A Heart So Ravenous (Sequel to A Love So Belated)
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
44
Views:
36,845
Reviews:
326
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
44
Views:
36,845
Reviews:
326
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 3: A Well So Cavernous
Chapter Number/Total: 3/44
Chapter Title: A Well So Cavernous
Words: 2400 Words
Harry was reading. He was actually beginning to think that reading was becoming his life, which, previously, he would have never thought in a million years. Over the past few weeks Draco had been withdrawn, angry, and completely off-limits as far as sex went. But what was strange was that he could change in a matter of minutes to being friendly, loving, and turned-on as hell. It was driving Harry absolutely mad. Well, at least Draco had gotten marginally better since that visit with his mother - but still.
He didn't know when it was okay to touch Draco and when it wasn't. He didn't know how far he was allowed to go when Draco started kissing him and rubbing against him, and he wanted to pull his hair out when Draco would pull away and leave him with an erection. He was still wanking in the shower and hadn't even gotten a glimpse of Draco's arse or cock. He didn't let Draco know any of this of course, but he was really starting to feel it. He didn't blame his lover for the problem. He knew it wasn't his fault. Harry only wished that he knew what to do about it.
They both hadn't left the house at all, and Harry hadn't seen any of his friends since seeing Ron and Hermione at the hospital. He'd received letters from a few concerned friends, but mostly ignored them and their offers to come over or have Harry visit. Mrs. Weasley had even sent a worried-sounding letter, begging Harry to come over, but he'd had to refuse her offer like all the others. He didn't want to be far from Draco. He missed them, but he wasn't leaving or stressing Draco out with other people being in their house.
So, he read - either that or he just sat and thought, which was really rather boring. He'd even wished they had a television set. At least he could watch a film or something then.
He was currently just reading a book on the Quidditch teams of Great Britain - one that he'd read once already. Draco was off working in his lab. He did that a lot. Harry read and Draco worked on potions. It was like living with a mad scientist or something. Harry sighed, feeling guilty for thinking anything remotely bad about Draco, especially since all of it was due to what had happened with the Lestranges.
He looked up at the ceiling. Perhaps he could take a nap to pass the time, but as he was getting to his feet, he heard knocking. It was unexpected, as it usually was, and he frowned in thought. It was probably Narcissa, checking up on Draco again. He left the living room and made his way down the hall to the door.
"Hi, Harry," said Hermione when he pulled the door open.
Harry smiled. "Hi," he said, happy to see that it was her. He knew she wouldn't bother Draco - well, he probably wouldn't even come down.
She smiled too and stepped inside.
Harry led her to the sitting room.
"Sorry I didn't send a letter or anything," she said. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."
"It's fine," said Harry.
"Where's Draco?"
Harry frowned. "In the lab," he answered.
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Oh," she said. "Is that a bad thing?"
Harry startled. Had that shown in his face? "Well, no, I guess not," he said. "He stays in there a lot."
"Oh," she repeated, cocking her head a bit and watching Harry.
He stared back.
"So," she continued, "you've been okay then?"
"Yeah, I suppose," Harry replied.
"You suppose?"
Harry sighed. "Do I need to let you know how I've been doing down to every last mood?"
She rolled her eyes. "Well, no," she said. "I've just been worried about you."
Harry stared at the floor.
"I know we wrote to each other when that article came out," she went on quietly. "And I would've come over, but I thought Draco would probably need some alone time after that."
Alone time was certainly right. "Yeah," said Harry.
"Has he been that bad?" she asked with a small wince.
Harry frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I know you didn't come right out and tell me," she said, quiet again. "But I... I do know... what happened."
Harry continued to frown. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well," she said, "I know he has to be... behaving strangely to you."
Harry raised an eyebrow, unsure if he should go into this.
"It's normal, Harry," she told him.
"Normal?" Harry echoed, frowning again. "What's normal?"
"Mood swings, not eating well, feeling ill, guilty, angry, scared, ashamed," she listed.
Harry perked up at that.
"He's also probably been really confused because he knows he isn't acting like he did before," she continued. "And he's probably been afraid to do anything... sexual."
Harry nodded, staring. "Hermione... how do you know all of this?"
"Well, he was... raped," she said very quietly, wincing again. "Those are the usual symptoms afterwards."
Harry looked over at the door to make sure Draco wasn't there. "He has been that way," he said in a low voice. "I... don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going insane."
She gave him a sympathetic look.
"He really hasn't been eating well, and he has been having mood swings, and... I haven't even seen him without his clothes since it happened."
"I thought so," she said.
