Shadows Of The Past

Chapter 3: Decisions









Where Elias’s future is determined.









Hermione was in a pissy mood, Harry could see. She was agitated in a way he hadn’t seen her before as he stood in front of the fireplace and watched her march back down the hall towards her bedroom. She had barked a sharp hello when he first entered but other than that she hadn’t spoken a word. Even Elias seemed befuddled as he stood next to Harry with blueberry jam on his face and shirt.







“Your mum seems unhappy this morning.” Harry said, ruffling the little boy’s curls affectionately.







“I think she’s on her parade.” Elias said frowning. Harry chuckled, he meant period.







“What do you know of parades?” Harry asked, looking down at the little boy he had come to love so very much.







“Uncle Ron said she gets itchy when she has her parade. She’s very itchy this morning.” Elias said as she stomped back out of her room wearing a different blouse. Harry smiled but made a mental note to talk to Ron about what he said in front of Elias. The boy repeated everything, usually he repeated it incorrectly, but he repeated it none the less.







“You shouldn’t talk about ladies parades, it isn’t polite and they tend to get upset about it.” Harry said.







“More itchy?”







“Something like that.” Harry laughed. “Mione, what’s the fuss all about?” She stopped in front of the hall mirror and applied a light coat of mascara and some lipstick, meeting Harry’s gaze in the reflection.







“I need you to stay late, Harry. I have an important meeting tonight after work.” She said tightly.







“A D-A-T-E?” Harry asked, glancing sideways at Elias, unsure if it was inappropriate to talk about such things in front of the child.







“No!” She said quickly, shoving her things into her purse and taking a deep breath before she turned to face him. “Harry, Lucius Malfoy came by yesterday evening.”







Harry’s face immediately colored and Hermione watched as his scar went dark. He was breathing heavily through his nose but trying to keep himself under control. If Elias hadn’t been present Hermione had no doubt that Harry would be ranting at the top of his voice already.







“What did he want?” Harry asked. Hermione glanced at her watch and then sat her purse aside.







“Elias, run along and get ready for the day. Wash your face and hands, brush your teeth and put on the clothes I laid on your bed.” She said, smiling when Elias skipped off down the hall. She sat down on the sofa and gestured for Harry to join her, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. “He was just released about a month ago as you know. He sought me out to ask my forgiveness. It seems that he believed he had…that he had raped me that night after the battle.”







“Did he?”







“We have gone over this before, Harry, he didn’t rape me. I let him.” She watched the muscle twitch in his jaw and knew he wanted to kill Lucius. “It took him a minute or two to figure out who Elias was.”







“Did he freak out? Did he hurt you or threaten you in any way?” Harry demanded. He was an auror, though still low on the totem pole. He wouldn’t hesitate to send Lucius back to prison to protect Hermione and Elias.







“He was angry, confused and to my surprise he actually seemed hurt that I didn’t tell him.” She said. “He was very nice about it all, actually, very kind and very gentle with Elias. He wants to meet me after work so we can discuss the situation and what will happen in the future.”







“Do you think he wants to take Elias from you?” Harry asked.







“No, but I think he wants to be involved, I just don’t know how. Look, I will tell you all about it when I get home but I really need to get to work.” She said, looking at her watch again and then snatching up her purse. “Please do not give Elias soda, it makes him hyper and difficult to put to bed. Other than that, have fun today.” She kissed Harry’s forehead and stepped out the front door, apparating away to the alley behind the bookshop where she worked. It was going to be a very long day.











~@~









Lucius stood in the middle of his weight room, a pair of loose fitting track pants riding low on his hips as he moved easily on the balls of his feet. He moved fluidly around a heavy bag suspended in mid-air, his fists connecting solidly with each punch he threw. In prison he had found that physical exercise helped him to burn off his excess energy and work off his frustrations. While it was helping, it wasn’t alleviating his anger, not this time. He had another child, something he never thought to have, especially not a half-blood child.







While he understood her reasoning for keeping Elias a secret he couldn’t get beyond the fact that she had given birth to his child and not told him. The more he thought about it the more intense his workout became as he began using his knees and feet as well on the bag. He needed to work it off before he went to see her, before he began discussing their son. Their son…HIS son…a child conceived out of grief on the worst night of his entire life.







Not that you could tell by looking at him. Elias was a beautiful child and he didn’t seem to have a melancholy bone in his body. Lucius had only spent a little bit of time with the boy but it was impossible to miss the pure joy that radiated from him. He was precocious, smart as hell despite his tendency to confuse words. He was obviously happy, despite not having a father. Potter appeared to have been filling that role over the years. That would have to change. No, to look at Elias one would never think he had been created out of such pain. At least Lucius could rest easy knowing the child hadn’t been conceived from rape, Hermione had laid his fears to rest.







