A Secret Worth Keeping

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A Secret worth Keeping


Chapter thirty: Closeness

\"Severus.\"

\"Welcome home, Hermione.\"

Hermione stood, shocked as the man she loved approached her slowly, the candle lighting the way. The way he glided across the floor caused her heart to leap within her chest. Her eyes couldn’t escape the fascinating way his simple robe moved gracefully around his body.

\"What…\" Her voice couldn’t find its way past her lips.

Severus stopped just a few scant inches away from her. His lips curling slightly at her confused expression. Her big brown eyes widened in unexpected confusion. \"Don’t fear, my love. You know I won’t harm you. I simply wish to show you how much you mean to me.\"

Her breath rushed past her lips in an intense release as his hand slowly drifted up to caress the side of her face in a feather light touch. She could feel the world swaying along with her thoughts as his exploring fingers then traced her face and gently swept over her lips. The intensity of the touch, although not exact, overwhelmed her senses and, with a cry, she felt her knees give way she and fell towards him. His arms quickly encircled her, supporting her against him.

\"If that is what a mere touch can do to you, my love, this night could very well be near unbearable for you.\"

\"I…I don’t…\" Hermione’s heart was racing in a combination of fear, dread, anticipation and yes…even desire. The combined and thoroughly confused emotions forced her mind to race in all directions. She wanted him, but he scared her. She loved him, but she was afraid of intimacy. Everything in her mind was revealed on her face, to her utter dismay. She knew he could easily read her.

\"I know, Hermione…\" Severus simply stated as he held her close. \"I know the fear you have. I also know that we will be so good together. I’m not asking you to make love to me, because I will not do what doesn’t feel right for you. If you say stop, I swear on my grave that I will stop. I just…\" Here Severus stopped and swallowed, knowing that now would be the time for her to say no. \"I just want to be with you in one way or another. I can’t stand another night alone in my bed. Stay with me, Hermione…my love, my life…stay with me.\"

Her mind felt like a run away carriage drifting towards the proverbial cliff that was always there, ready for the predestined fall to the rocks far below. She was ready for the ride, but was she ready for the fall? If she were to stay with him, then it could mean that things might possibly progress farther than she intended it to in such short time. It hadn’t been that long since she had found out that he loved her and she had just recently reed hed her love for him. But she did love him enough to stay with him in one bed? And did she trust him enough to believe that he would stop if she said the word? She did trust him, loved him and even, in a way, wanted him. Just by the kiss they shared, she knew she had deep feelings that somehow weren’t thwarted by the memory of what he had done to her in the past.

His eyes darted across her face as he read the flickering emotions passing over her expression. He could read the fear in her eyes and by the way that her fingers trembled. He knew what she was thinking. \"Just share my bed tonight, Hermione. I do not ask you to share your body. Let me hold you. Kiss you. Let me embrace you as we sleep.\"

His voice, near pleading, kept her own from trembling as she finally seemed to realize just how much she must mean to him. His intense need to have her by his side overwhelmed her. In her mind, thoughts of what could happen along with the fear of what she could or could not control nearly made up her mind for her. She was on the verge of telling him no, that it wasn’t a good idea, until she looked up into his face once more. What she saw nearly made her want to cry, not in fear but in a way that made her heart want to weep for him. His eyes were so deep into studying her reaction that she could actually read the desperation in him.

It was then that she realized something. He needed more than just her being in his bed. He needed to be reassured that, yes, she did love him and no, she wasn’t going to run away again. If he was willing to beg and plead just to have her with him on one long and lonely night, who was she to tell him no?

Making up her mind, she pulled away just a bit and ran a hand up his chest to snake around his neck. Pulling him down to meet her, she whispered into his ear very lightly. \"I will stay, if that is what you want.\"

His reaction was immediate. She felt his arms wrap around her and pull her back into his embrace. His lips quickly claimed hers as she felt her feet leave the floor. He had lifted her up into the air, bringing her up to his height while never parting her lips from his. She could feel the rhythm of his heartbeat as she was pressed completely against him. After a moment, she pulled away from him to break the kiss. His arms fell slack, setting her gently back on solid ground and allowing her to take a step back. Quickly she smiled at him, enjoying the rapturous look on his face.

\"I just need to get my nightgown, Severus. I will be right back.\"

Severus simply nodded and watched her cross the room to her chamber door. Of course, she would have to get her nightgown. He certainly didn’t expect her to sleep nude in his bed. But then again, it also meant that she wasn’t ready to sleep nude in his bed. But who was he to question it? He was going to have the woman he loved in his bed, in his arms. And, hopefully, he would be in her at some point in the future. Perhaps not now, but soon…very soon. He could feel her reaction to him, the way her body heated up and her face flushed when they touched. His grin widened into what he knew was his customary smirk. The same smirk he used when he knew things would eventually go his way.

