Discovering

Discovering

Chapter Three:

Loving You

“Scor!” Al was playing chess with Natalie in front of the fireplace. The sight of Natalie still brought a small smile to his face at the thought of breakfast at the Weasley’s. The small curve and point of her ears did not disguise that she was beautiful, perhaps the most beautiful girl at Hogwarts. Scorpius himself had once had a tiny crush on her brought on by the sudden rush of his male hormones kicking in combined with her being one of the first girls to grow breasts. She had short brown hair and the most charming smile he had ever seen, but his feelings, if you could call them that, for her had vanish long ago and been replaced with something much different for one red headed firecracker that he had not been able to shake off.

He examined the common room and discovered that there were a few others, but it seemed to be mostly fifth years who hadn’t adjusted to the case load yet. He remembered back to that awful year. He and Rose had been nearly inseparable as they were both devoted to getting top marks. There had been several accusations and rumors that year that they were dating, even though Rose was involved with Hunter Roberts for the better part of the year. Scorpius had laughed the suspicions off with her but in secret he had hoped that they might one day be true. But for now it seemed that they would never be. He pulled himself away from his thoughts and asked, “Are you kicking his arse again,” as he fell into a chair beside them. Natalie finished her turn and told him, “Of course I am.” Scorpius was not surprised. She and Albus played chess at least once a week and Al had won perhaps a handful of times in the past few years.

Albus glared at his best friend. “Thanks for the confidence. How were your rounds?” Scorpius sat up a little straighter and shrugged hoping that they wouldn’t think his reaction was off. “Nothing exciting.” He had not told Albus about his arrangement with Rose. Instead he said that he and Rose had talked and decided that they were great friends and that was it. Albus wasn’t exactly Mr. Detective so he took Scorpius word as true. He told Al that he was still crazy about Rose, but he would rather get to spend some time with her than none, and she wasn’t interested in him so he really didn’t have another option. He thought about what Al would think if he knew what Scopius had been doing with his cousin that night and then shook his head to rid his mind once again of unwanted thoughts. “How was your night?” He asked them hoping to distract himself from his lies and the feel of Rose’s mouth on his skin.

“We finished up our work and came down her to play chess and wait for you. It was also not very exciting.” Natalie told him, she eyed him suspiciously, or maybe she was just looking and he was imagining things. He couldn’t really tell. Maybe he was losing it.

*

An hour later he lay in bed and thought about Rose and felt … sad. He was exhausted already of rethinking everything they had done since that kiss in the library.

He loved her.

With every fiber of his being he loved that fiery red head and he wanted her to be his.

He loved Rose Weasley and for the life of him he didn’t think he could do what they had done tonight again and survive it. It had taken everything he had not to whisper in her ear that he loved her and that he never wanted to let her go. He knew that she would have run away if he had. She had made it pretty clear she felt nothing for him. This was … what to her? A way to get rid of some frustration or stress? A way to feel free and uninhibited? It didn’t really matter because what really kept him from telling her that he was hopelessly in love with her was the knowledge that this would be exactly the words that would set in stone that he never get to hold her again.

He had always thought in the back of his mind that she wanted him as bad as he wanted her. When she had started that first perfect kiss he had assumed that everything was falling into place and they would be together. He knew that they would have to deal with their parents, who were fine with them being friends, but were not likely to have the same easy going attitude towards them dating. His grandparents in particular would, well, he didn’t really know what they would do but he knew it would not be pleasant.

His father had, on several occasions, slipped up when it came to the Weasley’s and the Potter’s, including suggesting for the first four years of their friendship that Al was only being nice to Scorpius to get close to and spy on their family. Scorpius had tried to explain at first, but after the first couple of years he had just let his father think what he wanted to think. The summer before their fifth year Al had gone on a holiday with them to Paris for two weeks and his father seemed to realize during that time that Albus and Scorpius were really just great friends and Al probably wasn’t going to be snooping around looking for old family secrets. He was much more interested in snooping around the beach staring at the beautiful women.

But in that moment Scorpius didn’t care about any of that. He knew that they would be a couple worth their weight and that they would be just fine. He could imagine Rose standing up to his father quite well and putting him in his place. But, none of it mattered, because she didn’t feel the same way.

She just kissed him without thinking, without even taking a moment to consider that it might mean more to him than just two sets of lips touching. And, tonight she had practically thrown herself at him to feel good, even though she knew how he felt about her. It made him want to hate her that she was so willing to go along with his little plan that was sure to destroy him, but he couldn’t hate her, because he loved her too damn bloody much.

