Only through the pain

Disclaimer: hmmmm......let\'s see, if I owned ANY of this, I would not be listening to my music on a computer, no. I would hire the bands to come and play live for me at my castle in scotland. Yes. Yes I would.



Warning: You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, that\'s what its all about, HEY!



A/N: for some reason, I don\'t quite feel up to my usual banter, infact, I\'m feeling a little flu-funky today. So, this chapter, \'Sing for Absolution\' is by Muse....has anyone else noticed how similar \'Take a bow\' and \'Butterflies and Hurricanes\' sound to each other and for that mater to \'Dankeshe\'?





Chapter 27....or possibly 28-Sing for absolution (Draco)





Holding Harry\'s hand. It\'s amazing how just that simple contact made me feel so....happy. Not Harry though, he looked so frustrated, and angry and as soon as Granger had finished her spell he ripped his hand out of mine and bolted over to Ginny, far away from me. I sighed and thanked Hermione then took my mother\'s hand and led her into the manor. I\'d been here earlier with Harry and Ginny to survey the damage. Inside it was spotless. Dobby and the other elves had done a spectacular job. Dobby himself was hanging around by the entrance too, waiting for us.



"Master Draco! Mistress Malfoy! Dobby is very pleased to see you is alright!" the little elf chirped, "Would you like Dobby to show you the house?"



"Oh, that won\'t be necessary Dobby," Mother said, "I visited this house with Bella over the summer several times when I was a child. I must say, you\'ve done a spectacular job cleaning it. I heard it was left to ruin after Lady Black died."



"Oh it was, it was! Dobby and the others work very hard to clean it for Mistress Malfoy because Dobby knows how much Mistress Malfoy hates dust!" Dobby bounced, "Should Dobby go make dinner for Mistress Malfoy then?"



"Yes, that would be lovely, Dobby. Thank you." Mother said, then turned to me, "Now, Draco, would you care to explain why you were making doe eyes at the Potter boy, and why for that matter, that he so obviously rejected you?"



"Mum!" I gasped, shocked. She had seen that??



"Don\'t mum me, young man. I\'m concerned. You\'re very attractive dear, and I see no reason why anyone would not want you to lavish your attentions on them." She said as she walked off to the parlor, myself following.



"Mum! I was NOT making \'doe eyes\' at Harry." I protested. "And....." she turned and raised an eyebrow at me. I sighed, "He\'s mad at me."



"So, you two are an item then?" Mother asked, settling on the sofa.



"Well....we were." I sighed again and sat next to her, resting my head on her shoulder like I was still five. "But I screwed up."



"You certainly did!" Mother admonished, "First of all, you didn\'t TELL me, your mother, that you were seeing someone. You know how I worry about you, dear."



"I know mum, but you were still in Voldemort\'s inner circle and I didn\'t want you getting hurt over this." I pointed out.



"Yes, I suppose there is that little thing isn\'t there?" she sighed, "Alright, you\'re forgiven, but tell me, what did you do that has kept Potter from forgiving you as well?"



I sighed and changed postion to that my head was in my hands. "I didn\'t tell him that I was being forced to take the mark, and then when I did tell him, Sev was there and started making it sound like I wanted to. I\'d promised Harry I wouldn\'t lie to him, but I couldn\'t tell him what he needed to know. I didn\'t want to lose him...and now I have. God, mum, I\'m such an idiot. I love him so much, and I screwed up so badly. Maybe if Sev hadn\'t been there trying to convince Harry that this was something I wanted...."



"Severus tried to do what?" Mother asked, frowning, "He knows the situation, he promised me he would help you if he could...he should have suggested this rescue mission earlier!"



"Actually mother, Harry suggested it, once he calmed down a bit. Sev doesn\'t even know we\'re here. Harry thinks he would have tried to stop us because it would be too dangerous....but it was so easy...."



"Darling, the Dark Lord has lost his marbles. If your Harry had tried this last year he might not have been successful, but after that whole department of mysteries debacle he\'s been a bit on the screwy side. He was always crazy, but now he\'s completely mental. Severus knows that, everyone in the inner circle knows it. There\'s been talk of desertion for months! Of course, the Lord is still dangerous and quite powerful, and a mass walk-out would not be a smart move, but most of us want out." Her frown deepened, "Did Severus know about you and Potter?"



"Yes, well...he knew we were friends, I\'m not sure if he knew the rest." I frowned. If Sev knew Voldy was so crazy and that it would be so simple to take mother and run, why was he so insistent....it\'s not like there would be much need for another spy, so why would?



"Dumbledore." Harry spat from the doorway, making my head shoot up from my hands. How long had he been standing there? "It\'s always fucking Dumbledore! Excuse my language ma\'am."



"That\'s quite alright," mother dismissed it, "I think you may be right though. Dumbledore always was a devious, scheming bastard...but what could he possibly gain from Draco joining the death eaters?"



