Of Days and Ends

Chapter 32—



He had been so quiet. So quiet, in fact, that were it not for the steady rise and fall of his chest under her arm, she would have thought he was dead. He hadn’t been sleeping either, just staring at the ceiling. She knew him to be a man prone to extended silences, but now that she was awake, she wanted nothing more than to know what he was thinking.



She wanted to be assured that he didn’t regret her. She wanted to know if he had been as pleased as she. She wanted to know if he was scared, what was he planning, if he was secretly glad… She hoped he would be. What would they tell her parents? How would she finish her schooling? Would he—



Snape sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She couldn’t help the nervous giggles escaping when his fingers got caught in the wicked tangle of her tight locks. He looked down at her finally, and their eyes met.



“You think too much.” He stated gruffly, and she realized, with a crimson blush that she hadn’t occluded her thoughts. “That,” he admitted, “is one of the many things we have in common.”



She looked back up at him.



“What did you want to do?”



“About what?”



“Your pregnancy.”



She understood what he was asking immediately with a blow. “I—I—I…” she stammered, “I—What are you suggesting?” It came out a bit more aggressively than she’d meant to.



“I’m suggesting nothing. I won’t inhibit your decision in any way.”



She sat up, and began to get out of the bed when Snape reached up with an arm around her chest bringing her back into a supine position. “Let go of me.” She ordered weakly.



“Hermione, calm down. I had to make you the offer. It’s not my decision to make, and to not give you an option is to take away your right to make a choice.”



She continued to struggle against him, “No, seriously, Severus.” She put a hand over her mouth and mumbled through her fingers, “Lemme go!”



He complied immediately, and she hunched her body forward with a gag.



“What is it?” He asked with concern.



“My mum’s cooking eggs downstairs. I don’t think they’re good though!” she gave a dry-heave and Snape sniffed the air. He could barely smell them at all, and years of working with delicate and closely related potions ingredients made his sense of smell quite strong. “I don’t think they’re any good!” She worried.



“They’re fine, Love. You’re just having aversions.”



“Aversions?”



“Not all women have cravings, some have food aversions.” She seemed to think about it for a moment, with her nose wrinkled against the stench, so Snape used his wand to perform an air-freshening charm in the room.



“Thank you.” She settled back into his arms, “Sorry for the dramatics. I just wasn’t sure if I would make it for a moment.”



“Uh-hmm.” He returned with a pet to her crown.



“And I want to keep it.”



He merely nodded.



“You didn’t want it, did you?”



He thought about that for a moment. He didn’t plan for a child. In fact, if he was being completely honest with himself, he never thought any witch would want to have his baby. That didn’t necessarily mean that he hadn’t ever wanted an heir. The Snape name would continue. That thought made his nose wrinkle with disgust.



Her question still hung between them. “I can honestly say I am relieved that you want to keep it… for purely egotistical reasons, but I am terribly concerned about keeping the Dark Lord from knowing about this. There is so much more to lose than just one child if things go wrong. I could lose you, the child, and my own life.”



“That is exactly why I can’t go back to headquarters.”



“No, you must still go to headquarters. It may be good to make the Dark Lord think that we have acquired a weakness, but you will be training with me. There will be no weakness.”



Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. “How will you keep You-Know-Who from knowing that you fathered it?”



“The same way I keep the Dark Lord from knowing many things.”



“And that is…?”



“Through my occlumancy.” He stood to dress. “There is more to occlumancy than just blocking the intruder. An occlumantic master can substitute the full story for a partial story. He doesn’t ever have to know that you were even in my presence. I will pretend to find out whenever the Dark Lord sees fit for me to know.”



Hermione nodded and rose to accept the clothes Snape presented her with. The dress was a bit too big because it actually belonged to her mother, but a quick spell remedied that issue. Snape performed a charm to make it fit tightly around her gloriously expanding breasts and tiny middle.



Unfortunately, he couldn’t stand and admire his handiwork all day, and Hermione had grabbed a hold on his arm and begun to walk. Snape didn’t budge. She gave him a curious look.



“I don’t want you to worry. Your father and mother will be very surprised and unhappy about this, but you mustn’t be upset by their reactions.”



She had been trying to avoid thinking about that, so now that she was reminded, she gulped. She couldn’t conjure any words, so she settled for a nod and dropped Snape’s arm.



