This is the Way I Fall

Author's note--Thank you so much for the lovely reviews!!! I love you all and I really appreciate your comments and compliments on this story!!! I almost feel bad to introduce the angst now...but the chapter is already written and thus...let it begin.

Keep in mind the title of the chapter and that it will be okay on the other side...that being said...*gulp* Happy reading lol

Quick note to Roozette on her latest review: Good guesses for the angst...but you'll see from the cliffie at the end of this chapter. *fair warning for cliffhanger* And GOD I'm having trouble biting my tongue because I want SO BADLY to give you a hint as to what's coming, but...I want you to be surprised too!

This is the Way I Fall by Graballz

Chapter 3

This is the Way I Lie

Despite the connecting they had done that night, their schedules (and Harry’s attention span) went back to ‘normal’ for the remainder of the week, with eating, sleeping, and spending time with Draco being relegated to the back of Harry’s mind as he scrambled to keep up with his hectic life. He finished his last exam at noon on Friday, and he had to turn in his Spanish paper before he went back to the apartment.

Draco, meanwhile, had taken his tests with confidence in spite of his distinct lack of studying and was merely waiting for Harry to be finished so that they could return to their regularly scheduled shagging. When Harry bounded up the stairs and flung his book bag to the floor, Draco had flown off of the couch, and Harry crashed into the wall behind him (nearly falling down the stairs in the process) from Draco’s velocity. He clutched Draco tightly, though, reveling in the feel of holding his Slytherin sex kitten and being held by him, since it likely would have taken the very jaws of life to pry Draco off of his free-again boyfriend.

“I’m really and truly done, baby,” Harry managed not to shout his exuberance. “What do you want to do? Are you hungry? Have you eaten lunch?”

“Don’t care about food,” Draco mumbled into Harry’s chest, not moving. “I just want to stay like this a little longer.”

“No objection here,” Harry replied, smiling as he smoothed a hand over Draco’s hair. “Wow, it feels like it’s been a really long time since I’ve touched you.”

“That’s because it has been,” Draco pointed out.

“Touché. Now the only other thing we have to do is pack tonight,” Harry said. “And there’s a frat party, of course, but we can’t get wasted. We have to fly tomorrow.”

“And we can’t fly wasted?”

“Well, hung over,” Harry corrected. “And no. You remember what it was like to fly here from England. That’s what we’ll be doing.”

“Too bad we can’t use broomsticks,” Draco screwed up his face, rubbing his cheek along Harry’s collarbone.

“To fly to Brazil?”

“Well, no,” Draco conceded. “Just kind of in general. I miss flying.”

“Me too, love,” Harry said. “But you know the decision we made.”

“I know,” Draco gave Harry one last squeeze and let go, stepping back after having satisfied his initial hunger to be in close contact with Harry. “Guess what? I made lunch for us as a surprise.”

“And it’s edible?” Harry cocked his head and winked, Slytherin-like. “That IS a surprise!”

“Eat me, Potter,” Draco replied. “I could have been a chef.”

“YOU are certainly edible,” Harry said huskily, nibbling Draco’s neck from behind. He smiled when the blonde twitched, bringing his shoulder up to protect the side of his neck. “Can I have you for lunch?”

“You randy bastard,” Draco teased cheerfully, leading the way to their kitchen table where he had set their plates. “Why don’t you try my fish and chips first?”

“Hey, it’s been a while since we’ve had fish and chips!” Harry exclaimed, his eyes widening when he saw the traditional British lunch. They both took their seats and dug in ravenously.

“I know,” Draco rolled his eyes in mock-indignation. “That’s why I cooked it. Not exactly like home, but close enough.”

