Only through the pain

Disclaimer: IF I owned them, do you honestly believe I would be writing fanfiction and living almost solely on the pie Jem feeds me for selling her my soul several years ago?

Warning: Male slashy goodness, drugs, bad language, angst, abuse, and general not good for people under 18-ness.

A/N: Today’s chapter is not based on any song really, but my general playlist while I was writing it was chili peppers, trapt, chevelle, new young pony club, and duran duran, not that any of that really influenced the chapter….in fact, the only influence here came from a phone call to my psychiatric major friend who was complaining about her little brother throwing pumpkin pie at her right before I sat down to write and I think that only got a vague reference >.< Enjoy. I promise, plot and smut will be showing up soon.

Chapter 3- Post what? (Draco)


When the Hogwarts express reached the station, Harry and I were perfectly composed, each having helped the other with some well placed scourgify’s to get out the obvious pasty stains on our black school robes and to remove some of the distinct and unmistakable scent of pot. Though, truthfully, we had both aimed a few cleaning charms at each other’s mouths as well, for old times sake. You can take the enemies out of the animosity but you can’t take the animosity out of the enemies. All the same, by the time we left the train, we were being very friendly with each other, much to the surprise and consternation of everyone who saw us exit the train together, laugh with each other and then walk together to the carriages, commandeering our own. I think the Longbottom boy passed out and several third year girls fainted for some reason. The combined power of the Slytherin Death Glare and the patented Potter Fuck Off Face deterred any who might have wanted to climb in and ride with us, though most of the school’s population was far too shocked at seeing us together that no one tried.

Of course, once we two stoned teenagers were safely ensconced in the carriage, we burst into laughter. “My god!” Harry gasped, “Did you see Hermione’s face?!”

I nodded, clutching my ribs because I was laughing so hard, “I did! But did you see Crabbe and Goyle?! I thought their heads would explode they were concentrating so hard! Too bad they didn’t.”

Harry snickered, “Oh I’m sure if we give it time they will. I’m kinda looking forward to seeing Dumble-fuck’s face when we walk into the Great Hall together without trying to kill each other.”

I nodded, “Yeah, but I don’t really want to have to put up with being asked fifty questions….especially since 49 of them will be the same question.”

Harry nodded in agreement then remembered something, “Hey! I got an idea! After the sorting, sneak out of the hall and meet me in front of the portrait of Barnabas the Barmy.”

“But what about the feast? I’m still starving.” I whined, and then giggled.


“Of course you’re starving idiot, you smoked like two thirds of that baggie of yours. You have definitely got the munchies. And so do I, so don’t worry there will be food. But if you don’t want to deal with the questions then just meet me there alright?” Harry rolled his eyes.

“My, my, aren’t you bossy?” I laughed. I had forgotten how much more fun it was to get stoned around other people. “Well, that’s alright, I like my men bossy.” The strange thing was that I heard myself say this as I was saying it, but it still took a few moments, and Harry’s raised and waggling eyebrows for me to realize what exactly it was I had said. “Oh lord,” I thought, “I just shot a badly disguised sexual innuendo at Harry….”

“There you go doing that talking to yourself thing again Draco.” Harry laughed, “While I do find it highly amusing, it sort of worries me that most of your thoughts seem to center around me. If you find me so damned irresistible you should just come out and say so. I’m not guaranteeing that it’ll do you any good, but all the same, honesty is the best policy.”

“Shut up Harry,” I groaned and then started laughing again, this time at myself. “And I do not find you attractive. I’m stoned. I would probably fuck a tree if I weren’t in this carriage.”

“I could always have the thestrals pull over.” Harry teased, “Look, there’s a nice old oak right there, though I’m sure we could find you something with a few more knotholes if we looked around a bit.”

“Prat.” I spat.

“Tree-fucker.” Harry calmly replied.

“Jerk-off.” I countered.

“Oh, yes please.” Harry laughed, starting to unbutton his pants.

