A Reason To Be

It was late in the evening when Hermione decided to go to the library. It was still well before curfew but at this time most of the students were in their common rooms for the night. Hermione walked through the nearly abandoned hallways, toting a load of rather large books. She had finished that particular batch of books and wanted to replenish her reading material. When she got to the library she walked and noticed there were two Ravenclaw students sitting at a table studying but other than that she didn’t notice any one else in the large room. Since there was plenty of room to spread out, Hermione placed the books she held on Madam Pince’s desk and headed for the back of the room, to search for a secluded table of her own.

She wandered through the stacks heading for a grouping of tables she knew to be in the very back of the library. She stopped in her tracks when she reached them and saw someone there. She immediately recognized the person as Draco Malfoy. She stepped back, out of sight. Then, slowly and carefully, she stepped forward and looked at him. It seemed he hadn’t heard her approach. Draco had taken off his school robe and hung it over the chair next to him. He had un-tucked the shirt and unbuttoned the first couple of buttons of his collar and undid his tie, it now hung on the back of his neck. He had also stretched out his long legs under the table propped his feet up on the chair opposite him. Hermione couldn’t take her eyes off him.

‘What is it about him? There is something that wasn’t there before. I don’t get it.’ Hermione thought to herself as she watched him read. She watched him shift around in his chair, she watched when he turned the page and she watched when he ran his hand through his wild tresses.

“Come here, Hermione.” Draco murmured quietly. Even though his voice had been soft, it made her jump. She had no idea how he knew she was there. She stepped forward as he raised his head and looked at her.

“Have a seat.” He added casually, closing his book and sitting up. He motioned to the chair on the opposite side of the table. Hermione nodded and walked over. She was very much embarrassed, she knew he would probably think that she was spying on him or following him or something as equally as creepy. She pulled out the chair and sat sound, smiling sheepishly at him.

“Hi.” Hermione said, raising her hand and wiggling her fingers at him in greeting. Inside she was squirming under his steady gaze into her eyes.

“I saw you moving out of the corner of my eye.” Draco said, leaning against the back of his chair and folding his hands over his waist. Hermione nodded, inside feeling like a fool.

“What are you doing here?” Hermione asked, trying to pick up conversation in hopes of making her feel like less of an idiot. Draco smirked at her and chuckled.

“Well last I checked this was a library. You know, where the books live. Usually what you do with books is read them; I was attempting to do just that.” Draco teased, speaking in a slow, loud voice like he was talking to a child. The response he got was exactly what he had anticipated.

“You are a bastard, you know that? Yes I know all about books, Malfoy! This is Hermione Granger you are speaking to.” Hermione countered in a loud and aggressive voice, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her chair. She was half kidding and half not. Of course Draco had no way of knowing that she had just had a shouting match with Ron about something directly related to books. It had been the same old thing. He needed help, she gave it to him and he still wasn’t happy. Hermione refused to do Ron’s homework for him. It wasn’t even about wanting him to learn it himself, why should she have to do double the work? It seemed to her that they had this argument about once a month and she was damn tired of it.

“Whoa now, there is no need to get the knickers in a knot.” Draco replied, wondering what he had said, beside his normal sarcasm and teasing, that made her jump down his throat. When Hermione realized she was talking to Draco now and not Ron and that he hadn’t done anything to her, she sighed held her head in her hands.

“I’m sorry; it has just not been a very good night. Ron was…” Hermione apologized tiredly; she really hadn’t meant to bite Draco’s head off. He had just brought up a sore subject.

“…being a dick?” Draco finished her sentence for her, with a questioning look on his face. She looked up at him and gave him an exhausted smile.

“Exactly. Is it a sixteen year old male thing?” Hermione asked, wondering if there was a reasonable explanation for Ron and the way he was acting.

“I don’t know. I’m seventeen now but then again, I’ve been a dick my entire life.” Draco replied, shrugging his shoulders. Even though his comment about him being a dick was completely true, he hoped that it might make her laugh.

“You’re seventeen?” Hermione asked, she had thought that Malfoy was the same age as she, Harry and Ron.

“I started at Hogwarts a year late. The year before my parents and I were traveling abroad. Anyways… You must remember who you are dealing with, luv. It’s the Weasel, he doesn’t know how to act like an intelligent, civilized individual like you and I. In my opinion you have had infinite fucking patience thus far with him. I’d have killed him long ago.” Draco said, looking Hermione in the eyes. Hermione listened to Draco Malfoy’s version of consoling her and it brought a smile to her face.

“You really don’t like them do you?” Hermione asked. Draco rolled his eyes and snorted.

“Can’t put anything past you.” Draco replied sarcastically. His answer made Hermione giggle. She really had stated the obvious. She shook her head at him and he watched her brown eyes sparkle and a smile spread across her face.

“Smile more often, it suites you.” Draco added softly, giving her a small grin. Hermione blushed slightly and smiled even brighter. She shrunk back in her chair a little and tucked a stray ringlet of hair behind her ear. Hermione didn’t blush often but of course she would succumb to Draco’s charm. She was a woman after all.

“Thank you.” Hermione replied softly, desperately willing the blush in her cheeks to go away. The two sat in a silence that bordered on awkward for a few minutes. The both of them couldn’t think of what to say but finally Hermione came up with something. It was something she had been wondering about for quite some time.

“Can I ask you something?” Hermione asked, looking up at Draco and placing her hands on the table.

