Saving your life

She could tell they were avoiding her, and it was frustrating. She kept asking questions about what had happened the last few months, but they just kept repeating the same things over and over again, assuring her that was all they knew. Bloody liars.

After what had happened with the Auror that morning after the meeting, she had spent the rest of the day in her bedroom, knowing they had another meeting that day and not wanting to run into them again. Molly had insisted she stayed in bed, and that was fine with her, but she soon grew tired of staying put.

She wasn’t sure just what time it was, but as she stepped out of the bedroom, she heard voices downstairs. She still felt a bit weak, and so it took her longer than usual to reach the kitchen, but as she moved closer to the door, she heard someone say her name.

“I think Hermione deserves to know the truth.”

“Why? What good would it do? We already get the information we need from Snape; there’s no need for her to know what she had been involved in.”

“She’s a smart witch. Just how long do you think it will take her to figure it out, Kingsley? I think it would be best if she got the facts from us, rather than guessing.”

“Weren’t you here the last three months, Remus? Didn’t you see how worried she always looked, how she even fought with Harry and Ron? She didn’t need that weight on her shoulders. I think she’s better off this way.”

“I don’t want to lie to her, she deserves better.”

“You’re right, she deserves better; much better than the life she was living. You’ve worked with spies; you know what it is like. This could be her chance to have a better life, and you can’t take that away from her,” said Kingsley, and then she heard the chairs moving. Afraid they would find her there, she hurriedly made her way back to the bedroom.

She was right, they were holding things back. A part of her was afraid of what she might discover, it sounded like she had done awful things; but another part just needed to know, no matter what.

She spent the rest of the day going over what she had heard, and the next morning, she woke up early and made her way to the kitchen to fix herself some breakfast. She had been there for over an hour before the others woke up.

“Hermione, what are you doing here?” asked Ron, as he entered the kitchen. “You should be in bed.”

“I already told you I’m feeling much better. Besides, I’ve spent the last three weeks in a bed, right? I don’t think I need any more rest.”

He didn’t look too happy, but didn’t say anything else and focused on the breakfast in front of him.

The first thing she did after breakfast was head to the library. She spent most of the morning reading anything and everything available about memory charms, trying to find a way to get her memories back. She was surprised when Ron sat next to her, asking how he could help her, and spending hours there, instead of being out with his brothers, Ginny and Harry, having fun. She had to admit she was both surprised and touched by this. Still, around lunchtime, she had taken pity and sent him with the others, knowing just how much he hated doing research.

“I knew you’d be here,” a soft voice said from behind her, and she turned around to find Kingsley leaning against the doorframe.

“You did? How is that?”

“Well, I was sure you’d be looking for a way to remember,” he said, and stepped closer to her. “Any luck?”

“Not yet,” she answered with a sigh, remembering from the conversation she had overheard the previous day that he didn’t really want her to remember.

“Well, I got this for you,” he said then, and sat down next to her.

“What is it?” she asked, as he put a book on the small table in front of her.

“It’s just an old book I had on the subject; I thought you might want to read it.”

“Thank you,” she said, turning to him, a smile on her lips. He took her hand as he smiled back; muttering, “I hope it helps,” and then she heard someone clear their throat.

Startled, she let go of his hand and looked up, to find Severus Snape standing by the door, a single brow raised.

“Am I interrupting?” he asked, his voice amused, but she saw something different in his expression. He still looked like the dark, cruel wizard she had known for so long, but there was also something different.

“No, no,” Kingsley muttered, and got up. “I was just giving Hermione a book I thought she would like.”

“It’s good to know there’s such an important reason for the meeting being delayed, but please, keep in mind some of us have more important things to do than sit around waiting for you” he said, giving them both an angry look before walking away.

“Are you coming?” Kingsley asked as he reached the door, turning back to her.

“What?”

“To the meeting, are you coming?” he repeated, and she was by him in a second, both walking into the room full of Order Members and taking a seat.”

She wasn’t sure what they were discussing. She had paid attention the first few minutes, but then something distracted her. As she was looking around the room, counting all the new faces there, she noticed Snape looking at her. It was more like a glance, and he turned back so quickly when their eyes met, that she wasn’t sure she hadn’t just imagined it. She had seen something in his expression, much like what she had noticed back at the library just a few minutes earlier. His face was cold and indifferent as usual, but in his eyes, she saw something new, something that looked like regret. Why would he look at her like that? Was he sorry he had saved her?