Snape searched her face, and bent his head to kiss her lips gently before opening the door for her to leave. The smell of the eggs hit her pretty hard, and she decided immediately that it wouldn’t be very smart to eat yet. Unfortunately, her mother and father were ascending the stairs at just that moment, and noticed them leaving the room together.



“Oh!” exclaimed Hermione’s mother.



Her father looked them over, and his eyebrows creased. Something wasn’t right, that much was obvious. They appeared to be nervous about something, and a nervous Snape would make anyone uneasy. “What’s wrong?”



“Mum, Dad, we have to talk to you.”



Mrs. Granger looked from Snape to her daughter and back again. Then, as though honing in on a missile, her eyes darted to the couple’s hands, where Hermione had just brushed her fingers against his knuckles.



“Well?” Her father prodded.



“We might want to go to the dining room.” Snape offered politely, extending his arm in the direction of the stairs.



His arm was brushed aside by the gallant decline of her father. “No, tell us what’s wrong.”



“Nothing is wrong.” Snape hedged, and Hermione felt her stomach coil in knots as though it were a python.



Now was the time. “I’m pregnant.”



Hermione had expected many things, but a general lack of reaction was not on the list of parental responses to a pregnant, unwed, undereducated witch. Her parents remained still, and Hermione turned her attention to Snape for only a brief moment. He was watching her father who was now staring at her belly as though an interesting creature would spring from it at any second. Her mother raised her hand to her hair, and scratched thoughtfully. “No, child should be allowed that much brilliance in their genetics. It’s just not right…”



Hermione and Snape’s eyebrows rose in tandem as her parents’ lips curled into synchronous smiles. “Couldn’t put it better myself!” Her father suddenly exclaimed, stepping forward and slapping Snape on the back. “Congratulations, ol’ boy! And this is your first?”



Hermione mouthed, congratulations, in disbelief. Congratulations? Really, for being pregnant with her ex-husband’s spawn? Really? Their child was going to be a bastard, and her father was giving congratulations!



Her mother stepped forward and embraced her, “How do you feel, sweetie?”



How did she feel? Now she wasn’t sure. “Uhm… a bit, uh, a bit off, I guess.”



“Ah… no cravings, no nausea, no urge to use the bathroom?”



“Uhm… no, Mum.” It was all too surreal.



“How far along?” her father asked.



Hermione looked up at Severus with curiosity. She hadn’t come to a conclusion yet, but apparently, Snape had, “Nine weeks.” He looked down at her, and their eyes met. A serene feeling fell over her, and she realized a sense of security as his arm wound around her small waist and a hand lay across her belly. “33 weeks to go.” Good feelings gone. 33… such a small number. That would mean that her baby was due on… “January 6th.”



“January?” Hermione asked suddenly feeling dizzy. “So soon. That’s only 7 months away.”



“You’ll be fine.” Her father said, “Generations of women have done this before you. It’ll be easier than you think.”



“Says who?” Her mother interrupted. Her father furrowed his brows at her mother for a moment in confusion. “Hardly anything about pregnancy is easier than anyone thinks! If you are worried that this will be difficult, then you haven’t got a clue how difficult things will get. The good thing is that we’ll be standing by to help you at every chance.”



Snape answered on her behalf, before she could recover. “Thank you.”



“Yes,” she repeated faintly, “thank you.”



“I—I can’t express how excited I am for you. Just let me know if I’m prying too much or mollycoddling or annoying you or—” Her mother seemed to struggle with words for a moment before she just hugged Hermione, “I’ll try to not live this pregnancy vicariously through you. You know I’ve always wanted a second child.”



“I don’t mind. I would understand, and I really do need your help and advice.”



“Speaking of advice. What is your plan? Isn’t that mad-man You-Know-Who still out there?” Her father interrupted. “We can’t possibly expect Hermione to put herself in harm’s way, can we? I mean, it’s a war, but she would be risking the lives of herself and her child.”



“Quite right.” Her mother agreed.



“She’s going back to Order Headquarters.” Snape proclaimed.



Hermione’s outrage rose immediately. “WE didn’t decide anything, Severus!”



“YOU won’t be putting OUR child in danger, Hermione!”



“Oh, don’t be a compete imbecile!”



“I could say the same to you.”



Mr. and Mrs. Granger had been looking back and forth as they argued, but Mrs. Granger was the first to break the fuming silence. Her eyes drifted to each of their wands. Each tip sparked in their respective holsters.