“Of course, it tastes different; we’re in America, but it’s almost like Mum used to make. Well, Mrs. Weasley, anyway,” Harry added with just a hint of sadness in his voice. Draco slid a hand over Harry’s forearm in understanding. He knew that since Harry had never known his own mother, he had taken to Mrs. Weasley for a surrogate. Being betrayed by her (and the rest of the Weasley clan) had been devastating to Harry, and while Draco harbored no lost love for Ron or Ginny, he was still respectful of Harry’s mourning the loss of the family he had once been a part of.

“I wish that you had been able to get to know Ron’s mum, Draco,” Harry said suddenly, looking up into Draco’s surprised grey eyes. “I know you and Ron didn’t get on, but I wish things had been different.”

“There is no use in wishing to change the past, baby,” Draco replied gently. His practical response was very nearly automatic; after years of being drilled that hopes, dreams, love, and tears were weaknesses, Draco had had to fight to overcome that mantra. With the move to America, Draco had made a real effort to be completely different, which was one reason he decided that he would try new things. He still disliked crying, even if he was able to do it more freely around Harry than anyone else. And Draco couldn’t have helped falling in love with Harry, so regardless of whether he believed love to be a weakness, he still would have been (and would be) in love with Harry.

“I know,” Harry stared down at his fish and chips without seeing them. “But she really was a brilliant cook.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Draco said, and he was surprised to find that he meant it sincerely.

“Draco? What’s the deal between your family and the Weasleys?” Harry thought he knew, but he asked anyway.

“What?” The blonde was startled. Harry rarely talked about anyone or anything from their old life.

“You and Ron not liking each other; Mr. Weasley and your father getting in a fight. You know, that sort of thing. What is it between your families?” Harry reached across the table and took Draco’s hand.

“Oh, that,” Draco said, unexpectedly turning morose and frowning at his food as if it has personally offended him. “Well, part of it was money. Part of it was status. And part of it was ickle Ronnikin’s personality.”

“Draco,” Harry’s voice held a note of warning. He was unsatisfied and unimpressed with that explanation, and he kept a level eye on the blonde, letting Draco wiggle until he finally huffed and caved.

“Potter, don’t do this,” Draco began, catching Harry off-guard not only with the use of his surname but also with the cold tone of his boyfriend’s voice. He hadn’t heard THAT tone since their days as rivals in Hogwarts. “You don’t want to know the dirty little secret that our families share. I don’t even know if the Weasley brats know, but I know. And as someone who loves you and knows how you feel about THEM, I’m telling you not to ask me. That being said, ask me again, but it will ruin your Spring Break.”

Harry couldn’t even begin to describe how shocked he was. He hadn’t expected Draco’s tone, and he was darkly intrigued (and disturbed) by his words. Harry scrutinized his boyfriend, knowing that Draco had a flare for the melodramatic, but there was something in Draco’s face this time that pulled at Harry’s gut and made him wonder if perhaps whatever happened between the Weasleys and the Malfoys really WAS as bad as Draco was making it out to be.

The Gryffindor sat and thought for a moment, giving Draco’s words some serious contemplation. He hadn’t expected the level of sensitivity from Draco to consider how the information might change Harry’s opinion of the Weasleys, but he got the feeling that that was one reason (among others) why Draco was reluctant to talk about it. Deep down, though, Harry knew that if there was something this bad between his lover’s family and his former surrogate family, he should know about it.

“Draco, I’m a big boy,” Harry said finally, wiping his greasy fingers on his pants before taking Draco’s other hand, shaking it to get him to drop the piece of fish. “If there is something that affects you and the Weasleys, I should know about this. I deserve to know, since I was close with them, and I am close to you. And you need to know that you can talk to me about anything, love. Even if you think it might hurt me. Okay?”

Draco exhaled through his nostrils and closed his eyes as if in pain. “Harry, don’t make me talk about this. It’s our little family secret, and no one else needs to know.”

“So I’m not part of your family, then?” Harry’s voice reflected more hurt than he actually felt. Yes, he was slightly miffed at Draco’s implication, but he also knew that his lover hadn’t meant it like THAT. He reminded himself that Draco had had a life, a family, and his own secrets before Draco had gotten involved with Harry, and that Draco was entitled to those secrets if he didn’t want to share them.

