Emerging With Grace

Chapter 3

When I arrived at the Burrow there were still quite a few people there. Members of the Order, students who had been friends with Ron and Fred, plus the entire Weasley family. Everyone seemed to want to put off the rest of the day because when the day ended we would all have to finally admit to truth to ourselves.

I for one was happy to put off the day ending. I hadn't been sleeping well since, well quite a while actually. It was hard to rest peacefully when your dreams started out normal and then turned to nightmares withing only moments of falling asleep. Images from Malfoy Manor would sneak into my subconscious causing me to wake up screaming and covered in sweat, almost making me believe that I was still there. There was no relief to the dreams. I dreaded closing my eyes at night, afraid of what I would see.

I tried to stay in the shadows, not wanting to draw attention to my presence. I made snacks in the kitchen, I went down to the Muggle village and got take out food, I tried to keep glasses filled, but it there just wasn't enough to do. I resigned myself to joining everyone in the sitting room.

Mr. Weasley sat on the couch next to his wife. His head leaning on his one hand while his other arm secured his wife closely to his side. Harry and Ginny were sitting in an armchair. She had her tiny arms wrapped so tightly around his neck while she was curled in his lap. Even in her sleep she held onto him with a tight grip, almost like she was afraid he would vanish. She had loved him for years, and it was evident in her tiny body how much she had worried for him. She had lost so much weight and she hard dark shadows under her usually sparkling eyes. Harry just sat there holding the woman he loved so much, who at so many times he thought he would never see again. His hands stroking up and down the length of her back, obviously not able to take away her pain, but he was able to make her more comfortable, even if it was to just reassure her that he was still there, that he was alive.

I watched the rest of the family. They only made small talk amongst themselves. The voices were quiet and it was apparent that the conversations were kept light, no one was ready for the deep talking that would come later, after we all processed what had happened.

Bill and Fleur were reclining on the floor next to the fireplace, not looking at anyone, only each other. Percy had found Penelope after the battle and they were sitting at the kitchen table, their hands folded over each other. I didn't see George or Charlie anywhere. I expected them to be within the confines of their family, drawing support from just their presence. I got up and walked out the door to check on them, unable to understand the pain they were in, but willing to offer sympathy and support.

I made my way around the corner of the tall, almost lopsided house to see a group of people sitting under the large apple tree. Oliver Wood, Lee Jordan, Neville Longbottom, a few girls from the Gryffindor quidditch team, and George and Charlie.

They were sitting in a lose circle with glasses sitting at their feet, and unless I was mistaken several empty bottles of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey. I took a seat in between Neville and Charlie. Neville said hello in a somewhat cheery voice as he moved over to give me a bit more room. Lee conjured up another glass and handed it to me. I raised my eyebrow in question as I took the glass from him.

“What's going on?” I asked quietly.

Charlie was the one who answered me.

“We are remembering.” His voice was somewhat gruff. Not from anger but from the pain that must be choking him.

I looked up at him. His eyes were a bit bloodshot, probably from the tears at the ceremony and from the liquor he had been drinking. He had the sleeves of his white dress shirt rolled up to the elbows, showing his muscular forearms and the lite splashing of hair that covered them. The collar of his shirt was unbuttoned and his tie was loosened allowing me a glimpse of the thick column that was his neck. I felt the breath hitch in my throat as I looked at him. He was truly a good looking man. He didn't exactly look like the rest of the Weasley's. He wasn't quiet as tall or as thin. He was pretty muscular with a tanned skin that hid his freckles.

As soon as the thought popped in my head I mentally scolded myself. This was not the time to be thinking of things like this. It was inappropriate and dishonorable.

I looked up at the others around me, setting my gaze on George. His skin was very pale with a gray tinge to it, his eyes were heavily shot with red, he was shoulders were hunched. His hair was messy, he looked lost, he looked alone. He must have realized I was looking at him because he picked up his glass and filled it again. He lifted his glass into the air and closed his eyes. Everyone followed suit and Charlie poured the amber liquor into my glass.

“To Fred.” George's voice was strained as he spoke. It didn't escape my notice that when he spoke tears leaked out of the corner of his eye's as he spoke his brother's name.

