A Secret Worth Keeping

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, only those that I created myself. Please do not harm me in any way. I only do this for fun.

A Secret Worth Keeping


Chapter Three: Understandings


Faint sounds of fussing slowly brought Hermione back to a dull awakening. Subconsciously, she was already starting to filter out the certainty from her dreamscapes. Familiar sounds reverberated in her dreams until, finally, her eyes fluttered open as the real memories worked her back into wakefulness. For a moment she forgot where she was and sat up in bed.

“Sebastian?”

“He’s right here, Miss Granger. Quite safe, I assure you.”

Severus’s voice came from her right and she turned towards it. She raised a hand to her throat, and the apprehension inside of her subsided at the sight that greeted her. The tall, dark-haired wizard stood in shadows next to the bed with a wiggly and fussy Sebastian in his arms.

“How did things go?” She moved to sit with her back against the headboard; she could just make out their form in the darkened room. “Did you two get along well?”

Severus whispered a soft, “Lumos,” and the candles lit, casting the room in a soft glow. Hermione blinked a few times at the sudden light before turning her eyes back to the man and child. “We got along quite well, until a few moments ago,” Severus replied and moved to sit himself down next to her on the bed; in his arms their son’s tiny body was a torrent of movement, his small face displaying a familiar redness that she knew all too well. “Did you sleep well?”

She smiled up at him and nodded. “Yes, thank you. I really needed it. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was.”

“It’s nice to see you more rested. However,” he indicated the child rustling restlessly in his arms, a semi-hapless expression the elder’s face, “I think we have a problem.”

“He has your temperament.” She chuckled.

“I can see that,” Severus replied haughtily, still trying to hang onto the squirming infant.

Hermione smiled as she watched Sebastian’s legs kicking furiously in agitation, knowing by his movements that he was just at the beginning of his tantrum. In a few seconds, his warning whimpering would begin, and then, if he weren’t eating within a few minutes after that, he would let loose a howl that could bring the ceiling down. This little bit of feet kicking was merely his pre-feeding fussing.

Severus, on the other hand, didn’t look too pleased. “I do believe that he is hungry.”

“I do believe you are right.” She smiled, tucking the comforter more securely around her before holding out her arms for the baby. Hermione ignored the burn that rose on her face at having to expose herself to her former teacher, but there was little choice in the matter. Sebastian’s welfare came first, so she concentrated on his needs. “Hand him over.”

Severus slowly passed the irritated infant to his mother, carefully and gently so as not to accidentally drop him. He sat motionless on the side of the bed, watching every little movement in silence as Hermione unbuttoned her blouse and proceeded to slip off half of the white fabric to expose herself. With barely a breath, he watched her feed their son.

The sight wasn’t as erotic as he would assume it could have been, if things had proceeded as nature intended it to. He leaned forward to watch closer. No, not erotic. This was, by far… different. It was intoxicating. Watching her feeding Sebastian, he felt a stirring, not in his loins, but in his heart.

“He’s amazing,” Severus whispered as he found that he couldn’t take his eyes off of mother and child.

Hermione smiled down at the bundle, oblivious to the fact that Severus was watching him suckle with such an intense gaze.

“He has a hardy appetite,” he whispered softly.

She glanced up and nodded. “Yes, he does. I was sore for the first few days, trying to learn to feed him properly. It was quite a task for me. Even the books I read didn’t prepare me for the pain that came along with breastfeeding at first. Not having anyone to show me how to do this, I had to learn from experience. I’m still a bit sore,” she admitted.

“Your mother didn’t give you any advice?” Severus’s eyes strayed from his son to Hermione as he spoke.

Hermione’s face turned a shade of red and she looked quickly away. There were many things she tried not to think about, and her parents were one of the many. The last time she saw them, they were sitting at the dinner table staring out the window into the bright sunlight. That morning, her mother had found her curled up by the toilet. Hermione remembered how her mother’s eyes had widened then narrowed in suspicion. Not long after that… Hermione thrust those memories deep inside once more and spoke softly, finally admitting aloud one thing that she had denied for too long. “My parents are not in the picture. When they found out the truth, they were very disappointed in me. They have decided that they don’t want anything to do with us.”

Severus frowned at that. “Nothing? Surely, they were supportive of…”

“No.” Hermione interrupted with a sad shake of her head. She kept her gaze firmly on her son, refusing to look up at Severus, in case he could read the pain in her face. “They kicked me out of the house when they found out. I had barely enough time to gather a few essential things before I left. They couldn’t even look at me when I walked out of the only home I had.”