“Did you find anything useful?” Ron’s voice by her ear brought her back to reality.

“Not yet. Kingsley lent me a book I hadn’t read yet, maybe there will be something there.”

“We could keep looking after the meeting, I’m sure there are many books we haven’t gone through yet,” he said, a reassuring smile on his lips, and she couldn’t help smiling back at him.

“You know, you don’t have to stay in the library with me all day.”

“Course I don’t, but I want to help,” he said. She was just about to answer when a new voice distracted her.

“I don’t think we should discuss these matters around people that are not in the Order,” said the same Auror that had confronted her before, looking not only at Hermione, but also at Harry and Ron.

“If they can fight for us, then they have the right to be present, and help us decide what we will do,” Kingsley said calmly but firmly, and the Auror huffed and sat back down. “So, as I was saying, Severus has some new information on the Death Eaters’ plans,” he finished, and nodded in Snape’s direction.

She watched as the wizard stood up, imposing, his long, elegant fingers pressed against the table as he leaned forward, looking at everyone in the room, except for her. Why she was noticing that, or even his fingers, she wasn’t sure, just like she didn’t know why she suddenly found his voice so enthralling.

He was saying something about Voldemort wanting to know where they were keeping their prisoners, and something about Dementors and the break out from Azkaban, but she wasn’t really listening anymore.

“Such a waste of time,” Ron whispered by her ear, as Snape spoke. “That’s the same he said last time.”

She gasped when Snape turned to face them, clearly having heard Ron, but as his eyes met hers, she saw again that same look, and it made her feel uncomfortable.

A few more minutes and the meeting was over, most members quickly leaving the house, and the ones that were staying over for lunch offering help to Molly. She noticed Remus stayed behind, talking to Mad Eye, and as soon as the two men were done, she made her way towards him.

She knew he wanted to tell her the truth, and was hoping maybe he would just forget what Kingsley had told him and stop lying to her.

“Remus, can we talk for a moment?” she asked, and noticed he looked hesitant.

“Well, I was actually heading for the kitchen, to help Molly with Lunch.”

“It will just be a moment. Please?”

“All right,” he said with a sigh, and sat down at the table, next to her.

“I wanted to ask you what you knew about what happened the last few months.”

“I already told you everything I know, Hermione.”

“You’re keeping something back, and I want to know what it is,” she insisted.

“You never told me much, never told any of us much and I think there was probably a good reason you kept it to yourself.”

“But I need to know, and I don’t know who to ask.”

“I don’t think I can help you with that,” he said, and she could hear regret in his voice.

“Do you know whom I’d been working with?” she asked, not really expecting him to.

“No. All I know is that he was a Death Eater, or that’s what you told me.”

“I don’t understand. Why would I work with one of them?”

“You trusted him, really trusted him.”

“How could…” she started asking, but Kingsley’s voice calling Remus from the doorway interrupted them. She had the feeling he had done it on purpose.

The two days that followed were rather strange. Remus hadn’t been avoiding her, but refused to answer any more questions, as did Kingsley. They did spend a lot of time with her though; probably to make sure she didn’t ask anyone else, she told herself.

The meetings were far more frequent than she remembered, too, and she spent most of that time watching Snape and trying to decide if she should just confront him, and ask him what he knew, or if maybe he could even arrange a meeting for her with her “contact.”

She was surprised to find out Harry and Ginny were together again, and when she had asked how it had happened, he had mumbled something about realizing what he really wanted, and then had quickly changed the subject. Ron and she spent a lot of time together those days, probably because he didn’t want to see his sister and his best friend snogging all around the house. The two of them would spend most of the time in the library, researching on memory charms, and she was surprised to find he was actually a good companion. He didn’t complain nearly as much as he used to, and was about the only one who didn’t change the subject every time she asked something about the time she had forgotten.

With the wedding so close, the house was always full of people, and there was always something to do, the most important thing was staying away from Molly, who seemed to be going crazy with all the necessary arrangements, but finally, just a day before the wedding, she decided to talk to Snape.

