Saving your life

“Is the witch dead?” Voldemort asked Snape as soon as he entered headquarters.

“I’m not sure yet, Master,” he answered.

“What do you mean, you are not sure?” he asked, anger evident in his voice, and Severus knew he was walking a very thin line.

“She must have suspected I was about to attack her, and was ready for it. We duelled, and finally I decided to simply blow the building we were in up. Unfortunately, before I could make sure she was dead, members of the Order started Apparating to the place. I had to tell them she had been attacked by Death Eaters, and I was there trying to save her.”

“But you don’t know if she is still alive?”

“No, Master. When they took her, she was badly injured, and barely alive. I doubt she will survive.”

The pain hit him before he even knew what was happening, his Master’s red eyes fixed on him as he smirked.

“I don’t want doubts, Severus,” he said, after a few moments, lifting the curse.

“I can’t approach her again, Master, or they will suspect me,” he panted. “I did manage to Obliviate her as they took her away, without them noticing. Even if she recovers from her injuries, she won’t remember anything important about us working together.”

“I told you I wanted her dead,” he said, in a low, dangerous voice, and again, pain filled his body, like fire underneath his skin.

“I know, my Lord, and I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can get to her now without them suspecting me. I do believe, however, that Potter got the message you wished to send.”

“Go back now; make sure she’s no longer a threat to us,” he said, and left Severus alone in the room, still trying to get up. He knew the only reason he was still alive was because he had managed to get back in the Order, because he was still useful.

As much as he tried to avoid it, his mind kept going back to what he had done to her. It had been a hard decision, and he had barely had time to prepare. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea, but as he held her bleeding body in his arms, he wondered if it had been the right choice.

He hadn’t Obliviated her, knowing very well how dangerous that spell could be, when trying to erase such important memories, and such a long period of time. After much research, he had found an ancient spell that would work, without the risk of reducing her to a complete idiot. It was a complex charm, and required a lot of power and concentration, to be properly cast. The way it worked was, it wouldn’t really erase the memories, it would simply block them, make it impossible for her mind to recall them. The charm, of course, was highly unstable, and could be broken by powerful magic; that was why he would need to keep an eye on her.

The bad part was, she would remain unconscious until the charm completed the blocking, and that could take days, or maybe longer, so he was forced to find a way to keep her asleep, without the Order realizing what was really happening, and also a way to convince his Master he had really tried to kill her.

He had finished casting the spell, and without even stopping to think, he had taken her in his arms and Apparated them to an abandoned building far from the city. He knew she couldn’t feel any pain, as long as she was unconscious, but that didn’t make him feel any better. He gently placed her on the ground and took his wand. The curses he had used to torture people, wizards and Muggles alike, were now used to keep her alive, breaking her body so neither side would even suspect what really had happened. When he was sure it would be enough, he flicked his wand towards the building, making it explode.

Standing by the door to headquarters, fear almost paralyzed him, as he wondered if it had been too much. Her warm blood soaked his robes, and he could barely feel her heart beat. They had tried to take her from him as soon as they saw her, but he wouldn’t let go, not until he was sure she would survive.

He had visited her often, silently watching her body heal, when he was sure no one would notice. Days passed, and he grew nervous; it was taking too long. He had gone over the spell time and again, and then used a Pensieve to watch exactly what had happened as he cast it. No matter how many times he went over it, he had done exactly what the book instructed; there had been no mistakes, so why wasn’t she awake yet?

A lot happened during the weeks she had been unconscious, the most important one the breakout from Azkaban. After much discussion, he had managed to convince Kingsley to send some of the prisoners, the least dangerous ones, back to the prison. His Master hadn’t been entirely happy, since the men he really needed were still out of his reach, but there wasn’t enough time to do anything else.

The break out had gone exactly as planned, and as soon as it was over; Bellatrix had been rewarded by Voldemort. His glee, however, turned to rage only hours later, and the woman had gone through a good dose of Cruciatus before the night was over.

Knowing the prisoners were about to escape, strong tracking spells had been placed on each of them, and as soon as they left the prison they were hunted down and captured again, along with quite a few more Death Eaters. Of course, Severus had been punished as well, because, according to his Master, he should have known about the tracking, but Voldemort soon forgot about him, his rage focused on the woman that had been in charge of the failed mission.

He found out she had finally awoken a day after it happened, as he was leaving the Order’s headquarters after a meeting early in the morning. He was glad he had stayed behind discussing the new plans with Kingsley, this way he managed to avoid facing her, at least for the time being. However, he did hear the rude comment sent her way by one of the Aurors, but was saved the trouble of defending her by a rather violent Remus Lupin. Who would have thought the wolf had it in him?

Still, he didn’t like the way the man behaved around her, his protectiveness, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it; he was, after all, the only one who knew they had been together. It wasn’t just the wolf. He had noticed Kingsley’s behaviour as well, spending more time at headquarters than necessary, sometimes talking to her, others just watching her from afar, as Severus did.

