Nymphomaniac Fantasia

Disclaimer: I've already written it...Not doing it again.

Author's Note: Yet again, lots of love to my beautiful beta Mad Hatter.
Read and review both this and her story Opheliac. You know you want
to...We'll give you cookies.


Chapter 3: Romanticide

August 7th, 2005

Portland, OR

Andi and Niki decided that they were going to put their plan to seduce
their respective targets as soon as possible.

Sure, there was a potential war about to start...but come on!!! Tony
wasn't really much of a threat. This crap would be done and over with in
a week. They had discussed that with the older witches and wizards
earlier at breakfast. Their 'great opponent' was a stoner, alcoholic, and
possibly a future felon...He would probably forget about his great cause
before they got the chance to make a move against him. That had gotten
a good laugh out of Snape...Point for Niki!!!

"But *I'm* the one who said that!!!" Andi whined later when they were
discussing how to start their plan.

"It doesn't matter, they think of us as the being the same person
anyway, hell, we're practically attached at the hip."

"You have a point, a weak one, but still a point."

"That's exactly what I was saying!!!"

"I didn't mean it in that way...Also, I need you to promise me
something."

"What would that be?"

"When you finally get Snape, don't you dare tell me any details, I
mean, breeders having sex I can barely deal with...But Snape being one of
those breeders...The very thought makes me want to puke."

"Fine, as long as you agree to give me ALL the details between you and
Lupin"

"Agreed."

Now it was time to act. Their plan at this point was to take every
chance to subtly flirt with their targets...Not that that would last very
long...Neither one of them was very good at the whole subtle thing.

When Niki got her first chance to speak to Snape alone...She ruined her
whole planned out scenario.

"Your preeeety..."

"WHAT!?!?!"

"What? I'm just saying what I think...I think". Oh fuck...She thought,
now he thinks that I'm insane...No wait, I AM insane...I'll stick with
it....hehehe.

"Are you trying to come onto me, young lady?"

"Ummm....Yes. I've had a huge crush on you since I was 12...I think."

"You think? Are you ever sure about anything?"

"Yes...I'm sure that I want to make beautiful babies with you."

Snape was shocked beyond words, this little tart was practically
throwing herself at his mercy. And he was enjoying the hell out of it.

"Ummm...Are you going to say anything to me? I don't remember casting a
petrification curse at you...Are you even going to move?"

"Oh...Sorry about that...Well...I guess since your of legal age
now...."

"WHAT!?!?! You actually think that I'm attractive?"

"Who wouldn't? Well, except for that fruity best friend of
yours...Speaking of him, are you going to tell him anything of this?"

"Nope...He wants to puke at the very idea of you doing the monkey dance
of love with anyone"

"Monkey dance of love? I think I'm slightly disgusted at the thought
myself now that I think about it..."

"NOOOO!!!!"

"Calm down you little tart!!! I wasn't saying that I wouldn't touch
you...I was just saying that the idea of it involving monkeys off puts me
quite a bit."

"Oh."

"Well, we can't exactly do anything now. I don't feel like getting
myself into a scandal. I'll see you in my room at midnight, agreed?"

"Uh-huh"

Meanwhile....

Andi was more than a little nervous...He didn't even know if Lupin
swung his way. People had been hinting at it for as long as he could
remember. But no one had ever confirmed it.

"Hey Lupin!!!"

"Daniel, please call me Remus. I hate it when people refer to me by my
last name."

"Oh...I'm sorry. But I wanted to ask you a question...."

"And that would be?"

"Are you gay?"

"Ummmm....No. Why do you want to know?"

"Not even bi?"

"I tried that once...I prefer a looser hole. But, yet again, why do you
want to know"

"Ummm....No reason, sorry for disturbing you....I'll just be going
now."

As Andi was walking away, he heard Remus say. "You know...Maybe if you
dressed as a woman....It's been a while..."

All he could hear as he ran away was the sound of Remus laughing.

"So....Niki....Did you have any luck?"

"Yep, midnight. How about you?"

"Only if I wanted to disregard all of the morals I ever held
onto...Such as dressing up in drag..."

"Oh...My....God...I'm so sorry," Niki managed to get out in between
snorts of barely restrained laughter.

"Hey you guys...Niki...What's so funny?"

"Hey Ceece, she's just getting a laugh at the fact that I can't get
laid...Hell, I can't even get a 60 year old werewolf!!!"

"You went after Remus? Wow...Even I could have told you that he only
likes girls...You know, I almost used him to break up with Tony about a
year ago...But he wanted a little more than I wanted to offer..."

"Your kidding me? Remus wanted you?"

"Yep...I think older wizards have a thing for me...Hell, even Snape has
shown me that he has a sex drive..."

"But...But..." Niki spluttered. "I don't want your sloppy seconds!!!"

"Gods, Niki!!!! What the hell is up with you and old guys? I wouldn't
touch Snape with a 10 foot pole, and I told him that as well....Since
then, he hasn't come within 10 feet of me."

"Who else has hit on you?" Andi asked.

"Let's see...Malfoy...Both of them, Uncle Bill when he was really
drunk, Uncle Fred and Uncle George....They were only acting drunk...I think
they were ready to actually do me though...And I don't even want to
think about the others..."

"Wow...It looks like CC is a hot item..." Niki said in shock. "You know
what? I think we need to have a girl's night in."

"Your just changing the subject."

"Yeah...But, we might not ever have a night in together...ever."

"You have a point, after all, I'm practically married to a rock star..."

"I hate you sometimes Ceece."

"Love you too AndI."

CC got up and turned on the stereo and just let it play a random track
on the CD.

"God love and rest my soul
With this sundown never ending
The feel is gone yet you ain't gonna see me fail
I am the decadence of your world
I am an eider covered in oil
Happy hunting, you double-faced carnivore

Tell me why
No heart to cry
Hang me high

The music is dead, the amen is said
The kiss of faith is what I beg
A loving heart `n soul for sale

Tell me why...

Leave me be
And cease to tell me how to feel
To grieve, to shield myself from evil
Leave me be
Od of lies is killing me
Romanticide
Till love do me part

See me ruined by my own creations

Leave me be...

Dead Boy's alive but without sense
I need a near-death experience
Heart once bold
Now turned to stone
Perfection my messenger from hell

Wine turns to water
Campfires freeze, love letters burn
Romance is lost
Lord, let me be wrong in this pain

Temporary pain, eternal shame
To take part in this devil's chess game
Spit on me, let go, get rid of me
And try to survive your stupidity"

When Andi realized what song CC had been playing...

"I hate you, you cock juggling thunder cunt!!!!!"

"No you don't"

"You wanna bet?"

Right as CC was about to say something in return, a pillow was thrown
in her face and soon, the three friends were beating each other up with
pillows and an occasional hex.