape. He teaches Potions at Hogwarts."

Caitlin smiled sweetly. "Evening, professor."

Just when Snape felt a sense of pride and dignity, Corvus chuckled. "No need for formalities. Call him Severus."

By watching Caitlin fiddling with her fingers and swinging her body side to side, Snape gathered she was introverted and would probably prefer that Snape offer her the option of referring to him so informally. Since it was evident that she would not invite herself to do so, Snape saved her by saying, "Only if Ms. McCoy will permit me to refer to her as Caitlin."

Caitlin nodded, "I'd be delighted." She then extended her hand to Snape once more and softly asked, "Do you dance, Severus?"

Regretfully, Snape glanced down at his drink. Had he only drank sparingly, then he wouldn't have the accompanied effect grace of a troll. "It has been known," he responded as he set his drink on the counter behind him. He then stood and folded his fingers softly around Caitlin petit hand.

They danced for the remainder of the night, and the entire time, Snape saw only Lily. To him, it was as if she had come back, younger with spirit. Even in Caitlin's laughter, in her cheeky remarks, Snape was reminded of his childhood friend, and of how much she meant to him.

By the end of the party, Snape was reluctant to let her go. She promised to owl him if he wished to see her again and Snape admitted that he would write back if she hadn't had enough of him.

However, after that night, Snape barely heard from her. He had spent long hours woolgathering about his muse when his potion assignments weren't keeping him up long into the nights. He would not deny that she was beautiful. Sweet, youthful, and well... fun. There were few people besides his colleagues that would hold a conversation with him for the mere purpose of talking. That, and she seemed fascinated by him.

Not until much later did Snape learn that she had gone away to start her apprenticeship under some Potion Master in Ireland. Snape vowed then to forget about her. For a beauty like her could never think so fondly of a beast like him.

And then Potter happened.

For Snape, it had begun as an hour of indulgence. He allowed himself to slip. It was one mistake, nothing significant. But then Potter pushed. The young man wanted more. Merlin, he kissed the boy and had allowed Potter to kiss and feel him. What was supposed to be a night of pleasure ended up with him tied to a relationship with the Golden Boy. His ethics faltered.

Snape went over everything that happened night after night. How could he have let himself go like that? He knew he wasn’t in love with the boy. Was it those eyes? Was it because they were Lily's? What possessed him to pounce on Harry with such wild abandon?

The real issue was in the relationship that followed. A whole school year went by and each day Snape found his heart growing more and more attached to Harry. That’s when Snape knew he was in trouble. Having an infatuation with the Golden Boy was something Snape could have easily crammed into a vile and then stored away. Falling in love was just reckless on Snape's part.

Love... was that what Snape really felt for Harry?

It might as well be, for every time he saw Harry with another, he felt his chained beast thrashing about inside of him. It deranged him. He was losing hair over this young boy. He was very jealous. He did not wish to see anyone else making Harry smile. He wanted to be the only one Harry would look at with those green eyes.

And in fear of losing him, Snape did his best to try and not get too close to the boy. But there was only so much one could do when their heart would sore at being with their beloved.

Then fate turned on him. Dumbledore fire called Snape to his office one evening, claiming that a young lady was here seeking a job as a Potions assistant. Snape came immediately, expecting nothing, but was taken aback when he saw Caitlin seated and drinking tea at the Headmaster's desk. "Evening, Severus. How have you been?"

"Splendid...," he was still very surprised.

"Severus, Ms. Caitlin is looking for experience and wishes to assist you part time in Potions."

"Immediately?" His voice was lower than normal. He was also speaking more softly, like he was unsure if the young woman was really there before him.

"We can talk it over at dinner," Caitlin suggested.

Arguably, that night could've been the worst night of his life. He found himself being enraptured by her stories and just her. They could have talked all night if they wished. They were never bored. They never ran out of stories to tell. And she made him laugh. Even bust out into hysterics a few times. Snape immediately accepted her as his assistant for the upcoming year, but until then, he set an official date for them to see each other again.

And like the fluke with Harry, it did not stop there. He continued to see Caitlin week after week until he admitted her to, directly in case there was a misunderstanding, that he fancied her and would like to officially like to enter into a relationship with him. She accepted of course, and that night they exchanged a chaste kiss, though he burned with guilt.

