Mental

/CHAPTER II/ Still Not Crazy (Or Gay)

Draco didn’t have the slightest idea how long he’d been captive in his padded cell. It must have been nearly three or four hours. He had a wristwatch, but of course that was no good. All he could do was stare at the ceiling of blue padding and wait.

Being the sensible person he was, he did what anyone else in his position of utter boredom would do…he began to sing.

“I’m too sexy for this room, too sexy for this room, too sexy.” He wiggled on the floor in time to his song. “I’m too sexy for this padding,” he rubbed the padding beneath him snow-angel style. “Too sexy for this padding, oh so sexy.”

Suddenly the door swung open interrupting his song. A figure stood in the doorway, then another. It was the twin orderlies again. The mock sweetness of their voices invaded Draco’s ears. “Good morning sunshine.”

“We’ll let you out now…” chanted one.

“…if you promise to play nicely with the other boys and girls.” taunted the other.

“And sing more of that lovely, little tune.” Both twins chuckled as they leaned against either side of the door frame.

Why on earth would somebody make a matching pair of assholes?

Draco stood up. The twins parted so he could pass through the door. As he walked by the blond observed that the orderlies had keys with I.D. badges fastened to their waste belts. ‘FRED W.’ read one; ‘George W.’ read the other.

The ‘W’ must stand for jackass…wait that doesn’t…I’m so tired...

The oversized windows of the common room showed a rising sun. A gold and amber radiance penetrated the room, making a nice contrast to the fluorescent lights that lit the room only hours ago. The mismatched furniture throw shadows all about; Draco was reminded of a kaleidoscope. The room was quiet and still.

Draco had only managed to walk a few feet when the orderly named Fred put a hand on his shoulder to stop his progress.

He’s touching me again. Why are they always touching me? I know I’m good looking but man.

“What, no encore?” asked Fred faking extreme disappointment.

Draco pulled himself away from the orderly’s hold. “Fuck off.”

Fred folded his arms over his chest and clicked his tongue. “Somebody’s not a morning person.”

You have no idea.

Meanwhile, George had crossed to the other side of the room to examine a body that was sprawled out on one of the couches. “Poor chap always forgets were his room is.” Neville snored loudly.

“We’ll get him after we deal with this one.” Called Fred.

This one?

Draco turned to face Fred angrily. “The name is Draco Malfoy. And I’ll have you know that my father is very rich and very powerful. I can have you fired in a matter of hours. Now give me your keys.” Draco reached for Fred’s ring of keys. In reaction, Fred grabbed Draco’s arm and twisted it behind his back.

“Harassment! Harassment!” Draco yelled. “I’m being sexually harassed!” Fred let go of his arm so he’d shut up. George ran back over to join them.

The blond straightened himself and turned to face the twins business like. “Fine, how much?” The twins didn’t answer. “You’re obviously poor.” He looked them up and down. Obviously. “Name your price.”

Both orderlies remained silent. Draco tried again slower and louder this time figuring it would be best to communicate on their level.

“HOW-MUCH-GREEN-STUFF-DO-YOU-WANT-FOR-THE SHINEY-METAL-THINGS-THAT-OPEN-DOORS.” That should do it.

Fred had decided to be an ass and George jumped on the band wagon. “Green stuff? What’s green stuff, George.”

“I don’t know Fred.”

Oh my god, they have been poor for so long they’ve forgotten what money is.

“Shiny metal?” Fred scratched his head as the sarcastic remarks continued.

“I’m not staying here one more minute!” Draco shouted. “I demand that you give me your keys.”

“You know what George, I think he wants our keys.”

“Should we give them to him Fred?”

“I don’t know George.”

Irritated by their condescending banter Draco reached out for George’s set of keys. George merely stepped forward threateningly and Draco fell over backward onto the floor. How is it that I always manage end up on the ground?

The twins leaned over Draco’s body entering his immediate line of sight.

“Sorry Blondie, but you’re not going anywhere…”

Blondie?

“…except your room.”

“Can I ask you guys a question?” He spoke from the flat of his back only bothering to lift his head. “Do you have to do that…the finish each others sentences thing? Is it really necessary?”

The orderlies feigned ignorance and looked at Draco suspiciously.