And, now here he was, lying in bed and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Even when she wasn’t around she was taking over his life.

*

The next morning Scorpius was tired, but he had taken advantage of his late morning to sleep in. Tormenting about Rose Weasley had kept him up most of the night and he could feel a fog hanging over him. He had Potions with Rose in the morning and study group that night. The thought made him want to crawl back into bed, but instead he headed to the Prefect bathroom and tried to burn away the fog with steaming water. As he left the bathroom and walked to the Dungeons he felt a little better, clearer at least.

When he reached Professor Trimble’s room he took a seat towards the back, thinking it probably wasn’t a good idea to be front and center when he felt like hell, and waited for the rest of the class to pile in one by one. When he saw Rose he smiled and gave her a slight wave to keep her from noticing that he had been thinking about her all night and had no idea what to do about her anymore.

She of course took this as a sign to come sit next to him. “Hey.” She said and reached into her bag to grab her book.

“You don’t look so great. Are you all right?”

“Yea, I’m fine.” He wanted to ask her to move, to tell her that he couldn’t really focus on Potions if he had to smell her shampoo, but at that moment Al sat down on the other side of her and saved him.

“Scor, you look like shit. What’s wrong?”

“Wow, thanks both of you. I’m glad I have such honest and loving friends to make me feel better about myself.” He half grinned to let them know he was joking and successfully avoided explaining why he looked so bad again.
The Professor lectured most of the morning to prepare them for their lab on Thursday and Rose took advantage of this. Half way through the lesson Scorpius saw her writing take over the corner of his parchment.

R - Are you sure you are okay?

He stared at it for a second and then watched it vanish. They had been using this method of note passing for years and now he found himself wishing they hadn’t.

S - I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep well.

R - Maybe I was right.

S - What do you mean?

R - Maybe we shouldn’t.

S - That’s not what I want. It’s not your fault.

R - Really? I couldn’t sleep.

S – Why?

R- I feel like I’m taking advantage.

S- I’m a big boy.

R- I can’t be your girlfriend Scorpius.

S- I didn’t ask you too.

R- What do you want from me?

S- Do I have to explain? He looked at her then and saw that she was trying to hold herself together. This wasn’t exactly where he wanted to be having this conversation either, but she’d started it.

R- Yes.

S- I want to be with you. Whatever I can get.

R- That’s not what I asked.

S- I love you.

He stared at his own writing until it vanished.

He couldn’t move. He couldn’t look up. He couldn’t look at Trimble, or Rose, or Al, who he had been carefully shielding his parchment from. He just stared at the parchment and waited.
Minutes past and he forced himself to glance up at Trimble so that she would assume he was listening.
He looked back down at the parchment and waited again.
When the answer finally came it was not what he expected at all.

R- How do you know?

And then class was over and Albus was hurrying Scorpius. “I’m starving! I could eat a hippogriff.” Next to him Rose was gathering her things slowly and he couldn’t tell if she was trying to wait for him or if she was just thrown by their conversation as he was and couldn’t really wrap her head around anything else.

“Just go, I’ll catch up. I wouldn’t want you to starve.” Al took no coercing. He just said, “See you at lunch then, mate.” And headed out, leaving the pair of them packing slowly while the other students trickled out. Proffesor Trimble approached them as they were about to leave and they both seemed startled by this.

“I’m having some trouble with one of my fifth years. She’s fallen behind already and we’re only just beginning. I really wouldn’t ask but it’s her O.W.L.S year, and I was hoping you two might be able to find her a tutor?” Rose stared for a second, blinked, and then smiled.

“Yes, of course. I can put out some feelers. We might be able to find someone to do it during our study groups.” Trimble nodded and thanked her. “I appreciate that Ms. Weasley. Let me know if you are able to find someone and I’ll let her know.”

They left the room together, Scorpius and Rose, and walked slowly in silence for a short while until they reached the stairs up to the Great Hall. They lingered there, glancing at each other. Rose tugged at her bags strap and Scorpius scratched a sudden itch on his arm. Nerves he told himself. Great.

“Should we talk?” Rose finally asked him after a few minutes passed and neither moved.

“Here?” Scorpius watched a first year slide past them, trying to disguise the terror in his face at possibly bothering the Head Boy and Girl.

“I don’t care where.”

“My room?” He asked, trying not to sound too willing. “It’s just close and no one will bother us there.”

“Lead the way.” She told him, and they turned away from the stairs. She hoped that their absence at lunch wouldn’t be noticed by too many of their classmates. Rose had been in the Slytherin Common Room several times before, but never had she been to Scorpius’ bedroom with him alone. The thought brought butterflies to her stomach, which made her upset at herself. She was being stupid. Ever since he had written those words she felt even more lost than she had the night before.

