A Thief to Catch a Thief; a Death Eater to Catch a
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Lucius/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
30
Views:
18,737
Reviews:
132
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Lucius/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
30
Views:
18,737
Reviews:
132
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
A QUIET Monday morning
A Quiet Monday Morning.
“Right, can we make this a quiet Monday meeting?” Hermione hissed, holding her head. Even if it was her day off today, she had to attend the meeting – complete with a steaming hangover.
“Are we slightly smashed this morning?” Harry said, raising an eyebrow.
“No, I am slightly smashed, only mad people refer to themselves in the third person.” Hermione said back, scowling at the minute taker.
“Anyone not here today?” Hermione asked, rubbing her bloodshot eyes.
“Erm, Jess?” Kingsley pointed out.
“She has a rather good excuse and an even worse hangover than I do.” Hermione moaned, desperately hoping the room would stop spinning.
“And that is…?” Dave asked, digging for gossip.
“I will officially be gaining another daughter.” Lucius said smugly, completely sober, despite the bottle of champagne he thought he’d drunk… it might have been a bottle-and-a-half.
“What? You’re adopting Jess?” Steve asked, he’d just finished the night shift and was utterly exhausted.
“No, Draco’s marrying her. Winter wedding… and no – its not at wandpoint – and if it is I’m going to castrate him, I’m not signing maternity leave forms until her replacement is fully trained. That gives them a year to practice.” Hermione whimpered, drinking down a painkiller potion.
“Did you tell them that?” Lucius said, shaking his head and taking off his outer robe.
“Yeah, but I think they were too sozzled to listen at the time, so I put a long-lasting contraceptive charm on their rooms, and a lesser one everywhere else.” Hermione retorted.
A mass cheer went around the table, much to the upset of Hermione’s pounding head.
“What’s that charm, I don’t think we’re ready for another Jay.” Harry chuckled, accepting the piece of paper Hermione had scribbled on.
“Right, same as always: tea club money to Lucius, brooms in the right cupboard, paperwork in the right place, and leave me alone to get rid of this headache.” Hermione moaned as she left the room, she’d barely got to the door before she heard the startled gasp of the minute taker.
“Y-you h-have a d-dark m-mark!” she cried, pointing to Lucius’s rolled up sleeves.
“Tell us something we don’t already know.” Harry said, not caring about the startled minute taker’s opinion.
“He’s got a skull and cross-swords tattooed on his arse.” Hermione said from the door before she stepped into the floo for home and bed.
The minute taker looked more horrified at the prospect.
“Really?” Asked Catherine
“What possessed you to get that done?” Kingsley chuckled.
“Lets have a look then!” Harry chipped in.
“You want me to drop my trousers?” Lucius asked, not remotely bothered at the prospect.
“Oh yeah! It would make my day!” Dave moaned, winking at the minute taker.
Lucius stood, turned his back on the table, unzipped his trousers and lowered them enough to present his pale rear (complete with tattoo) to the table. The rather realistic skull hovered above crossed crossed swords, green flames in the background.
“I had a little too much to drink one night at university, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought it looked better than the dark mark.” He laughed, pulling up his britches and blowing a kiss at the gobsmacked minute taker.
“Did you ever tell Voldie that the tattoo on your arse looked better than the dark mark? Because, I have to agree that it does – much more stylish.” Harry said, offering a tiny round of applause.
“Do I look like a fool to you? That would have been a one-way-ticket to a lovely green light. Tom spent months designing the dark mark in the Slytherin common room – though he really shouldn’t have designed the robes, you have to admit that the Death Eaters wouldn’t have graced the front pages of Vogue.” Lucius replied, sitting back down.
“Trust you to be more worried about your outfit than the whole evilness thingy.” Catherine yelled, howling with laughter.
“I even had matching A.K.-green underwear for the occasion!” he said.
“And on that note, we’re going to do work.” Kingsley said, the first one to leave the room.
“Right, can we make this a quiet Monday meeting?” Hermione hissed, holding her head. Even if it was her day off today, she had to attend the meeting – complete with a steaming hangover.
“Are we slightly smashed this morning?” Harry said, raising an eyebrow.
“No, I am slightly smashed, only mad people refer to themselves in the third person.” Hermione said back, scowling at the minute taker.
“Anyone not here today?” Hermione asked, rubbing her bloodshot eyes.
“Erm, Jess?” Kingsley pointed out.
“She has a rather good excuse and an even worse hangover than I do.” Hermione moaned, desperately hoping the room would stop spinning.
“And that is…?” Dave asked, digging for gossip.
“I will officially be gaining another daughter.” Lucius said smugly, completely sober, despite the bottle of champagne he thought he’d drunk… it might have been a bottle-and-a-half.
“What? You’re adopting Jess?” Steve asked, he’d just finished the night shift and was utterly exhausted.
“No, Draco’s marrying her. Winter wedding… and no – its not at wandpoint – and if it is I’m going to castrate him, I’m not signing maternity leave forms until her replacement is fully trained. That gives them a year to practice.” Hermione whimpered, drinking down a painkiller potion.
“Did you tell them that?” Lucius said, shaking his head and taking off his outer robe.
“Yeah, but I think they were too sozzled to listen at the time, so I put a long-lasting contraceptive charm on their rooms, and a lesser one everywhere else.” Hermione retorted.
A mass cheer went around the table, much to the upset of Hermione’s pounding head.
“What’s that charm, I don’t think we’re ready for another Jay.” Harry chuckled, accepting the piece of paper Hermione had scribbled on.
“Right, same as always: tea club money to Lucius, brooms in the right cupboard, paperwork in the right place, and leave me alone to get rid of this headache.” Hermione moaned as she left the room, she’d barely got to the door before she heard the startled gasp of the minute taker.
“Y-you h-have a d-dark m-mark!” she cried, pointing to Lucius’s rolled up sleeves.
“Tell us something we don’t already know.” Harry said, not caring about the startled minute taker’s opinion.
“He’s got a skull and cross-swords tattooed on his arse.” Hermione said from the door before she stepped into the floo for home and bed.
The minute taker looked more horrified at the prospect.
“Really?” Asked Catherine
“What possessed you to get that done?” Kingsley chuckled.
“Lets have a look then!” Harry chipped in.
“You want me to drop my trousers?” Lucius asked, not remotely bothered at the prospect.
“Oh yeah! It would make my day!” Dave moaned, winking at the minute taker.
Lucius stood, turned his back on the table, unzipped his trousers and lowered them enough to present his pale rear (complete with tattoo) to the table. The rather realistic skull hovered above crossed crossed swords, green flames in the background.
“I had a little too much to drink one night at university, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought it looked better than the dark mark.” He laughed, pulling up his britches and blowing a kiss at the gobsmacked minute taker.
“Did you ever tell Voldie that the tattoo on your arse looked better than the dark mark? Because, I have to agree that it does – much more stylish.” Harry said, offering a tiny round of applause.
“Do I look like a fool to you? That would have been a one-way-ticket to a lovely green light. Tom spent months designing the dark mark in the Slytherin common room – though he really shouldn’t have designed the robes, you have to admit that the Death Eaters wouldn’t have graced the front pages of Vogue.” Lucius replied, sitting back down.
“Trust you to be more worried about your outfit than the whole evilness thingy.” Catherine yelled, howling with laughter.
“I even had matching A.K.-green underwear for the occasion!” he said.
“And on that note, we’re going to do work.” Kingsley said, the first one to leave the room.