Harry sighed and flopped against the couch. "I don't know what to do," he said again. "It's so... confusing, what he goes through."
She nodded.
"I mean, sometimes he wants to just lie with me, and sometimes he wants to snog, and sometimes he acts like he wants more, and then he starts... tensing up and getting scared, and then just nothing. I don't know what he wants from me. He keeps telling me he wants me, and that he loves me and everything, but..." He sighed.
"I know it has to be hard, Harry," she said understandingly. "I know, but you just need to be there for him. Just give him time, don't push him, let him get things under control."
"I have been doing that," said Harry. "But it's been the same. There's nothing I can do about it?"
"Well, there's counselling," Hermione suggested with a frown. "But he wouldn't go, would he?"
The only answer Harry gave that was a humourless snort.
She sighed. "Then time is all you can give him."
Harry sighed too. "And there's no way to know how much time he'll need, is there?"
She shook her head sadly. "Everyone's different, Harry." She laid a hand on his arm.
He just sat there silently.
"You be there for him," she said. "You know I'm here for you."
He turned his head to her. "Yes, I know."
***
Harry sat... reading again. Not much had changed since Hermione had visited a few days ago; Draco was still the same, still always working on potions, still having his mood swings. Harry could only wait, right? So it was what he did.
Draco had to throw out the latest batch of Dreamless Draught. It was the third potion he had ruined that week. He used his wand to dispel the mess and left the lab, closing the door a little harder than he needed to and heading downstairs. He didn't know what he was going to do, but anything was better than staring at the cauldron right then. He strode into the sitting room, finding Harry on the sofa. He made it halfway to the other man when he tripped on something and stumbled, catching a chair to keep himself from falling. "Merde'!" he shouted.
Harry jumped and looked up before closing his book, getting hurriedly to his feet to help Draco.
Draco scowled, looking to see what had tripped him and spotting Harry's shoes carelessly tossed on the floor. "What the hell are you doing? Trying to kill me?" he snapped.
Harry's eyes widened. "What?" he said confusedly, frowning as he stepped back from Draco.
"You left your bloody shoes in the middle of the floor," Draco accused.
Harry looked down and did see his shoes on the floor. "Sorry," he said, probably a bit defensively as he bent to pick them up.
Draco snorted. "You laze around all day and can't even be arsed to at least pick up your own shoes. If it weren't for Kreacher, we'd be waist deep in the stuff you toss around," he continued to rant.
Harry felt a wave of anger flow through him and he gritted his teeth. "God, it's a fuc - it's a pair of shoes, Draco. I'm sorry you didn't watch where you were going." He made to stride around the other man, knowing it was probably better to just leave the room.
Draco grabbed his arm. "You are making this my fault? You leave the bloody shoes on the floor and you make this my fault?!" Draco sneered, face a mask of anger.
"My, God!" Harry shouted, clenching the fist of the arm Draco had grabbed. "I'm not fighting with you - again - because you feel like fighting! If you feel like fighting, go yell at someone else!"
"You want me to leave?" Draco asked, voice dropping low and dangerous.
"Yes, go ahead and twist my fucking words," Harry spat. "Just like you twist everything into something you can yell at me about. If not my shoes, you would have bloody found something else."
"If I am so horrid, just tell me to leave," Draco challenged again, fingers digging into Harry's arm as he shook him now.
Harry wrenched his arm back hard, teeth clenched so tightly he wouldn't be surprised if he cracked them. "Fuck you for thinking that's what I would want," he said.
"Fuck me? Well, that is the problem isn't it?" Draco drawled, eyes narrowed.
Harry's mouth fell open in shock and he was completely speechless for a moment. "What?" he whispered, shaking with anger now.
"You heard me," Draco hissed. "Whole fucking wizarding world knows you've been shagging a man, and now you aren't even getting any. Bloody useless to have left the witch for me, isn't it?”
"Oh, so I'm with you for the sex?" Harry said, even more shocked. "I left Ginny because of the sex?! Is that what you fucking think?!"
"Why not?" Draco challenged.
"Why not?!" Harry repeated incredulously, blinking. "W-What are you talking about?! I love you, Draco! How many times have I said it?! How many times do I have to say it?!"
Draco opened his mouth and then closed it, beginning to tremble. What the hell was he doing? He had no idea.
Harry threw his arms up and then gripped his own hair, eyes shut tight. When he opened them again he released a very long sigh, looking at Draco. "Come here," he said.
Draco wanted to move forward, but another part of him wanted to run. He shook harder where he stood. "I don't understand..." he whispered, closing his eyes.
"Please come here?" Harry asked, not wanting to take the liberty of pulling Draco forward himself. "Please?"
