Dear Lily *COMPLETE*

Disclaimer: I forgot this for the second one... sorry! Not mine, Jo's, WarnerBros. And Alan Rickman...



Dear Lily,



How could I even write to you now considering I have done what I have done! I have committed the Ultimate Unforgivable. I have murdered an old, defenceless man who was nothing but a grandfather to me, and do I regret it!



Yes, Lily, I have murdered the greatest Wizard in the world. I have killed Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore and am now on the run, with no friend, no foe and no purpose.



I lie awake at night and see his beseeching face, his plea. 'Severus, please...'. I didn't even let him finish his sentence. But I knew what he wanted me to do! Severus please do the right thing according to you that was what he was going to say. Well I did do the right thing according to me and now I realise that it was the wrong thing!



I am stuck now in the middle of nowhere in a forest with Draco Malfoy. He’s ill, and I cannot look after him, as I have no potions ingredients or cauldron. He is in feverish sweats and being on the run doesn't suit the pampered little blonde one! I have to stop as I hear two girls arguing ...



Great! Just my luck to be hiding in a place near where Miss Granger lives! Although, this could work. If anybody would help, it would be her as she is full of the milk of human kindness! But she might not help...



The argument’s good; I can hear a lot of the past coming up. Miss Granger, it seems, hates this girl called Jemima. Isn't that the feminine form of James? Hmm.



Apparently, she let this girl go bald so that she had to wear a baseball cap (whatever they are!) for months, and then Miss Granger gave the girl a huge pustule boil on her nose! The argument’s funny but I wish that this Jemima would disappear so I can reveal myself to Miss Granger. The catalogue of Herm... er! Miss Granger’s crimes against this Jemima are awfully fascinating though, and I am now more than worried. It seems that Herm... ahem... Miss Granger hates Muggles as good as any Death Eater. Draco is moaning now, and is tossing his head; oh if only we had the Frigidaire Potion, the one that cools down fevers in an instant.



It's turned serious; Miss Granger has now drawn her wand against this Muggle. What is she going to do? Part of me is watching with bated breath, the other part of me just wants the girl gone. Miss Granger surprises me all the more when she pulls off Non-verbal after Non-verbal. Merlin, as I said before, what a Slytherin she would have made! The spells, I notice, are not permanent and will wear off after a while, but the slug-eating one was the best!



Herm... uhm! Miss Granger has slumped down and looks weary. Should I approach her now? I might as well. She might hurt me but then I do deserve it. Besides, if I know your son, he's probably already -- what's that expression you used a lot? Oh yes, that’s it, bagsied me!



I approached her and then took my time before I spoke to her. I was shocked, the day was warm but her top might as well have been two handkerchiefs sewn together and as for the skirt? I am surprised that her father let her out in such a skirt; if she were my daughter she’d be wearing thick black until she had finished her education. Although the Death Eater part of me appreciated the view -- I shook my head; this is MISS GRANGER, Severus, stop being such a TEENAGER! But the lecherous associations I had in my youth had sort of rubbed off.



"Miss Granger," I said.



She looked up and there were bags under her eyes and they were sore. She had been crying; what had those two done to her now? She looked down at her body and then blushed. As well as she might have done, the tramp! Although -- as I said before -- the day was warm, and I saw you, Lily, wear stuff like this on warm days at Hogwarts. Muggle culture! Tsk! Tsk!



"If my day couldn't get any worse it just has!" she said spitefully. She was about to walk away but I caught her arm. She tried to wrest it away from my grip.



"I need help," I said honestly, trying to look at anything but her. I found my eyes wandering down to her cleavage. Not too big… SNAP OUT OF IT!



"Er! I’m up here!” She said tilting my chin up so our eyes met. “As for the help, well, now you realise that!" she spat. I winced. Perhaps the milk has run dry!



"It is not for me, Miss Granger, it's for Mr Malfoy," I said earnestly.



She stopped wrestling with me then and looked in my eyes.



"What's wrong with Malfoy apart from the obvious?"



"He needs care. Potions are the only things that can cure him," I explained. "Please come with me -- he is not too far!"



"All right," she sighed.



