All That You Leave Behind

Hi all - As usual, thank you to our reviewers. To the rest of you who are reading and NOT reviewing - please do so! If you hate it, say so, we\'re both grown up enough to take a bit of constructive criticism (but please don\'t ask if it\'s Snarry, the answer is YES - just be patient!). If you like it, PLEASE review! Writing something like this requires a lot of time and commitment from us (remember one is American, one British so time differences are a bitch!) and we\'re starting to wonder why we\'re bothering. Yes, we write for our own amusement, but we did think some on AFF would appreciate a well written longer story that builds slowly and naturally to the smut. Q and A



29



Ginny drew back from Severus to look at him, a curious smile on her face. He hurriedly let go of her, his eyes darting to Harry, then down before he quickly schooled his features into something, he hoped, less shocked.



"I...I\'m sorry," he said faintly, "you most likely..."



Severus swayed very slightly on the spot, as if feeling faint. He mastered himself abruptly and tried to appear in control, although he felt anything but.



Ginny glanced at her husband, who seemed frozen to the spot, then back at Severus. With a small laugh she said, "I...well...I mean...I don\'t think so.” She sounded almost apologetic as she refuted his claim. “I mean.....Well, I would know if I am, right? And I don\'t think I am. I...I don\'t have...I don\'t feel sick, or...anything."



"You could be," Harry said after an audible gulp, "I mean..." He couldn\'t help the rather loopy grin that started across his face, along with the flush of embarrassment.



"Well..yeah," Ginny replied, a similar smile and flush spreading across her face. She cut her eyes to Severus, then back to her husband and said, "But… I don\'t think I am."



Severus’ stomach churned. A violent mixture of emotions were roiling in his gut. He identified embarrassment, regret, sharp jealousy, and yet still others he struggled to name. He tried to excuse himself to his rooms where he wished to lie down and slowly die, but this release was not granted.



Harry cleared his throat, and in an attempt to sound adult and in control of the situation, swallowed his embarrassment and asked, "Why do you think she is, Sev?"



Pulling his face to rights, and sternly telling his rebellious stomach to stop trying to expel his food, Severus sighed deeply and said, "I…felt the child\'s magical signature when you embraced me, Ginny. I\'m terribly sorry for ...ruining what should be... a private moment. I am quite sure you did not wish to learn of your impending motherhood like this.”



Ginny flashed a look to Harry, her face twisting slightly into a grimace. “No…” she said hesitantly, “not at all. I’m… I’m glad you’re here to share this news with us. Even if it is news to us too!”



Severus felt the world’s worst man alive. He had ruined this special moment for Ginny and Harry. “I’m sorry,” he said fervently.



Ginny saw the slump in his shoulders and gently touched the side of his face. “No, Severus, don’t be. This is wonderful news,” she spoke softly and with conviction, “I’m glad my family is here to share it with me. You just caught me a little off guard is all.”



She paused before adding, a mischievous smile on his face, "But you won\'t mind I check it out with Madam Pomfrey as well, will you?"



"By all means," Severus said, struggling to hide his own desolation, and smile.



"We should go now," Harry blurted suddenly.



"Go now?" Ginny laughed.



"Yes!" Harry said, coming to life, "we should go and have her check you out now! If you are pregnant we should find out as quickly as possible. Don’t you agree, Sev?”



Severus felt his heart squeeze at the repetition of his shorter name – the name only Harry used. The only person allowed to use the diminutive. Severus felt a burst of possessiveness wash through him. It was theirs.



He forced another smile to his face and said, "Yes. Of course. You should go."



Harry\'s brow furrowed momentarily as the emerald eyes gazed at him, but smoothed themselves as Ginny laughed again and said, "Alright, alright. You may be wrong though. I don\'t feel any different. At all."



I wish, Severus thought sourly, I wish I were wrong!



"Still," Harry said, looking back at Severus fondly, "Sev\'s a powerful wizard, Gin. If he says you are, I\'ll bet you are."



Severus just wanted them to go, or for himself to abandon all dignity and run and hide. He couldn\'t bear this. It made his head ache and his heart clench painfully, and all he wanted was to be alone with his anguish.



He knew what he had felt when the girl had embraced him, and he knew Poppy would confirm what he\'d already blurted out, and his heart was bleeding over it. A baby. Ginny and his Harry\'s baby. Even though Harry didn\'t know of Severus\' true feelings for him, Severus still couldn\'t help feeling betrayed that his chance with Harry had been stopped before it could even have possibly begun. His throat closed over as he considered all the \'might have beens\', if only Ginny hadn\'t married Harry, if only Ginny hadn\'t become pregnant...



He had lost his chance, he would have to accept that and reserve this longings for dreams only; he would never break up a family. And, even if he was the type of person to do so, Harry clearly didn\'t feel the same way. A deep friendship, a close bond, was the closest thing Severus would ever have with Harry. It would have to be enough. Severus\' impassive face showed nothing of the torment he felt, watching the couple and knowing his own heart was being crushed and stamped on.



He watched the happy couple as they flooed off to have the news confirmed, and wondered what he\'d do now.



Alone, Severus prowled the rooms, hating his own restlessness. He knew that Poppy would be confirming what he had already said. He knew he was right. The magical signature had been obvious to him – a mixture of Ginny’s unique trail mixed with his Harry’s familiar sense. It had made his heart stop for a moment, sensing Harry within Ginny – sensing the proof of their love.



His lip curled. Even in his mind he was sounding like an idiotic school girl! He chided himself strongly: What had he expected? That Harry would have gone on his honeymoon and come back hating the woman?



His mind circled uselessly, going back over and over the same ground. His own feelings were going to have to be locked away forever. He would become a friend and nothing more – which was how Harry viewed him. Frustration welled within him at the sheer unfairness of life. He had lost Lily to James Potter, and Harry, who he had despised as child, who had grown into a fine young man, was taken from him before he had even had a chance to stake his claim.



And, what made it worse was that he liked Ginny. He didn’t want to hurt her. Unlike James Potter, whom he had detested. He wanted her to be happy – just not with Harry.



His mind still whirled on and on, re-treading the same points, the same grievances until the noise of the fire startled him.



They were back.



Harry appeared first, staggering a little as he strode from the fireplace. He turned at once and waited for Ginny. Carefully, as if she were a hot house flower, he assisted her from the floo.



That was all the confirmation Severus needed.



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