Harry in the Night

Throwing off the blankets I stand on shaking legs. A squawk has me turning to see Bennu staring at me with amber eyes from his perch, now almost grown.
“ I know.” I say unnecessarily to the bird and he nods before tucking his head under a wing once more. He is barely out of adolescence and already the beautiful creature can read my mind. He knows where my heart lies and had just reaffirmed what I’d been thinking about since I’d first woken. Gathering a cloak from my chair I don’t bother more than the boxer shorts I’m in before making my way into the chilly spring morning. The clouds above the horizon have begun to gray, but it is a Saturday and the castle slumbers yet.
I feel nothing as I approach the castle, but as the doors opened for me---recognizing my growing apprehension, this suddenly feels right. My bare feet hit cold stone for the first time in almost a year and a shiver runs through me. Taking one last deep breath I close my eyes and walk through the doors. It’s like coming home. Immediately new and old spells wrap around me, gauging who I am and what I want. Passing some test, the crackling dies down and I begin moving down the darkened halls.
It has been so long, but even in the dark my feet know the way, I have dreamt about it more times than I can count. The air around me becomes cooler, my breath splintering in the stillness. A torch blazes to life in front of me, making me blink in the harsh light. Finally I’m in front of a door I’ve never seen before and only know about in whispered gossip. Now that I’m here though, I have no idea what to do.
The door opening has my heart pounding, but instead of the dour expression of the potions master I’m met with wide blue eyes of the new DADA professor. My heart stammers to a halt. There’s only one reason I can think of that Professor Wilkins would be in Severus’ room at almost 4 o’clock in the morning.
“ Carlo, don’t forget your…” I don’t even have enough control over my body to shut my mouth as Severus’ comes into view in only his sleeping pants. There’s pain in my chest, I know it, like something is breaking but the feeling is delayed.
“ Harry…” But I can’t see the face that owns that melting voice, it’s blurred in my vision and I realize I’m crying for the first time in years. The next second I’m standing in the dewy grass in front of the grand castle I never really considered my home, but had been the closest thing I‘d ever known to it. Hermione’s voice rings in my head “ you can’t apparate on Hogwarts grounds” and a part of me is bursting with questions as to how I’d accomplished the impossible and yet another is glad that Severus had been right; I simply have no ability to follow rule or law. I walk calmly to my hut.
“ You cannot leave.” The sudden voice in my head should jar me, but I know exactly who it is.
“ Bennu. I was wondering when you would finally break into my thoughts.” Soft talons dig into my shoulder as I move to my dresser, beginning to pull out my few clothes and various art supplies.
“ You cannot leave.” He repeats and I smile, tears still streaming, but the real pain has yet to hit.
“ I can. There is nothing keeping me here any longer. Perhaps I can find feeling somewhere else.” The answering squawk is the closest my feathered friend can get to a scoff. I change one of my paintbrushes into a trunk and pile my things in.
“ Did you tell him how you feel?” I sigh, not wanting to talk about it, run from the pain as long as I can. I almost wish the man had left me alone to never feel anything for the rest of my life.
“ Its doesn’t matter now.”
“ Of course it does! It makes all the difference!” But I simply have no answer to that. I magic the trunk to fit in my palm and slide it into one of my pockets. I notice these days I wear clothes with various hidden compartments, perhaps a trait rubbed off from him.
“ Where will we go?” Feathers rubbing soothingly against my cheek.
“ There is one place I want to go first and after…we shall just have to see.” Flinging the invisibility cloak around us I’m racked with nostalgia, but shake it off quickly. Making my way once more towards Hogwarts I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. But the doors open without coaxing and I know this is what I have to do to truly let go of my past. I hear the footsteps before I turn the corner and still I am surprised to see Severus fully dressed hurrying down the hall. I almost want to reach out and soothe that panic, but a voice stops me.
“ Severus! Where are you going?” The other professor catching up with him, setting his hands on my Severus’ shoulders and jealousy spikes through me. The casual way in which they look and lean into each other almost makes me sick to my stomach, the pain clenching my heart. Turning away I walk hastily along the corridor, trying and failing to go back to the way things were, not feeling anything at all. A familiar gargoyle comes into view and I smile. I don’t even utter a password as he moves aside to reveal a winding staircase, the dancing of firelight already playing against the walls.
The room is exactly how I remember it, almost as if the War, the deaths, the pain had never happened. I walk around the room, letting the cloak go somewhere along the way. I watch as Bennu makes a graceful leap to the perch that once held Fawkes and settles into the old grooves made by fire and talons.
