Love, Lies & Loneliness

Chapter 32
(Where’s Harry?)

Harry stumbled forwards in disorientation as his feet met firm ground again and his vision came back into focus. Putting his hands out to stop himself falling Harry blinked and shook his head trying to catch his breath long enough to find out what had happened. It was dark where ever he was now, no warm fire or candles to light the room. Dust clung to the surfaces around him, and a stale smell of rotting wood hung in the air. It was cold too, freezing almost and Harry shivered and wrapped his cloak tighter around his body as he slowly took in his surroundings.

He was in a house, but a deserted one. It looked as if no one had lived there in a long time. Furniture was covered in white dusty cloths and the windows had been crudely boarded up. The place was creepy but at the same time strangely comforting, much like how the Shrieking Shack made him feel, except far better. The floorboards creaked as he shuffled cautiously across the room over to a hallway entrance. In the hall Harry found broken shards of glass and torn carpet on the stairs that led up into a murky darkness. He wasn’t willing to make the trip upstairs knowing inside his mind it wouldn’t help him. Wiping the remaining tears from his cheeks Harry crept towards the front door of the house. While he felt almost comfortable in the unfamiliar house he also felt as if he should leave and so with an insistent tug opened the front door and stepped out onto the front steps. The wind howled around him in an icy show of disgust and Harry huddled further into his coat as he looked around the countryside for signs of life. The front door had opened out onto a small garden, but beyond that garden was nothing but fields and hills. Squinting Harry tried to see if he could see any lights out in the wilderness but be couldn’t and so sighed heavily. He didn’t know where he was, how he’d gotten there or how to get back. Already feeling terribly lonely and sad over what had happened at the party, this added complication only served to add the final insult to injury and Harry broke down a second time. Sitting himself down on a small shabby looking swing seat on the porch of the house Harry cuddled his knees up to his chest and cried, and cried and cried.

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“He’s not in Hogwarts, we’ve searched the place high and low.” Snape strode into the living room of 12 Grimmauld Place his robes swirling around him as he began pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. Dumbledore had followed him in and now smiled warmly at the anxiously gathered group in the living room.

“The wards haven’t been disturbed for some time, if anyone had apperated into the school the wards would have at least shifted slightly.” The elder wizard sighed softly as Molly Weasley offered the man a warm cup of tea, which he gladly accepted.

“He’s not here either.” Sirius leant against the piano his head worriedly tucked into his hands as he struggled to keep himself composed in front of everyone.

“Tonks and Lupin have been to check the Dursley’s and The Leaky Cauldron but they found no sign of him either. Alastor went over to Hogsmeade and the Shack but we haven’t heard back from him yet. Bill and Charlie are at our place just in case he should turn up there again.” Mr Weasley sat next to his wife on the sofa and looked at Snape who was uncharacteristically biting his nails unconsciously showing his nervousness to everyone in the room.

“God knows where he’s ended up, or in what state. He hasn’t even begun apparition training. He could be in pieces scattered all over the blood country side.” Sirius was a wreck and Lupin moved swiftly over to his friend to comfort him. Snape was in no better position and having heard Sirius’ dire prediction stopped pacing and leant weakly against the mantle above the fire his eyes closed.

“Why do I always let you bait me Black, I should have kept my bloody mouth shut but you always push me.” Snape quietly berated himself cursing over and over again the stupidity of what he’d said aloud in that sort of company.

“Severus this wasn’t your fault. We weren’t to know how Harry would react to that sort of confession. You yourself said that Harry wasn’t ready to hear the truth yet.” Dumbledore stood up and moved over to Snape his hand coming up to rest on the other wizards shoulder in comfort. Through all of this the other younger wizards had been sitting in the kitchen but one such young wizard had been standing the entire time in the open doorway of the lounge room.

“Bullshit.” Draco stepped confidently into the lounge room finally having heard enough of what the older wizards had to say.

“Draco dear now isn’t a good time.” Mrs Weasley went to usher Draco out of the lounge room again but the blonde haired boy dodged her attempt and moved over to where Snape was still leaning against the fire mantle. “He’s not stupid you know. That night, he said he’d read your mind like an open book, he said it had been like watching his life from your point of view. I reckon he knows about it all but doesn’t quite know how it all fits together, it just a matter of you helping him connect the pieces.” Draco shook his head in frustration as Snape stood up straight from the fire and turned around to stare at his own godson who glared at him with slight anger. “Tonight wasn’t about that although it probably didn’t help. Tonight you broke his heart, in fact you didn’t just break it you ripped it out and jumped all over it like it was nothing. Now if I was that heart broken I wouldn’t be hanging around waiting for you to do it again.” Draco turned away angrily from his godfather already feeling Harry’s emotions rushing through his mind as he read his friends memories unblocked.