I raised my glass up to join the other's and then brought it to my lips. The liquor burned my throat and had quite an aftertaste. The one thing it did though that I appreciated was it made me numb. I surprised myself when I filled my glass again and offered the same toast to Ron.

For hours we went around the circle, sharing our memories of our friends and family that we had lost. With each new story there was the subsequent shot taken. By midnight there wasn't much feeling going on in the group except for sporadic laughter at one of the twins more impressive pranks.

Neville had fallen asleep beside me, Lee and George were composing an ode to Fred's hair. They were barely able to stand, but I couldn't help notice the tears that continually streamed down their faces as they sung about their closet friend and brother. Oliver was leaning against the tree just watching his friends. The girls had left about an hour before midnight, needing to get home to their families so that they wouldn't worry. There were still Death Eaters on the loose, ravaging families. The ministry was tracking them down as quickly as they could and rounding them up. It didn't stop families from worrying though. After all, that was all they had been doing for the past two years. Wondering who was safe and who was lost to them. They had said quiet goodbyes and walked out in the yard to apperate home.

This only left Charlie and myself. I didn't try to hide the fact that I was pretty much staring at him. I probably looked like a dog staring at his master who had a large steak in his hand, tongue rolled out to the side and all. It wouldn't have made a difference because I have torn my eyes from him even if he forced me. At one point he pulled me closer to him and I snuggled myself closer into his arms. Happy to have someone to touch me, to keep me grounded, even if it was only for a few hours.

It took me several drinks to get the courage to actually speak to him. Out of all the Weasley's he was the one that I knew the least. He had always been in Romania with his dragons. He had only come home on rare occasions such as the Quidditch World Cup, or missions from Dumbledore. During the times I had spent with the family while he was there I knew him to be quiet, but funny. Not like Fred and George funny, but more of a casual laugh to break tension. I knew that he was intelligent and had a thirst for adventure given his love of quidditch and dragons.

I wasn't sure what to say to him. I didn't want to bring up what we had done on the night of the final battle. I didn't regret it, but I felt guilt over what I had done. While I could have been helping people, could have been there saving the man who had loved me and been my friend for years I was in the arms of a man I barely knew. A man who was eight years older than me, the brother of my best friend. It was wrong what we had done, but it was also the only happy thought that I had known in a long time. I looked up at him wearily and lowered my voice.

“How are you holding up?”

His pain filled eyes bore into mine as he finally looked at me. The corners of his mouth gave a little twitch and lifted.

“I have been better.” I don't know what I expected. It wasn't like he wanted to talk about his feelings with me, someone he had only meet a few times. I was shocked when he grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet, pulling me behind him as we disappeared into the orchard.

It was very dark, the only light that shone through the thick branches was the moon. It's rays were soft, causing soft shafts of light to peak through the thick foliage. The faint perfume or the blooms circled around us causing me to feel dizzy for a moment.

His hand reached up to softly stroke the side of my cheek and brush a loose strand of hair off of my face. I could only imagine what I looked like after having been crying for the majority of the day and standing outside in the rain. I was sure that my hair was flying in all different directions, frizzy and dull. I leaned my face into his palm, feeling it's rough yet smooth texture on my skin. He hooked his fingers under my chin to look into my eyes.

“How are you doing? In all honesty Hermione.”

I thought for a moment before answering him. I didn't know how I was doing. I kind of felt like I couldn't function, I felt like I was slipping away, I felt numb yet in agonizing pain. I was feeling so much that I think my brain was actually overloaded. I gave him a small smile and gazed into his clear blue eyes.

“I've been better.” I repeated what he had told me only moments before. I wasn't going to tell him anything else. I didn't want to put my pain on him considering what he was dealing with. I didn't expect it when he nudged me urging me to keep talking.

I don't know why I couldn't keep my mouth shut. The words were coming out on their own accord and I couldn't make them stop. I hadn't talked to anyone since that night. I couldn't stand to look at their faces covered in misery. It was too much to handle. I had always thought I was brave, but I just wasn't sure anymore.

