Child of New Beginnings

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Chapter 32



Hermione awoke, and for the first time in days, she had never felt so rested. The migraines or headaches that she had were also gone. She opened her eyes and felt arms wrap around her from behind her waist, and a warm body pressed up against her. Glancing over at the clock on the nightstand, it read half past midnight. It was Christmas Eve.



Slowly, Hermione turned around in Severus’s arms so as not to wake him. The guilt within her hit her harder when she saw him after not seeing him for days. She almost killed him, she kept on telling herself. One of her hands rose up to Severus’s face and gently touched the stubble that had grown on his face.



“Hermione…” Severus softly whispered as he pulled her closer with his arms. He was still very much asleep.



A small smile had formed on Hermione’s lips, but it wasn’t a happy one, but a sad one. No, she didn’t deserve him, nor did she deserve Sebastian. She nearly had ruined both their lives, or had taken them away. Hate! She just hated herself.



Severus slowly opened his eyes as he awoke from the nice warm hand that as touching his cheek. And there she was, the love of his life, right in front of him. Without saying a word, he moved and captured her lips with his, and kissed Hermione.



As soon as Hermione saw Severus open his eyes, she wanted to speak. She couldn’t however when he felt his lips against hers, kissing her firmly and then wanting the kiss to go further. Hermione kissed back for a few short moments, until the guilt part within her took over. Right away, tears in her eyes started to fall. She stopped kissing Severus and pushed him away.



“What is it Love?” Severus frowned when he saw her tears. He gently brushed them away with his thumbs as he also pushed away the few strands of curly hair that were on her face. “I’m right here Hermione. Everything’s alright. There’s nothing else we need to worry about anymore.”



“No,” Hermione whimpered as she shook her head.



“What’s wrong?” Severus asked. He had a hunch though that Hermione was blaming herself like Lucius had said hours ago.



Hermione pulled away and sat up. Turning away from him, she sat on the edge of the bed. She couldn’t even look at him for she felt so ashamed.



Severus sat up and moved sitting next to her. He placed a leg behind her, and one just above her lap so that Hermione didn’t have a chance to escape from him. “You’re blaming yourself aren’t you?” Severus asked breaking the silent minute between them.



“Who else is there to blame?” she said barely above a whisper. She bent her head forward, making her forehead rest on Severus’s knee. More tears were coming out of her eyes.



Severus placed a hand on her back, and started to rub it, wanting to give her comfort, but also not giving too much of it since he was not too sure if she would shove him away. “I don’t understand why you’re blaming yourself, when you haven’t done everything wrong.”



“That’s where you’re wrong!” Hermione sobbed as she turned her head to face him. “I’m not good enough for you and I’m a terrible mother.”



“Why are-“



“If you tell me now that you’re mad at me or hate me, I will leave, and Sebastian is yours.” Hermione turned, and looked back down.



Severus stayed speechless for awhile, shocked at the words that she had just said. Why would he ask her to leave? What was she speaking of exactly? With all the questions in his head, he came to the conclusion that Hermione was the type of person to start pushing away people first to prevent getting hurt more later on. Her behavior was similar to the night when he had confessed his love to her.



“Just say it Severus, and I’ll do it,” she said. Her heart ached.



“Why would I do something so absurd?” Severus asked softly.



“I harmed our son and nearly killed you. It’s a miracle that you’re alive,” she explained. “I wasn’t strong enough to fight the Imperius… I wasn’t strong enough.”



Finally, Severus understood. “Hermione, do you love me?” he asked even though he damn well knew what the answer was.



“I do but… it’s not enough for you,” she sobbed.



Severus slid and wrapped his arms around Hermione, resting his head against her temple. “You are more than enough for me Hermione, never think that you are anything less.”



“But it’s my fault.”



“You are not blame. The spell was too strong.”



“I was too weak you mean.”