“We don’t finish…”

“…each other’s sentences.”

“You must be crazy.” They said this last bit together.

“I’m not CRAZY!” Draco proclaimed madly letting his head fall to the floor with a thump.

The twins didn’t agree or disagree. As a matter of fact they weren’t pay attention to him at all. Instead, they were both looking clear across the room. Draco hoisted himself of the ground to see what had stolen the twins’ interest.

“You’re up early.” said one.

“What are you up to?” questioned the other.

Their comments were directed at the back of a ratty, old arm chair located near the books and games. Now they’re talking to an armchair. What exactly classifies a person as crazy around here?

“Why the hell are you talking to that chair?” Draco demanded. He got his answer.

A girl had just emerged from behind the armchair. She stepped into rays of golden sunlight which barely reached her side of the room. She held a book clutched tightly to her chest.

The orderlies both nodded. “Right.”

“Should have known.”

The twins understood something Draco did not.
Draco couldn’t make out her expression, for bushy, brown hair blocked his view. Nor was he able to see her eyes. Why won’t she look at me? Everyone else does. He had never seen anyone like her.
Suddenly, the twins grabbed Draco by the arm and spoke in unison. “We’ll escort you to your room now.”

Draco took one last look in the girl’s direction as the twins pulled him from the room…she had disappeared behind the armchair once more.

After a short walk down the boy’s corridor with his twin escorts Draco stepped into a dark room. ‘E’ for excellent. The orderlies shut the door behind him and immediately Draco felt tiredness envelope his body. Who knew being accused of lunacy could take so much out of you.

His shin hit something soft and he knew it was a bed. He fell forward, flipped to a comfortable position on his side, and felt for a pillow.

I wonder what she was reading.

Moments later he began drifting off to sleep. Suddenly his eyes fluttered open in shock. His pillow was moving.

This can’t be good.

A click sounded and lamp light filled the room. Draco had been using someone’s shoulder as a pillow; and now that someone was staring at him.

Not knowing what else to do Draco leaped off the bed away from his would-be pillow. Panicked he ran around the room in a tight circle, hopped to the left, faked right, and dashed to the nearest door, which he opened and thrust himself through panting heavily.

Thank god I didn’t get under the covers.

He soon found he didn’t have anywhere to go. He was in a closet. Light filtered in through wooden slats. There was a knock on the door.

Draco pretended like nothing had happened. “Who is it?” His voice was high from shock. He cleared his throat. “Who is it?” He repeated in an unnaturally low voice.

“Um, the guy you were just cuddling with.” came a voice from the other side of the door.

“There was no cuddling.” Draco retorted. “It was more of a platonic embrace”…what am I saying…

“Are you Draco Malfoy?”

“Maybe.”

“Okay…far enough. I’m Blaise Zabini. If you’re Draco Malfoy then I’m your roommate.”

You have got to be kidding me. The blond let out an agitated breath. “I have a roommate?”

“Yeah…me…the guy you were just platonically embracing.”

“I thought you were a pillow.”

“Yea, okay.” Draco had the feeling this Zabini person had just rolled his eyes.

“I’m not gay.”

“Truthfully, I don’t really care what your sexual orientation…”

“I won’t admit anything.” Draco called out. An awkward silence settled. “Okay, you smell nice…but that’s all I’m going to say.” Another moment passed in silence. “Fine, I admit it. I enjoyed the cuddling. So…so just…back off.”

“Who could blame you? I am after all ridiculously handsome.”

Draco steadily turned the doorknob and pushed the door with his hand. It squeaked open slowly, while he maintained his position firmly planted in the closet.

“I’m not gay.” He stated simply to a tall boy of dark complexion who had been waiting just outside the door.

“No one said you were…now come out of the closet.” Talk about irony.

“Fine.” Draco exited the closet and stood in the middle of the room. Despite being lit solely by the lamp Zabini had turned on, Draco could see the room clearly.

There was two of everything. Two lamps, two nightstands, two beds, two closets, two desks, and two chairs. On half of the room was organized to match the other. The room itself was painted a dark green and the sheets on the beds matched the walls perfectly. The furniture was all made out of the same fake, laminate wood material. Everything was generic, but looked reasonably adequate.

