The Price of Love

A/N: there is no lemons in this chapter, it kind of describes Hermione's and Lucius first meeting, and eases in the issue of her abandonment of Lucius.
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[Hermione P.O.V]

It has been 3 long months since I last seen Lucius Malfoy, and not a day has gone by when I don’t think of him.

It’s the little things that remind me of him, the smell of fire whiskey as I pass through the leaky cauldron, or just a passing stranger who wears a similar smelling scent as him.

It’s as if my senses are tuned only to his radar.

But each thing I remember rams me head first back into loving him.

I see how happy Harry and Ginny are and it kills me. Why am I always the one who is always alone? Ginny says it’s my pride that discourages me to bare my soul to others, but I don’t want to go through the pain of being broken again.

I can’t deal with it.

There are still tokens of his affection dotted around my flat, traces of him linger within me and I cannot bear to part with them, he has tried to contact me several times, even as far as coming to my office in the Ministry, I can’t let him see what he has done to me.

For the first few weeks, I felt as if I had cried enough tears to flood the streets, the sweet release of my grief couldn’t justify the pain that resided in my heart.

To this day I still feel like I love him, I don’t think that feeling will ever go away, as long as I have to live in the same world he does, breathe the same air as him.

As long as I have this piece of him inside me, I will never be free.

And tonight is going to be hell, I thought about not going, hell i thought about it a lot, I just don’t know if I’m ready to see him, I can't deal with more heart ache. But I was badgered into going by my so called friend Ginny, in support of her husband and my best friend Harry Potter. I know she means well, and thinks she understands.

But I don't think anyone, apart from Lucius really could.

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The time comes and it feels as if my heart is in my mouth, I can feel it beating furiously in every fibre of my being.

Telling me to face my fears, it will never be his burden only mine.

I arrive at the ministry alone, to be met in the lounge by my extended family, they as always seem happy to see me.

I scan the room, and I feel myself relax as relief floods me, he isn’t here, not that I don't accept that he will be here, he lives for events like this.

I take a seat by Harry and Ginny, and feel the protective hand of Harry squeeze my shoulder, he knows I didn’t want to come tonight, he just doesn’t know the real reason, I think he suspects, he always did know when something was wrong.

The one thing that the past few months have taught me is that I can’t allow myself to be swayed by Lucius anymore, he doesn’t love me and he could never offer me what he could offer someone with worthier blood than mine.

I can see it now, Lucius Malfoy and mudblood Hermione Granger: the scandal.

Its like all of a sudden, I hear a laugh that sends shivers to my very core, the hair's on the back of my neck stand on end and my head turns to see the source of my distraction.

He’s here, oh god, breathe Hermione, breathe!

I make my excuses and go to the bathroom, I splash my face with cold water, but it doesn’t help.

Emotions fill me and my eyes begin to mist over, I furiously blink the tears away as memory after memory fills my head. His lips on my neck, his breath on my skin, the muttering of my name while he is buried inside me. I shake my head but they refuse to dislodge.

The familiar feeling grips my heart and fills it.

I feel like I am back to square one.

I scorn myself, I knew he would be here, and I must be a fool to think I could avoid him. No one could avoid Lucius Malfoy.

I look at myself in the mirror, my eyes are a little smudged by my minor outbreak of tears, but nothing I cannot fix, I wave my wand over my face and it returns back to normal. I smooth my dress down and open the door, and calmly walk out preparing myself for the probable barrage of insults, that will roll of that glorious tongue of his.

I struggle for a moment in the doorway, do I really want to go out there and be made a fool of? Would he do that to me?

I feel a hand grab my wrist and a feeling of foreboding washes over me, I am afraid to turn till I hear his silky tones.

“It has been a long time Miss Granger,” he purrs and sends my heart racing.

I struggle to catch my breath.

“Mr Malfoy,” I say, shaking underneath his grasp.

“Where have you been Hermione? It is not polite to ignore me.” he says taking a step closer.

“Lucius, please let go of my wrist, you’re hurting me.” I say as the tears begin to build yet again.

“Why don’t you answer my letters?” he said, I see a flash of anger gathering in his eyes.

“I cannot explain Lucius, please leave me be,”

He lets go of my wrists.

“What could I have possibly done to make you hate me as you do?”

The look of confusion in his eyes hurts me more than he could ever know.

I straighten myself up and recite the speech I rehearsed in preparation for if I ever seen him.

“Are you as silly as to tell me that we ever had a chance of something more? I think not, you will go your way and I will go mine, don’t kid me into thinking it was anything more than it was, you made that clear from day one.”