To be honest, it wasn’t the two men that worried him the most; it was the Weasley boy. They had been friends for years, he knew that, but their relationship seemed different than with Potter. Severus had been forced to spend more and more time at headquarters, and the two of them always seemed to be together. He would find them in the library, sitting close together, her head sometimes resting on the boy’s shoulder as she read, or he would hear them talking animatedly and laughing loudly. He noticed the way the boy looked at her, the way he touched her, and he wanted nothing more than to walk to where she was standing and take her with him, take her away, just for himself. He was forced to stand aside, to let her move on with her life, even if it was that dunderhead she chose.

He knew she had been asking questions about what had happened during the last few months; Kingsley had warned Severus she had spoken to him and some other members, asking what they knew. The Auror had asked him whether they should tell her the truth, and he had advised him against it, assuring him she would be safer if she didn’t know.

The next three days he felt her eyes on him whenever he was in the same room, which, with all the meetings they had been calling, was rather often. He was sure she knew by now she had been working with him, if not directly, and if the others refused to give her more information; she would soon turn to him. He had been trying to avoid her, especially being alone with her, but she was a persistent witch.

“Professor Snape, may I have a word with you?” she asked one afternoon, after blocking his way to the door as the meeting they had been in was over.

“I do not have time for this, Miss Granger,” he had answered coldly, stepping aside and trying to get to the door, but she wouldn’t let him.

“I’m sorry, Sir. It will be just a moment, I promise.”

“While you spend your days here, reading books and chatting with your friends, others have real work to do, so if you’ll excuse me,” he said rudely, but she still refused to let him out.

“Please, Sir,” she said, more firmly, still standing in front of the door.

“Very well,” he finally relented. “What do you want?”

“You know I don’t remember anything that’s happened the last few months, right?”

“Yes.”

“They told me you were the one that brought me here, the one that saved my life after I was attacked. I just wanted to th…”

“I do not have time for sentimentalisms, Miss Granger,” he interrupted briskly.

“Well, they also told me I had apparently been meeting a Death Eater, and I was wondering if maybe you knew something about…”

“I never worked with you,” he interrupted again. “We were both merely working with the same person, and that is all I know,” he said, and walked past her, finally reaching the door.

“Sir, please,” she said, and took his hand to stop him. He inhaled sharply at the unexpected contact, and slowly turned around to face her again, noticing her eyes fixed on their joined hands. He looked at her intently, fearing she might remember something, but then she blushed and quickly let go of his hand, stepping back.

“What you were doing was dangerous, Miss Granger, and I suggest you forget about it. Again,” he said, as he opened the door and stepped outside, Apparating to his place the next second.

He was staying at Spinner’s End again. He hadn’t gone back to his place in Ireland since the night Voldemort had ordered him to kill her, except to gather some books and potions he had kept there. The place seemed so empty now, and every time he stepped inside, he couldn’t help but remember what it had been like with her there. Then his mind would go back to the night he had ended it, the night he had taken away her memories to keep her alive, and he would remember holding her broken body in his arms, wondering if he had accidentally killed her, while he was trying to save her.

There was one thing he had to do, one he had been delaying for days, until he was sure she was really all right. He had to go see her parents.

Just as every other time he had been there, he put his mask on before Apparating to the house. The first few times, they had been surprised to find a masked man Apparating to their hiding place, but then they had gotten used to his short visits.

“Would you like something to drink?” her mother offered, like she always did, and, smiling to himself, he declined, as he always did.

“You haven’t come here in weeks, is everything alright?”

“There has been an accident,” he said, and noticing their worried looks, he quickly added, “nothing to worry about, your daughter is safe.” They sighed in relief, and asked him to sit down.

“What happened then?”

“The details are not important. I came here because I think that maybe it is time for you to see her, just a short visit. Because of the accident, she has no recollection of what happened during the last few months, and so she doesn’t know you were attacked at your house and sent here for safety.”

“She doesn’t remember?” her mother asked.

“But she is alright, isn’t she? Surely there must be something you can do to help her remember?”

“Magic is no help in this kind of situation. Given time, she might remember, but maybe she will not. What’s important is that she is alive and healthy, and I’m sure you want to see her.”

“Of course.”

“When are we leaving?”

“First, I have to find a safe place where you can meet. It might take a few days. Here,” he said, drawing his wand and pointing it at one of the teacups on the table, muttering a spell. “When the time is right, this cup will turn orange. From then on, you will have ten minutes to get ready, then you have to touch it, both of you at the same time, and it will take you to your daughter.”

“It will take us to her? Why can’t she come here?”

“It’s safer that way,” he answered. “Once you get there, you will have one hour, then the cup will turn blue, and ten minutes later, you have to touch it again, and it will bring you back here.”

“Just one hour?”

“If you stayed longer, someone could find her. It would put her in danger, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want that.” When they both shook their heads, he continued. “Since she doesn’t remember what happened in these last few months, she also can’t remember working with me, so I would appreciate it if you told her as little as possible about your current situation.”

“But you are helping us, and her, right? Why don’t you want her to know?”

“Trust me, it’s better that way,” he said, getting up.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything? A cup of tea, maybe?”

“No, thank you, I don’t have much time. Just pay attention to the cup, and remember you both have to touch it at the same time.”

“Thank you, for everything,” her mother said, and he nodded and Apparated away.