The Awakening

Before he could change his mind, they both were standing side by side in the middle of the drive that led to the Burrow. He looked up at the house that had been so much a part of his dreams over the last several months but hadn’t been so close to. As he looked at the house, a small part of him started to relax a little. Was that what home was suppose to make a person feel, as if they were safe from the world, a place that they could go to and feel welcomed whatever the case maybe.

Ginny reached for his hand, and gently tugged for him to follow but he wasn’t ready just yet. “You know I feel as if this place is welcoming me home.” He said more to himself than Ginny.

“Because your home Harry Potter.” Ginny said near his ear. “Because your home.”

Harry smiled, really smiled for the first time in who knows how long. They took only a couple of steps before the door to the kitchen flew open, “Harry dear!” was being shouted from Mrs. Weasley who was rushing at him with her arms wide open. Ginny was barely able to release his hand when Mrs. Weasley wrapped her arms around him giving him one of the biggest hugs that she had ever given him. “Where have you been? We have been so worried about you?” she was saying through her tears.

It was then that it fully and completely hit him full in the stomach that he had been very selfish. He should have come back sooner regardless what their reaction will be, for here Mrs. Weasley, the only person who had ever been like a mother to him, was in tears because he stayed away for so long. Through the tears that started falling he said, “I’m so sorry that I worried you so.” As he hugged her back tightly.

Mrs. Weasley pulled back as she wiped the tears from her eyes; “All that is behind us now, for all that matters is that you are home and safe now.”

Mr. Weasley had come out at one point and merely patted him on the back saying, “Good to have you home son.”

“We need to tell the boys.” Mrs. Weasley said to everyone. “For tonight we celebrate.” Mrs. Weasley grabbed Harry’s arm and started to pull him towards the kitchen. “You are too skinny my boy. When was the last time you had a good home cooked meal?”

Harry looked back at Ginny who was following, “Um, well.” Was all he could say. Even though he felt a little better just by being here, but still he wasn’t sure for how long though. Mrs. Weasley was talking about making all of his favorite foods, but the thought of food wasn’t settling very well with him. “I’m really not all that hungry Mrs. Weasley.” Nevertheless, she kept on talking as if he never said a single word.

Once inside the kitchen, Harry had a sense of Ron’s presence as if he was there and welcoming him. A wave of guilt washed over him, for Ron should have been here not him. Harry should have died that night so that Ron could have remained with his family. Harry noticed that everything was the same as it always had been. Nothing had changed; except Mrs. Weasley’s clock that, she had carried around with her day and night for so long. He noticed the hands that had everyone listed there plus several new faces of wives, but what Harry really noticed was that Ron was missing from the clock now.

Ginny walked over to him, “You ok?”

Harry could only shrug for he wasn’t sure how to answer that question for he wasn’t ok at all. He knew that he was home for there was soothing feeling yet something was making him uneasy at the same time. “I just need some air.” What he really wanted to do was to get away from here but he wouldn’t do that to the Weasley’s a second time. With Ginny’s strength, he made it this far as so long as she didn’t walk away from him today he could face whatever the Weasley’s would throw at him.

Ginny smiled and nodded at him, “Okay, I tell Mum.” She said. “I will be out in a little bit I just need take care of a couple of things.” She watched him walk out the door hoping that he would be outside when she got there. She knew that this wasn’t going to be easy for he was carrying something inside of him that needed to be removed. Slowly she turned to walk into the kitchen where her mom was cooking all of Harry’s favorite foods. “Harry is outside Mum.” She said.

Mrs. Weasley looked at her, “He looks like he is still carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders doesn’t it?”

Ginny nodded, “Mum, I want you to know that I am not letting him go this time.” She said seriously. Ginny needed her mom to know that she was going to do things differently this time around and she wasn’t going to be left behind.

A smile came across her mum’s face, “It is about time someone fought for that boy.”

Ginny understood that her mum was telling her that it was okay. “Mum, he just needs a lot of healing and even more love.”

“Don’t we all.” Mrs. Weasley said as she patted her daughter’s hand, “Don’t we all.”

“Thanks Mum.” Ginny said as she walked up to her room. She still lived with her parents even at the age of nineteen because she didn’t know where else to go. The only other place she wanted to live at was where ever Harry was.

“The boys will be here around lunch time for none of them wanted to wait until dinner. Percy and Jamie are even going to be here, but Percy said that he needed to talk to Harry privately.” Mrs. Weasley’s face took on a worried look, “I swear if that boy causes any problems for Harry I will box his ears until he can’t hear.”

Ginny laughed for she knew that her mum loved Percy and had been so happy these last seven weeks or so since Percy came home and worked things out with the family. But her mum’s look when she talked about boxing Percy’s ears if he caused problems for Harry, reminded her of a mother lion protecting her cub. Ginny was relieved that Percy had been called for that meant that she didn’t have to. Percy might be able to get through to Harry in a way that no one else could, at least she really hoped so.

Mrs. Weasley looked at her with a worried look before she looked out the window where Harry could be seen pacing up and down the drive, “I’m so worried about him.”

Ginny walked up to her mum, “I know mum. It is going to take this entire family to help lift that burden off his shoulders.”

“You know what is wrong with him don’t you sweetie?”

Ginny nodded, “Yes Mum, he’s carrying a whole lot of guilt inside of him.” Her mum nodded as she turned to walk out the door. “But Mum, we are going to have to help like everyone helped me, though I think Percy is going to be a much larger part of that than any of us. We just have to have patience, love and understanding.”