“Freak!” I snorted, joining in the laughter but finding that suddenly Harry was no longer laughing with me. He actually looked quite pale and sort of sick. “Geez Harry, I told you that tenth pasty was a bad idea.” I sighed and looked out the window. We were just pulling up to the castle, “Almost there, Barnabas the Barmy, right?” I asked but Harry didn’t respond so I turned towards him again. The other boy was still frozen with one hand over the buttons on his pants and his eyes looked pretty glazed over. “Harry?” I waved my hand in front of Harry’s face, but the other boy didn’t move. “Shit!” I swore, “I broke the Golden Boy!” I grabbed Harry’s shoulder and shook him a little, “Harry? Harry! Fuck! Potter!! Snap out of it!” I shook harder, “Come on Harry, we’re at the castle, we gotta get out of the carriage now.” Still the boy didn’t move. “Fuck!”

I poked my head out of the carriage and saw, to my relief and dismay, that the carriage behind us contained the Weasel and the Mudblood and some of Harry’s other Gryffindor friends. Maybe they could fix Potter. “Hey Mu…I mean Granger! Come here!” I shouted, thinking my best chance would be the bookworm.

Hermione rolled her eyes and glanced over briefly. I looked extremely distressed, scared almost, so she walked a little closer. “What do you want Malfoy? Where’s Harry?”

“He’s in here, we were talking and then he just kinda froze up. I can’t snap him out of it!” I said quickly, jumping down from the carriage and pointing back at it. Hermione had been on the point of returning to the group of Gryffindors waiting for her when I continued, “It doesn’t look like one of his visions, but he didn’t see my hand when I waved it in front of him and he’s not moving and I don’t think he’s breathing and you gotta help him!” I shouted, truly distressed. And, to make matters worse, my buzz was totally gone.

“Alright….” Hermione said slowly, walking in a large arch around me and keeping her wand trained on the carriage door until it opened and she saw Harry sitting there in a total daze. “Harry! Oh god! Ron! Get over here! Bring Seamus! He’s having another flashback!” She snapped and the two boys ran over, also giving me a wide berth.

“Shit Malfoy! What the fuck did you say to him?!” Ron shouted, helping Hermione and Seamus lift the now completely unconscious boy from the carriage.

“How long has he been like this?” Hermione asked, running her wand over him as they lowered him to the ground. “Seamus, go get Madame Pomfrey. Quick.”

“A minute, maybe two. We were just pulling up when it happened. He called me a tree-fucker so I told him to jerk-off and he laughed and started to take off his pants so I called him a freak and then he just kinda stopped!” I said, trying to get close enough to see what was going on, but Ron leapt up and kept me at wand point. “Back off weasel, I just want to see if he’s ok.” I snapped.

“Don’t call me a weasel, ferret!” Ron shouted. “You just sent Harry into fucking coma!”

“Both of you shut up. Those are the stupidest insults ever. Don’t you two know that the ferret and weasel are extremely closely related in the animal family? They’re kissing cousins for god’s sake!” Hermione snapped, “Ron, go tell Dumbledore that Harry is having a problem. And it is not Malfoy’s fault. You did the same thing to him last year remember, and you know about his past.” She conjured up a warm wet towel and put it on Harry’s forehead while Ron ran up the stairs. “Malfoy, if you want to be helpful, you could keep the other students back.” She added, checking Harry’s pulse and taking his wand away. “He’ll snap out of it on his own, and he won’t be happy when he wakes up, anyone in range is going to get some nasty bruises, but they don’t need to be cursed too.” She explained.

“Alright, but what happened?!” I asked, sending a few death glares to the students who immediately backed off.

“He has PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder, and you accidentally said something that set it off. My guess would be ‘freak’ since that’s something his uncle calls him all the time…but it never usually does anything….” She frowned, “I knew he was acting weird on the train, I should have guessed something had happened over the summer. He never gets angry like that for no reason….I wish he would just open up and tell us what happens, it would help him so much to talk to someone.” She sighed and blew a lock of curly brown hair out of her face, then looked up to see Madame Pomfrey jogging towards them as quickly as her girth would allow, Seamus following after her. Slightly behind them was the Weasel and Dumbledore, both looking furious.

“Stand back Mister Malfoy, I need to get through to your friend there,” Madame Pomfrey commanded, far above the petty school rivalries and therefore not caring that we had been considered mortal enemies since we started school, and so couldn’t really possibly be friends. She frowned as she knelt by Harry and turned to Granger, “How long ago did this happen?”