“I can't sleep anymore Charlie. Every time I close my eyes, even if it's just for a second I see all these horrific images. I can't get over the fact that Ron is gone. I was so horrible to him while we were out there searching. I haven't seen my parents, I don't know if it's safe to find them, I don't even know if they are alive. I don't know how I am supposed to wake up every morning and live my life, knowing that some of the people I care most about are gone. I don't even know who I am anymore. I hurt all the time. I feel every injury I sustained while we were gone. I feel it physically and mentally. I see Bellatrix ready to kill me, I see Fred and Ron constantly in my mind. I don't know what I am going to do with myself. I don't know if I can ever be the same person I was.”

I couldn't talk anymore at that point, the scenes replayed in my mind too easily. The tears were suffocating me, making me unable to breathe. Through my blurry vision I saw him open his arms to me. I stepped into them willingly, taking the temporary relief and comforting heat that came with them.

“I see them when I close my eyes too. I see all of their faces, I see yours too. I see the hurt in you and in others.” He raised his fingertips to my cheek, wiping the tears away. I could see the pain masked in his eyes.

We walked to the edge of the orchard to sit against a tree that overlooked the small pond. Now that we were out from under the trees I could see that the moon was high and full in the sky. It wasn't too bright, but it provided adequate illumination.

I was ashamed to admit that I was enjoying being with him. His presence was like a medicinal balm, it numbed the area's that hurt, leaving only a dull ache. One that I knew would never fully go away.

We sat down on his jacket to protect us from the cold ground and I leaned in against him. Feeling secure and comfortable for the first time in months. He conjured a blanket and spread it around us, making sure that none of the cool air could get in.

We talked for a while longer about dragons, quidditch, and books. We stayed off the topic of intimacy and our family. It wasn't a safe subject and it was too soon. I knew that I would never be able to talk to him about Ron and the guilt I felt so I was content to not bring it up. I didn't want him to think that I had regrets.

It didn't take long for the alcohol and the heat from his body to make me drowsy. I nestled my head under his chin and breathed in deep his woodsy, male scent. His voice was low as he continued to talk, I could feel every word he said because his chest vibrated easily when he spoke. I felt his hand rub up and down my back, and the gentle rise and fall of his chest was lulling me even further into sleep. I didn't even remember closing my eyes, all I remembered was that I was sheltered, that I was safe.

She looked at me from across the room, her hooded eyes dancing in delight. She held her wand in her right hand, pointed straight at me. A maniacal laugh burst through her lips and a dark smirk crossed her features.

“Let's see how filthy your blood is, you dirty little mudblood.” Bellatrix's lips curled up in malice as she made a slashing movement with her wand.

I couldn't hold in the scream as it escaped my lips. I felt my skin being slashed and flayed open on my chest. I looked down at my sweater to see a large pool of blood form on the delicate fabric. I tried to pull my arm up to cover the bleeding but they were being held down to my sides by a man I didn't recognize. He saw my feeble attempts and just gripped on harder, smiling like he was getting a gift.

She walked over to me slowly, deliberately making me nervous as to what she was going to do next. Her long white fingers extended out to my wound and she dug her fingernail into the torn flesh. I screamed from the pain and tried to back away from her, obviously not able to move. She ran her finger across my blood and brought it up to her nose, scrunching it in disgust.

“Filthy little mudblood. You smell just as bad as you look.” Her wand made another elaborate sweeping movement and I felt a large gash open up on my back. It burned intensely, causing tears to run down my face as I screamed. In the back of my mind I heard someone scream my name in horror. It sounded like Ron. The agony in his voice almost killed me. I tried to be brave, I tried not to yell out but the noises wouldn't stop.

“Oh, what's wrong little baby? Don't like hearing your little boyfriend screaming below you? Does it hurt you to know that he is in pain?” She laughed again before raising her wand. “Let's see just exactly how much pain we can put him in without touching a hair on his dirty blood traitor head.” She smiled that sickening smile at me before she yelled. “Crucio!”

I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't. It was like they were glued shut, forcing me to watch her face come at me again and again, her wand ready to destroy me further. I felt strong arms tense around me at first and then shake me, trying to wake me up.

“Hermione, please wake up.” Charlie's concerned voice broke through the haze in my mind, like the wind blowing away dust. He shook me harder as I slowly looked up at him. His eyes searching mine trying to help me. The scorching tears fell down my cheeks once again onto his shirt. He held me closer, rocking our bodies back and forth in a soothing gesture.

“What were you dreaming about?” The gentle hum of his voice was helping to calm me.