Mrs. Weasley walked up to her, “Honey there is nothing that boy has done or could ever do that would cause us not to have patience, love and understanding for him.” She said seriously.

“He is going to really need to hear that when he tells you what he needs to tell you.” Ginny said as she reached out for her hand.

Mrs. Weasley smiled at her daughter in complete understanding and Ginny knew that her mum figured out Harry’s secret. Her mum was good at knowing things that she shouldn’t. “Don’t worry about us love, now go be with him. It is love that saved him once, love that protected him for so long, love that kept him going and it is going to be love that gets him through this.”

Ginny smiled, “I thought the very same thing last night as he slept in my lap mum.” She turned to walk outside. She found Harry staring up at the hill that he stood upon just last night.

She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Last night wasn’t the first time I tried coming back.” He said as he wrapped his arms around hers.

“Then I wasn’t dreaming.” She said with a slight chuckle.

He turned around to face her, “You saw me?”

“Late at night I would come outside to think things through and I always thought that I saw you. I figured that I was seeing things for you hadn’t returned home and feared that you wouldn’t for we couldn’t locate you anywhere.” She said as she looked up at the hill, “Then it became comforting thinking that you were coming back to make sure that we were safe even after the fall of Voldemort.”

“I wanted to come home so many times, for this was the only real home that I ever knew, but I have been so scared of what everyone would say. I never thought of what I was doing to your mum and dad, let alone anyone else.” He ran his hand down his face as he looked at the house, “I wouldn’t have stayed away so long and would have dealt with whatever they have to say to me earlier. It wasn’t fair to them to keep it from them, and make them worry about me like they have when they would have been hating me.”

“Come with me.” Ginny said softly as she took his hand. Together they walked to the pond. “Someone once told me something very good and wise that I hope that you will understand.” She walked up to the water’s edge and bent over to pick up a few stones. “Try and imagine this little pond as our world. There are many different aspects to it. We have the part that we can see and the part that we can’t see. The part of the world we can is the surface of the water. Everything we do affects the surface one way or another. The part of our world that we really can’t see very much of is under the surface.”

Harry stood there listening to her, not completely sure what she was talking about, but he wanted her to finish, “Not take this stone Harry and throw it into the water.” She said as handed him the stone. He looked at the little thing that had so many rough edges. He tossed it up in the air where he watched it arc high over the middle of the pond before falling down landing towards the other end of the pond. As the stone hit the water, it created a small splash. That splash in result set off a series of ripples that moved outward from the spot quickly covering the surface. As each ripple hit the edge of the pond, it reversed direction to where the ripples were crossing each other in all different directions.

“Harry look at that stone as yourself. You have rough edges that need to be smoothed out. When you tossed it up in the air that was your childhood, free from any limits and constraints, that happens in adulthood. When the stone it the water it was when you made the choice to carry on the fight with Voldemort.” She walked to stand next to him, “Now as that stone sank to the bottom of the pond is like your determination to faced Voldemort for the last and final time. In the meantime you couldn’t see what your reactions had set off, much like that stone didn’t know that it sent the ripples across the surface of the water. You were focused to get to the end, the final battle with Voldemort, just like that stone sank to the bottom of the pond.”

It made some sense to Harry, but at the same time, it didn’t. “Now over time those rough edges of that stone, with the help of the water and sand below it, will wear away until it is smooth all the way around. You can heal if you have the support of people around to smooth those rough edges of your spirit. Harry those people are in that house and you know it both in your heart and soul. You wouldn’t have returned if you didn’t know that to be true. If you didn’t know it, you would have made yourself unplottable again last night but you didn’t. Nothing you could do, whether it is a perceived notion or something that you really did, that would make the Weasley clan turn their backs on you.”

“Ginny this is different. That stone didn’t have a choice, I did.” He looked at her praying that she would understand finally, what he had been trying to tell her, “I made a choice and it cost me my closest friend, your brother and Hermione’s fiancé. I made that choice because I was a selfish bastard.”

Before he knew what hit him, Ginny slapped him across the face, “How dare you say that.” She nearly shouted at him. She was furious that he would even think that about himself. “Just who do you think you are?”

Harry looked at her happy to see that she was finally seeing what he had been talking about, “I am the man that killed Ron.”

“Bullshit you are a man who had to make one hell of a decision, one that no person should ever have to make. You are a man Harry James Potter not some God who can save the whole damn world or shape it to however the hell you want it. Damn it Harry you are not the only damn person who saw their friend die in front of them. Did you think of that? I held Hermione in my arms; Bill and Charlie saw the death of their friends, and the Lovegood’s witnessed Luna’s murder right in front of their eyes. Lets not go into what happened to Neville. I can go on if you want me to.” She saw the look on his face and knew that she had made her point. She didn’t want to push it for it was going to take sometime for he to accept everything.

She took a deep breath and sat at the water’s edge. She didn’t look back at him this time; instead, she waited for him to make a choice. As much as she wanted to take away all of the pain, to heal him, to force him to understand, she knew that it had to be his decision to accept their help. This wasn’t going to happen overnight but the start could happen in a heartbeat. After several minutes, finally Harry moved, but again she didn’t turn to look at him, at least until he sat down next to her. “Gin, I still don’t understand how you can’t blame me for his death.”