Hogwarts & The Sex-Ed Teacher

Chapter Two: “I believe in rain though there are no clouds in the sky. I believe in truth even though people lie.” -- Unknown


In the cool tranquillity of Hogwarts dungeons a line of cauldrons burped and gurgled belching up the occasional multicoloured mini mushroom cloud. Snape sat at his desk perusing reams of lesson schedules and courtesy of his meeting with Dumbledore was getting absolutely nowhere fast. **Merlin, give me strength to cope with those who think they understand me**

A ‘Sex Education Teacher’ great next thing they’ll have every student’s bed warded and install occupied signs. Could be worse her name at least isn’t Palmer !!! Wonder how Dumbledore managed to get this approved by the board if at all. //Sigh// Welcome to another average year at Hogwarts. Welcome to my nightmare.

Welcome to Hogwarts the Next Generation her continuing seven-year mission to boldly go where no student has gone before seeking out new mischief and new forms of detention. Sex the final frontier.

Dumbledores daughter would make a corpse hot and she was to be the sex Ed. Half the students would shag anything that moved and the other half anything that didn’t. She was welcome to the job. The year would be nothing if not interesting. What was that Chinese curse? ‘May you live in interesting times’!!!

He checked his recipe and mentally ticked off the respective ingredients, roman wormwood, common wormwood, star anise, anise seed, hyssop, angelica root, calamis root, fennel, coriander, liquorice root, lemon balm, dittany, and sweet flag, veronica, lemon balm, juniper, and nutmeg. He would definitely need every drop of this elixir if he were to cope with some modicum of sanity still intact.

Simmered, double hot filtered and triple cold filtered sufficiently condensed and when completed the clear concoction would have a 168% kick that leaves Hagrids renowned fire-whisky for dead and if treated with disregard the drinker also. He had tweaked and improved so it was stable and more palatable, in all one of the more acceptable fringe benefits of being a Potions Master.

Tomorrow the Hogwarts train would arrive and the dusty halls of Hogwarts would be subjected to rampaging free-range teen hormones. Snape gave his gurgling cauldrons a cursory glance, recalculated the final quantity of elixir and decided on a second batch.

The day dawned like any other by sundown it would wonder what had hit it. And if it didn’t rise tomorrow fair enough. Today’s breakfast and lunch in the main hall would be a quiet affair. Layers of angst and pheromones would soon over ride these tranquil times, when the Schools regal presence could be felt and its passive magic flowed through the masonry undisturbed.

Unbeknownst to Sable or even Dumbledore (although Snape felt there was no way you could keep a secret in Hogwarts not from the Headmaster anyhow) there was a tab being taken amongst the Staff deciding how long Sable would cope with the hormonal onslaught. Snape had bid on the longest time and everyone was congratulating themselves on fleecing him blind. Oh ye of little faith.

Above the door way into Sables classroom she had Hogwarts inscribed ‘Non scholae sed vitae discimus’ and over the doorway to her Office Hogwarts had produced ‘Stultum est timere quod vitare non potes’. At least it might encourage someone to learn something if only a couple of obscure phrases in Latin.

Of course the big bonus to Latin was that anyone who spoke it as a native language was dead and couldn’t contradict your version of pronunciation. Above her personal chamber door written in stone was the time honoured ‘vita non est vivere sed valere vita est’.

Sable sat at her teachers’ desk before the blackboard with Bastian standing behind. All 6 foot plus of wired muscle as black as ebony with jewel coloured eyes of green and gold. Dressed in courtiers traditional robes of burgundy and cream with intense gold embroidery plus a heavily jewelled scabbard with sabre at his hip he was an intimidating sight.

The first Sex Ed class was pouring into the room but strangely subdued. “Gentlemen, welcome my name is Sable my consort is Bastian. The room is warded against magic, as no tomfoolery will be tolerated here. This subject is intimate and some may be embarrassed so the genders are in separate classes even though you shall be learning essentially the same things.”

“This course is just as important as any other lesson that you attend. The only wrong question is the one that you don’t ever ask.
If you cannot bring yourself to ask questions in class you may approach either Bastian or myself at anytime or forward a written parchment anonymously if you prefer. Either way all queries shall be addressed.”

“This year we shall be teaching from second form up the following years it shall only be the second years and we shall be taking on the fold of school counsellors. We would be pleased if you could think of us more as your confidents. We have taken an oath and what is told to us in confidence shall remain in confidence. There are no exams however your attendance is mandatory.”

“There are emotional changes during a wizards puberty. Both magic and hormones are affecting both physical changes and emotions. Try not to be too hard on yourself or on the people around you. Be yourself and you'll be fine. Mood swings feeling, happy, sad and angry, butterflies in the stomach, a desire to be left alone all these things are natural.”

“Just as you need to control your magic you also need to control these mood swings and not allow them to control you. The magic is generally taken care of by making you focus your powers through a wand. As for coping with your rampaging hormones friendship and understanding are the best help we have. . .”

That night dinner time the conversation at the head table had proved interesting to say the least. McGonagall, Sinestra and Flintwick had teamed up to assail Sable with talks of catamites, ancient sexual practices and the wizarding equivalent of a personal sex trainer. Snape grinned into his goblet of caffeine and mentally sniggered.