It had been difficult walking away from that rundown little house without some definitive answers but he knew it wasn’t appropriate conversation to have in front of a four year old. He had come home and immediately gone to his study where he pulled out old photo albums from Draco’s childhood. As soon as he looked at the photographs of Draco around the same age he wondered how he hadn’t recognized the boy instantly. Draco had been a slender child where Elias was round and rosy cheeked, Draco had been fair skinned where Elias was more golden and Draco’s hair had been thin, straight and snow white while Elias’s was thick, curly and more of a sandy color. Differences in coloring aside, their faces and their eyes were nearly identical.







He had been a horrible father to Draco. He hadn’t been there for him as he should have been and he had been a piss poor role model for the boy. He wasn’t sure how he became the man he did but Lucius knew he couldn’t take any credit for the way Draco had turned out. He was a decent man with a good head for business and a sense of humor Lucius would never fully understand, but he was proud of him. He took a break, his hands steadying the bag as he took deep breaths and wiped his brow with the back of his hand.







He had a second chance to be a good father. An opportunity to do it right, the way he should have the first time. IF the witch would allow it. He had seen the look on her face when he corrected Elias’s table manners. That possessive, protective look that said “How dare you?” She hadn’t liked him stepping into a parental role even for those few seconds. Would she allow him to do it on a regular, permanent basis?







He glanced at the clock on the wall and began to unravel the tape from around his knuckles so he could stretch out and then have a nice long soak in his tub before picking her up for dinner. He would need the relaxation time. Not only did he have to go into a muggle city but he had to go into a muggle bookshop and then a muggle restaurant because she didn’t want to meet in a wizarding establishment. Oh yes, he would most certainly need to relax and ready himself for the night ahead.











~@~









Hermione shifted in her chair for what seemed like the millionth time as the last hour of her day slowly ticked by. She was nervous about meeting with Lucius, afraid that he was going to turn her carefully constructed life upside down. She had been trying to focus on her inventory manifests for over an hour but couldn’t get her mind off of her situation. She wasn’t ready to deal with the situation. She supposed she always knew that Lucius would find out eventually. Elias wasn’t exactly a secret though most people assumed that Ron or Harry was his father, no one was brave enough to come right out and ask her so she didn’t offer any information to correct their assumptions.







That may be about to change if Lucius had it in his head to assume his position as Elias’s father. How was she going to explain that to people? How was she going to explain that to Elias? She squeezed her eyes closed tightly for a moment and when she opened them they strayed to the photo of Elias on the corner of her desk. She would do what was right for him, whatever it meant. The question was what WAS the right thing to do? And how would she know?







“You have been holding out on me!” Hermione jumped and instinctively reached for her wand when she heard the door to her miniscule office open suddenly. She slowly slid her hand away from her back pocket, disguising the action by pretending to adjust her blouse as she stared at her visitor. Jessa Smith was a diva masquerading as a salesgirl. Hermione had known more than her fair share of over the top females back at school but nothing compared to Jessa. She was long and lean, teetering on platform heels that looked like lethal weapons. Her long auburn tresses were cut into a shaggy layered style that framed a face artistically accented by cosmetics. She was bold as brass, comfortable in her own skin and with her sexuality. She had also made it her life’s mission to get Hermione laid.







“How am I doing that, Jessa?” Hermione asked, closing the file folder on her desk. She hadn’t been able to concentrate anyhow. As far as her duties as Assistant Manager went, inventory was her least favorite.







“The most delicious hunk of a man just strolled through the front door and you can not begin to imagine my surprise…and disappointment…when he asked for you.” Jessa’s lips quirked as she crossed her arms and peered down at Hermione.







“He’s early.” Hermione said as she got to her feet and smoothed her clothing. “Do I look a fright?”





“No, you look fine. Who is the stud?” Jessa asked, curious about Hermione’s reaction. She had met Ronald and Harry but the man waiting outside was in another league…another universe in comparison to them. He was certainly not the norm for Hermione.







“Lucius Malfoy.” Hermione said tightly as she checked her hair and makeup in a mirror she kept in her top drawer.







“When did you meet?” Jessa asked, propping her hip on the corner of the desk.







“About ten years ago or so.” Hermione applied a fresh coat of lip-gloss and dabbed a little perfume on her wrist.







“Really? I mean it’s obvious he is older than you but you would have been a child.” Jessa said, her brow furrowed.







