Moondance

TITLE: Moondance
CHAPTER 3: Lughnasadh
RATING: NC-17 (It’s coming! It’s coming!)
AUTHOR: Andarta Wildhearth (andarta_wildhearth@adelphia.net)
SUMMARY: Evil witches, sexy werewolves, broken hearts, first times, silver-soft moonlight…‘And ale nie night’s magic seems to whisper and hush…’—Van Morrison
PAIRING: HP/OFC, RW/HG, RL/OFC
GENRE: Romance/Angst/Adventure/Slushy sweet sap…
DISCLAIMER: I own none of what I am writing about nor do I make any monetary gain from said writing.
DISTRIBUTION: AdultFanfiction.net and Checkmated!
WARNING: Spoilers for OotP

The far-away hills that surround this place are the color of butterscotch as I look out this high window. The entire world around me is exciting, vasnd and a little bit drunk in the warmth of summer.

Today I turned sixteen years old. Sweet sixteen, and never been kissed…well, I wouldn’t say that.

Mom once told me, in her distant and dreamy voice, that I wouldn’t truly live until I celebrated my birthday in the isles of my birth. Maybe she was right, but I still wish she were here to celebrate it with me. It’s not what I thought it would be now that she’s not here. I wonder if it will ever go back to being normal again. ondeonder if I will ever go back to being normal again. Not that we were ever normal to begin with.

I miss her so much it hurts to breathe and swallow. She hasn’t even been gone a month and I feel like if I turn around at just the right time, she’ll be standing there waiting for me. But she never is. The thought that makes it hard to breathe in is the fact that she never will be again and I just can’t make my heart believe she’s gone.

I better stop thinking about it or I’ll end up a blubbering mess.

Professor Dumbledore gave me this journal for my birthday today. He told me that sometimes when people write down their thoughts, it becomes easier to sort out what’s important and what’s not.

“And when one’s mind becomes settled, it becomes easier for the heart to heal.”

He told me that she was a wonderful woman, stunningly beautiful in every facet of her splendid being, and that I was the treasure she gave to the world. And he even wrote it inside the front cover too. I can hear his voice saying those words in my head. I can hear him telling me how much of her he sees in me and I feel so proud, so proud.

And I miss you so much. Please come back to me, Mommy, please?

I didn’t think I’d end up here without her. She always wi I c I could come to school here but we both knew it would be too dangerous to come out of hiding. But times have changed and now Professor Dumbledore says that this is the safest place on earth for me to be. Grandmother can’t touch me here. I wonder why it’s safe to be here now.

As I walk through the grounds and explore the corridors and rooms, I hope to round the corner and see her, my mother, as a young girl, dressed in a black robe, talking to her friends between classes. Just wishful thinking, I keep telling myself. Wishful thinking.

No one else is here right now except for me and the teachers and a few ghosts. It feels more like a cathedral than a school and I find it hard to picture hundreds of other students here, crowding up the place. It seems a shame that exactly one month from today they will invade this place and take over what has become my sanctuary...

My home away from home…my home. I don’t even know where home is anymore. Is it with these people, none of whom I knew just a few weeks ago? Is this home now?

Is this my home? I wonder. I wonder about so many things these days. I wonder what it will be like after the other students get here. What will they think of the Americanized witch with no home, no mother…and a father she doesn’t know?

I wouldn’t even know him if he were standing right in front of me.

I know mom told me again and again that he made us leave, made us go to the States so we would be safe. We couldn’t be with him because of all the trouble that was going on over here at the time. She said she told my father we would never run, but when her best friend and her best friend’s husband were murdered, everything changed, and the world went crazy. People were dieing and friends couldn’t be trusted anymore and she took me. She took me and she left. She said it was the hardest thing she ever had to do, walk away from my father like that and hide us out half a world away.

But where is he now, my father? Why didn’t he show up to save us from my grandmother instead of Professor Dumbledore and the others? All of them members of the Order of the Phoenix, and a distant cousin of mine, Tonks. She’s what they call an Auror. I didn’t realize I had any relatives…

But why didn’t my father come too?

Professor Lupin was there when it happened. He grabbed me and pushed me into Tonks and growled at her to get me out of there. He scared me at first because of the look on his face, like he was angry and worried and surprised all at the same time.

I remember trying to keep up with Tonks; she was running so fast and dragging me along behind her, with Lucy at our heels. We ran until we collapsed and I heard a man’s voice screaming out my mother’s name in the distance.

But she wouldn’t wake up...no matter how much that man howled for her to come back, because she couldn’t hear him, she couldn’t hear anyone anymore.

Professor Snape was there too (and I found out a few days ago that he is going to be teaching me Potions when school begins.) At first I thought he was one of the people who attacked us, it all happened so fast and to tell you the truth, he’s kind of scary looking.

In fact I hear he knows a lot about the people who actually did attack us. I was told that he was once in the same group that my grandmother is in, way back when mom and I went into hiding. They tell me Professor Snape is no longer a Death Eater, but my grandmother still is.

I’m not going to think about her right now, I’ve got too many other things to worry about.

Like school. I don’t know whether I’ll fit in or not. I really think not, I feel so out of place already. Things are so different for me now, over here. I feel like I’m on a different planet, not just living in a different country. I’m sure I stick out like a broken finger, no matter how hard I try to blen. .

And I’m so scared all the time. Sometimes I don’t even want to get out of the bed in the morning. I want to hide, or else she might find me. I can’t help but worry, even though Professor Dumbledore says she can’t touch me here, at Hogwarts. It still scares me, the thought of her finding me again.

There I go talking about her once more...

But I think what worries me most of all is the other students. What will they think about me? Will I ever be able to make any friends, or will everybody end up hating me and making fun of me? I’m afraid the other students will dislike me when they find out who my grandmother is. Or even worse, that they will actually LIKE me because of her, because of who she is.

That thought creeps me out.

Later this month I’m going to London. I have to get all of my supplies for school. Oh god, I hope I don’t turn out to be too stupid when it comes to magic. I just know I’m going to turn out to be the idiot witch on campus. Professor McGonagall says I’m right where I should be...with the exception of just a few subjects...because of cultural differences. That’s a scream. I think she was just trying to be nice and make me feel better.

It’s just that I feel so alone, alone and stupid. Idiot witch, god, please, I hope not