Once they reached his room, luckily without being spotted as everyone was up at lunch, she dropped her bag and took a seat on his bed. He followed suit and sat across from her. He looked around the room to avoid looking her in the face. It wasn’t anything special or even very roomy, but it was a single room just for him and that was a gift here at Hogwarts where he had been used to sharing his room with a bunch of snoring and obnoxious friends. It was nice to have his own little space.

“I …” Rose started talking and then paused. He looked at her and couldn’t help but think that she was gorgeous, even when she was at a loss for the right words to say. “I don’t really know what to say.”

“I don’t know.” He responded, and he didn’t. Maybe they should start with the question that she had asked. “I guess I owe you an answer?”

“I guess.”

He struggled to find the right things to say to her, the right words to make her understand. “I just know. I look at you and I know that I want to be with you. I just enjoy being with you. I love eating lunch with you, or sitting next to you in class. I love that we write notes in class better that anyone else in school. I love our study sessions, and that we’ve both fought together to keep at the top of our class and get what we wanted. We wanted to be Head Boy and Girl and we did it. When something good happens you are the first person I want to tell and when I’ve had a horrible day you always make me smile. We are an amazing team, we always have been. Everyone sees it and I know that it runs deeper than our friendship.” He leaned forward and grabbed her hand from her knee. He softly brushed his lips across hers, just to feel the warmth of her mouth. He let his lips slide back across her cheek and then to her ear. “I want to hold you while you fall asleep in my arms. I want to kiss you and light a fire inside of us. I want to touch you and make you moan my name. I love you, Rose.”

Rose could feel goosebumps spreading down her body and she had to shut her eyes to steady herself. There was an incredibly sexy, smart, and kind boy telling her that he basically worshipped the ground she walked on, and she had no idea what to do. He was one of her best friends, and she did love him, but she wasn’t in love with him, at least she didn’t think she was.

She still had no idea how she felt about him, but in this moment she wanted nothing more than to be here listening to him tell her how much he loved and wanted her. So she let go of what she was thinking, of what she didn’t know, and looked up at him. His eyes were full of hope and she couldn’t bear to ruin that. She stared into his eyes for a second and then kissed him. It was soft and gentle, a kiss full of his love and her longing to feel the same.

When they finally broke away she looked down at their still clasped hands and intertwined her fingers with his. “So what do we do now?” He asked her.

“I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about all of this, but I know that when I’m with you I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

“Then why don’t we try? I don’t need you to promise to fall in love with me. I just want to see how we can be together.”

Rose considered the million doubts running through her head and felt overwhelmed, but she also knew that there was something right about this and she didn’t want to throw it away. “Okay.”
Scorpius dropped his jaw and then closed it and grinned. “Are you sure?” He asked and she nodded.

“I don’t want to regret letting you go one day.” There was a moment between this and when Scorpius was kissing her. This was not his gentle, loving kiss, but one that desired her and needed to feel her. She wrapped her arms up his body and ran her fingers into his hair. “We need to go to lunch.” She mumbled softly and he sighed.

“I suppose not being hungry isn’t an option?” He grinned and tried to pull her down to lay with him on the bed, but she pulled away and laughed. “I’m starving and I don’t have another break before dinner. Come on.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him up as he groaned.

As they walked to the Great Hall, she felt her hand in his and didn’t mind the warm sensation it spread through her body. When they walked into the Hall together they were definitely noticed, especially by their friends. They sat together at what was the Gryffindor table for dinner. Lunch was very flexible about seating. It was one of the things Headmaster Longbottom had done to increase inter house unity and it proved to be a very good idea, because there were few groups that were not mixing during lunch. Scorpius squeezed Rose’s hand as they approached their friends and sat down. None of them said anything about the hands, instead they greeted the pair of them and sneaked glances at each other, trying to find out if anyone knew what in the world was going on between their friends.

Scorpius and Rose however dug into their lunch as if they hadn’t eaten in days and started chatting and laughing as if nothing had changed. Finally Abby put her foot down and just asked what they were all dying to know, “So, what’s with the hand holding?”

The pair of them looked at each other and then Scorpius put a hand into Rose’s long red hair and pulled her towards him for a kiss that united them as a couple in the eyes of their friends and the entire hall. As they separated Rose beamed at him and then laughed as she looked at her friends shocked faces.

“I would be late for lunch for that.” Celia joked and the group returned to normal, simply accepting their new relationship.