I led her to our little impromptu camp. Draco was awake but very sulky! He rolled his eyes as soon as he saw Miss Granger.



"Not her!" he groaned weakly.



"We're lucky that she is nearby -- as I recall, you are very ill at the moment and require the use of several potions to get you better!" I snapped. Herm... Miss Granger looked at me in surprise.



"Ever the tactful one," she murmured. She went to Draco's side and went to put her hand on his forehead. She bent over so that Malfoy got a full view! He rolled his head towards me and smirked! He turned back.



"Don't touch me, Mudblood!" he said grouchily.



"Do you want to live or not?" she asked savagely.



He fumed to himself whilst she laid a hand gently on his forehead to check the temperature.



"I am sorry, Professor, but I am going to have to take him home. I have all my potion things set up in a shed -- I can look after him quite all right there."



She still called me Professor; did she respect me all that much? Merlin...



"I will do it."



"Do you think that's sensible, sir, with the whole of the Wizarding World from the Minister of Magic down to Harry looking for you?" she asked. "I will look after Malfoy and you stay here. Don’t worry I will come here everyday with food and to tell you how he's getting on!"



The milk hadn't run dry. But her alone with Malfoy, dressed like that and giving him TLC -- life’s not fair! It simply isn’t fair!



"Can't you just bring your things here and we can look after him together?"



"No. I get daily correspondence from Harry and Ron. They would both get edgy if I don't reply to them that very second. And Harry is looking for you. I am under no obligation to hide you but because you saved Harry's life during his first Quidditch match I will protect you until Malfoy is better. I would let you stay in my home too but this is my neighbourhood, my parents are on holiday and I am packing up all my stuff ready to leave the muggle world behind forever. Everybody will talk if either I come here to see two men, or two men come down to stay with me. At least with Malfoy, they'll just assume that he's my boyfriend, and like any loving girlfriend I am looking after him."



"In your dreams, Mudblood!" Draco snorted, although the glitter in his dark eyes as he laid his head on her breast when she picked him up belied that statement, he thought that perhaps ONE night would not be so bad. In fact I know that is what he was thinking.



"Don't flatter yourself, Malfoy," she parried. Yes, I growled inside of myself, don’t!



I could not refute that. And I wouldn't want to compromise Herm... Miss Granger’s position in the community. It appears that she comes from a very respectable family.



"As you wish Herm..." I almost said her first name, "Miss Granger. It shall be as you wish!"



She nodded. Her eyes softened a moment towards me.



"Can you apparate Malfoy?" she asked.



"No, I can't, Mudblood!" Of course he bloody well could! He just wanted her to hold him, hypocrite!



"Be polite, Malfoy; act like you've been bought up instead of dragged up!" she retorted. "Prove you’re better than me instead of saying it!"



He groaned again, clutching his stomach; he turned over and vomited all over the forest floor! All right, perhaps he couldn’t!



"Side-Along then," she said, practicality riding her voice. It seemed incongruous considering the clothes she was wearing weren’t exactly practical.



"Do you know what potions to brew?" I asked. She shook her head so I drew her aside and told her which ones would work the best. She nodded taking it all in. Occasionally my eyes would flutter down and she had to keep tilting my chin up with a raised eyebrow.



"I will come back tomorrow and tell you how he's getting on," she said.



Now, Lily, this will shock you even more. I took Herm..., Miss Granger in my arms and kissed her on the lips. It wasn’t a passionate kiss; well, a little passionate but not too much. I let her go and the look she gave me was unusual. It wasn’t contempt but I could tell she didn’t appreciate it either.



"Tomorrow, then!"



I watched Herm... Miss Granger pick Malfoy up tenderly and they disappeared in front of me. I was left alone with just the crackling of the fire and worried that she would tell Potter just where to find me!



I didn't sleep tonight, scared of finding an angry teenager ready to avenge the death of not just his beloved mentor and headmaster but mine as well. And then there was her face… A new demon to torment me!



'Severus, please....' echoes still inside my head. Is this my conscience, Lily, or can I be redeemed?



Yours ever,



Severus.



A/N I have yet to thank my beta Alexandria Fortunato for looking this over for me... I love these characters, and Hermione/Snape rocks!