"I\'m not sure," Harry admitted, "but it has to be him, he pulls Snape\'s strings and Snape must have told him how insane Voldemort has become...it just doesn\'t make any sense. Dumbledore KNOWS about the dissention in the ranks, and if Voldemort loses his followers he won\'t be nearly as powerful....he has his pick of followers to set as spies....so why insist that Draco do it?" Harry was pacing back and forth. "I just don\'t understand what that old man is thinking! If Ginny had just let me investigate earlier....gah!" he started scratching at his bandages.



"Harry!" I jumped up, putting my hands over his to stop them and trying not to let it hurt too much when he instantly yanked away from me. "You\'re going to tear out your stitches." I pointed out quietly.



He looked down at his arms blankly, "Oh...." he slid his hands into his pockets, but I could see that he\'d also fisted them. "thanks...I\'d forgotten they were there..."



"Mister Potter..." mother said calmly from the couch, "If I may ask? What happened?" she gestured to his arms.



Harry shrugged, "Nothing....It was an accident."



"I see...did you know that Draco used to have....similar accidents?" My eyes widened and I started gestruing wildly for Mother to shut up. Harry shook his head slowly. "Well he did....quite serious ones too...It took a long time to stop the accidents from happening, but we had the help of a lovely woman named Shelly....do you have someone helping you stop the accidents?"



"No...." He said quietly, glancing over his shoulder at me, then back at Mother, "Dumbledore thinks I can stop them myself...."



"And can you?" She pressed, ignoring my efforts to make her stop. I expected Harry to get defensive, or angry, or have an attack, but he didn\'t. He just shook his head. "And are these accidents a new thing?" another negative. "How long?"



"Since I was twelve." Harry said.



"Hmm....interesting. It seems to me that a smart man like Dumbledore would know that these sort of accidents don\'t go away on their own, especially since he was the one that recommended Draco talk to Shelly in the first place. Strange isn\'t it? Here," she said, standing and pulling a card out of her purse, "This is Shelly\'s number, if you\'d like help, just give her a call." Mother smiled, "Well, mister Potter, I thank you for the rescue and for your hospitality, but solving problems has never been my strong suit. I think I\'ll go join Dobby in the kitchen and leave you two to discuss...the problem...whatever it may be."



"Subtle mother, very subtle," I said to myself, shaking my head. "I\'m sorry Harry, she\'s very nosy. You don\'t have to call anyone if you don\'t want to."



"I don\'t know..." Harry sighed, "I\'m so confused right now. It\'s almost as if Dumbledore WANTS me to kill myself....Why else would he try to convince me that I had to solve things on my own? He knows its not working."



"Harry....maybe you should sit down." I suggested and was pleased when he let me lead him over to the couch my mother had just been sitting on. "I know you still don\'t trust me very much....but I\'ve had a thought." He looked at me and I took a deep breath. "You know Dumbledore\'s been trying so hard to keep us from being friends since school started. And you know now that he\'s been lying to you about getting outside help even though he gave Shelly\'s number to my mother last year...so what if....and this is a big what if, but what if the reason he didn\'t want us becoming friends was because I would try to help you be safe and that would be a problem for him?"



"What are you getting at Malfoy? Are you saying Dumbledore DOES want me to off myself?" He snapped.



"Not exactly....Harry....I KNOW that Voldemort is powerful, he\'s gone totally bonkers right now, but if you tried to attack him head on you\'d still get killed in the process and you know it. MAYBE you\'d take Voldemort down with you, but more likely you\'d just weaken him enough for Dumbledore to sweep in and finish him off. Either way, you\'d still die trying, and I think Dumbledore knows that. It would be a wonderful, dramatic ending that would rally wizards to his side and his cause. It\'s extremely possible now that Voldemort\'s gone loopy that you, or anyone else, could sneak in like we just did and kill him stealthily, but that wouldn\'t be nearly as dramatic a victory." It made sense to me, but watching the realization hit Harry was tough. I had to keep going though, "So why would you do the first (and in his mind no doubt better) option once you found out about the second unless you didn\'t want to live anymore? He\'s covering all his bases by keeping you from the people and the help that could give you reasons to live and by keeping Voldemort\'s lunacy a secret. He\'s not offering the other death eaters a way out because he wants them to stay and continue to believe that their master has gone crazy and then not want to take up where he left off. All of his plans about this center around time. How long it takes to get you to have an open death wish, how long it takes for the death eaters to rethink their morals, and how long it takes for Voledmort\'s sanity to completely disolve. He\'s probably trying to make them all happen around the same moment."



"Oh my god," Harry said quietly, fists clenching again, "you\'re right...that\'s it...but why would he want you to become a death eater?"



I shrugged, "I guess because he knew that I wanted to be your....friend....and he knew I would be a threat to his precious plan if I was. He can\'t control me like he was controlling Hermione and Weasley before....and I don\'t think he really knows the extent to which Ginny helps you...she\'s to inconspicous for him to know what really happens between the two of you past her being Weasley\'s little sister...but if I were to...that would be too much of a complication to his schemes."



"That fucking bastard!" Harry said, pounding his fist against his leg. "I hate him. I refuse to let myself or my friends be manipulated by him anymore..." He glared at a spot on the rug, and then his face lit up in an evil smile that made me shiver in a most delicious way, even though the smile wasn\'t for me. "I have an idea."