“Draco, where is he?” Snape stepped away from Dumbledore and towards the blonde but Draco shook his head definitely not willing to give his friend away. When Draco didn’t answer, Snape took a deep calming breath in and closed his eyes attempting to reach Harry’s mind just as Draco was easily doing. Snape found Harry almost instantly but the resistance he came up against was fierce and within moments Snape was flat on his arse against the wall none the wiser to where Harry was. Mr Weasley and Lupin helped Snape to his feet who brushed himself off irritated at having been blocked so successfully by his student.

“See I don’t think he wants to be found, especially not by you.” Snape growled as Draco crossed his arms definitely over his chest his eyebrow raised in challenge to his elder. Snape felt anger swell inside him, a possessiveness he’d tried to suppress for so long bubbling to the surface.

“A word Draco, in private.” Draco didn’t have time to react before Snape had caught a hold of his arm and was firmly dragging him into the hallway. With a flick of his wand Snape sealed both kitchen and lounge room doors into the hallway as he let go of Draco’s arm and then leant heavily against the hall wall.

“I’m not going to tell you. I know how much pain he’s in and you’ll do nothing but make it worse if you go storming off to see him.” Draco felt tears sting the corners of his eyes. Never in his years as an occlument had Draco ever invaded another person’s memories so freely without their permission and Draco felt somehow guilty for doing so to Harry, but then again the boy wasn’t exactly blocking him out.

“There are things in this world Draco you have yet to have lived long enough to fully understand. Things like dignity, honour, and responsibility.” Snape paused his anger slowly receding as his shoulders began to fall in defeat and sadness. “Things like love.” Snape fell silent then, his gaze settling on Draco who had slowly lowered his arms from across his chest to look cautiously up at his elder.

“You can’t possibly tell me you love him….” Draco was cut off as Snape continued.

“Can’t I?” Snape rose an eyebrow in challenge and watched cautiously as Draco searched his godfathers face for some kind of sign to whether he was serious or not. “I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you Draco, just as I shouldn’t have to defend my actions to Black but I still do. What I said tonight was said out of habit, I shouldn’t rise to him but I’ve been doing it so long it’s hard to stop until it’s too late. I think the world of you Draco but something’s are just too complicated for me to explain to you. Now I know you’re trying to protect Harry but you need to trust me when I promise you I’m not going to hurt him again. Now I’ll ask you again where is he?” Snape stared directly into the blonde boy’s deep blue eyes and watched as realization and trust slowly made their way into the boy’s expression. With a deep exaggerated sigh Draco dropped his head to his chest and twisted his fingers into the sleaves of his robes.

“I don’t know where he is exactly. It’s an empty house somewhere, he’s really cold and he’s sitting on a seat that moves. There’s no lights and the windows are all boarded up, maybe it’s in the country somewhere.” Draco watched as Snape thought in silence for a moment before a smile twitched at the corners of his lips.

“Godrics Hollow.” At this Snape spun around and pushed back through the unlocked door into the lounge room to collect his things.

“Well? Where the fuck is he Snape?” Sirius stood up immediately from the piano stool he’d been sharing with Lupin and moved himself in front of the potions professor to try and stop him from leaving. Snape glared at Black in defiance having tucked the spare coat and two of Molly Weasley’s biscuits into his own cloak.

“It doesn’t matter where he is, I’m going to get him and I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Snape pushed Sirius out of the way who was red in anger at being left in the dark.

“If you don’t tell me I’ll just force it out of him.” Sirius pointed to Draco who now stood quietly out in the hallway. Snape spun back around in the doorway and glared at Sirius with what could only be described as his most threatening gesture yet.

“Touch my godson Black and you’ll wish you’d never have been born.” Almost unconsciously Sirius nodded before following Snape out into the hallway, Dumbledore and Lupin behind him. “I want you to go back to the school with the headmaster Draco, I’ll come and see you when I get back.” Snape pulled Draco into a hug, which made the blonde haired boy smile in silent relief. His parents had never hugged him or showed any affection, it had only ever been Severus who’d taken such good care of him. With a knowing glance at Dumbledore Snape wrapped his cloak tighter about him and strode from the house, the door just swinging closed behind him as he apperated away.

TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>