Areas of Expertise

-- Jilliane: Your reference is much better than mine! I nicked "Edwin Drood" from Jonathon Creek - it was a band. But yours actually fits even better. Have a cookie! I might even lend you Harry and Sev! (Sev: DON'T call me Sev.)

-- In other news, did anyone see the joke? Mike Oxlonge? (Say it!) Also, everything that happens now is building up directly to the climax and to the sequel! There have been painful notes dropped throughout this story, cos I've known for a while how it'll end. Can't say too much, but it does follow HBP fairly closely. SP



-- Now, on with the sickness!



Chapter Thirty-Three



“Doubt is thought's despair;” Soren Kierkegaard



***



Harry had gradually strengthened. On the first day he was awake, he managed only twenty minutes before again falling into an exhausted stupor. On the second he had managed a whole hour before he nearly fell off the bed asleep. Severus had caught him and manhandled him under the sheets. The Death Eater had grimaced as he wrenched his back – Harry was heavy with Sapphire.



Now it was five days since he had awoken, and he could cope with staying awake for almost four hours at a time. His mind was still blocking the harshness of the memories from him, which worried his lover, but which soothed Dumbledore.



Severus sat at Harry’s side, an almost tender smile on his craggy face.



The Headmaster entered, and immediately Snape’s expression blanked. Harry mourned the loss of the smile.



“Excellent, Harry, excellent!” he cried as he entered, rubbing his hands together and positively bouncing into the room. “You are recovering well, my boy!”



Snape lifted an expressive eye brow at the other. Harry turned a slightly vacuous face to his head teacher. “Should I not be?” He queried. “I was captured by Voldemort, but Sev prevented anything really painful happening to me. Why shouldn’t I be recovering well?”



Dumbledore looked a little confused. “Er, of course.” He responded, then in a return to his previous manner, “Why don’t you explain how you rescued him, Severus? I was most impressed with your skills when you related the adventure to me.”



Snape sneered. He didn’t want Harry to hear about anything that had happened whilst he had been captured. The boy still needed to access his memories and his feelings and deal with them. Snape didn’t want to push the boy to face anything too soon.



Harry took his hand. “I bet you were great, Sev.”



The potions master felt slightly uncomfortable. He had noticed that since the kidnapping, Harry had become much more demonstrative and even clingy.



Albus sat down on a nearby chair. “See, he wants to hear about it.”



Gritting his teeth for a moment, Snape glowered off into the distance. He was angry at being manipulated as usual by his boss, and he now felt guilty in case he upset Harry.



Fantastic. He thought sarcastically before he too sat down (on Harry’s bed) and related what had actually occurred.



“Since I have long known of the potential risk should you be captured, certain strategies have been in place. When the Dark Lord summoned me and requested I administer Veritaserum, I did so, however it was mixed with a relaxation draught which had the effect of somewhat negating the effects of the truth serum. With that you were able to protect yourself by lying to him should it have been necessary.



“Further, although he cast Imperio upon me, and although I appeared to be fully his to command, I was able to judge the strength of the blows I gave you so that they looked painful but in actual fact were not incredibly so.”



“I knew you’d be wonderful!” Harry enthused, making Severus grind his teeth yet again.



“When I left you to talk with the Dark Lord, I knew I had to give him a chance to explore his ideas before I could convince about mine, which is why you were left alone for so long.” A faint note of apology had crept into Snape’s tone, but Harry interrupted:



“It wasn’t long, and anyway, I knew you’d come for me.”



Irritated at the lad’s open faith in him, Snape went on, “You-Know-Who spent a long time scheming, so long that I felt I could at last put in my request.”



“I bet you were really sneaky.” Harry praised.



“No,” Severus answered shortly and brutally – he had to clear Harry of this ridiculous notion that he – Severus – was some kind of romantic hero, “I merely outlined to him the expectation that Dumbledore would have. Namely that I would in some way rescue the boy. If I failed to do so, Dumbledore would no doubt believe I was no longer his spy and my usefulness would be at an end. I told the Dark Lord that if I rescued Potter, obviously making up a convincing story, I could remain the Dark Lord’s hidden weapon at Hogwarts. He quite agreed and allowed me to escape with you.” He turned to Harry as he said the last sentence, desperate to make the other see he had done nothing brave or special.



“You were brilliant!” Harry breathed. “How you thought of that I don’t know!”



Snape growled in irritation. “This is ridiculous! He thinks I’m a hero!”



“You are!” Harry cried passionately.



Albus quirked a white brow. “Perhaps,” he offered, “given his devotion to you, and your own stated desire to Bond with him, perhaps you should consider completing the Bonding ceremony.” He shifted to face Harry, “It would make you, in effect, married.”



“Oh yes!” Harry gasped in excitement. “Yes, let’s marry!”



Snape pulled his hand free of Harry’s and stood up. “You don’t understand what you are asking!” He snarled, pacing angrily, “A Bond is for LIFE. None can break it. Should one of us die, the other will weaken and shortly follow. A Bond is designed for stable relationships – ours is anything but that.”



Harry’s eyes filled with tears. “But I love you,” he sobbed. “I thought you loved me too.”



Severus ground his teeth once more. He really was going to have no molars left if he had to deal with a snivelling partner and a scheming head master.



“Feelings do not enter into this.” He declared, ignoring the other’s sniffs. “A Bond is made out of need and desire. It cannot be forced purely because it is convenient.” He glowered pointedly at Dumbledore.



The headmaster smiled softly. He stood up, knowing he need do no more. The Bonding ceremony would take place, Harry would see to that.



***



Severus leaned against the wall of the Hospital wing, rubbing his eyes tiredly. They had been arguing for nearly two hours. Harry’s argument had boiled down to:



I love you.

You love me.

We could die anytime so why not be happy?



However, he had gone into these points at great length as Severus’ complaints had consisted of:



Our feelings don’t come into this.

A Bond would be too dangerous.

The Dark Lord will kill me when he finds out.



Other points had been raised, but these six had been the most visited during the two hours.



“He’ll kill me.” Severus repeated exhausted, trying to ease knotted muscles in his neck.



“Not necessarily,” Harry responded (much as he had done every other time Severus had raised this point, although his next answer was new), “You could tell him Dumbledore ordered it, to protect me, but really it would mean you could bring me to him without a struggle.”



“A Bond can only take place if there is love present.” Snape snapped angrily. “Not even Albus could force that.”



Or could he? What do I feel about Harry? Is it my own emotions, or has Albus forced them upon me?