Zabini took a seat on his bed: the one Draco had left in such a hurry. “That would be your bed.” He pointed to the other bed across the room in a superior manner. He’s right. He is ridiculously handsome.

“Yea, sorry about that.” Draco noticed a trunk placed at the end of his bed. So his father had brought his belongings after all. An impending sense of permanence advanced on Draco.

“That’s our bathroom,” he pointed to a door that stood in-between the two beds. “This here is my side of the room.” Zabini’s side of the room looked exactly like Draco’s except for one main difference. His side was adorned with numerous mirrors that hung on the walls. “The closet you were hiding in is also mine.” That had a mirror too.

“I wasn’t hiding. I was startled.”

“Understandable. People are normally overcome when they meet me.” Zabini walked over to one of his many mirrors and looked at himself thoughtfully.

Draco, now feeling slightly at ease, moved to sit on his own bed.

“What’s your story?” asked Zabini without looking away from the mirror.

“Me? Nothing, I have no story. I’m not crazy. This whole thing is one big misunderstanding that will be remedied shortly. I’ll be gone within the week.” Draco stared at Zabini who was now examining his profile in great detail. Nice cheekbones. “Are you crazy?”

“Crazy, me, please.” Zabini pulled himself away from the mirror to look at Draco. “Much like you I feel my residency here is a mistake. I was sent here because I’m so damn good looking.” He ran a hand through his wavy brown hair.

“Wait, I don’t understand. They put you in here for being handsome?”

“They tell me I have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Frankly, I think all the doctors are just jealous.” Draco couldn’t argue with this logic. The guy was exceptionally good looking, which was something he could relate too.

“Haters.” Draco ran a hand through his silver, blond hair.

“It really is tough being better then everyone else.” Both boys sighed at the same time.

“I know exactly what you mean.” replied Draco. If Draco had to have a roommate he was glad it was Zabini. I like his hair so much.

“So, what happened to your old roommate?” Draco asked.

“I don’t know. I think he got transferred to the second floor or was pronounced cured and released. A guy named Diggory, Cedric Diggory. Whatever happened to him that Potter kid was really upset the day he left. I don’t know if you’ve met Potter.”

“Stick-boy? Yea, I’ve met him.”

“Cannot stand him personally. I know not everyone can be expected to look as good as me, but his hair is just unreasonable.”

“Yep, that kid’s got messy hair.”

“Look at the time it’s five o’clock. I’m glad you got to meet me, but I need my beauty sleep. Beauty is such a curse.” Zabini retrieved a hand held mirror off his bedside table, kissed his reflection, and then laid down to sleep.

“Yea, I’m tired too.” Draco only bothered to take off his shoes before he crawled into bed (checking first that no one was under the covers). When both boys were in bed Zabini turned out the light.

“Zabini.”

“What?”

“You really do smell nice.”

“I know.”

On that note of non-gay male bonding the two roommates went to sleep.

=================================

“Checks.” A middle-aged lady dressed in a white nurse’s uniform had entered their room while they slept bringing in an absurd amount of sunlight with her. Both boys groaned as their eyes stung in frustration. “It’s nine o’clock.” She looked from one boy to the other. “Time for your medication.”

Draco and Zabini roused from their sleepy state and sat up in their beds. Somebody kill me. Just kill me now.

“I’m nurse Pomfrey.” She explained to Draco as she began to move about the room carrying a metal tray beset with tiny, white paper cups. “I am chiefly in charge of medication distribution as well as routine checks to make sure you are well and staying out of trouble.” If you don’t have coffee then you need to shut up.

She handed Zabini one of the paper cups from her tray. He lifted it to his lips and swallowed. Next she appeared at Draco’s bedside and handed him a cup. Draco took it and surveyed its contents. Inside rested a blue pill and a red pill.

The nurse looked at him expectantly. “Go ahead take them.” I’ve seen the Matrix I’m not takin’ nothin’.

“What are these?” he asked.

“That’s a question for you’re doctor. Now are we going to have a problem?”

“Yes.” The nurse looked taken aback at his answer. “I’m not putting anything down my throat unless it was bought from a guy named Lenin, is illegal in Mexico, or is shaped like a Flintstone character.”