"How can you even look at me?" Draco whispered, hands clenched at his sides. "How can you stand the sight of me, let alone want to touch me?"
Harry let out a pained sound. "I love you," he said. "Draco, what - what happened -" He closed his eyes again for a second. "It doesn't make me think less of you. That-that's the furthest thing, the very last way I feel, baby. I swear to you."
Draco opened his eyes, searching Harry's. He looked for the lie, his own eyes full of pain and doubt. "I don't understand. I'm disgusting, used," he whimpered, voice full of his loathing.
"No," Harry protested. "No, you're not." He took a step forward. "You mean more to me than anything. I love you, I want to be with you forever. None of it was your fault."
Draco felt like his mind was split. Part of him was screaming that he was hideous and that it had to be a lie. Another part was pleading with him not to do anything to push Harry away, that he needed him. He shook with the power of the internal struggle. He wanted desperately to believe Harry but he knew how disgusting he was now. "Why?" he managed.
"What do you mean why?" Harry asked, shaking his head in fear and confusion. "Why what?"
"Why me?" Draco whispered, voice small now as tears began to fall.
Harry couldn't handle just standing there. He took a few more steps forward, closing the distance between them, even though it scared him to think Draco wouldn't want it. "No one makes me feel the way you do," he whispered, wrapping an arm about Draco's waist. "Not Ginny, not anyone. I've never... I've never felt like someone loved me as... unconditionally as you, like you'd love me no matter what, that you'd do anything for me if you could do it. I don't need you to, but just knowing that you would - I, Draco, don't you know how important you are to me? How much all of that means - that you can make me feel that?"
Tears continued to fall while Draco looked into those bright green eyes, feeling like he could fall into them and be at peace. It was true. He wanted more than anything to make Harry happy. It meant more to him than his own feelings. He just couldn't believe that he was capable of giving that to Harry. He thought the man should find a witch to fall in love with, make a family. Once again, Draco felt selfish and undeserving of such loyalty, yet he felt that, without Harry, he would die. "I ... I love you," he whispered, the words feeling inadequate. "But... I... don't deserve you."
Harry rested his forehead against Draco's. "You deserve me and everything else you want," he insisted.
Draco snorted. "But I want so very much," he said with a part smirk, part grimace.
Harry smiled, shaking his head. "I love you," he whispered.
"Always," Draco whispered, lifting his lips and placing a gentle kiss on Harry's forehead.
Chapter Title: A Well So Cavernous
Words: 2400 Words
Harry was reading. He was actually beginning to think that reading was becoming his life, which, previously, he would have never thought in a million years. Over the past few weeks Draco had been withdrawn, angry, and completely off-limits as far as sex went. But what was strange was that he could change in a matter of minutes to being friendly, loving, and turned-on as hell. It was driving Harry absolutely mad. Well, at least Draco had gotten marginally better since that visit with his mother - but still.
He didn't know when it was okay to touch Draco and when it wasn't. He didn't know how far he was allowed to go when Draco started kissing him and rubbing against him, and he wanted to pull his hair out when Draco would pull away and leave him with an erection. He was still wanking in the shower and hadn't even gotten a glimpse of Draco's arse or cock. He didn't let Draco know any of this of course, but he was really starting to feel it. He didn't blame his lover for the problem. He knew it wasn't his fault. Harry only wished that he knew what to do about it.
They both hadn't left the house at all, and Harry hadn't seen any of his friends since seeing Ron and Hermione at the hospital. He'd received letters from a few concerned friends, but mostly ignored them and their offers to come over or have Harry visit. Mrs. Weasley had even sent a worried-sounding letter, begging Harry to come over, but he'd had to refuse her offer like all the others. He didn't want to be far from Draco. He missed them, but he wasn't leaving or stressing Draco out with other people being in their house.
So, he read - either that or he just sat and thought, which was really rather boring. He'd even wished they had a television set. At least he could watch a film or something then.
He was currently just reading a book on the Quidditch teams of Great Britain - one that he'd read once already. Draco was off working in his lab. He did that a lot. Harry read and Draco worked on potions. It was like living with a mad scientist or something. Harry sighed, feeling guilty for thinking anything remotely bad about Draco, especially since all of it was due to what had happened with the Lestranges.
He looked up at the ceiling. Perhaps he could take a nap to pass the time, but as he was getting to his feet, he heard knocking. It was unexpected, as it usually was, and he frowned in thought. It was probably Narcissa, checking up on Draco again. He left the living room and made his way down the hall to the door.
"Hi, Harry," said Hermione when he pulled the door open.