“Stop Hermione, please,” Severus pleaded. He made her look at him with one of his hands. His eyes slightly burned with anger and sadness all at the same time. “I love you and you are Sebastian’s mother. I will never push you away, but if you decide to walk away from the both of us… we will follow. I won’t let you walk away Hermione. I need you!”



“But-“



Severus placed a finger on her lips. “No buts woman!” he said as he felt his jaw tightening. He could feel his anger rising, wanting to shout at Hermione, and force some sense inside her head. “Stop blaming yourself because you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s over Hermione. We can continue on with our lives. I told you I wanted forever with you and dammit… I want it now more than ever.”



“Oh Severus!” Hermione cried as she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest.



Severus wrapped both his arms around her and held her close. He also whispered comforting words to her, telling her that everything would be alright.



“I’m so sorry. I tried I really did.”



“I know Hermione,” Severus murmured against her brow.



“I don’t know what I’d actually do if I’d lost you—if you died,” she said as she looked up at him.



“I’m right here Hermione,” Severus said as he attempted to wipe her tears.



Hermione set her head back down on his chest, enjoying the feeling of his arms around her. “I do love you Severus,” she said softly as her fingers gently played with the few sparse hairs on his chest.



“That is why I am alive Hermione,” Severus said. “Without you, I am dead, and have no meaning in my life.” He paused before he continued. “Don’t leave me Hermione please.”



In reply, Hermione nodded.



“Can you stop blaming yourself and move on?” he asked. “Move on, and continue your life with me?”



“Only with you,” Hermione replied.



Severus smiled against her brow as he inhaled the sweet scent of her hair. Minutes ago, he was worried that she was actually going to leave him. Now, he was relieved that Hermione wouldn’t leave him.



“Severus?”



“Hmm?”



Hermione looked up at him again. “Aren’t you in pain or something?” she asked knowing that he had just come from the infirmary and had awaken mere hours ago.



“No,” Severus said with a small smile. “It is you however that is not well, that I know. Is your head hurting?”



“Not really,” Hermione answered with a sigh. She moved and placed her head on his shoulder as she closed her eyes.



“Are you sure?” he asked with worry as he looked down at her face.



“I just want to enjoy this,” Hermione mumbled, nuzzling her nose into his neck. “I’ve missed this.”



Severus didn’t say a word. Instead, he shifted so that he could lie back on the bed. With his arms remained around Hermione, her body followed his, making her lie on top of him.



He was right, Hermione thought. There was nothing to worry about anymore. There were no more Death Eaters anymore, and Sebastian was safe. There was no need to live in fear for her son. She felt such a heavy burden lift off her shoulders. Now, with the man that she loved, she was very happy and content.



“Where is Bastian?” Hermione asked after minutes passed in their companionable silence.



“He is with Lucius in the nursery I am sure,” Severus replied.



“I am going to check on him,” she said as she slid off him.



Severus sighed, and felt his hunger. He hadn’t had a bite of solid food in days, and he knew that Hermione as well had probably not eaten well the past few days. “I’ll call for dinner,” he said as he too stood from the bed.



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Hermione stood, leaning against the doorframe. She had remained silent since both Lucius and Sebastian were sound asleep on the couch. Lucius was on his back while Sebastian was on his chest, stomach down, sucking on his thumb while his other hand held Norbi close to him.



“They’re sound asleep,” Severus whispered as he wrapped his arms from behind her.



“I got what I wanted for Christmas,” she whispered back.



“We both did,” Severus said against her temple. “We have a big week ahead of us. Christmas, New Year’s and Sebastian’s Birthday, not to mention celebrating the fall of all the Death Eaters.”



Hermione smiled and looked up at Severus. “Looking forward to all the celebrations?” she teased.



“I must admit, I am,” Severus answered.



After watching Sebastian for a few minutes, Severus led her back into the bedroom where they ate their meal.



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AN – Some drama and tears yet again. At least now, everything’s really fine. Review!