“I went to boarding school with his son. We just became reacquainted.” Hermione explained as she shoved her things into her bag and reached for her coat.







“Interesting…you must have been well acquainted before…Elias has his eyes.”







Hermione turned slowly to find Jessa still perched on the corner of the desk holding Elias’s photograph. Thank the gods it wasn’t a wizarding photo, just a simple still photo taken with a muggle camera.







“Jessa…”







“Are you going to deny it?” Jessa asked, setting the frame back on her desk. “You never talk about Elias’s father…at first I thought it was Harry but you would never sleep with him….”







“Elias doesn’t know and until yesterday neither did Lucius.” It made her nauseous to admit it publicly for the first time. Before that moment she hadn’t admitted it aloud to anyone outside of her family. Jessa whistled low and smirked.







“The hidden facets of Hermione Granger.” She shook her head and stood. “Well, I am jealous as hell. Give me the keys, I’ll lock up.” She held out her hand and Hermione dropped the keys into them. “Go get you some girl.” Jessa winked and sauntered out the door. Unfortunately Lucius was standing right outside and obviously had heard her parting remark.







“Good evening.” Lucius said, an amusement clear on his face.







“Good evening.” She said, cheeks flushing.







“Are you ready to get you some…dinner?” He taunted. Hermione shook her head, laughter bubbling out unexpectedly. So…Lucius had a sense of humor. Who knew?







“Yes, do you know where we are going?” She asked, jolting a little when he took her jacket from her and helped her don it.







“While I would prefer to eat at the Dragon Inn, I respect your wishes to discuss this outside of our world. We shall be dining at the Boxwood Café in London.” He offered her his arm and she slid her hand into the crook of his elbow with wide eyes.





“That is…very nice.” She croaked, stunned that he would take her to such a nice, and well known restaurant.







“I am told it has a top notch menu and a casual atmosphere. I made reservations for a private table where we can talk.” He led her through the store, nodding politely towards Jessa as they passed, not noticing the suggestive looks she was giving Hermione.







“You can’t pay with Galleons.” He held the door open and she stepped out onto the pavement, shivering slightly as the fall breeze bit through her thin jacket.







“I know that, Hermione. This isn’t my first time in muggle London. I have muggle credit, muggle money in a muggle bank. I even have muggle investments and own a penthouse in a muggle building.” Did she think he had never lived outside of the wizarding community? That he had never explored the world?







“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply…”







“That I am a bigot? Unable to adapt? Unable to move about in muggle society?” He offered. Her abashed expression made him realize that he was being a bit harsh with her. Perhaps his frustration over having his child kept from him wasn’t as subdued as he thought. “I apologize, that was uncalled for.”







“You are angry with me, aren’t you?” She asked softly as he walked her to the corner and hailed a taxi. She tried not to look surprised that knew how to travel without magic.







“I am…frustrated.” He said tightly as he opened the door for her, sliding into the leather seat beside her and giving his directions to the driver. “While I understand what would make you hesitate to inform me, I did miss out on knowing my son. It doesn’t exactly give me a warm and fuzzy feeling.”







Hermione felt the sick twisting of guilt in her gut and she turned her face away. He was right of course, he had missed out on knowing Elias. But it wasn’t as if she had done it out of malice, she believed it was the right thing to do. He was a death eater! A convicted criminal! What kind of father could he have been in prison? How was she supposed to explain his past to Elias? She had done the right thing, she truly believed that.







“I didn’t do it to hurt you, Lucius. I did it to protect Elias.” She said finally when the silence became too much for her.







“Protect him from what? From me? I would never deliberately hurt my own child.” He sneered slightly, wondering if there would ever come a time in his life when people stopped expecting the worst from him. What did a man have to do to prove himself?







“That’s just it…it wouldn’t have been deliberate but he would have been hurt by the gossip, the scandal, by having a father he couldn’t see because he was in prison. Don’t you see that?” She turned towards him and flinched at the pain she could see in his eyes.







“By the time he was old enough to understand any of it the scandal would have died down and people would have forgotten. But now, now it is going to affect him because you were selfish and kept him hidden away.” He was trying to control his anger but the venom was there in his voice and it stung with every word.







“I am not selfish! I kept him, I could have refused to have him given who is father is but I didn’t, I carried him, gave birth to him and I changed my plans for my life dramatically in order to be his mother! Do you think I like working in that crappy little book shop? Do you think I like having to hide who I am from my co-workers? I do it because I love that child more than anything else in this entire world and I will sacrifice anything I have to in order to make sure he is well and happy.” Her face was flushed with anger and her eyes were on fire. Lucius was a little shocked that her magic had not manifested around them she was so riled.