Harry smiled. "Hi," he said, happy to see that it was her. He knew she wouldn't bother Draco - well, he probably wouldn't even come down.
She smiled too and stepped inside.
Harry led her to the sitting room.
"Sorry I didn't send a letter or anything," she said. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."
"It's fine," said Harry.
"Where's Draco?"
Harry frowned. "In the lab," he answered.
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Oh," she said. "Is that a bad thing?"
Harry startled. Had that shown in his face? "Well, no, I guess not," he said. "He stays in there a lot."
"Oh," she repeated, cocking her head a bit and watching Harry.
He stared back.
"So," she continued, "you've been okay then?"
"Yeah, I suppose," Harry replied.
"You suppose?"
Harry sighed. "Do I need to let you know how I've been doing down to every last mood?"
She rolled her eyes. "Well, no," she said. "I've just been worried about you."
Harry stared at the floor.
"I know we wrote to each other when that article came out," she went on quietly. "And I would've come over, but I thought Draco would probably need some alone time after that."
Alone time was certainly right. "Yeah," said Harry.
"Has he been that bad?" she asked with a small wince.
Harry frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I know you didn't come right out and tell me," she said, quiet again. "But I... I do know... what happened."
Harry continued to frown. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well," she said, "I know he has to be... behaving strangely to you."
Harry raised an eyebrow, unsure if he should go into this.
"It's normal, Harry," she told him.
"Normal?" Harry echoed, frowning again. "What's normal?"
"Mood swings, not eating well, feeling ill, guilty, angry, scared, ashamed," she listed.
Harry perked up at that.
"He's also probably been really confused because he knows he isn't acting like he did before," she continued. "And he's probably been afraid to do anything... sexual."
Harry nodded, staring. "Hermione... how do you know all of this?"
"Well, he was... raped," she said very quietly, wincing again. "Those are the usual symptoms afterwards."
Harry looked over at the door to make sure Draco wasn't there. "He has been that way," he said in a low voice. "I... don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going insane."
She gave him a sympathetic look.
"He really hasn't been eating well, and he has been having mood swings, and... I haven't even seen him without his clothes since it happened."
"I thought so," she said.
Harry sighed and flopped against the couch. "I don't know what to do," he said again. "It's so... confusing, what he goes through."
She nodded.
"I mean, sometimes he wants to just lie with me, and sometimes he wants to snog, and sometimes he acts like he wants more, and then he starts... tensing up and getting scared, and then just nothing. I don't know what he wants from me. He keeps telling me he wants me, and that he loves me and everything, but..." He sighed.
"I know it has to be hard, Harry," she said understandingly. "I know, but you just need to be there for him. Just give him time, don't push him, let him get things under control."
"I have been doing that," said Harry. "But it's been the same. There's nothing I can do about it?"
"Well, there's counselling," Hermione suggested with a frown. "But he wouldn't go, would he?"
The only answer Harry gave that was a humourless snort.
She sighed. "Then time is all you can give him."
Harry sighed too. "And there's no way to know how much time he'll need, is there?"
She shook her head sadly. "Everyone's different, Harry." She laid a hand on his arm.
He just sat there silently.
"You be there for him," she said. "You know I'm here for you."
He turned his head to her. "Yes, I know."
***
Harry sat... reading again. Not much had changed since Hermione had visited a few days ago; Draco was still the same, still always working on potions, still having his mood swings. Harry could only wait, right? So it was what he did.
Draco had to throw out the latest batch of Dreamless Draught. It was the third potion he had ruined that week. He used his wand to dispel the mess and left the lab, closing the door a little harder than he needed to and heading downstairs. He didn't know what he was going to do, but anything was better than staring at the cauldron right then. He strode into the sitting room, finding Harry on the sofa. He made it halfway to the other man when he tripped on something and stumbled, catching a chair to keep himself from falling. "Merde'!" he shouted.
Harry jumped and looked up before closing his book, getting hurriedly to his feet to help Draco.
Draco scowled, looking to see what had tripped him and spotting Harry's shoes carelessly tossed on the floor. "What the hell are you doing? Trying to kill me?" he snapped.
Harry's eyes widened. "What?" he said confusedly, frowning as he stepped back from Draco.
"You left your bloody shoes in the middle of the floor," Draco accused.
Harry looked down and did see his shoes on the floor. "Sorry," he said, probably a bit defensively as he bent to pick them up.
Draco snorted. "You laze around all day and can't even be arsed to at least pick up your own shoes. If it weren't for Kreacher, we'd be waist deep in the stuff you toss around," he continued to rant.