She would be his completely. Just as he would be hers. No one would ever to separate them. If they dared…

He watched her door until it once more opened and she stepped out wearing one of her long white flannel gowns. Nothing sexy, just simple and warm, which buttoned primly up the bodice. His expression said nothing as she approached him, slightly nervous about her choice of gowns, which certainly s vol volumes to him.

\"Very appropriate.\" He smiled down at her as she neared, his finger trailing the small ruffle around her collar. \"This is exactly the sleepwear that I would come to expect of you.\"

She grinned shyly as she caught his finger with her own hand. Stopping its tracks as it neared her neckline. \"I just didn’t want to give you the wrong impression.\"

Severus laughed and took her hand in his, bringing it up to his lips. \"You give me everything but the wrong impressions, my love.\"

Relieved, Hermione took his hand in hers and leaned into him to kiss him softly. \"Your room or mine?\" She spoke softly, trying to keep from giggling at the old muggle movie line.

\"Mine…I think.\" Severus whispered huskily, then without another word, bent down, and scooped her small body up into his arms. Without further ado, he swept across the floor and entered his bedroom. The screech on Hermione’s lips as she was swept away died fast as she saw his bedroom. More candles lit the walls and every flat surface available. Their soft glow cast a romantic atmosphere. Flickering flames cast dancing figures along the walls and ceilings, each moving figure dancing to the tune of her heartbeat. Just the thought that Severus would take time out of his evening to do something so romantic for her made her head swim.

Severus gently set her to her feet and watched her expression as she gazed around his room in wonderment. The candlelight flickering in her pupils seems to hypnotize her. After a few moments, he started to think she was mesmerized when suddenly she blinked and a tear ran down her cheek.

\"Its… beautiful…\" Her words were barely above a whisper.

\"Anything for my lady.\" He whispered into her ear, taking her hand and leading her over to the heavily draped bed.

She stood silently as she watched him fold down the deep chocolate colored satin duvet, following with the russet colored silk sheets. The colors of his bed linens caused a smile to form on her lips. So, of course she had to tease him. \"Brown? I thought you had a preference for black?\"

He chuckled and sat on the edge of the bed, motioning for her come closer. \"Only in clothing, love. I prefer simple, basic colors in my bedroom. Deep browns are a calming color. They help me to sleep at night.\"

Hermione moved to stand between his legs, not feeling a lick of hesitation. She couldn’t help it as the tingles of his touch ran amuck through her body. His hands settled on her hips, tugging her closer to him. His dark eyes focused only on her.

\"You will be the only thing in white to ever sleep in my bed.\" His face fell just a tad before confessing. \"In fact, you are the only other person to ever sleep in my bed.\"

She felt her heart skip at his confession. His admittance that he had never had another woman here somehow made her feel more at ease and she gingerly perched herself on one of his knees. Her words were honest as she replied solemnly. \"I am honored that you want me here, Severus. I don’t think I would have liked the thought that someone else may have been here first.\"

He moved to take one of her hands, which he held limply on her lap. His breath was starting to speed up with just this simple touch of her body against or on his. \"I have never wanted anyone to share it with before you. It is you, alone, that I want to wake up to every morning. It is you that I want to have by my side forever.\"

She brushed back a stray strand of ebony hair and gently tilted his chin up to meet his dark, somber eyes. \"I want that too…just…just don’t expect to much from me these first few times. I have never slept with another and I do toss and turn in my sleep.\"

His eyes lightened slightly. \"Duly noted…and I do tend to snore.\"

\"So do I.\" She confessed with a grin.

\"Hum. Then I think we are in for a challenge.\"

Hermione only grinned and stood from his lap. \"It is getting late. We should get some sleep before tomorrow. There is a lot I have to do before classes actually starts on Monday.

\"We still have two days.\" He moved to his side of the bed and slipped out of the dressing gown he wore, carefully draping it over the back of a chair. Hermione’s jaw nearly hit the floor when she was how delicious he looked in a simple pair of ebony silk pajama pants. The way they hung loosely on him sent shivers down her spine and she had to force herself to look away. Thankfully Severus hadn’t caught her scrutiny and she quickly turned to slip her slippers off. Keeping her attention from him, she carefully climbed under the silk sheets, loving the way the softness clouded around her.

She tensed slightly as the bed dipped, indicating that he had climbed into the right side of the bed. With a determined thought, she forced herself to turn onto her side to face him. To her amazement, just as he laid his head down, and without speaking a word, the candles dimmed and extinguished themselves except for the few that hovered around their bed.

His arm reached out and found her, pulling her towards his warmth. Hermione snuggled up against him, laying her head against his chest. After a few minutes of not speaking, she felt herself relaxing more as she listened to the drumming of his heartbeat.