The idea of ‘dirty laundry’, though, was somewhat foreign to Harry in the sense that he didn’t get what the big shame was about having secrets. Having BEEN the ‘dirty laundry’ (since the Dursleys immensely hated him), Harry was more than eager to get secrets out in the open. It was one of the reasons he was chosen for Gryffindor after he requested ‘not Slytherin’; it was also one of the biggest differences between Harry and Draco. Draco had been raised to master the delicate game of secrecy, politics, and lying. Draco had also been instilled with a duty to protect his family’s name from slander and other vicious rumors regardless of what the truth actually was.

However Gryffindor Harry wanted to claim to be, he couldn’t deny that there was a definite Slytherin streak in him. It may not have pertained to family and dark secrets, but he had a way of getting what he wanted even when it was against the rules. After having been intimate with a Slytherin for as long as Harry had, he fancied that he knew a thing or two about manipulating people’s feelings. He used that in his voice, quashing his guilt because he knew without a second thought that, had the tables been turned and HARRY had had a family secret he didn’t want to share, Draco wouldn’t have hesitated to pull out all of the manipulative stops to get the information he wanted. Harry allowed his eyes to flutter downward in the impression of pain, trying to ignore the conscience in his head that was chiding him for ‘stooping’ to such levels.

“Harry, love, yes, of course you are!” Draco groaned, wanting to hit himself for hurting his boyfriend so thoughtlessly. He changed tactics, praying that he could smooth things over and sidetrack Harry. It would be a delicate balance, but this kind of situation was precisely what Draco had been brought up to handle. “Baby, you know how much I love you. I love you more than anything in this world; as close as we are, lover, and as much of a family as we are now, you’re still not a Malfoy, baby. And that doesn’t matter to me at all, except that this is a private Malfoy family matter. Harry, sweetheart, please believe me when I say that I’m protecting you. You’ve always been strong and saving everyone; let me take care of you. Let me protect you. I love you.”

Ever the master, Draco’s eyes filled with unshed tears on cue about halfway through his speech. He stared at Harry, blinking his long lashes, which caused two tears to overflow down his cheek. His hands stroked Harry’s and up Harry’s arm. Draco watched as Harry’s emotions played out over his face. He expertly pushed away the twinge of guilt from a long-silenced conscience at using love in such a manipulative fashion; it would have made his father proud. It made Draco sick, but it made him sicker to have to rip his lover’s idealistic view of his former surrogate family out from under him.

“Draco, I love you too,” Harry’s voice was sweet and soft. For a second, Draco thought he might have succeeded. “And that’s why I need to know. I can handle this. Tell me what happened between your families.” Failure. And it just hit Draco that he would also be responsible for casting a black cloud over Harry’s almost-family. He hoped fervently that Harry wouldn’t hate him for it.

Draco gave Harry a pleading look and sighed. “I’m sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this; I’m sorry you want to know. Harry…Arthur Weasley raped my mother.”

**********

Author's note--Apologies for anyone who has a problem with rape/non-con. I would like to assure you that while Draco and Harry might have a difficult time speaking about the subject of rape, no one actually *gets* raped in this story. It is not described, and any events that ARE talked about happened in the past.

I know that, at the beginning of "Pray", I said something along the lines of them being in America and focusing on the future, not the past...but as hard as I tried, this is the way it all came out, so apparently our boys have some unresolved issues that they want to talk about before we can move forward with the fluffiness.

And, just so you know, I did my research on the HP Lexicon, so any and all future references to dates/times/places/years, etc are completely accurate according to canon.

I would also like to say a quick word about Harry and privacy. I know that, in general, Harry is a private person and doesn't necessarily want the entire wizarding world in his business (or at least, that's how he was in England because of who he was). I know it might seem a bit OOC for Harry to WANT things out in the open, but I want you to consider the content of the secrets.

