Shoulda Been a Slytherin

"Gummy peaches."

Not for the first time, I wondered at the mental stability of Hogwart's beloved Headmaster. I mean, honestly, who uses muggle candy as a password to their office? The ugly old gargoyle gave me what I thought might be a smirk and slowly got out of my way. Oh, don't look so surprised that I knew the password to the headmaster's office. It hadn't been that long since my last visit with Dumbledore -- as a matter of fact it had been earlier this week, just after I had hexed Neville Longbottom with noxious, sparkly purple farts.

It wasn't my fault, honestly. He'd been slowly backing away from yet another confrontation with Professor Snape and wouldn't you know it...just as I went to add the powdered snigglefig root, he'd bumped into my table. Which bumped into me, which caused me to dump the snigglefig root in too fast, which made my potion turn a sickly orange color before promptly exploding all over the place. I'd barely had time to cast a bubble charm to keep myself, Snape and Longbottom from being covered in the acidic mixture. Indeed, when Snape had seen my cauldron explode he'd immediately shoved Longbottom out of the way (something I reckon was left over from his days as a spy--don't look at me like that! I'm not an idiot you know. I may be from America, but I'd heard all about the war with Voldemort and how Potter had killed him off just before the start of this, his seventh year. Jeez. Anyway, back to my story) effectively keeping him from harm. But the bubble charm only protected so much and some of the orange gunk had splattered onto the hem of Snape's robes. They started to rapidly disentigrate and the next thing we knew, there stood Snape in nothing but his black socks, black boots...and Gryffindor boxers.

As I've said, I rather like the smartassed Potions professor, so when Neville surprisingly let out a huge guffaw I instinctively hexed him. And even though Snape was obviously mortified at having his choice of underwear revealed to half of the Gryffindor and most of the Slytherin seventh years, I did see a smirk of approval at my choice of hexes. Unfortunately the rest of the class didn't see the humor when, with a Weasley-hair-red face, Neville farted and people started to gag and run out of the room as quickly as possible.

I think it's quite possible that I would've gotten away with that little hex, had it not been for the fact that Professor McGonnagal chose that particular moment to delivery a note to Snape from Dumbledore. The next thing I know, I'm being dragged before the judge, tried, convicted and sentenced before I could so much as utter an "I object!" My punishment was detention with Filch Friday night - tonight.

So here we are, back at square one. Only this time I'm not exactly sure that the headmaster is going to let me off so easy. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure if what I did is even legal in wizarding Britain. I guess in America we don't hold so strongly to some of the old pureblood methods and magics.

Taking a deep breath I knocked twice on the large mahogeny door that separated me from my potential fate. I just hope Dumbledore has some Muggle chocolate stashed somewhere in that crazy office of his. I have a feeling that before this meeting even begins, I'm gonna need a Snickers.