“Do you not think that he needs a father?” Lucius asked.







“Not one who was in prison! You couldn’t have been a father to him, Lucius, why are you being so stubborn about this?” She rubbed the spot between her eyes in frustration.







“I managed with Draco. I wrote to him nearly every day and he was allowed to visit once a week. We managed to maintain a relationship.” He said.







“You think it would have been appropriate for me to bring a baby into Azkaban prison?” She asked incredulously. “You would have wanted me to expose our son to the filth and disease, not to mention the criminally insane inmates?”







“Alright, so maybe I wouldn’t have wanted you to bring him to visit, but I could have written to him, you could have come to visit and brought me photos of him, taken back pensives for him to see so that he would know me. My son doesn’t know me! To him I am just some random stranger who knocked on the door one day!” The cabby jumped when Lucius raised his voice. He took several deep breaths to calm himself down, rolling down the window so that the breeze could help cool his temper.





“We have arrived.” The cabby croaked, looking at Lucius through the rearview mirror. Lucius reached into his pocket and withdrew a money clip that he used for his muggle currency and peeled back several bills to pay for the ride and along with a very generous tip. The cabby went from petrified of Lucius to his willing slave at the sight of the extra money. He scrambled from the driver’s seat and jerked open the back door so that Lucius could slide out. Lucius offered his hand to Hermione politely and assisted her from the back of the taxi.







“I understand that this is a very fine establishment.” Lucius said, looking at tasteful and understated entrance.







“How do you know about muggle restaurants? Don’t get all defensive either, I know you would have preferred to have had dinner at your home or in a wizarding establishment.” She stood beside him on the pavement only she wasn’t looking at the building, she was looking at him. Elias had his ears. They were smaller of course but they had that same little wrinkle at the top that Lucius’s did. What else did the child share with his father that she never noticed?







“Draco has a love of muggle electronics and a talent for altering their operating properties to work in magical households, he was able to “look up” a list of decent restaurants. He suggested this one, he seems to think that the man who established this restaurant and I are kindred spirits of some sort.” Lucius frowned at that. “Not certain what that means as he didn’t explain further, but he dines in the muggle world far more than I so I trust him.”







Hermione laughed at the thought of Draco tinkering with electronics like Arthur Weasley. It was even funnier that he would tease his father. She didn’t know why, but it wasn’t something she imagined as common between them. She supposed that there was a lot more to Lucius than she knew. In truth she didn’t know much, he was wealthy, a pureblood, a death eater, widower, and he made beautiful babies.







“The man who established this place has become a muggle celebrity. He is one of the worlds best chefs with restaurants all over the world and hit television programs in the United States and Britain…he is also known for having a rather wicked temper.” Hermione chuckled.









“Little shit.” Lucius muttered beneath his breath. Hermione heard him however and laughed harder. “Pardon my language.” He said sheepishly, ashamed to have forgotten himself in the presence of a lady.







“It’s alright, Harry and the Weasley boys tend to have a very colorful vocabulary. Just watch it around Elias.” She said. “He repeats everything.”







“Not always accurately.” Lucius smirked softly as they spoke of their son. Hermione’s answering smile set him at ease somewhat and his anger began to recede. They would find common ground in their son though it would not be easy. “Let us go inside, we have much to discuss.”







“Should we really be talking about this in public?” She asked as he led her inside.







“I will cast a muffling spell around our table.” He said, taking her jacket and placing it atop his as he handed it to the coat check attendant.







“You can’t wield a wand in front of muggles! It’s illegal!” She said on an exaggerated whisper.







“Who said I needed a wand?” He asked, glancing at her over his shoulder as he walked to the maitre d’s stand and gave his name. Her expression was a mixture of shock and envy. Wandless magic was a coveted ability, one that many witched and wizards never mastered, some thought it was an inherited talent like being parselmouth or divination. Lucius didn’t really have an opinion one way or another but then again, he had been using wandless magic since his early twenties.







The maitre d led them to a table in the corner of the main dining room. As soon as the maitre d walked away Lucius whispered an incantation and a magic shimmered around them for a second, shielding their conversations from anyone who might listen as well as protecting the other visitors should their voices become raised. They were silent as they looked over the menu, then Lucius politely asked her what she would like to he could order for her. Hermione was touched by this little bit of chivalry. She didn’t go out on dates, she rarely went out to dinner, so she wasn’t certain how to react.







After he relayed their order to the server and the sommelier had served their choice of wine he folded his hands on the table in front of him and met her gaze head on. She was so young and as he looked at her the guilt washed over him for what he had done. He had changed the course of a girl’s life, a girl young enough to be his daughter. Instead of going to university and enjoying her youth she was working and raising a child, alone. Somehow he would make it up to her, if she would let him.