“Just a few minutes ago Madame Pomfrey. On the ride up to school.” Hermione answered.

“I see. What exactly happened Miss Granger? I thought that you all had been made aware of Harry’s situation and avoided the usual words and actions that set him off.” Madame Pomfrey glared.

“W-we weren’t riding with him, Madame Pomfrey, so I’m not sure what happened really,” She glanced slightly apologetically at me before adding, “but I think it might have been the word ‘freak,’ that triggered it. He was riding with Malfoy….”

“Well, Mister Malfoy? Would you say that the episode was triggered by the word ‘freak’? It will help us to understand and avoid further recurrences,” Madame Pomfrey said professionally as she passed her wand back and forth over Harry, checking vital signs. I nodded dumbly, still not quite understanding how simply calling Harry a freak had managed to put him in a comatose condition, especially considering the good time we had been having. What the hell had happened to him? “Well, his vital signs seem to be alright, he’s breathing properly and his heart rate isn’t too far elevated yet, but I’d like to get him into the ward as soon as possible so we can restrain him when he wakes up. And treat any injuries he may sustain…” She stood and dusted her knees off then quickly levitated Harry, “Mister Finnegan, if you would please clear the way?”

Seamus jumped up and ran in front of Madame Pomfrey, voraciously cursing anyone who tried to get in the way. Ron glared one more time at me then followed after, as did Hermione after one more apologetic glance at me. I made to follow as well but a strong hand stopped me. I looked up into the flashing angry eyes of the headmaster and without another word was led into the school, around a corner, up a few flights of stairs and pulled to a stop in front of the gargoyle leading to the headmaster’s office.

“Snickers.” Dumbledore said gravely, and pulled me up the stairway and into his office with all of its twirling, twinkling, smoking silver gadgets. Fawkes, in the middle of a burn cycle, squawked pathetically and ignored us both. “Sit down, Mister Malfoy. We have things to discuss.” Dumbledore said, settling himself in his own chair and gesturing towards another. “Now then.”

“Now then what?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Will Harry be alright sir? What exactly is wrong with him? Granger said something about stress or trauma or something like that.”

“I don’t know if Harry will be alright Mister Malfoy, why don’t you tell me?” Dumbledore asked, leaning forward and steepling his fingers, staring intently at me over them. “What happened on the train today?”

“What do you mean sir? I don’t know what happened.” I insisted, trying not to roll my eyes too hard. “We were just sitting there talking about some things and he went all rigid and wouldn’t move. I tried to wake him up and it didn’t work so I got out of the carriage and got Granger to help. What more do you want from me?”

“Well, for starters, I’d like to know what exactly it is you did to Harry. Forgive me if it seems I don’t believe you,” I scoffed and the Headmaster ignored me, “But simply calling Harry a freak has never sent him into an episode before, so you see why I am having difficulty. Additionally, Harry and you have never been on…shall we say…the best of terms, and I see no reason for you to start ‘just talking’ now.”

I sighed; perhaps, if I was going to have to endure this treatment from everyone, being friends with Harry wouldn’t be worth getting to see him in such tight jeans. “Professor, Harry and I shared a compartment on the Hogwarts Express since both of us were reluctant to join in the usual blather of summer catch up. We talked a little and decided to try to be friends, and that’s all. I didn’t curse him, I didn’t hex him and he didn’t curse or hex me, we just talked.” I insisted, leaving out the fact that we also smoked a large amount of pot together and played several rounds of rather interesting truth or toke. “Why is that so hard for everyone to believe?”

“Perhaps, Mister Malfoy, it would be because you two boys have never been within five feet of each other without wands being drawn and curses thrown. The way it has always been between Slytherin and Gryffindor students. Certainly, I would like to believe that the animosity between your two houses is dissipating, but I simply do not find it feasible at this point in time.” Dumbledore pointed out with that damned merry twinkle.

“Pompous old fucker.” I thought, and then smiled to myself, “Maybe that’s why Harry kept calling him ‘Dumble-fuck’,” I quickly wiped the smile off my face though as I tried again to explain. “Yes sir, it is true that we were wand happy in the past, but you know perfectly well that I only did it because of my father. Now that my father is gone, I see no reason why Harry and I shouldn’t be friendly. It’s not like I’m going to have to become a Death Eater anymore. And I also see no reason why I should not be worried about said friend being in the hospital wing, especially since it seems to be my fault somehow.”