“It was Bellatrix. At Malfoy Manor. I always see her. I always see her coming at me. Taunting me, ready to kill.” I didn't want to tell him the details of our journey, but just like earlier I couldn't stop myself. It was like my brain needed to explain, to share the horrors that it had seen. He tucked his finger's into my hair and murmured words so quiet that they were only a whisper against my hair.

“Tell me.”

“We were captured by Fenrir Greyback and a few snatchers. They were almost positive that they had caught Harry, Ron and myself, but they weren't sure so they took us to Malfoy Manor. Bellatrix saw the sword of Gryffindor and was determined to find out if it was the real sword. She was afraid that we had stolen it from Gringotts.” I paused, not wanting to continue. He had been through enough, I didn't want him to have to remember his brother or the pain we suffered there, but the words were gushing out of my mouth at such a speed that I lost control of them.

“They separated us and took Harry and Ron down to the dungeons. Bellatrix wanted to torture me. It was so painful and I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop screaming. I didn't have the courage to hold it in. Every time I cried out it hurt him. Ron was yelling for me, it hurt him to hear me in pain. She just laughed at him and every subsequent time he screamed for me she would do something worse. I couldn't make her stop Charlie.”

I saw his eyes narrow in disgust at what he had heard. I clutched onto his shirt tighter, balling the fabric in my fists causing it to wrinkle harshly. Sobs wracked my body, but he held me tightly, secure against his strong body.

He pulled me up to my feet, startling me for a second, and wrapped the blanket around me tightly. I felt his arm slip under my legs as he swung me up and cradled me in his arms. He walked slowly into the house, and up the stairs to his old room. He then laid me gently down onto his bed and gently caressed my face. I felt him slip my shoes off and heard them land on the carpet with a dull thud.

I heard the door creak as he started to walk out the door.

“Charlie, please don't go. Don't leave me.” I whispered quietly, not sure if he had heard me or not.

“I just have to go downstairs for a moment. I promise you that I won't leave you. Just close your eyes and try to relax. I will be back.” He walked back and pressed a light kiss against my forehead. His lips were warm, despite us having just been outside in the cool night. I closed my eyes and drifted in and out of sleep for about an hour.

A sliver of light broke through the door, not enough to fully wake me up, but enough to recognize that there were people coming in the room. I heard Mrs. Weasley's kind voice as she looked over me. They must have started a conversation before they came in and were continuing it here in hushed voices.

“Who knows what they went through. They were gone for so long. I'm so worried about the both of them. Neither of them are talking or eating. Ginny told me that Harry has been having nightmares every night and Hermione. I can't even imagine what she has gone through.” Her voice cracked before she could continue.

“You will watch her tonight for me right?” I could hear the pleading in her words. “I can't lose another child Charlie. Bring her back to me.”

I could almost feel the tears that she was shedding for everyone. Charlie must have pulled her into a hug because her sobs were instantly muffled. I didn't dare open my eyes. I didn't want her to ask me any questions.

“I will watch out for her Mum. I know how important she is to you.”

She shuffled quietly out of the room after that, closing the door softly behind her. I heard his feet step lightly across the carpet as he opened various drawers in the room. I peaked out of the corner of my eye and watched him step into a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. I let out a slight gasp when I saw the hard contours of his stomache. He must have heard because he turned to me and lit the end of his wand. He smiled gently and held out a pair of bottoms and an old quidditch jersey to me. A grin flashed across his face as a blush grew on mine.

“I've seen you naked 'Mione. But, if it makes you feel any better I will turn my back.” He let out a slight laugh and it sounded amazing. I couldn't help but smile at him in return.

I dressed as quickly as I could and crawled back under the covers. I felt the bed dip as he crawled in beside me and pulled me up close to his body. Once again, guilt assailed me for what I was doing.

“It's ok. I've got you now. You don't have to be afraid. I will keep you safe.”

I feel asleep to his even breathing while I was enveloped in his scent. Even at my last moment of consciousness I felt his lips press into my hair, reminding me that he was with me, that I wasn't alone.


So there you go, the next chapter, a little bit longer chapter. I hope it was ok. Please please please review!! The story is on 11 alerts and if 11 of you reviewed I would be ecstatic! Me happy equals quicker updates for you. If the story totally sucks you can tell me that too!!