“I want to be involved in Elias’s life.” He put it all on the table, deciding that a direct approach would be best with Hermione. She didn’t look at all surprised by his declaration which lead him to believe that she already knew.





“He doesn’t know you.” She said simply. “I know…that is not your fault, but he doesn’t know you, you are a stranger to him… a man who showed up one night and stayed for dinner.”







“Then I will get to know him.” Lucius didn’t intend to allow her to push him away. “My list of sins are a mile long, Hermione, I will not add child abandonment to it. I know what I was, I know what I did and I know how I failed. I wasn’t a good father to Draco, I loved him and I gave him everything he wanted but I did not father him as I should have. I do not want to make that mistake again, I will not walk away.”







She believed him. She wasn’t sure why she believed him but something in her told her that he meant every word. He wanted to know Elias, wanted to be his father and he wanted to do it right. But what did she tell her son? What did they tell…well, everyone?









“How am I supposed to explain this to Elias?” She rubbed her temple with one hand and reached for her glass of wine with the other, taking a rather generous drink hoping that the alcohol would calm her nerves. “Do you remember that man who came over for dinner? Well, that man is your daddy.” She shook her head slowly and Lucius was once more struck by her youth. She looked helpless and scared. “He won’t understand.”







“Then I will begin spending time with him. I could come over of an evening and visit for awhile, get to know him and let him get to know me and then, when the time is right we will sit him down and tell him who I am.” Lucius suggested.







“And how do we explain where you were? When he asks us about why you weren’t in his life and why you and I weren’t together when he was born…what do we say then?” She asked, tears beginning to shimmer in her eyes. He hoped like hell she didn’t cry, he couldn’t handle a woman’s tears, he never could.







“Those questions seem a little deep for a child his age.”







“Elias isn’t a typical four-year old, Lucius. He is bright beyond belief and curious to a fault. His favorite past-time is why. He will ask, I promise you.” She laughed, dabbing at her eyes with her napkin.







“Then we tell him that you and I were there for each other at a very sad and lonely time. That he was made out of generosity, the giving and receiving of comfort. We tell him that I had to go away, far away before you knew he existed and there was no way for you to get in touch with me. No further details need to be revealed for now, they don’t matter.” He said, watching her eyes soften and fill with tears once more. She was such an emotional creature and she seemed to wear her heart on her sleeve. But she was compassionate, it was what had begun the strange journey they found themselves on.







“I can’t let you play with his emotions, Lucius. He’s just a baby and his feelings are tender…if he grows attached to you and you leave him he will be devastated.”









“I won’t leave him. That child is mine and I will do right by him, Hermione, always.” Lucius reached across the table and took her hand. He could feel the surprise in the way she jolted at his touch, could see it in the way her body stiffened and her lips parted on a sharp exhalation. Hell, he was shocked by his actions, not quite certain what compelled him to reach out to her that way. “I know this isn’t easy for you, it certainly isn’t easy for me. I want to know my son, Hermione, our son. Please do not fight me on this.”







“If I refuse?” She wouldn’t, she didn’t intend to but she needed to know how serious he was and his answer to that question would tell her what she needed to know.







“If you refuse you leave me with no other choice. I will take you before the ministry and demand my rights to my son through legal channels.” He said softly, praying she wouldn’t put them all through such an ordeal.







“That won’t be necessary, I will not keep you from Elias but you must promise not to reveal your identity before we discuss it and both agree that the time is right.” Her heart was pounding, her life changing dramatically once more before she was ready. She hoped like hell she was making the right decision.







“I promise.” His smile made her stomach tighten and she laid her hand over it to still the churning.







“What are you going to tell Draco?” She asked, worried about how his other child would deal with the news.







“I’m not sure. It isn’t going to be an easy conversation to have, especially since his mother had been dead only a few hours when Elias was conceived. I don’t know if he will understand.” She had hit a sore spot, one Lucius had been worrying over since he walked out of her little house. How was he going to make Draco understand? How was he going to tell his son that he had a little brother…a half-blood brother conceived on the night his mother died?







“Draco is an adult…I am sure he will understand though it may take him some time. Be prepared for his anger, he always was a bit hotheaded.” She gave his fingers a squeeze and released his hand, suddenly uncomfortable with the intimacy of holding his hand, no matter that it was platonic.







“Thank you, Hermione, for not keeping him from me.” Lucius said softly. She took a deep breath and met his gaze.







“Just don’t make me regret it.” She said, just as the server arrived with their meal.