Broken & Abused
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
11
Views:
13,127
Reviews:
54
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
11
Views:
13,127
Reviews:
54
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Confession
Leaning back in his chair he looked at Hermione. She was still curled up in her chair clutching her knees. The pleading look she gave him was begging for understanding.
“I know this is hard but I have to ask you a few questions okay?” He waited for her nod. “Did he go through with raping you?” Again she nodded ‘yes.’ “How long ago was this?”
“That was the summer after my fifth year.” She answered him but could not meet his eyes.
“Has it happened again?” She nodded ‘yes’ but didn’t answer the unasked question. “How many times?”
“More than I care to count. Whenever I was home. My mother ignored it all. She completely disassociated herself from the situation. I think she was just happy he had stopped hitting her and didn’t want to think about where else he was venting his anger.”
“So when did you start cutting?”
“A few months after my father started raping me. I know you probably don’t approve and will never understand, but I’m not trying to kill myself.”
“Then why do you do it?” Hermione hesitated, looking as if she were trying to find the right words. “You are right that I don’t approve. And if you truly aren’t trying to kill yourself, it eases my worry a little. But this is not healthy. There are so many ways you could slip and really hurt yourself.”
“I know. I just like the pain. I like knowing I can still feel pain, at least physically. I feel so numb al the time. Cutting helps me feel alive again.”
“Look at the differences in your left and right arm. You’re getting deeper. The more you cut, the more used to it you get. You have to cut deeper and deeper to get the same feeling. It’s a short road before you cut too deep in the wrong place.” He knew that he wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know. But he thought she should hear it anyway. “Believe me; I know how pleasurable pain can be. But you need a better outlet than this. Why not take up quidditch?” Snape paused as if wondering whether he should say the rest of what was in his mind. He took a deep breath. “That’s what I did.”
Hermione finally looked up at him. “You used to cut too?”
“Yes. When I was about your age too. Professor Dumbledore was the one who found me out. When he realized I only liked the pain he made me sign up for quidditch. The adrenaline of the game helps, along with the random injuries from playing.” He smiled at her and stood up. “Come here.”
Hermione got up and stood in front of him. Looking down at her he brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “I need you to stop doing this. I won’t tell Dumbledore for the time being as long as you promise me you won’t do this anymore. I don’t care what you do to replace it, as long as you tell me and I approve. In other words don’t switch from cutting to burning. And I will know if you’re lying to me. You have very honest eyes so don’t even try it. Besides, I can’t afford to loose the only competent potions student I’ve had in years. It’s too refreshing. Promise me.”
She looked away from him. “I-I’m not sure I can. It’s just that–”
“I know how addictive it is. Just promise me you will try.” She gave him a weak smile. He sat back down in his chair and took her hands in his. “I haven’t been through everything you have. The thing we share is the feeling of loneliness. I do know how that can feel. But I can tell you that you didn’t deserve any of that. No one should have to fear their parents or their home. It should be the one place they can be safe. I’m really sorry you had to go through all of that and that you went through it alone. And I’m sorry, but I have another question eating at me. Why did you never tell anyone? Any of the teachers at Hogwarts would have helped in any way they could.”
Her smile faded. “I did tell someone. I tried to tell my mother but she wouldn’t hear it. And then I told a muggle counselor I was seeing. She told me ‘rape was a strong word.’” She started to cry again. “I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t believe me. I didn’t want to face another person’s disbelief so I stopped trying. That’s when I started cutting. It was the only relief I had.”
Snape pulled her into his lap and held her while she cried it all out. “I believe you.” He rocked her until she had cried herself into exhaustion and fell asleep. Once he realized she was asleep he picked her up and laid her on his couch. Taking off his robes he transfigured them into a blanket.
“I know this is hard but I have to ask you a few questions okay?” He waited for her nod. “Did he go through with raping you?” Again she nodded ‘yes.’ “How long ago was this?”
“That was the summer after my fifth year.” She answered him but could not meet his eyes.
“Has it happened again?” She nodded ‘yes’ but didn’t answer the unasked question. “How many times?”
“More than I care to count. Whenever I was home. My mother ignored it all. She completely disassociated herself from the situation. I think she was just happy he had stopped hitting her and didn’t want to think about where else he was venting his anger.”
“So when did you start cutting?”
“A few months after my father started raping me. I know you probably don’t approve and will never understand, but I’m not trying to kill myself.”
“Then why do you do it?” Hermione hesitated, looking as if she were trying to find the right words. “You are right that I don’t approve. And if you truly aren’t trying to kill yourself, it eases my worry a little. But this is not healthy. There are so many ways you could slip and really hurt yourself.”
“I know. I just like the pain. I like knowing I can still feel pain, at least physically. I feel so numb al the time. Cutting helps me feel alive again.”
“Look at the differences in your left and right arm. You’re getting deeper. The more you cut, the more used to it you get. You have to cut deeper and deeper to get the same feeling. It’s a short road before you cut too deep in the wrong place.” He knew that he wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know. But he thought she should hear it anyway. “Believe me; I know how pleasurable pain can be. But you need a better outlet than this. Why not take up quidditch?” Snape paused as if wondering whether he should say the rest of what was in his mind. He took a deep breath. “That’s what I did.”
Hermione finally looked up at him. “You used to cut too?”
“Yes. When I was about your age too. Professor Dumbledore was the one who found me out. When he realized I only liked the pain he made me sign up for quidditch. The adrenaline of the game helps, along with the random injuries from playing.” He smiled at her and stood up. “Come here.”
Hermione got up and stood in front of him. Looking down at her he brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “I need you to stop doing this. I won’t tell Dumbledore for the time being as long as you promise me you won’t do this anymore. I don’t care what you do to replace it, as long as you tell me and I approve. In other words don’t switch from cutting to burning. And I will know if you’re lying to me. You have very honest eyes so don’t even try it. Besides, I can’t afford to loose the only competent potions student I’ve had in years. It’s too refreshing. Promise me.”
She looked away from him. “I-I’m not sure I can. It’s just that–”
“I know how addictive it is. Just promise me you will try.” She gave him a weak smile. He sat back down in his chair and took her hands in his. “I haven’t been through everything you have. The thing we share is the feeling of loneliness. I do know how that can feel. But I can tell you that you didn’t deserve any of that. No one should have to fear their parents or their home. It should be the one place they can be safe. I’m really sorry you had to go through all of that and that you went through it alone. And I’m sorry, but I have another question eating at me. Why did you never tell anyone? Any of the teachers at Hogwarts would have helped in any way they could.”
Her smile faded. “I did tell someone. I tried to tell my mother but she wouldn’t hear it. And then I told a muggle counselor I was seeing. She told me ‘rape was a strong word.’” She started to cry again. “I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t believe me. I didn’t want to face another person’s disbelief so I stopped trying. That’s when I started cutting. It was the only relief I had.”
Snape pulled her into his lap and held her while she cried it all out. “I believe you.” He rocked her until she had cried herself into exhaustion and fell asleep. Once he realized she was asleep he picked her up and laid her on his couch. Taking off his robes he transfigured them into a blanket.