Why she was surprised, she didn’t know. He had acted like a cold bastard, just as she had expected him to, but something felt odd. As he was trying to leave, she had grabbed his hand to stop him. It had been just a reflex, the only way she could think of at the moment to keep him there, but it felt so familiar at the same time, as if she had done it before.

She had been shocked at that feeling, and at the faint shiver the touch had sent up her arm, but most of all, she had been shocked at his reaction. He had frozen in place, and taken a deep breath, as if trying to control himself. Did her touch repulse him that much? When she looked back at him, she saw curiosity in his eyes as they darted to their joined hands, and she quickly let go, embarrassed at her own behaviour. Then, before leaving, he had told her she should forget about what she knew; he had said it was dangerous and she should leave it like that. Was it concern she had seen on his expression then? Surely not; that was impossible. She must be hallucinating or something.

They were up at sunrise that Saturday, Molly wanted to make sure everything was ready for the wedding, and she wanted them to help. The guests would be arriving that very afternoon, Fleur’s family just a few hours before that, and, as she kept repeating over and over again, everything had to be perfect for her eldest son’s wedding.

There really wasn’t that much left to do, and so it was still early when she went up to her room to change. When she had told Ginny, just a few days before, she needed to go to Diagon Alley to get a dress for the wedding, she had told her she already had one. Apparently, they had gone shopping together weeks before the wedding, and had bought everything they would need.

She put on the dress and looked at herself in the mirror. It was a golden, floor-length, silk dress, with a V-neck that showed some cleavage and her back bare. Wanting to be ready before the guests arrived, she quickly put on the matching high heeled shoes, and did her make up before walking back down the stairs.

Both Harry and Ron were waiting for them in the hallway, looking very handsome in their new dress-robes, and she couldn’t help but notice the way they looked at her as she approached them.

“Wow, you look beautiful,” Harry said, making her blush slightly. Ron simply nodded, apparently unable to speak.

“Same goes for you two,” she answered, and turned back around as Ginny joined them. It only took a second for Harry to go join her, leaving Hermione and Ron alone.

“Maybe we should go see if your mother needs our help with anything,” she suggested, after a few uncomfortable moments, and he instantly agreed.

They spent the next few hours in the garden, greeting the guests and elping them to their seats. The last few guests had just arrived when the music changed, and they too were asked to take their seats.

Bill, dressed in white robes, walked past them and stood by the Minister, his smile broad as he waited for Fleur. All heads turned as the witch started walking down the aisle, her beautiful hair flying in the wind as she moved, her whole body glowing as she looked at her future husband and smiled at him lovingly.

Hermione felt someone take her hand then, and turned to the side, where Ron was sitting next to her, but he refused to look at her as he held her hand, simply staring at his brother in front of them and blushing slightly.

Only when the last sparks had vanished from the sky and everyone stood up did he let go of her hand.

He spent the whole night next to her, sometimes speaking, others just standing by her side, but always around. Then, after dinner, he asked her to dance.

The garden was full of dancing couples, and they slowly walked around them until they stopped in a far corner. She could feel her heart beating faster as he turned around and put his arms around her waist, and they slowly started moving to the music. She had asked Harry a few days before, very discreetly, of course, if anything had happened between her and Ron during the summer, and he had answered they had had a few fights, completely oblivious to what she really wanted to know.

She could feel his body moving closer as they danced, and it made her feel nervous. They had decided they would keep things as they were, at least for the time being, but it seemed Ron had changed his mind. His eyes locked on hers, and she could feel the butterflies in her belly go wild as she watched him slowly move his face closer.

Their lips were merely an inch apart and her eyes fluttered closed, as she waited for the kiss, and then the weirdest thing happened, something that should never happen when after years of waiting, someone was just about to kiss you. Their noses bumped together.

Her eyes shot open, and she moved her head back a little. She saw the small smile on his face as he moved closer again, and they both tilted their heads to the same side, and then to the other side, again at the same time. She heard him laugh nervously as he cupped her face with his hands, and then they finally kissed.

But it was nothing like she expected. It felt weird, there was no passion or desire, it almost felt like kissing a brother, and after a few seconds they parted, both with the same confused look of their faces. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. They were Ron and Hermione, and everyone expected them to end up together, but it just didn’t feel right. Maybe they had been friends for too long, and now could only see each other as that, a good friend.

