Up the Duff

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“Today will be a good day.” Harry Potter-Malfoy assured his scowling spouse. “It will be over before you know it.”

“Oh yes indeedy.” Draco Malfoy-Potter looked utterly unconvinced. “What could be more fun than my monthly body violation at the hands of that malicious, and may I mention, slow as molasses old woman?”

Harry slid his arms around his puffy and puffed up mate. “You know Madame Pomfrey is the best Draco.”

“The best at torturing poor, innocent, pregnant vampires.” Draco stuck his bottom lip out. “I swear she’s using this to get back at me for the time I switched her hemorrhoid cream with super glue.”

Harry chuckled, his face buried in his mates soft blond hair. “She was stuck to that toilet for over eight hours before they found her Sugarsnakes.” He reminded his husband.


Dobby the house elf just barely managed to catch Trixie before she crashed to the stone floor of Hogwarts kitchen.

“Trixie?” He squeaked in alarm.

Bellatrix let out a soft moan.

Pixie came flying over as a stunned Dobby just stood staring at the limp body in his arms. “You is needing to take her to the nurse!” She said, wringing her hands.

Dobby didn’t need to be told twice. He scooped Bella up and took off running for the hospital wing.



Harry finally led Draco through the swinging doors of the Hogwarts infirmary. It had taken much prodding on his part and a quick trip to Snape’s quarters to get Draco his new favorite flavor, (onion and sour cream) blood potion to get Draco to agree to come, but they had actually arrived on time for once.

Draco licked blood potion off his lips while Harry shuddered. The stuff was vile as far as he was concerned. He had tasted it once and nearly vomited. Blood and onion just definitely did not mix well.

Madame Pomfrey bustled around getting ready for Draco’s exam. She grabbed the small vial of transducer potion as she motioned for Draco to sit himself on the exam table.

Draco made a face as he stepped up and sat down on the edge of the table. The transducer potion tasted like horse piss and he hated taking it with a bloody passion.

“Now Mr. Malfoy-Potter if you would just take a swallow, I will wait a few moments for you to transform and then we can get on with your exam.” She chirped.

Draco’s face twisted horribly as he downed the nasty liquid. She didnt have to act so fucking cheerful about getting the chance to torture him.

A few moments later a thoroughly female Malfoy-Potter sat on the end of the exam table.

Harry smiled as he took in the long blonde hair and quite large breast his spouse now sported. To his mind Draco was gorgeous no matter what sex he might be. “You look lovely Draco.”

“Shut up or I will murder you in your sleep Scarhead.” His husband/wife growled.

“If you would please get undressed then lie back and place your feet in the stirrups Mr. Malfoy-Potter.” Poppy Pomfrey ordered. She pulled a curtain around to block the view of anyone who might happen to wander into the infirmary.

Draco looked rebellious, but finally he started to strip and then jumped back up on the table wearing nothing but the thin gown the nurse had given him to change into. “Do we really have to go through this every time Madame?” He pouted.

Poppy sighed. “Yes Draco we do.” She slipped on her gloves. “We’ve already been through this. A magical exam will only tell me so much and I need to do a more in-depth exam considering the circumstances.”

Draco lay back and slipped his feet into the stirrups. He would suffer the humiliation if it meant his babies would be born healthy. The woman was still a sadist as far as he was concerned though.


For a minute all was quiet in the room as Madame Pomfrey went about checking him out. Then the nurse began to prod his abdomen. She furrowed her brow and said "Hmmmm".

Draco immediately forgot about the fact that he was thinking of peeing on her for spite and tried to sit up. "WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU "HMMMM"ING?!?!?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!?! IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE BABIES!?!"

“Nothing is wrong dear....” Pomfrey looked like a lying shit to Draco. “I just need to check something.”

“HARRY!” Draco wailed, now entirely convinced that both he and his babies were in mortal danger.

Harry Potter-Malfoy stepped closer and took Draco’s hand in his. “Please tell us the truth Madame.” He pleaded.


“There’s no need to panic gentlemen.” Poppy said, looking flustered. A pair of hysterical vampires was the last thing she wanted to deal with. “I just need a moment.” And so, she swept out past the curtain (with Draco’s feet still in the stirrups, leaving him totally exposed and vulnerable. Thank goodness she remembered to close the curtain back.), and she returned less than a minute later. A minute in which both her patient and his husband had managed to work themselves into a near frenzy of worry.

“Its just as I suspected.” She told them in her *you aren’t going to want to hear this* voice.

Harry looked into the fear filled gray eyes of his spouse and clutched his hand tighter. “How bad is it?” He croaked.

Draco felt his stomach churning with raw terror. “Just spit it out woman!” He screamed.

“Please Madame.” Harry pleaded.

Finally she took pity on the two scared boys.

“Mr. Malfoy-Potter will no longer be able to take the potion that keeps him a male.” Poppy said looking at her chart.

“That’s it?” Harry blinked while Draco nearly fainted with relief. “Draco will have to stay a female. That’s all?”

Poppy nodded. “It would seem that the combination of strong magic and the overdose of Duff stuff Mr. Malfoy-Potter was exposed too has caused a faster gestation to occur.” She bit her lip. “Whereas in a normal pregnancy Draco would only be in his seventh month, it would seem that he has skipped straight to the ninth.”

Harry and Draco both stared at her with their mouths wide open. “Which means?”

“It means that Draco will be delivering far sooner than we originally expected.” Poppy glanced down at her chart again. “I would say he has a week or two left at the most.”

“What?” Draco yelped. “I’m n-not ready!”

“Well.... Get ready. Both of you.” Poppy smirked unpleasantly.

Harry and Draco gaped at each other. Babies. In a few days time!

Fabulous.


Poppy leaned in closer to Draco, intent on gloating. Glue her arse to a toilet seat would he?

Just as she got near the volatile blond felt his upset tummy rumble, then Draco out a long fart that smelled suspiciously of onion and sour cream. It was like a bomb going off in Poppy’s face. An arse-plosion if you will.

Harry held his nose and desperately fanned the air. Draco felt his cheeks burning.

Poppy tried to back pedal fast as she choked and her eyes watered. She almost made it past the curtain before tripping and landing hard on her buttocks with a loud “Oof!”

She looked up dazedly as a small body was abruptly thrust into her lap.

“She is be fainted!” Dobby yelled frantically.

“Whuh?” Poppy stared down at the small girl house elf.

“Fainted!” The elf squawked loudly again.

“Who is she Dobby?” Harry Potter-Malfoy asked from behind him.

Harry Potter!-Malfoy! Trixie was saved! Harry would save her! Harry Potter could do anything!

Dobby spun on his heel, intent on asking Harry for help and abruptly found himself staring down into the exposed female hind quarters off Draco Malfoy-Potter. Draco shrieked bloody murder as every drop of color immediately bled out of the small house elf’s face.

“Dobby!” Harry shouted, but got no answer. And with good reason.

Dobby had passed out cold as a cucumber on the infirmary floor.


tbc.......