Up the Duff

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Severus Snape stood with eyes wide open and mouth agape. Beside him Lucius Malfoy made a sound that was some how a cross between a rooster squawking and a strangled swine. “Sqwu-oinkkkk!!”


Narcissa Malfoy stood before them grinning from ear to ear and bouncing from foot to foot. “How do you like it?” She said, waving the dripping paint brush she currently clutched in one hand and splattering neon green paint everywhere.

“Its… ummm… its…..” For once in his life Severus was completely at a loss for words. The sheer hideousness of what he was seeing had rendered him speechless.

Narcissa beamed. “I knew you would like it!”

The shell shocked potions master twitched like an epileptic bat caught underneath a strobe light. "Er...... yes.... well....."

Severus was fairly certain that the catastrophe he was currently gazing at was meant to be a nursery, but this nursery would have been very comfortably at home deep within the bowels of hell as far as he was concerned. Bright neon green screamed at him from every direction. Even the ceiling sported vivid splotches of the repulsive lime paint. His spare room had been turned into a disaster that only a color blind clown would have been at ease in. He couldn’t bring a baby into this monstrosity. Even if the child were not immediately blinded by the retina searing color of the room, then it was a dead certainty that it would never get a wink of sleep surrounded by such obnoxious brilliance.

Lucius made another choking noise behind him.

Severus cringed inwardly. Narcissa had obviously worked hard getting the nursery ready but there was no way he would let a child of his live in a room painted with what he suspected was a paint palette that could easily be labeled as "sizzling green puke."

“Its….. ummm…. different.” The potions master tried for diplomacy.

“Special I’d call it.” Lucius snickered.

Narcissa narrowed her eyes at her late husband. “You don’t like it?”

“Its positively gruesome.” Lucius had never been one for diplomacy.

“It is not!” Narcissa whirled around to face Severus. “You like it. Don’t you Sev?”

“Ummmmm…..” Severus froze completely.

“So that’s how it is huh?” Narcissa glared at her two lovers. “Ungrateful wretches! The both of you!” She gestured wildly as she talked, quite effectively coating them all in bright green spots.

Severus’ eyes crossed as a big blob of the green paint splashed right between his eyes.



Bellatrix Lestrange plopped a spoon into a large soup pot and scowled. Life was so unfair.

Two large bulbous eyes followed Trixie’s every move. As always Dobby had stationed himself as near to her as he could without risking bodily injury. Her nose curled up in distaste. It was just one more thing to add to her ever growing list of grievances.

Feeling sorry for herself had become something of a hobby for Bella as of late. She snarled as she stirred the massive pot of vegetables and broth. It wasn’t as though she didn’t have reason to sulk though.

After all…. What had she ever done to deserve being trapped in a stinking house elf’s body anyway?

Bella glanced down at her dumpy little form. It was so ugly. All knobby knees and big feet. And short. She hated being so short. She had to use one of Hogwarts rickety stools even to reach the stove!

Although Dobby did indeed seem to find her current shape quite smashing…… Bella shook her head hard. Best not to go there.

That way lay madness.

Tears welled up in her big blue bug eyes. It was all so undeserved! She glanced back over at her elf admirer. Once when Bella had visited her sister at Malfoy Manor she had ordered Dobby to punish himself so severely that he hadn’t been able to walk for days.

Well….. Ok. Maybe she had done a few small things she shouldn’t have. She may have maimed a helpless soul or two in her time. Also it was just barely possible that she had killed several people for crimes no greater than being born without magic, but that could hardly be held against her. Could it?

Trixie sighed loudly. Perhaps destroying one innocent life after another was not the best way to garner good karma.

Who knew?

Bellatrix had been raised to be a perfect pure blood princess. How was she to know that wreck and ruin awaited her if she followed that path?

Bella’s lip poked out. Tom riddle was supposed to be an answer to all her prayers. A savior that would set things right within the wizarding population and ensure that those of noble blood were safe and protected from the muggles and the muggle loving filth that had slowly infiltrated their world and begun to lay waste to the traditions that she and so many like her held dear.

Instead, here she was. Stirring soup, sweating profusely and being ogled by a perverted house elf.

Bella put one hand up to her temple. It was so hot in the kitchens that it was making her dizzy. She swayed dangerously atop the stool on which she was perched to reach the soup pot.

It was only Dobby’s quick reaction time that saved her from hitting the floor face first when she fainted.

TBC.....


A/N: A big thank you to all who have reviewed. I have every intention of finishing this story soon. I think I finally know exactly how to end it.
Thanks again.
DF