About a Girl

Curled up in a comfy armchair in Dumbledore's library, as far away as possible from the Perverted Portrait, Draco he heard the door open. With the best aloof and casual expression he could muster, he got up and started to stride into the main office confidently, in a far better mood than he had been when he first entered it.


And with a spectacular crash, all of Draco's new found optimism came tumbling down around his ears.


"Granger?!" he exclaimed in disbelief. "What in the name of Merlin's man crumpets are you doing here?"


Dumbledore looked mildy affronted by Draco's language while Hermione scowled. She didn't have to be here, dammnit, she was doing the brat a favor. Had she listened to her better judgment, she would have turned straight around and gone back to finish her dinner.


"I'm here because the Headmaster asked me, Malfoy," Hermione replied as scathingly as she could manage. "Believe me, I would love to just sit back and let you make a complete ass of yourself."


Hermione smirked slightly as Dumbledore held up his hand to stop Malfoy's retort. It was highly amusing to hear the distinct Malfoyness in his high-pitched tone and flashing in his eyes. Other than that, she doubted that she would recognized him. He was indeed 100% all natural woman. And goddamnit, he was freaking gorgeous! She was straight, but you'd have to be blind not to see that. It would have cheered her immensely for him to have bushy eyebrows, and large, lumpy hips, but nooo, he was perfect. Hermione felt a slight pang of jealousy as she eyed his athletic figure, the kind she was always envious of Ginny for possessing.


The fact that she was jealous of Malfoy's breasts was just another of the many signs today that the world had gone completely and utterly mad.


"Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Granger is doing you a great service by agreeing to help you, so please show a bit more respect," Dumbledore admonished.


Malfoy's expression resembled one of utter nausea, but said nothing. The Headmaster continued.


"Now, we don't know how long it will take Professor Snape to work on a cure, so we will have to think up a cover story for you so that you can attend classes and hopefully complete your NEWTS.


I have decided to say that you are a transfer student from Beauxbatons, whose family moved back to England because of business and wanted you to complete your last year close to home. I believe that will do nicely. Now, for a name. Is there anything that you would prefer to be called?"


Draco thought for a moment. He had never particularly thought of what name he would like to be called had he been a girl, but he gave it some thought. After a few moments, he spoke up.


"How about Jocelyn? Jocelyn...Greenleaf."


The Headmaster nodded. "A beautiful name, for a beautiful young lady. Very fitting. Now, you're still going to be residing in the Head Quarters as before, so you will maintain your privacy. However, for the time being, we're putting you in Gryffindor House."


"What!?" Draco said loudly. Was he allowed to escape from this experience with at least some dignity intact?! Being turned into a girl was one thing, but becoming a Gryffindor was an entirely different thing altogether.


"I'm afraid it's necessary, Ms. Greenleaf. You're going to have to be in close proximity with Ms. Granger for your own good, and besides, in your own House, the inhabitants are more suspicious, and likely to suspect something should you slip up."


Draco snorted. That was true at least; being surrounded by brainless meatsacks like Potter and the Weasels, he could probably walk around in a pink tutu and feather boa and no one would notice. But putting up with them, not to mention being tailed by the bushy-headed Mudblood bossily ordering him on how to act feminine was going to be an utter and absolute nightmare, and one that he frankly thought he would not be able to stand. Draco briefly contemplated hexing the old bat and leaping out the window to glorious, Grangerless freedom, but ultimately decided against it. The best he could hope for was that she would get so pissed off with him, she'd either quit in frustration, or hex him so badly she'd be expelled.


Hermione was intensely irritated by the death looks being sent her way by a certain ferret, who was glaring at her as though he was trying to set her on fire with his mind. For goodness sake, did he think she liked the idea of following him around all day, reminding him to cross his legs in class and to make sure he went into the right bathroom? She had other ways to spend her time than to babysit a spoiled brat who would probably make her life a living hell and get Harry or Ron so angry that they'd hex the prat and get in trouble.


"Tomorrow is Sunday, and I will give the two of you permission to go down to Hogsmeade and get Ms. Greenleaf some appropriate clothes. On Monday, you will be introduced to the school and resume your classes. You were unconsious in the hospital for several days anyway, so hopefully it won't look too suspicious that you arrive immediately after Mr. Malfoy was taken ill.


Do not worry, I'm sure the antidote will be ready in no time. Until then, just keep your spirits up as best you can. And now, if everything's alright and settled, I suggest you both go to your Quarters and get some rest."


Dumbledore beamed at them like Father Christmas, looking around as though expecting joyful responses in return. Was everything alright? No, everything was not alright and settled, everything was pretty bloody far from alright and settled! Malfoy had an urge to shout at the senile old coot and very nearly slapped his face to wipe off that smile, but managed to restrain himself. He glanced at Granger, who looked as though she was contemplating the exact same thing, but instead, wished the Professor good night and walked towards the door, Malfoy following.


"I can't ruddy believe this," Draco muttered as they walked down the halls. "First I'm cruelly parted from my manhood, then I'm forced to become a Gryffindork and lick the shoes of Saint Potter, while being stalked by his frumpy groupie."


Hermione snorted slightly. "I wouldn't be that distraught about your "manhood", Malfoy. After all, it's quite silly to miss a 2 inch stump, wouldn't you agree?"


"Fuck you, Granger," Malfoy spat. "As far as your womanhood is concerned, if Weasel could get it up once in a while, maybe he could help you remove the stick from up your ass."


Hermione whirled around, furious and beet red with anger. "Don't you even start that, ferret, you got it? For some absurd reason, I agreed to help you, but so help me God, you push me too far, and I will reveal your identity to the entire school and not spare a shred of guilt."


Secretly, Draco was terrified of the possibility of being exposed. True, he only had a few months of school left, but news travels fast among his crowd, and would surely reach his father, who would be furious at him for disgracing the Malfoy name and lowering the family's reputation. But more than that was his own sense of vanity. No way did he want people to connect his name with being turned into a woman, and laughing as they looked back on their school years. Draco mentally resolved to push Granger's buttons less in the future, but acted nonchalant regardless.


"Go ahead Granger. I'm sure Dumby would be so proud of his prize student then, don't you? Classic Head Girl behavior, could really go a long way to help your future as well." Smirking slightly, Draco walked ahead of her.


Hermione huffed and clenched her fists slightly. She was going to kill him in his sleep. She really was. Who needs a wand, she could do it with her bare hands.....


Breaking away from these lovely thoughts, she noticed his hips swinging slightly through the hospital gown as they climbed the stairs to the Head Quarters. Damn, but she would kill for that ass.


"Like what you see, Granger?" came his drawling voice, without even turning around.


Seething, Hermione climbed through the portrait hole after him, tempted to shut the door on his smirking, stupid face.


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I know things are going kinda slow right now, but they'll pick up now that I've got the plot all set into motion. Please read and review!