Dumbledore looked thoughtful and opened his mouth as if he was about to answer when the door to his office flew open, a slightly panting Ginny Weasley standing there. “Headmaster! Harry’s awake!” She gasped, “Madame Pomfrey says she needs to speak to you right away!”

“Ginny, escort Mister Malfoy back to his destination, wherever that may be.” He said. Dumbledore was up and away from his desk surprisingly quickly for someone so old, and as he disappeared around a corner of the spiral stair case he called back, “Oh and Ginny, feel free to help yourself to a lemon drop.”

Ginny giggled when Dumbledore was gone and did indeed help herself to a lemon drop, a handful actually, and then motioned for me to follow her. “Come on Malfoy,” she said as she popped one in, “I’ll take you back to your room. Fred and George showed me a few good shortcuts to the dungeons last year. I’ll have you there in no time.”

“That’s wonderful Weasley, but my room isn’t in the dungeons this year. Do to….familial problems….I am supposed to be staying in the room behind the portrait of the crazy knight, near the Ravenclaw dorms.” I informed her, standing and straightening my cuffs in a purely Slytherin Ice Prince kind of move. I can’t be familiar with all of the Gryffindorks after-all.

“Well I know a good shortcut from here to there too.” Ginny shrugged, “The twins showed me a ton of good shortcuts before they cut out last year. I know almost as many as Harry does, except he has that damn map.” She started for the staircase. “Come on, then.”

I followed, only a little reluctantly. So far the youngest Weasley didn’t seem to be too bad. At least she wasn’t insisting that I had somehow spelled Harry into the position he was in now. “Weasley….Ginny….do you know what’s wrong with Harry?” I decided to ask her. Harry had said something during one of his truths about Ginny being cool (and not bad in the sack, though he didn’t want to date her like Ron wanted him to), and that she was an even better friend then Weasley and Granger because she didn’t judge.

“Well….I don’t know exactly what’s wrong….” She shrugged, “Just that he went through some pretty screwed up shit at his relatives’ house and saying or doing certain things around him makes him have these really bad flashbacks where all he can see or hear is the thing that happened to him. It’s really tough on him too, because he’s a wizard and what he has usually only happens to muggles, though a few witches and wizards who lived through Voldemort’s first rising have the same kind of problem. Like Neville’s grandma. Sometimes, if the episode’s really bad the person’s magic reacts and they get bruises and broken bones and….other injuries…that are the same as the ones they got originally. Usually though, Harry just wakes up in a really bad mood, like, psycho killer bad. He has to be restrained so he doesn’t hurt anybody….or himself.” She shuddered as she led him behind a statue and into a secret tunnel. “We all know how hard he tries not to let it happen, but we’re all real careful about what we say or do around him anyway. It’s not good for anyone, especially Harry, and not a lot of mediwizards really know how to deal with muggle psychiatric illnesses. Poppy keeps trying to get Dumbledore to send for a specialist at St.Mungo’s who can prescribe some kind of medication to make things easier on him, or just talk to him about everything, but Dumbledore won’t.” She scowled and I flinched from the intensity of it, even though I had the feeling it wasn’t directed at me. “So now, all Harry can do to help keep himself calm is get stoned all the time. It sucks…well…not the getting stoned part, that can be pretty fun…but the fact that he has to and no one except me and the twins really approves of it. Dumbledore doesn’t want Harry taking any mind altering medications.” The way she spat the name of the Headmaster made me not ask why. Obviously, Dumbledore was not the nice old man everyone thought he was.

“So what exactly did his family do to him to make him have whatever it is?” I asked instead, jogging to keep up with her. “And why the hell does he keep going back there every year if it just makes it worse?”

“I don’t know if I can tell you that.” Ginny said, looking at me over her shoulder. “How do I know that you won’t just pass the information on to someone who shouldn’t know it?”

“I am not my father and I am not a death eater.” I said with a sigh. “And I do not pass information to Voldemort. I hate that twisted freak.”

