When Snape Finally Loses It

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related with the Harry Potter franchise or J.K. Rowling. No money or profit is made from these stories. The characters and scenarios present are purely for entertainment purposes.


Yet more thanks to the fabulous readers who have liked or loved these scenarios! To my first reviewer, many, many thanks and a big hug with cheers! Little snippets of inspiration hit me an hour ago with a passion and two new scenarios are born from the chaos that ensued. Enjoy!


Scenario Five – In the Act of Giving Detention One Day
“Mr. Weasley... twenty points from Gryffindor for littering.” Snape whispered with a tone of utter delight as he pressed the chocolate wrapper into Ron’s hand. “I think a detention would be in order as well... seven in the morning on Saturday and be sharp Mr. Weasley.” Ron glared up at the dark form of his Professor and contemplated saying something in response only to watch as the man’s face sagged. The Professor’s eyes had drifted past Ron, to something behind him. The usual sallow colour of his skin gave way to an ashen grey, the obsidian eyes widened until they were ringed with a starkly contrasting amount of white and the man stumbled backwards a few steps. “Oh Merlin... not more of them...” Without another word Snape turned tail and ran, his cloak fluttering behind him as his legs blurred with the speed. Not once did he glance backwards.

Ron stared dumbly and was almost sent flying as a huge group of ebony haired beauties ran past him. Pressing himself against the wall he waited until the girls had gone past, in desperate pursuit of Snape. He stared dumbly after them, he scratched his head in a puzzled manner and remained like that until Hermione smacked at his arm with her folder. “Well are you going to thank Harry and myself for that or what?” She demanded, wavering between utter annoyance and amusement. Harry stepped alongside her, his gaze slowly returning to the present scene as the last girl disappeared around the corner after Snape.

“Thank you for what?” Ron queried, pushing his hands into his pockets before pulling one back out with a delighted grin as he found a chocolate bar. Hermione wrinkled her nose at it as the teenager slowly began to chomp his way through it.

“For gathering together all of Snape’s daughters and telling them where he was!” Hermione declared with exasperation. Ron swallowed half a block in shock and spluttered for a few seconds before Harry gave him a hearty thump on the back. After a moment, Ron turned watering eyes on Hermione.

“All of those... there were at least... but... they were attractive!” Ron exclaimed in complete shock and disbelief.

“Yeah, for an ugly slimy git he sure does get around a lot...” Harry mused, flattening his hair slowly and smiling. “How do you think he did it?”

“I’d hope in a bed... in the dark...” Ron whispered, drawing exasperated looks from the other two. “I feel sick just thinking about it...” A few seconds later, the dull sound of thunder began to echo down the corridor. Snape appeared, sweat pouring from his brow as he ran flat out with his daughters in hot pursuit.

“Call them off! NO detention, I swear! Just for Merlin’s sake call them OFF!” Snape screamed as he ran past.


Scenario Six – In the Newspapers One Day
“What’s going on?” Harry queried as he slipped into his seat between Hermione and Ron. The Potions bench before him was unusually empty. There was no cauldron and no looming shadow of a dark and overbearing Professor. Instead, Professor McGonagall was looking down at the students with a somewhat traumatised expression. “Where’s Snape?”

“I don’t know. Professor McGonagall won’t tell us.” Hermione whispered in response as she raised her hand once more into the air. McGonagall deftly avoided looking in her direction and turned her attention instead to Draco Malfoy who sat on the opposite side of the classroom looking equally confused. “Professor!” Hermione all but shouted as she bounced out of her seat and balanced precariously on the balls of her feet, her hand beginning to look like a miniature windmill.

“Miss Granger! Sit down at once!” McGonagall snapped at her, folding her robes protectively about her. “Now what is the problem? I assume that you understand the instructions?”

“Yes Professor... but I was wondering where Professor Snape was?” Hermione quickly demanded, her words jumping in front of the few spluttered syllables Minerva managed to get out between Hermione’s words.

“That is none of your business Miss Granger, now will you all please settle down and get on with your work!” McGonagall called across the class but even her sternest gaze would not quieten the rowdy rabble that was slowly growing. The delight at Snape’s absence was almost palatable on the heated air. “Now that is quite ridiculous, Miss Patil. Professor Snape has not turned into a vampire! Get back to your work all of you! Really, I’ve never heard such nonsense.” Harry was almost thrown off his chair as Hermione’s hand escaped into the open air once more.

“Professor! Professor McGonagall I have a question!” Hermione called as loudly as she dared across the classroom. Minerva sent her a quailing glare which caused both Ron and Harry to shrink back onto the stools but Hermione maintained her buoyant hand until the teacher stood before her, trembling with anger in a sinister resemblance to Snape.

“Miss Granger, what is it now?” She hissed, in an equally disturbing manner to the Potions Master.

“Professor, please. Where has Professor Snape gone? Will my essay be handed in to you or is there somewhere else I can leave it for him?” Hermione questioned desperately, her trembling hands holding out a long sheet of parchment decorated with miniscule writing. Harry glanced down at his bag and quickly toed it back under the desk to hide the untidy half-attempt of his own essay. McGonagall took the parchment from Hermione with a withering look.

“Professor Snape will not be coming back any time soon. He will be having far too much fun in his new career choice. This essay is entirely irrelevant to what I shall be teaching you until a replacement can be....” Minerva trailed off as she read the top line of the essay and she paled considerably. “Miss Granger, I don’t think this is the right essay.” Instead of handing it back though, the teacher continued to scour through it. Her cheeks turned a deeper shade of crimson with every line until she all but tossed the parchment back at Hermione and strode up to the teacher’s desk. She leaned against it and fanned herself quickly with a sheet of parchment. “You share that with no one Miss Granger, understand me!”

Harry glanced across at Hermione curiously, as she folded the paper up serenely and passed it to him under the desk. It didn’t take long for a similar blush to spread across Harry’s cheeks and as he glanced at Hermione, Ron snatched it from his hands. “Oh MERLIN!” He all but shouted, lifting the paper up and revealing the back pages of the Daily Prophet to the entire class where they could all see the headlines.

‘The Daily Prophet is the first to present a new Porn Star to soon grace our screens – or at least those of the Muggle World if you do not yet have a television set. Thanks to popular Muggle demand, we present Professor Severus Snape – the Professor of Love.’

“Now that’s just sick.” Ron declared as the class stared dumbly at the title and the image beneath of a suave looking Snape in a fitted polo neck and tight jeans. His eyes smouldering into the camera, cheeky grin on his face. McGonagall groaned and slumped against the desk further.