“Where did you go?” Severus asked, leaning forward. His eyes danced between mother and child. Both were a wonder to him, and he couldn’t believe any parents would just toss them out like that, not to their own child.

“Oh, here and there. A few real friends helped me out when they could.” She shrugged her shoulder, trying to toss the pain away. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m hoping to be able to get a job in Diagon Alley, or perhaps in Hogsmeade. If I can accomplish that, then Sebastian and I can stay in this world. If I can’t, we will have to return to Muggle London.”

“Did you tell them what happened? How Sebastian was conceived?”

“I tried to talk to them, tried to explain. But they didn’t hear beyond… I’m pregnant.” She sighed as she gently tapped on Sebastian’s lower lip, breaking the suction. She then deftly removed him from her breast and turned him in her arms. Before he started to howl in protest, she dropped the other side of her blouse to expose her other nipple for him to finish.

Severus watched on in amazed attention as she moved their child with grace and shook his head as the baby attached himself to her other nipple. He had difficulty believing that her parents wouldn’t take her back after seeing this bundle she held tightly against her.

“Why didn’t you return to Hogwarts? It wouldn’t have been ideal, but you would have had a roof over your head.”

“And would have had to live with the humiliation of being an unwed mother? I would have been an outcast there as well.”

“You would have had a roof over your head.”

“Yes, but I would have lost respectability among my peers.” Hermione finally looked up. “Then there was you. You would have been there. I couldn’t have handled that. It was you who caused my life to be turned upside down. It took me some time to stop blaming you for my predicament. I spent a lot of restless nights cursing you and Malfoy.”

Severus sighed and leaned back into the headboard. “I don’t know how to apologize for that,” he admitted. “I have no memory of the act to be as remorseful as I know I should be.”

“I know,” Hermione reached out and touched Severus’ hand, “and I’m not asking for an apology. I was just stating a fact. I was afraid to go back to Hogwarts.”

“The virtual rock and a hard place.”

Hermione nodded and looked back down into Sebastian’s sleepy, sated face. “Yeah, I didn’t have very many choices then, but now, things are beginning to look up.”

“Do you think that your parents will take you back once they meet their grandchild?”

“It’s doubtful; they haven’t spoken to me since October. They’re very prideful people. They see the both of us as a disgrace. Me for being unmarried and Sebastian for being born out of wedlock.”

“Miss Granger…”

She suddenly looked up at him and felt guilty at her words. Of course, he would start feeling guilty right about now. She really didn’t want him to feel that way. None of this was really his fault. Hermione shook her head and gave him a timid smile, trying to sound more sure of herself than what she was actually feeling.

“It’s okay. We’ll be fine, Professor. I’ve done all right so far. It’s been tough, but we’re surviving.”

Severus’s eyes were focused on his son as the baby’s figure was lulled into sleep, sated from a full belly. No, he was not going to allow them to just survive. With a determined grace, he stood slowly from the bed, gazing down at them both. “Allow me to make some inquiries on your behalf? I would feel more secure if I didn’t have to worry about your and Sebastian’s safety.”

“Professor…”

“Severus.”

“Sir?” Her questioning gaze locked with his.

“You are the mother of my son. It is only right that you should call me by my given name, Hermione.”

“Thank you.” She blushed delicately as she removed the baby from her breast and tugged back into her blouse to hide her from his view. “That is kind of you, but I did not want you to come here for your assistance or help. I don’t expect anything from you, Profess… um… Severus, I just wanted you to know that Sebastian existed.”

“And now that I do, I intend to help in his care; surely you can not deny me that?” He argued logically as he watched her struggling in her emotions.

“Help in what way?” she managed to whisper under his intense gaze. “I… we… don’t need much.”

He nodded. That was a first step in her accepting his offer. He looked around the room of the Leaky Cauldron and sneered. “A different place for shelter, first. I don’t like the idea of raising our son in a pub. After that, we can discuss future endeavors together.”

“I… that is…” She sighed and nodded her head. “If that is what you wish.”

He reached out to brush his hands over the baby’s soft black fuzz of hair on his head. “I’ll be back within the hour,” he stated and turned on his heels to leave. Striding to the door, he paused and looked back at her with a look that took her breath away.

“Thank you for telling me about him. Even if I can’t remember the occasion.”

She smiled then, seeing a different man standing there than the man she grew up with. “You’re welcome. Daddy.”

He flashed her a rare grin and disappeared out of the door, leaving her to smile down at the baby sleeping contently in her arms.

“Things will be fine now, Sebastian. Your daddy will see to it.”