Scarred Souls

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Title: Scarred Souls



Author: Misty Moonlight/Co-author: QueenBoadicea



Beta: QueenBoadicea



Pairings: Severus/Harry



Published: 12/10/2008



Summary: A widowed Harry must bond with Snape in order to save his daughter’s life. Sev gains a family, for better or worse, and the hearts of two scarred souls will be changed forever.



Warnings: Romance, Drama, Angst, Alternate Reality/Universe, Sexual Situations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, Anal, Language, Humor, possible MPreg, Bonding, Original Characters, Family, non-canon, OOC, WIP



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Chapter 31: Breaking the News





“Boys, how would you feel about another baby brother or sister?” Harry asked cheerfully. At least, he hoped he sounded cheerful.



He was seated at the supper table with his children. James and Albus had their own chairs and Lily was in a high chair where she was involved in throwing peas, which Harry levitated back to her plate before they fell to the floor.



They really needed to get started moving their essentials to Grimmauld Place—again. But he felt it was a good idea to prepare them first.



He was a little startled when Albus’s face immediately lit up like a Christmas tree with fairies flying about it. “Are you going to have a baby? Like Mummy did?” Al said excitedly.



His older son’s reaction wasn’t as favorable. “It’s because he had sex with you, isn’t it?” James muttered, his hands curling into little fists.



“What? No, no, I’m not pregnant, boys,” Harry said hastily.



Now they really did look confused. “Kreacher said if you had sex with Snivellus, then you might have a baby,” James explained.



That house-elf. Harry was going to sit him down one day and have a few words with him about the things he was saying to his kids. “James, Al, I’m not the one who’s pregnant. It’s your new daddy, Severus.”



Al let out a squeak and stared at him wide eyed. James looked only slightly less gobsmacked. Harry smiled, hoping they would see this as good news.



“James, Al, we’ve all been one very happy family. A new baby will only add to that joy. Think how happy your mother would be, if she knew.”



“If Mummy were here, we wouldn’t have Snape as a stepdaddy,” James shot back with a scowl.



Hard to argue the logic of that. “Severus and I are getting along very well now, James. And soon we’ll have another addition to the family. I hope you two will be as kind to him or her as you’ve been to Lily. You do love your little sister, don’t you?”



Al nodded slowly. James didn’t. He only frowned and stared down at his plate. It hurt Harry that he wouldn’t meet his eyes, as though his oldest son blamed him for this.



Harry sighed. What a mess this all was. They had to get to Grimmauld Place and he would have preferred that his children be understanding about it, if not turning handsprings. But they had disliked Severus from the very beginning. Why should that change now?



“We’re going to have a new baby soon and we all have to be very nice to Severus.”



“Do we have to call him that?” Albus mumbled.



“No. You can call him Papa.”



“Or Daddy Sevvie,” James replied with mocking innocence.



“James, be nice. Severus is going to need a lot of care and attention in the coming months and I want you boys to behave and be on your best behavior. No more tricks and no pranks. Promise?”



Albus nudged his brother. “James, maybe Snape’ll be nicer to us if he gives us another baby.”



Both James and Harry stared at him. Harry honestly hadn’t thought of that. He couldn’t see Severus’s temperament being improved by the trials of pregnancy and childbirth. But if fatherhood (or was it motherhood?) didn’t mellow him, nothing would. Breakfast continued, with both boys firing eager questions at Harry.



Later, when they were packing their necessaries, Harry fervently hoped that they would leave behind anything they might have obtained from George, but he didn’t kid himself. He would have to go through their belongings discreetly after they were asleep or at play elsewhere.



While he was packing up Lily’s few possessions, he laid his hand upon her crib and started. How could he have forgotten—the contraceptive vials he’d hidden beneath her crib where Severus was unlikely to find them? He hadn’t needed to use them and had pushed them to the back of his mind. But Severus…would he want them?