“Uh… well, I suppose your father and I should give you two time to sort this out. Just—uh… know that I stand behind you on this, Hermione.”



Hermione’s brows rose with surprise as her mother and father left. Her father seemed to be letting her mother drag him in her wake and turned back to Severus and mouthed, “I’m with you.”



“Hermione—”



“No, Severus, please understand! You can’t expect me to sit idly by while my friends risk their lives, and even so, my contribution would help to secure a life for our child.”



His eyes focused on the hand she placed on her belly. “As to your first point, this is going to be hard enough to keep off my mind. If you insist upon putting yourself in danger, you’ll make it twice as hard.” He then stepped forward and placed a large hand over her delicate one. “Besides, our child will have no life at all if you die trying to secure it.”



Hermione cursed his gentle touch, deep, rumbling voice, and flawless reasoning. Admitting defeat was not something she wanted to do at the moment, but Snape saved her from that.



He stepped closer to her and gathered her into his arms, “Hermione, do you remember what I asked you to do yesterday?”



She nodded.



“That’s what you will be occupying your time with. That means that you have the possibility of being in more danger than Potter and Weasley if you are discovered.” When her brows pinched together and she took a breath to object, he put a finger to her lips. “You may be. Potter and Weasley are at least hidden from tracking spells and many other attacks, but you will be under the same roof as the traitor. In fact, the traitor is likely to be someone you don’t suspect, and the danger is that the traitor will redirect your attention with an imperiused person. Don’t think that I’m sending you to safety, Hermione. There is only one place where you can be safe.”



Her eyes met his with a calm understanding. She could contribute and that partially satisfied her, but she still had concerns. “When the final battle comes, you don’t want me anywhere near it.”



“More importantly, I want you at the Order Headquarters, because the only dangerous person that can get in will be the traitor, and, as I told you yesterday, he may send them back to headquarters to kill Madam Pomfrey and all of the injured. I also need to be able to bring information to the Dark Lord, or I will risk losing the right-hand spot to that traitor.” In response to Hermione’s raised eyebrow he continued, “If I lose my rank to the traitor, I can’t suggest strategies to the Dark Lord as easily.”



She didn’t want to follow his plan. It seemed suspiciously like protective custody, yet his reasoning was flawless and the necessity of safeguarding his position among the Death Eaters did sound highly important.



She took a deep breath and tried to shove her ego into a tight box in the corner of her mind. When her lungs reached capacity she squeaked a faint, “Okay.”



Snape sighed, “Just go, Hermione, and don’t be rash.”



She glowered at the marble floor for a moment before finally acquiescing with a nod.



“Thank you.” Snape responded, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. “If you would prefer, you could leave in the morning.”



Hermione shook her head. She lifted the snake ring off her finger and drew her wand, tapping the golden serpent and watching it glow green for a moment before lifting the ring pendent from his chest and performing the same charm. “I’ll just say goodbye to my parents and go, but first…”



“The Protean charm!”



“It’s how the DA arranged meetings.” She informed him.



“Oh, the illustrious D.A. They’ve been a complete pain in my arse all year long!”



“Well, you won’t be dealing with them too much longer.” She comforted him. “We shall be communicating just like that. Just tap your wand to your ring and think what you want the ring to say. When it warms, you know that I’m trying to pass a message to you.” Snape nodded with exasperation, so Hermione quickly apologized, “I’m sorry! I just—it’s habit to explain things to everyone.”



“I understand.” He said with a suppressed chuckle at their similarity.



When she finally looked up at him she felt a sudden, overwhelming need to ask him. “Are you repulsed by me? I mean, my stupidity and lack of forethought has made you a father when you don’t want to be. I feel like you should… hate me.”



“I don’t hate you?” Snape said simply.



“I’m sorry.”



“Don’t be. It was just as much my lack of forethought as yours.” The look on her face made it clear that she was about to ask more questions, but Snape sighed heavily, cutting her off and preparing to expose himself. “I can’t pretend that I’m not terrified. That’s all it would take is one foray into my mind for the Dark Lord to know. Then he would kill me as soon as he had a chance to do so in front of you. My greatest worry however, is that you will continue to act immaturely. Your life is no longer your own, it is tied—inextricably tied, to the life of our child.” Snape suddenly looked pained, “I feel powerless and overwhelmed, and—” He seemed to tremble and was unable to continue.