She watched him frown, his arms still around her waist, but he had taken a step back.

“That was weird,” she finally whispered, now sure what she could say, and was relieved when he sighed and smiled a bit.

“Weird? So you felt it too, then?” he said, and laughed, making her laugh too.

“I don’t think that is how it was supposed to be,” she said, rubbing her nose. “At least now we know,” she whispered.

“Well, that’s enough awkwardness for one night, don’t you think? How about we go back to the table and have some cake?” he asked, and started walking without even giving her time to respond.

He looked a bit put out the rest of the night, but she was glad he wasn’t angry at her. They didn’t spend so much time together, but at least he didn’t avoid her.

The next day, Molly woke them up early again, wanting them to help put everything back in place after the party. The only thing that kept her from just yelling at the woman and going back to sleep was that she knew now it was finally over, no more preparations, or last minute cleanings.

With the help of the Order Members that had attended the party and spent the night in the house, they managed to finish by lunchtime, and the boys suggested they should go and visit Fred and George, Harry claiming he needed a few things from Diagon Alley as well. It had only taken her a few minutes to convince Molly she was all right, and could leave the house without a bodyguard.

The fresh air felt wonderful after so many days trapped in the house, and it felt good to walk around people who didn’t look at her hatefully or avoided her. She walked behind them, stopping in front of every shop, feeling relaxed after what felt like ages.

She was just walking past a dark alley when someone grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the main road. She was pushed against the wall by a hooded figure, and as she tried to push it away, the hood fell, and she could see just who it was in front of her. She gasped in surprise, and found the man’s lips on hers as she did. Completely shocked, she tried to push him away with all her strength, but he was too strong for her. After a few more moments, the man stepped back, a confused look on his face.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, keeping her firmly against the wall.

“What’s wrong with me? What on earth are you doing? Let go of me, Malfoy,” she yelled at him.

“Oh, so it’s Malfoy now, then? It was Draco just a few weeks ago. How about you make up your mind already?” he said, sneering.

“What are you talking about?”

“You were supposed to meet me over a week ago, where have you been?”

“Meet you?” she asked, too confused to fight anymore.

“Yes, meet me. You were supposed to get me the information on the prisoners, remember?”

She looked at him, shocked; she couldn’t believe what he was saying. Was it possible? Was Draco Malfoy her informant? And why the hell had he kissed her?

“Didn’t Severus tell you I was looking for you?” he asked then.

“Snape?”

“Well, of course, Snape. What’s going on?”

“We had a meeting? We were working together?” she asked slowly.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?. Hermione, what’s wrong with you?”

“If you had been working with me, then how come you don’t know?” she asked, shocked at his use of her name.

“Don’t know what?”

“About the explosion.”

“What explosion?” he asked, sounding worried.

“I was attacked by Death Eaters. I don’t remember anything about the last few months.” He looked at her for a second, like he wasn’t sure she was telling the truth.

“But surely you remember me,” he said, and leaned closer to kiss her again, but when she moved her head to the side, he frowned. “You really don’t remember?” he asked, and she shook her head. “Not even this?” he asked, and kissed her neck softly, sending shivers down her spine.

“Malfoy, stop,” she said, pushing him away.

“’Mione? Where are you?” came Harry’s voice from the main street. They were looking for her.

“Potter,” Malfoy muttered under his breath, and stepped away from her. “Go back to your friends, and ask them what you had been doing these last few months, but don’t tell anyone you’ve seen me. If you decide you believe me, meet me at the Leaky Cauldron in two days, around ten. Go alone,” he said, and then turned around and walked away, hiding his face again.

Her legs were still shaking slightly as she walked back into the Alley, trying to look calm as she called Harry’s name.

***

“Did you see her?” a voice asked from the darkness.

“Yes,” Draco answered.

“Is what he said true? Has she been Obliviated?”

“Yes,” he repeated.

“Did she believe you? Does she think she had been working with you?” the voice asked again, sounding delighted.

“I think so. I asked her to meet me in a few days, so I guess we will know for sure soon.”

“Good. Go have some rest now, you look positively awful,” the voice said disdainfully, and without another word he Apparated away.