“Mr. Malfoy you have an appointment with Dr. Sprout at eleven I suggest you take the matter up with her. Mr. Zabini will you please show Mr. Malfoy were he needs to go?”

“If I have time. I’m an extremely important person and have little time…” Zabini stopped mid sentence he had caught his reflection in a mirror and was now stroking his chin.

“Of course you are dear.” said the nurse in a stern but kind voice.

“I’ll take him.” A hard-faced girl had appeared at the door behind nurse Pomfrey. She had shoulder length blond hair and sported a barely-there red shirt in addition to an almost non-existent pleated skirt. At the moment her eyes were planted firmly on Draco.

“Very well Miss Parkinson. Good day then.” Her duties not quite fulfilled the nurse swept from the room. As she left the blond girl entered.

“Hi,” she walked over to where Draco lay in his bed, stumbled, and landed on top of him. “Oopps.” she giggled. She had clearly fallen on purpose.

Draco pushed her off of him as he steadied himself from their collision. She took a seat beside him on the bed. Zabini noticed none of this as he had gone into the bathroom to primp himself.

“The name’s Pansy Parkinson and you are…?” she scooted closer to him.

“Draco Malfoy.” Draco was used to this kind of attention, after all he was hot. Hottie McHotterson that’s me.

“I like your name,” she scouted even closer with a giggle. “Want to make out?”

“No, not…” she lunged on him before he could fully protest.

Just then Zabini remerged from the bathroom his hair freshly gelled. “Pansy get off of him. I have a new roommate for one minute and you’re already all over him.”

Pansy stopped in her attempt to rape Draco to rebuttal. “Fuck you Zabini. Why don’t you go stare at yourself in the mirror some more you hideous excuse for a human being.”

“Look whose talking.” countered Zabini.

At this point Pansy fell to floor on her knees and burst into tears. Why is it that when a girl cries it’s so damn funny? Both boys failed to give Pansy the attention she craved, so she got up faced Draco and slapped him where he sat hard across the face.

Crap on a cracker that smarts.

“I thought you were the one. We could have been happy.” Pansy managed to stammer through exaggerated tears.

“What are you talking about you crazy psycho?” Roared an angry Draco.

Pansy took one last look at Draco then ran from the room crying slamming the door dramatically behind her. Except the door didn’t close all the way the first time, so she had to come back and do it again making the action just look silly.

Draco was awestruck. He looked at Zabini questioningly. “What the bloody hell was that all about?” He rubbed his cheek.

“Pansy thinks she’s hot shit because she a Histrionic.” Draco motioned with his hand for more information. “Histrionic Personality Disorder. Basically means she is an attention seeking drama queen.”

No wonder they hate each other.

“Can I ask a question?”

“Yes, she looks like a pug.” How’d he know?

“That resemblance is just uncanny. I mean have you looked at her? I mean really looked at her?”

“It’s kind of hard to miss.” Damn straight.

At this point the boys parted to get ready for their day. Draco was quick with a shower and a new set of clothes. He dawned a green button down shirt, popped collar of course (pop it like it’s hot), and his usual black slacks.

Zabini on the other hand had gone through eight different outfits finally settling on blue jeans and a tight fitting white shirt.

During the hour and a half it took Zabini to get ready Draco had come up with several nicknames for Pansy… Pug-face, The Puganator, Puggy McPuggerson, Bitch …just to name a few.

When Zabini was finally ready he turned to Draco significantly. “Now Draco I must warn you before we go anywhere together that I am extremely good looking, so when women see me they often faint and when men see me they become insanely jealous.” Zabini looked as if he was about to weep. “I’m just too damn pretty. I can’t help it.” I feel his pain.

“It’s okay I understand.” Draco patted him on the back.

“I knew you would.” He walked to his largest mirror, the one on the closet door, he beckoning Draco to follow. Both boys reflected in its surface. “We look good.”

“Great my friend, great…”Draco let his voice trail of for good measure. Secretly both boys believed they were better looking but said nothing. The moment was sacred.

After simultaneously agreeing that the ‘E’ did indeed stand for excellent both boys ran their fingers through their hair and stepped into the corridor.