Harry was still very much present in his heart, but he knew there was no way a relationship with an adolescent would last much longer. Especially since the young man had yet to see the world and all its wonders. The better for him. It has to be this way.

The following week, Snape refused to see Harry. He needed to flush his heart of Harry if he wished to survive this war.

Nevertheless, Harry was constantly on his mind. And instead of his inner beast thrashing to break loose, every time he saw the boy, the beast ran his claws down Snape's heart. He was hurting deeply.

Only Caitlin and Harry occupied his mind at this point. They were very much alike in what made them laugh and smile. And those eyes... they possessed him mind and body alike. There, however, was no sense in chasing Harry. He had to be sensible about the situation. If he wished to find everlasting love, and a marriage, he needed to concentrate on Caitlin and will this fantasy he had of him and Harry ever surviving and becoming a family away.

He did his best to only spend time with Caitlin, trying to get to know her and her family. They spend almost every weekend together and dined every Friday night. The whole while, that beast inside of Snape seemed to grow quieter and quieter.

Then perhaps too quickly, he proposed to Caitlin. He dug further into the hole by then setting the date once she accepted. They were to be married in June. One week after the term ended. One week after his supposed final night with Harry.

That was his next great mistake. Being with Harry so intimately brought back his suppressed feelings regarding Harry. And that beast roared with renewed passion. His love, his appetence for Harry became unbearably real.

But it was not to be realised. Snape had to put Harry behind him.

The night before the wedding, he remembered getting utterly smashed. He was alone, with wedding reminders all around him and a copy of the wedding invitation right beside him. He looked at it, then at the wedding ring, and then thought to himself, I'm marrying Caitlin.

...hope that you will join in the celebration...

Severus Tobias Snape and Caitlin Lys McCoy

Snape threw his wine bottle into the fires and watched as they roared. He felt the warmth on his face and then knelt down. He grasped his face and shook. He cried harder than he ever had that night.

The ceremony had been simple and a quiet one. They married on the Irish hillsides, overlooking the vast and lonely ocean. Only Caitlin's closest family members plus Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Moody attended. Snape remember forcing his vows. Even to their witnesses, they sounded fake. By looking into Caitlin's eyes, he saw Harry, which gave him the strength to stand there and speak.

Snape remembered keeping one of Harry's letters in his pocket, which he read to himself while Caitlin danced with her father.

Soon after the wedding, Caitlin conceived, and Snape was on the verge of having an anxiety attack. Life was flying by faster than a Seeker on a broom. To add to Snape's distress, Caitlin found one of Harry’s letters to Snape. She asked about him and Snape played her by sneering. However, the letter was friendly and desperate. She asked if they were close, as in friends. Snape admitted that their friendship was complicated before he snatched the letter from her. That night, he prepared the requested potion and then feigned an injured hand so that Caitlin would write a letter to Harry.

Life was down right nasty once the school year rolled around. With the insinuation of Caitlin as Snape's wife, it was only a matter of time before he would visit him, demanding questions. He thought that by now, what he felt for the boy would have passed. That everything could finally settle down and Snape could afford the life had only dreamed of. Then, that little beast came back and urged him towards Harry. Snape knew he felt strongly for Caitlin, but her place in his heart was then quickly being squashed by the returning love he bared only for Harry.

HARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTER

Snape looked up humbly at Harry. "Do what you wish with my confession."

Harry stood there for several seconds, contemplating whiles his hands tightened into a fist.

"I only wish that you do not make the same mistakes I have."

"Never," Harry spat.

"I did not wish to suffer a broken heart. It is probably the most ridiculous and most senseless emotion one could feel. I did not need something weighing be down so heavily in the middle of a war. You have to understand, Harry. I was not in a position in which I could feel freely. Nevertheless, I never fell out of love with you. Even still, I love you."

Snape closed his eyes and listened closely to the ruffling of clothes, the quickening of feet, and the slamming of the door.


A/N: The next two chapters have been written and hopefully will be out sooner. I am very sorry for the delay. Please review and may I ask you this? Whom do you sympathize with most?