\"Are you all right?\" His voce drifted down to her and she lifted her eyes to meet his.

\"I’m fine. I like this. It’s nice to have someone else here to snuggle up to. I think I could get used to it.\"

His grin spoke volumes of what his emotions felt and she moved up his chest to kiss him soundly, which he returned very earnestly. Her hand gently sprayed across his bared chest. A shiver crept across her as she felt his hand on her back, gently caressing her through the fabric of her gown. His touch sent even more tingles through her and she ended the kiss reluctantly.

\"Don’t stop.\" He moaned in disappointment.

\"I don’t want to…\" She confessed. \"But it would be wise if I did.\"

Suddenly he moved and she found herself lying on her back with him hovering above her. A jolt of apprehension overcame her until she saw the look in his eyes. That identical look of love and want that she knew he only cast upon her. His voice, low and husky, murmured into her ear. \"I may not be as wise as you are then, my love. I can not claim to be. I just want to touch you.\"

His lips then descended on hers once more and she felt her breath leave in a mad rush along with her sensibilities. Her hands moved instinctively to his hair, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Before she knew it, he had somehow managed to unbutton her nightgown and had taken a breast in one hand. She couldn’t stop her body from arching up to meet his soft touch and a moan escaped as she felt him roll her nipple experimentally between his fingers.

\"Severus….\" She barely managed to gasp out his name.

\"So soft….\" His voice whispered huskily as he trailed butterfly kisses across her face and down to her neck. She closed her eyes when she felt his lips on her breast. A soft cry erupted from her when his mouth sucked a nipple and she felt her milk escape. His other hand stroked her right breast as he feasted on her left, lapping at the sweet nectar of life that his son had the pleasure of drinking daily. \"So sweet.\"

\"Severus…\" She gasped again at the sensation he was causing in her. When she felt his hand starting to go lower down her body, she stiffened and brought her hand down to still his. \"Stop….\"

Her words immediately brought Severus back to the here and now, regaining his attention. His warm mouth left her breast as he raised his head to catch her eyes. Seeing the look on her face, he quickly slipped off of her and deftly buttoned her bodice while shooting her a sheepish look.

\"Forgive me. I went too far.\"

She closed her eyes to mentally get herself back under control. \"No…no…I enjoyed that. But…It was too much for me. I think…\" She paused and turned on her side to see him turned towards her, propped up on one elbow. She felt her face burning in embarrassment. \"I…I think that I…liked it…\"

\"Up to a certain point?\" His voice was low but not criticizing.

She nodded sadly. \"I want to be intimate with you, Severus, but you will have to give me time. Let me gradually build up my…courage.\"

He lowered his head back to his pillow and pulled her up against his chest. \"If you respond to my lips and hands that instinctively on just this first night, I think things will progress nicely in due time. Before long I will be making proper love to you.\"

She felt her heart flutter at that. \"I hope so, Severus.\"

Both closed their eyes and within a few moments fell to silent contemplation. Finally, Severus slept with a smile on his face and a hand on her breast, and Hermione, cupping his hand with hers, followed him into dreamland.

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A/N’s and acknowledgments:

Ancientgirl: What do you expect from a deatheater? I hope you liked this chapter. Just enough lemons I hope.

Spaz141: Thanks. Hope this chapter was up to standard.

PotionsMistressM: Bastard? Me? But…but…I’m a woman…Bitch I can see, but bastard? LOL. Glad you liked the chapter anyway despite the cliffhanger.

Davina Icaras: I understand the lack of review from you of the last chapter. It took me forever to get that particular chapter up. It’s hard to post to a site that is hard to get to. Honey, is my favorite form of endearment and I use it a lot. I did say that the candle was gonna be making its return appearance. I hope this last chapter worked for you.

Rainasnape: Oh no…don’t lose your mind. A mind is a precious thing to waste. Use it…read Severus smut!

Deb: I know how hard it is for Hermione to lie about Sebastian’s paternity, but I think it will all be made up for in the ending. I’m glad you liked the return of the infamous candle. Hope this chapter meets with your approval. I didn’t want the sex to happen to soon.

Ldf: LOL. Funny, my dearest. it seems that you are the one that came up with those little endearments. It is you that I should thank for that particular part.

Ellen: More is coming up soon.

Becky: Thank you so much. I always appreciate new readers. I do intend on finishing this little fairy tale of mine. Just keep reading. And thanks again! Blessed be.

Moe: Thank you so much. I am glad that you like my characterization of both Draco and Snape. I have tried to keep them in canon although sometimes it is difficult to do so. More of this story is coming up soon. Please keep reading.

Severessa: Thank you. Your kind words are always welcomed. Candlelight always works for me.