“Yes.” Draco answered, leaning back and putting his feet up on the table. He looked nonchalant but inside he was burning with curiosity at what she would ask him. She hesitated at first but then she swallowed and worked up her nerve.

“Why have you been so nice to me?” Hermione asked boldly. It had been the last thing Draco had expected to be asked. Draco quickly sat up, taking his feet off the table and leaning forward.

“Because…” Draco started saying but found he had nothing to finish with. He had no clue in the world of what to say to her.

‘Of course she picks the most difficult question to ask. You have to quit saying yes to her. What do I say? I don’t even know the answer.’ Draco’s thoughts raced as Hermione waited for him to answer her. Usually he had an answer or comment for every occasion. He started to give some excuse but he stopped himself. Lies were his native language but that’s not what he wanted to do this time. He sighed and stood up, reached over and picked his robe off the back of the chair.

“Let’s take a walk.” Draco said finally. He walked around the table and stood in front of Hermione. She looked up and narrowed her eyes at him slightly. Finally Hermione nodded in agreement and stood up and followed Draco out of the library. It was past curfew by now, but after a little convincing Draco managed to get Hermione to go with him anyway. They went up winding staircases until they reached the ladder that led up to the top of the astronomy tower. He grasped Hermione’s hand and began his ascend up the ladder. When he took her hand, it made Hermione jump a little. When Draco reached the very top he pushed the trap door open, climbed out and pulled Hermione up as well.

“I like this place, don’t you?” Draco said as Hermione stood up and straightened out her robe. She looked around and the view was breath-taking. The astronomy tower was the highest point one could get in Hogwarts. It was cloudy, starless night but it still looked lovely.

“It’s lovely.” Hermione replied. Draco went over to the side of the tower and sat down, staring into his lap. Hermione watched him and then followed suite. She sat down next to him and looked at him.

“Are you going to answer me?” Hermione asked gently. If he really didn’t want to she wasn’t going to make him, but she was extremely curious about his change in behavior. He didn’t look up at her but he did nod his head. She waited while he composed himself.

“I am not a good person, Hermione. I know that.” Draco muttered softly, still not looking up to make eye contact with the girl next to him. Hermione started to say something but stopped.

“You have no idea what it’s like to wake up one day and realize you’ve been wrong your whole life. I can never tell you the things I have done. I don’t wish that feeling on anyone, but it’s nothing less than what I deserve. I know now that I succeed in inflicting misery on everyone that crossed my path, you included.” Draco explained, finally looking up and into Hermione’s eyes. Hermione was speechless, her mouth gaped open but she had no words.

“I am sorry for what I have done but I won’t ask you to forgive me for the way I have treated you. I don’t ever expect forgiveness for someone like me, for the things in my past. I know it will make no difference, but I don’t want to be the person I was before. I don’t want to do the things I did before. Now I’m just trying to treat you the way I should have all along. Can you understand that?” Draco finished and then went back to staring into his lap. The tone in which he spoke was heart-breaking to Hermione. He was genuinely sad and sorry; she could tell that this ate at him constantly. When she had asked him why he was nice to her now, she never expected in a thousand years for answer like that. Hermione never thought that Draco Malfoy would confide this kind of thing in her. She sat there next to him, soaking in all that he had said and tried to make sense of it all. Draco said nothing, he just sat there. He ran both of his hands through his hair and left his head hanging in them. Hermione was searching her mind for something to say, but couldn’t come up with anything that would serve. Finally she knew she had no eloquent words to offer him, she just had to start talking and see where it led her.

“Draco…I don’t quite know what to say to that. Ummm…You’re right, I won’t say that I know what it feels like. I can’t imagine the kind of pain that brings to someone. I can tell you that you are wrong about one thing though.” Hermione said quietly. Draco looked at her with a confused expression.

‘What hell could I be wrong about?’ Draco thought to himself as he waited for her to elaborate. He looked in her eyes and saw them start to sparkle again. She looked into his and saw sadness and hurt.

“I forgive you.” Hermione stated simply. A look of sheer confusion and wonder spread across Malfoy’s face. He opened his mouth to say something but she placed her hand on his mouth to quiet him.

“I know what you are going to say, shut up. I say you do deserve it. There has been a great change in you, don’t think I haven’t noticed. Sure, you are still far too cocky and impatient but you have changed for the better. So I forgive you, but there is a price to my forgiveness.” Hermione stated, picking up more confidence as she went along. Draco cocked his eyebrow, somewhat frightened to find out what this forgiveness was going to cost him. She said nothing at first, and once again his charm and sense of humor took over. He knew it wasn’t the time or place but he had no control over it.

“Oh very well, I’ll be your love slave.” Draco sighed as if it was some great tragedy. Hermione snorted and laughed. She gave him a playful push and shook her head.

“As much as I’m sure you would love that, no that is not what I am asking. I want your friendship. We have been getting along more and more, and I like it. I want to be your friend.” Hermione explained her terms for her forgiveness. Draco looked at her in amazement for a few moments. He couldn’t believe his incredible luck. Fate had definitely smiled upon him, though he hadn’t the faintest idea why.

“Done.” Draco stated finally. Hermione offered her hand and he took it and they shook to seal the deal. Hermione smiled and settled back against the wall.

“You may find this relationship has its benefits. I can offer new and wondrous ways to insult and torture Ronald Weasley.” Hermione added with a mischievous tone and an evil gleam in her eye. Draco looked at her and gave her his legendary ‘up to something’ smirk.

“Why you Slytherin in Gryffindor clothing!” Draco exclaimed with no small amount of delight.