Harry fished out the vials and stared at them, neatly lined in the padded flat case. The thought of the child Severus was carrying had left him more dazed than anything else. He didn’t feel the tender, fatherly concern and love that had welled up in him every time Ginny had told him she was expecting. To tell the truth, Harry was more stunned by the revelation of Severus’s pregnancy than anything else.



So would he grieve if the child were lost? More importantly, what did Severus feel about it? Would he want to keep the child? In spite of what he’d said the first time he’d told Harry of his desire for a child, Harry didn’t believe for one minute that had been the Slytherin’s intention. Access to Grimmauld Place had been his plan all along and he’d gotten it. He had just received more than he bargained for.



Hearing of his pregnancy had been as shocking to Severus as it was to him. It was very possible the man didn’t want a child, certainly not one he’d have to carry to term.



Harry picked up a small glass vial and rolled it thoughtfully in his fingers. If he was going to do this, he’d do it right. He certainly wouldn’t drug Severus the way the Potions master had done to him. He would present Severus with a choice. What happened then was up to him.



Replacing the vial, Harry shut the case with a snap.



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Severus was well enough to move around the next morning. However, there were no requests to rush to St. Mungo’s and he felt it best to take time and consider the implications of this latest development.



He had heard, distantly, the shrill cries of children hastily quieted by their father. Harry had returned and it seemed he was keeping his word about corralling his unruly spawn. Severus sat into a particularly ornate Louis XIV chair and tried to order his thoughts.



He needed his potion to offset the agonies. But he couldn’t take it and his next dosage loomed near. If he went without it, he’d be in pain and unable to perform any more brewing. If he took the potions, he might harm the child or lose it altogether.



Would that be so terrible? The Vow had demanded that Harry cherish any children born between the two of them. But having been exposed to the man’s hellacious offspring, he had reconsidered that scenario. It was a matter that required careful consideration.



On the plus side, he had Harry’s complete attention and likely devotion for the next nine months. It would be delicious to have the man running around on Severus’s errands, fulfilling his every need and catering to his every demand. The downside was dealing with the twins…and his own little infant, once the child was born.



His ruminations were interrupted by a timid knocking on the door. It came from too high up to be one of the children and he minutely relaxed. “Enter.”



Harry came in. He shut the door behind him and hit it with several Locking and Silencing Charms. Severus raised his eyebrows. His bond mate was being unusually wary. Could it be because of his children or was he worried about someone else?



“Severus, you’re up. Glad to see it. Are you feeling better?”



“Much. Potter, I would prefer it if you didn’t waste time on meaningless niceties.”



“Right. Well, this is rather hard for me to say…”



“Are you worried I will hex you? I will refrain from any such signs of temper. But I insist you get to the point. And do have a seat. It’s very irritating to have you hovering like that.”



Harry sighed and sat on the bed. Then he apparently thought better of that, got up and sprawled gracelessly in another chair. “It’s like this. After the bonding ceremony, Hermione told me about some of my rights as your bond mate.”



When he stopped, Severus snapped, “And? I’m sure she regaled you with all the horror stories.”



“She did. She said I didn’t have to agree to any physical intimacies but that I didn’t have any rights under the law if you forced me into it.” The younger man swallowed, his face suddenly tight.



Severus said nothing. He didn’t need to. Harry was so transparent; it was obvious he was remembering their one night together. Hard for Severus to forget, too, seeing that he was bearing the result of it.



The Gryffindor continued. “So I decided to prepare against that situation, if you ever did force me to have sex with you. I went out and got these.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out three small vials.



Severus inspected the pale brownish-gold liquid inside and went still. He knew what that liquid was.



Harry’s face set in grim lines. “That’s right. Even if you wanted me to love children of this union, there was no way I was bearing the child of a rape attempt. So I took precautions—just in case.”



Silence rang through the room, a dreadful one filled with unspoken tension. Severus almost wished Harry would yell at him as he’d done the morning after their night of potion-induced passion. Anything would be better than this mute accusation.