“You’ll make a wonderful father, Severus. I’m sure of it.”



“Based on what, Hermione? Oh, perhaps you came to that conclusion because I had such a fabulous childhood or perhaps because I’ve been such a law-abiding citizen or perhaps you’re looking at my friendships. Lily Evens would definitely consider me a wonderful friend. Then, of course, I’ve been such a charm to the mother of said child too.” Snape’s posture was fierce and he had tried to back Hermione down, but she stood her ground.



She leaned in vehemently, “No! You’ll make a good father, because you were my best teacher, you are the most courageous person I know, and I can’t imagine a better set of genetics anywhere!” She paused and huffed a couple times. “I should only hope you don’t poison our child with your self-deprication!”



Snape’s posture relaxed, and he took a step back. She was right, of course, but he wouldn’t say so.



“Severus,” sighed Hermione, her features softening. You turned out to be a great husband. I’m sure you’ll be an even better father.”



She turned and bagan to walk away, hips swaying as she started down the steps, and Severus found himself watching her go. “Hermione!” He called her back. “Please go in the morning.”



She quietly pondered if for a moment. “No. If things are the same at the Order, they’ll be having their weekly meeting today. If I leave after lunch, I’ll get there in time for them to interrogate me during an Order meeting.”



“When do you plan on telling them?”



She felt her stomach squirm nervously, “I don’t know.”



He ran a hand through his hair. It was growing back now and he remembered Hermione telling him it was sexy at that length. Perhaps after the war, he would cut it for her again. He stroked the small patch of hair growing in on his chin. That, he hadn’t shaved because he hadn’t been expected to be at Hogwarts or Spinner’s End until the following Monday.



He considered the question carefully. “I think you should tell them immediately, or whenever you see the first opportunity.”



“Yeah, yeah I will.” Hermione ran a hand through her bushy mane and crossed her arms under her breasts where she could feel the scroll. “Severus?”



“Yes?”



“You know that scroll Dumbledore left in his will for me?”



“Yes.”



“It had a list of the Horcruxes and we have two, two were destroyed, and we still have to destroy Nagini, the Diadem of Ravenclaw, and Harry are the last three.”



“What?” Snape stepped forward and took her upper arms between his hands and shook her lightly. “What are you talking about? What two do you have?”



“Helga Hufflepuff’s Cup and the Slytherin Locket.”



“No! No! You have the cup?” Snape disapparated away, and Hermione stared into the space he vacated for a couple of confused seconds. Just as she was about to go down the stairs and look for her mother and father, however, Snape returned to the same spot. “The Dark Lord must have planted a copy. Are you certain that Draco was hiding the real locket?”



“Well, they both spoke.”



“Like the Dark Lord?”



“The cup… er… no. Not the cup.”



Snape sighed. I’m going to give Potter and Weasley a chance to get the cup. I will make the Dark Lord think that I may have found a way to work against him.”



“What? No!” Hermione squeeked with fear.



“No?” Snape drawled calmly.



“No! That’s suicide!”



“No, it’s a gamble, Hermione. Even as a traitor I would be too useful for him to kill. Besides,” he said quickly, cutting short her objection, “I will only give him doubt. He will ask me to give him the cup, and then he will test me. That’s where I will need you. You will have to give me some information.”



“Li—”



“Shh… I don’t know what information I’ll need yet. We’ll discuss that later.” Hermione nodded curtly and took the hand he offered her as he started towards the stairs. “Come now. Feed our child.”



His words left her feeling full and excited, as though she could feel the weight of the strawberry-sized fetus growing inside of her. Her child would be born into the household of a notorious potion’s master, infamous Death Eater, and clever spy. She couldn’t help the strong attraction she felt for him in that moment of realization, but she squeezed his hand as she realized the very distinct power he held. She wanted him, but more importantly, she wanted to make him love her.



~~

A/N: I truly hope you all enjoy this.



Let’s all say hi to pstibbons and angelnomiko! They are my newest reviewers! Then, of course, there are my top reviewers and pstibbons managed to launch from new reviewer to fifth among my top reviewers! Thank you sooooooo much, btw. I was serious when I say that I get discouraged sometimes, but after I read your reviews, the little voice in my head started throwing ideas at me. They were from two and three chapters in advance, but hey! They’re done now. They’re just waiting for the right time.



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