“Didn’t say you were, and I didn’t say you did, and I didn’t say you didn’t.” Ginny countered confusingly, “All I said was that I didn’t know if you would pass it to someone who shouldn’t know it. That could be any number of people. Plus, I don’t really think it’s my place to tell you. IF you are really going to be friends with Harry, he’ll just have to find a way to tell you himself. All I can say is, stay away from threatening muggle gestures like raising your fist, and don’t say anything like ‘freak’ or call him worthless. Oh, and never, ever, ever ask him if he can cook. For some reason, that one really throws him over the edge and he usually gets these nasty burns all over his arms. Bacon is also something you should try to avoid around him.”

“Wow, Harry really is all kinds of screwed up isn’t he?” I asked as we finally reached the right painting.

“Not really, he just had a seriously screwed up life with those fucked up muggles and he’s gonna keep having these problems until he feels completely safe from them, and god only knows how long that’s gonna be, since Dumbledore refuses to let him live anywhere else while Voldy’s alive or take any therapy.” Ginny said, and then stopped herself. “Oops. TMI. Forget I said that, k?” I nodded, hiding my grin with a cough and yawn. “Well, here’s your room, I’ll ask Dobby to send up something for you incase you’re hungry and I’ll, uh…well…I’ll talk to Harry and find out if he wants to talk to you again or if you really did curse him back there and fooled us all.” She smiled. “Don’t worry, he’ll be ok.”

“Thanks Ginny. You know, you’re not half bad for a Weasley.” I replied, holding open the door to my new room.

“Hah, well, don’t tell Ron that or he’ll blow a gasket.” She laughed and left swiftly as she’d come, taking a completely different route, but not before yelling, “See ya later Blondie!”

“Weird girl, that one is.” I muttered to myself as she waved over her shoulder at me. “Really weird…”



A/N: Chapter three, complete! I know, I know, all my die hard fans from the last Harry/Draco thing I wrote are going, “Come on Murray! Where’s the smut!? You’ve usually had a TON of slashy goodness by now, not just little hints about tight pants! What’s the deal?!” Well, as some of you might remember, or just know from checking out my other stuff, my Hubble Blondie got pregnant last year, round the same time as the release of the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie. So that explains some of why I took a break, what with the nausea and the vomiting and Alexander’s complete unwillingness to let me on the internet because he read some stupid tabloid that said it was bad for pregnant women. I know I wasn’t writing much before then either, because I was working on some original stuff that I wanted to get published. What you guys DON’T know, is that I had TWINS. A boy, who has been named after his great-grandfather on his father’s side, Julius, and a girl that we decided to name Maeve because she came out with shockingly red hair and bright GREEN eyes and looks positively Fae. Now, I know most babies are born with blue, but hers were green, still are actually, and she’s still got the red curls (just like mine, I’m so proud ^^) and she’s just about as Irish queen of the Faeries as you can get, so don’t bitch at me about the name like my mother-in-law did because it wasn’t Greek like Alexander’s family. I don’t know if any of you has ever had to babysit twins, but at least when you babysit, the job’s done eventually. Me, I’ve been watching these two trouble makers since the second they came out of my body and except for a few snatched hours of sleep when I MAKE Blondie take a shift, I haven’t really had time to myself the last seven months or so. But, the twins are starting to sleep through the night now, so as soon as I put them to bed and before they wake up in the morning, I usually have a little time to write and edit and post. But as you will also know, writing smut tends to make me….a little…..well, why else would I write it really? And I don’t feel very comfortable doing THAT when my babies are one wall over. Luckily, their grandmas like to take them for the day a lot, otherwise Blondie and I would be having some SERIOUS problems. So, I promise, as soon as they get taken for another day trip, I will write some actual slash. I did rate this thing A++ for a reason you know. Anywho, enough of my drama and excuses. Review!!!! For the love of god/Buddha/the-hindu-diety-of-your-choice/Allah/Isis/Lady/Lord/and any others I may have missed, REVIEW!!! I live for reviews! They make me feel all warm and fuzzy and appreciated, and when you’ve got two babies and a husband to take care of, you don’t get a hell of a lot of appreciation….LOVE ME!!!!.....I mean…**cough**….eh…hehe….**huggles** And for those lovely people who did review **throws out marshmallow and chocolate harry and dracos**