But he was used to silence and stillness. And there was more that Harry wanted to say to him, wasn’t there? There had to be a reason he would reveal the lengths he had gone to keep from bearing Severus any children.



When he could bear it no longer, he murmured, “Why are you telling me this?”



Harry swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Now he looked a lot less sure of his ground. “You’re in kinda the same boat I would have been in if you’d forced me. And I wanted to know if you wanted…to keep this child,” he finished in a stumbling rush.



That was the very question that had been on his mind before Harry appeared, wasn’t it? However, he wasn’t about to reveal how eerily their thoughts had followed the same paths.



“Having second thoughts, are you?” he asked, his lip lifting in a sneer. “I should have known your offer to take care of me yesterday was nothing but a hollow sham.”



The man flushed but didn’t back down. “If I’m having second thoughts, then you must be, too. Don’t tell me that you woke up all dizzy with anticipation about the upcoming bloat, aching back pains, hunger cravings, loosened trousers, swollen ankles, lactating—”



“WHAT?!” Lactating, oozing liquid through his robes like a leaky cauldron?!? His stomach dropped in sheer horror at the idea.



Harry smirked at him. “What did you think you’d be feeding the baby with? Did you expect magical baby formula was just going to drop out of thin air?”



“Breastfeeding is a ridiculous notion, Potter. This is the modern age. It’s perfectly permissible to bottle-feed infants.”



“The modern age? Sure, that’s why wizards still use quills and parchment,” Harry retorted. “In any case, bottle-feeding the baby after it’s born won’t prevent you from getting man boobs while you’re gestating.”



Severus shuddered. He unconsciously spread his hands over his chest, envisioning his pectorals enlarged to three times their normal size. Suddenly the prospect of getting rid of the—thing—growing inside him was seeming very attractive indeed.



The Gryffindor seemed to guess his thought. He laid the vials down on the dressing room table. “You can take just one of these safely up to a month after conception. After that, you run the risks of massive bleeding and infection. If you’re going to do this, do it before then. Remember—you only need to take one,” he stressed.



Harry hovered for a moment, his expression oddly bleak. Then he seemed to come to a decision. He marched quickly towards Severus and squeezed his arm. “No matter what you decide, I’ll stand by you, Severus.”



The Gryffindor gave Severus a nod and silently left the room, after disarming the various spells he’d laid on it. When he opened the door, he looked sharply both ways as though expecting his infernal children to be waiting just beyond it.



The door shut and Harry’s jolting presence gone, Severus stared in silence at the glittering tubes lying innocently on the table. If he wanted, he could brew his own contraceptive and it would likely be far more effective than these. But, for the early stage of pregnancy that he found himself in, it was probable that store-bought abortifacients would be more than adequate for the job.



As if sleepwalking, he walked over to the table, reached out and picked up one of the shiny glass tubes. Just one swallow and this burden would be lifted from him. One swallow and the woman troubles Harry had outlined in such gruesome detail would be expunged like so many Banished cauldron ingredients.



But there was no reason to rush his decision, either way. Harry had told him he had a month from the time of conception to make up his mind. Even if he lingered too long, there were other stronger, if riskier, potions he could take that could relieve him of this unwanted parasite growing within him.



Severus sat on his bed, still clutching the vial in his hand. This was not something to be done in the space of a moment, an afternoon or even a week. He was no foolish Gryffindor, to act on impulse, without thinking. He would consider this from every angle and weigh the positive and negative aspects.



Harry would help; he’d said so. And he could watch his bond mate’s interaction with his other three children to see if a child was truly something he could bear for the rest of his life.



He used his wand to conjure a soft cloth. Taking a deep breath, Severus opened the drawer to the dressing room table and laid the vials within them, wrapped in the fabric that would protect them from breakage.



Then he went downstairs to confront his new family.





TBC