I have never had Lucius look at me like he is now.

Hurt is the one thing I have never seen in his eyes, they then grow cold as he looks down at me.

“You are quite right mudblood; I will do well to remember what you are.”

“Lucius-“

He waves his hand in my face commanding me to stop.

And with that he walks away.

And my heart breaks all over again.

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I am now 5 months pregnant.I walk round and empty shell, I stupidly clung to the hope of one day maybe it could happen, I know for sure now it won’t.

Lucius Malfoy has destroyed me.

I think back to the way he made me feel that night and I feel disgusted with myself, but I can't risk it again.

I cling to the one final nail in our coffin, the piece of him that lives inside of me, his child.

I am hardly even showing, my robes that I wear for work disguise it well, the little baby that will have my eyes and his hair, is the proof that after all is said and done, that I did love him.

Do I still love him? I don't know, his words sliced my heart more than I think he will ever realise.

Did he really think I hated him? I suppose that was my goal. But the look of hurt that captured my conscience haunts me every day.

There is the answer to my question.

There is still some love for him left in me.

I have heard nothing of him; but still I cannot escape the dynasty that is the Malfoy family.

I stand talking to my co worker when a familiar drawl reaches my ears.

“Granger,” he smirks

“Malfoy,” I say trying my hardest not to look into the eyes that bear so much resemblance to his father's.

“What a delight it is that we will be working together.” he smirks seeing the look that paints on my face.

“What do you mean working together?” I say, nearly losing my breath.

He points at me, and then at himself.

“You and me, together working,” he laughs, reminding me so much of Lucius it hurts.

“When?”

“I start today and you’ve got to show me the ropes,”

I inwardly groan.

I motion for him to follow me and he does catching up quickly as I walk to my office- well I suppose our office now.

I push the door open to find it completely changed; it now houses two desks that face eachother.

I listen as Draco voices his approval and takes a seat at his desk and proudly puts his feet up.

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I am glad when my day is over, I don’t think I could listen to Draco anymore with his insistent boasting about his father. I felt like putting my hands around his neck.

I realise that all day I did'nt think about Lucius once, must be the Malfoy effect.

I won’t have to listen to Draco for much longer anyway, next week I go on maternity leave. This the one thing I like about the Ministry! Mandatory Maternity Leave! Thank Merlin!

I think of the life that grows in me, I imagine Lucius' reaction to the fact he has fathered a Half-Blood, I could not put myself of my child through such intolerable hate.

That is why I could never tell him.

He could never love a child he made with a Muggleborn, his legacy would be destroyed and I would be the cause, he would never forgive me.

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I still remember the day I met him, the one day that started this macabre existence, that I call life.

It was the 23rd of December, the Ministrys annual Christmas ball.

I went with my former boyfriend and now close friend Viktor Krum, we laughed, danced and enjoyed ourselves.

But I think back to the highlight of my night, I remember sitting with Viktor, who by his own admission was extremely engrossed in Pansy Parkinson, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. My breath caught in my throat when I realised who it was.

“Care to dance Miss Granger?”

I nodded eagerly, not realising then what I had to lose.

I rose and walked to the middle of the dance floor and he pulled me to him. His touch is something in a matter of days I will come to be familiar with.

His hand rested on the bottom of my back as we danced, he was the epitome of a gentleman, he swirled me round almost effortlessly and I was taken back by how nice he was being, as the song ended he walked me to the bar, I arranged my dress before sitting on the stool and he ordered 2 glasses of champagne.

He dazzled me with his vibrant conversation and witty banter.


I first realised his intentions when he invited me, Viktor and Pansy back to his manor for a night cap.
Viktor was delighted at the chance to copulate with Pansy something I find absolutely disgusting, something I came to find Lucius shared the same view of.

We had barely been alone five minutes before he pressed his lips to mine, and I responded eagerly.

His kisses shake me to my very core.

But then it dawns on me, this is Lucius Malfoy for god’s sake, Draco’s father.

His incessant charm takes over me and I am quickly at his mercy, we collided together like thunder and lightning, with a frantic need for each other.

I sometimes think back on it and smile, if I don’t I know I will only cry.

His constant attention flattered me and I was quickly enthralled with him, he treated me like a queen.

In secret, that is.

I know his social profile wouldn’t tolerate me, so we began to see eachother on a weekly basis.

I thought that was what I wanted, until I realised I wanted something much more.

Something that he could never give me.