Obviously he's not going to advocate talking freely about Horcruxes with just anyone, but as far as a family's history and secrets because they are ashamed of what happened...Harry thinks that is just stupid. HE is not ashamed that his parents were murdered, even though it seems quite scandalous to others.

A good example of this is from my own family (and hopefully this analogy will help convince you that Harry's attitude is NOT OOC-ness...) My great-grandparents (my mother's father's parents) committed suicide back in the 1920's. The family was Catholic (my grandfather and my mother were raised Catholic) and no one talked about it. It was a very shameful thing for our family, especially since they were from a small town and EVERYONE knew...people from three towns over knew!

My mother was in college before my grandmother (her mother) would even hint that it wasn't a car accident that killed them, and even then, my grandmother wouldn't talk about it. My mom and I ended up going to the local library and looking up the old records to find out more about it, and it was a pretty big deal. My aunt (my mom's sister) to this day will NOT acknowledge that it was suicide because SHE is really ashamed of it.

I, personally, am not ashamed. It's a pretty heavy story, yes, but do I feel shame for something that happened 80 years (to the day, actually, which is CREEPY) before I was born? No way! (I'm also not Catholic, so I understand why suicide is a big deal from the point of "don't do it" but I don't get why it's such a mortal sin "you're going to Hell"...because I don't believe that.)

So anyway, I don't necessarily go around TELLING people that my great-grandparents killed themselves, but I don't lie about it. I can't change it; it's part of my family's history, and I accept that.

See, and I think that that is how Harry would be. He's not ashamed that his parents were murdered, and while he doesn't go around telling people about it, he doesn't lie about it either. I also think that the Gryffindor side of him would advocate for not having secrets moreso than privacy.

Like I said, I hope this makes sense as to why Harry feels the way he does. Even if you don't agree, I hope that it makes it a bit clearer as to why I don't consider his feelings to be OOC, because he DOES still have his secrets and he doesn't necessarily like people prying into his personal life with Draco and all...but I really feel like he would have a bad taste in his mouth after having BEEN a 'shameful secret' and not want those to be kept...

I'm sorry for the cliffie, but just remember that the next chapter will be posted tomorrow, so you won't have to wait TOO long!

paigeey07 Yay, you're back! Thanks for your review!!

Lilith A chapter a day...which means that we've got 5 more days to go for this installment! (8 chapters total...while I'm still working on the NEXT installment, but I'll try to get it done SOON for you all!) Thanks!

thrnbrooke *wink* This is true...thanks for being here!

Roozette Ha! Thank you for that wonderful review! See, now I feel (kind of) bad about introducing the angst into the story because I know it's probably going to distress you guys. (*sad*)

LOL A bunch of girls sitting around reading gay porn...that just screams "VOYEUR" if anything does...because it's not like we can participate or anything...we just watch. *wink* But there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that...and if Harry and Draco want to come over to the Coven house and should just happen to get it on...we have cameras in place for just that occasion! LMAO

Alright, so now you know the angst...and I'll say this...it WILL all be resolved and everything explained by the end of the fourth installment (so that we can get back to the happy stuff in the fifth installment). And by the end of this installment...you'll see why I was having such a hard time NOT spilling the beans!!!

Nikki You are amazing!!! And you're too kind. Thank you for those wonderful compliments. Believe me, I had to take a couple of breaks here and there to make kitty happy (*smirk*) before I was finished with that chapter...

Honestly, I think it would depend on the deliveryman. (and whether he was hot or not lol) Because if it was the man delivering a new pair of Sunday School shoes...he'd probably freak out and run back to the confessional...haha But if it was the guy who's used to delivering your weekly subscriptions to eight different porn mags, then he'd probably be like, "About fucking time...your neighbor doesn't need her new Bible delivered for a few more hours!" *wink*