“ Don’t change on me, we have a long way to go.” If a bird could give the look of indignity…I grin again. I have to stop in front of a new portrait on the wall, looking up into familiar twinkling eyes.
“ Albus.” I greet and the painting smiles down on me.
“ Harry. Why have you not come to visit me sooner?” I shake my head, sitting on the ground like a first year.
“ Your beast of a guardian hasn’t let anyone in since they restored and rebuilt your tower after the War.” My former Headmaster chuckles.
“ Grenus always was a bit of over protective. And to let you in on a little secret, he was the one that adored sweets.” I have to shake my head, he is just like I remember.
“ And you are wrong, he has let in a few people. A choice few I wanted to see before I opened this room again to let them make it into a museum or some such nonsense.” I can tell he’s going to make me guess.
“ Headmistress McGonagall.” Is my first thought and he nods sagely. I squint, trying to think of who else…ah.
“ Professor Snape.” He grins, pleased with my answers thus far. I try and think, who else would he have wanted to see?
“ You my dear boy! You are the last and I have been waiting.” My eyes widen a fraction.
“ What on earth would you want to see me for Sir?”
“ First I wanted to see how Fawkes was doing with his new master.” His blue eyes gaze adoringly at Bennu nestled softly in sleep.
“ That’s…? But I didn’t know Sir!”
“ Severus asked if it would be alright, you see he was hibernating, waiting for a Wizard of great power to wake him. He has no memory of me, you are now his master.” For the hundredth time I cannot believe Severus had given him to me. There were many rare phoenix properties that one could use in potions and instead the man had never even asked for any of them. It almost sounded as if…no. I won’t think of that, not now…not ever.
“ The other reason…” I start, almost forgetting where I am and who is talking. “ Is to thank you and tell you I am sorry Harry. No child should have been burdened with the great deeds bestowed upon you. I am proud, as are your parents.” There are those damn tears again. Months of nothing and suddenly I’m an emotional wreck. I damn Severus once more. Bennu gives a quiet squawk and I’m suddenly aware of the sound of stone scraping stone…someone is coming. Flying to my cloak I wrap myself and Bennu in its folds and sink into the corner to the right of Dumbledore. I have to keep myself from gasping as Severus steps into the firelight, face contorted with rage and something I know I‘m not imagining; fear.
“ Severus my boy, what’s happened?!”
“ Harry, Harry is gone! I‘ve broken my promise once again!” Severus drops to his knees, hands braced against his knees, eyes staring out into the nothingness of the bare stone wall in front of him. Was that why he had come to me? Because he had promised Albus to watch over me? Anger almost makes me move, but I’m too embarrassed to let him see my tears.
“ Severus calm down. Now what has happened?” Those long arms curl around his torso.
“ He…he came to me, in my rooms tonight and I don’t know why. He…he saw Carlo leaving. I went to go explain and he was gone! All his stuff, Bennu, he‘s run away!” I glance up and see a smile hovering around Albus’ lips.
“ And I am guessing young Mr. Potter does not know Carlo is your cousin?” I can’t help it, I gasp. But Severus doesn’t seem to hear it. His eyes look lost and shine in the firelight, his shoulders beginning to shake, but I could not even begin to conceive of my ex Potions master crying.
“ No! No one does. He does not like to be associated with the Snapes and I do not blame him. He came tonight…he wanted to ask me questions about our family…I, I didn’t even get to say goodbye…!” Never in my life have I seen this professor so broken, so lost in grief. A great surge of energy and Bennu flies from the safety of my arms, resisting the urge to lunge for him I watch in trepidation as the damn traitor lands next to Severus and lays his head against the man’s knee. I can’t blame him, phoenix’s are drawn to great despair, but to think Severus is in this state because of me…The dark fall of hair lifts, a long fingered hand coming to stroke his bright feathers.
“ Bennu…?” The man’s entire demeanor suddenly changes to manic energy. “ Harry?!” Flying to his feet I watch as the man makes a spectacle of himself walking around the room, arms waving and outstretched like some kind of zombie. I bite my lip, should I let him?…
“ I’m here…” I let the cloak fall from my shoulders and the man spins to my voice. Before I can speak or move towards him I’m engulfed in the taller frame of my potions Master, his deceivingly strong arms threatening to suffocate me.
“ Potter,” those arms push me back so he can look at me, “ you truly test my patients sometimes.” And with that, my once loathed professor presses his mouth firmly to mine.

TBC