It would certainly take some pressure off of him, until she came on the scene he was the youngest (all be it quite debateable I know but) most approachable potential ‘Sex Trainer / Teacher’ on the staff. Through the years he had his selection of nubile flesh after all he is the ‘Potions Master Extraordinaire and Totally Delectable Slytherin Sex God’.

Sables’ seductively feminine voice was distinctive in the clatter of the Great Hall “In the Unseelie Court sex is an obsession and marriage is just for procreation. Of course one must be pregnant before you can marry.” She continued talking oblivious to the horror etched on Trelawney and McGonagalls faces, Flintwick fell of his chair with shock. Their entire game was somehow backfiring.

“ There is no logic in a union otherwise.” Sable smiled sweetly. “But once married it is for life isn’t it dear?” **Oh! Sinestra don’t ever ask a question that you don’t want the answer too. Silly girl** Grinned Snape intensely interested. Sable turned her hundred-watt smile to Sinestra “Oh no not at all you see it hasn’t the same meaning as Muggles and wizarding folk infer upon the station.”

“Marriage is just a method to record and confirm your line of genetic issue and their heritage afterwards it is only by mutual consent if those concerned wish to stay together. Otherwise another pregnancy another marriage” Sinestra was doing the ‘fish’ Severus wondered if she would get a kiss for it and was curious to know where Colin Creevey was when you need him. Snape raised an eyebrow at Dumbledore who merely twinkled in reply. **Hmmm Dumbledore you old bugger didn’t know you had it in you**

“Both genders have free range with both genders and some do opt for long term relationships. The more children you have the higher rank of respect you hold in the Unseelie Court. All children are brought up with hundreds of professional parents each teaching and nurturing in different aspects, which leave one free to pursue other interests. It is a very loving and close knit family.”

The whole hall had gone quiet well not stone cold dead but a number of conversations had died mid stream and you could almost feel the weight of hundreds of eyes and hear the simultaneous click as they locked onto the head table. To the outsider it must have been similar to watching fish in an aquarium.

At the head table there was a green one with glasses and crooked hat plus one that was descended from some type of scrawny reject dragonfly with boggle eyes. A grey bearded scruffy little one, a shaggy blond one with owl eyes, and an intimidating female in black and burgundy all of which were doing the ‘fish’ routine.

As the other teachers floundered Snape thought it would be amusing to test the waters. “So I take it Bastian is trying out for the position is it a private party or can anyone join.” He purred. Thump, Crash, Clatter, Tinkle. . . Flintwick book pile and chair flipped onto the floor, McGonagall dropped her goblet, Sinestra disappeared under the table looking for whatever she’d lost and Hooch well Hooch was looking disturbingly interested. **Ooooooooh this is soooooo good**

Sable raised her goblet as if in a toast and smiled warmly at Snape. She rose from her chair and sauntered around the table till she was behind him and lent forward to whisper. Her loose silken hair brushed against his cheek and cascaded over his shoulders as she lent forward to offer her goblet “Drink and be welcome”

Snape was in two minds one she was hot stuff and so was her escort and two either way it would be guaranteed to shock the shoes off McGonagall and entourage. He drank in her scent and accepted the goblet giving the rest of the head table a warm smile (which in itself was disconcerting) as he raised the goblet in a toast.

In a voice only Sable could hear lips obscured by the goblet he asked, “Does this include Bastian also?” She smiled and whispered “He will be delighted.” she took back her goblet and declared for the whole table to hear she said, “So mote it be”

She paused behind Remus’ seat and gently placed her hand upon his shoulder, despite the weight of the Professors unified stares. His canine senses altered him to her presence, this delectable-alluring creature hovering behind him.

He could smell her intent as she purred his name. Body responding to the verbal caress he turned and drowned in her eyes. She proffered the goblet leaning forward so her hair fell screening them. For a brief moment there was just the two of them together alone in the moment the universe.

Their eyes locked and spoke volumes of pleasure and happiness of sadness and trust and of hope in those few fleeting moments their souls knew each other. He raised the goblet to toast and tasted her lips upon its rim. For public ears she declared, “So mote it be” For his ears only she whispered “Beloved”.

Having returned to her seat beside Bastian she announced to the remainder of the table, “Is anyone else interested?” She scanned the table with open amusement then allowed her eyes to fall on the students assembled.

Hundreds of eyes pretended to be rapt in their dinners even if the plates where empty. Except for one mesmerised Gryffindor and a Slytherin who both openly gawked. Snape didn’t doubt for a moment that every ear was still tuned to the teachers’ table. The owls would fly thick and fast tonight.

Only Hagrid (who seldom really listened to what was being said anyway) seemed unaffected by the entire deluge. Lupin (who had been invited back for the DADA position) was frozen in place with the biggest goofiest grin possible plastered from ear to ear, you didn’t need subtitles to know what he was thinking. Interesting times all right. Let the show begin.


References This Chapter:
The ingredients for Snapes potion: http://www.absinthebuyersguide.com/faq.html are the basic ingredients in Absinthe
Latin : http://bobi.ifs.hr/~mpinter/proloc.html
‘Non scholae sed vitae discimus’ = We learn not for school but for life.
‘Stultum est timere quod vitare non potes’ =It is foolish to fear that which you cannot avoid.
‘vita non est vivere sed valere vita est’= life is more than merely staying alive