Harry felt a wave of anger flow through him and he gritted his teeth. "God, it's a fuc - it's a pair of shoes, Draco. I'm sorry you didn't watch where you were going." He made to stride around the other man, knowing it was probably better to just leave the room.
Draco grabbed his arm. "You are making this my fault? You leave the bloody shoes on the floor and you make this my fault?!" Draco sneered, face a mask of anger.
"My, God!" Harry shouted, clenching the fist of the arm Draco had grabbed. "I'm not fighting with you - again - because you feel like fighting! If you feel like fighting, go yell at someone else!"
"You want me to leave?" Draco asked, voice dropping low and dangerous.
"Yes, go ahead and twist my fucking words," Harry spat. "Just like you twist everything into something you can yell at me about. If not my shoes, you would have bloody found something else."
"If I am so horrid, just tell me to leave," Draco challenged again, fingers digging into Harry's arm as he shook him now.
Harry wrenched his arm back hard, teeth clenched so tightly he wouldn't be surprised if he cracked them. "Fuck you for thinking that's what I would want," he said.
"Fuck me? Well, that is the problem isn't it?" Draco drawled, eyes narrowed.
Harry's mouth fell open in shock and he was completely speechless for a moment. "What?" he whispered, shaking with anger now.
"You heard me," Draco hissed. "Whole fucking wizarding world knows you've been shagging a man, and now you aren't even getting any. Bloody useless to have left the witch for me, isn't it?”
"Oh, so I'm with you for the sex?" Harry said, even more shocked. "I left Ginny because of the sex?! Is that what you fucking think?!"
"Why not?" Draco challenged.
"Why not?!" Harry repeated incredulously, blinking. "W-What are you talking about?! I love you, Draco! How many times have I said it?! How many times do I have to say it?!"
Draco opened his mouth and then closed it, beginning to tremble. What the hell was he doing? He had no idea.
Harry threw his arms up and then gripped his own hair, eyes shut tight. When he opened them again he released a very long sigh, looking at Draco. "Come here," he said.
Draco wanted to move forward, but another part of him wanted to run. He shook harder where he stood. "I don't understand..." he whispered, closing his eyes.
"Please come here?" Harry asked, not wanting to take the liberty of pulling Draco forward himself. "Please?"
"How can you even look at me?" Draco whispered, hands clenched at his sides. "How can you stand the sight of me, let alone want to touch me?"
Harry let out a pained sound. "I love you," he said. "Draco, what - what happened -" He closed his eyes again for a second. "It doesn't make me think less of you. That-that's the furthest thing, the very last way I feel, baby. I swear to you."
Draco opened his eyes, searching Harry's. He looked for the lie, his own eyes full of pain and doubt. "I don't understand. I'm disgusting, used," he whimpered, voice full of his loathing.
"No," Harry protested. "No, you're not." He took a step forward. "You mean more to me than anything. I love you, I want to be with you forever. None of it was your fault."
Draco felt like his mind was split. Part of him was screaming that he was hideous and that it had to be a lie. Another part was pleading with him not to do anything to push Harry away, that he needed him. He shook with the power of the internal struggle. He wanted desperately to believe Harry but he knew how disgusting he was now. "Why?" he managed.
"What do you mean why?" Harry asked, shaking his head in fear and confusion. "Why what?"
"Why me?" Draco whispered, voice small now as tears began to fall.
Harry couldn't handle just standing there. He took a few more steps forward, closing the distance between them, even though it scared him to think Draco wouldn't want it. "No one makes me feel the way you do," he whispered, wrapping an arm about Draco's waist. "Not Ginny, not anyone. I've never... I've never felt like someone loved me as... unconditionally as you, like you'd love me no matter what, that you'd do anything for me if you could do it. I don't need you to, but just knowing that you would - I, Draco, don't you know how important you are to me? How much all of that means - that you can make me feel that?"
Tears continued to fall while Draco looked into those bright green eyes, feeling like he could fall into them and be at peace. It was true. He wanted more than anything to make Harry happy. It meant more to him than his own feelings. He just couldn't believe that he was capable of giving that to Harry. He thought the man should find a witch to fall in love with, make a family. Once again, Draco felt selfish and undeserving of such loyalty, yet he felt that, without Harry, he would die. "I ... I love you," he whispered, the words feeling inadequate. "But... I... don't deserve you."
Harry rested his forehead against Draco's. "You deserve me and everything else you want," he insisted.
Draco snorted. "But I want so very much," he said with a part smirk, part grimace.
Harry smiled, shaking his head. "I love you," he whispered.
"Always," Draco whispered, lifting his lips and placing a gentle kiss on Harry's forehead.