Two Halves Of The Prince

Remus whipped his wand out and cast a Rictursempra at Severus, sending him flying across the room and hitting the wall. When Snape had bean to slide down he flicked his wand again and Severus was bound.

"Legimens!" Remus roared, piercing his eyes into Snape’s.

He saw images of screaming... himself... Harry, Sirius... James... and then another image that stood broadly out in his vision, flooding his eyes. Severus was screaming, he was flying into a wall... he had deep cuts and bruises on his young face... a greasy haired hook-nosed man was coming at him. "Severus, tell me what I want to hear." But all this was extinguished in less than a second by the screams of the man who was in the room, his mind having been penetrated.

Severus propelled himself off of the wall and tackled Remus. This was it. Instinct had kicked in, so much like that night years ago.

"You are going to die tonight Lupin,' he hissed viciously.

"You have too often disobeyed me," he continued angrily.

Years ago, after he'd graduated he'd thought about what he had done all of those times to Remus and his friends. and he reflected on how his father had driven him to it. But he had accepted it. He had reveled in the power he felt over them. He chose to be the way he was…and is. He would not...could not give it up.

"Severus listen to me." Remus said from under Snape, "You do this... I know why you do it. I know why. You hated him, Severus. YOU HATED HIM!" Remus screamed into Severus's face, causing the boy to flinch at the harsh tone. He looked into Severus's eyes, hate burning inside of them as his spoke his last words slowly,

"And now... you are him." he hissed.

Severus let out a sickening sound, a mix of a growl and a laugh. "No Remus. I am not him, "Severus choked out. "Oh no. I am better than him. I have the power now. He is nothing. He was weak," Severus answered slowly, his eyes full of anger and hatred and just the slightest, tiniest hint of love for the man of which he was speaking.

"You are weak." The werewolf stated, "You are weak, you are evil, and you are insane." Remus let out a scoff, laughing to himself,

"Severus, you sick fuck." And then he got in Severus's face. "I will never be yours. You can force me to say empty words but they will never be true. Never." Remus said in a sinister drawl of a voice.
.
"Why do you want to be like him?" Remus pressed on, gripping the back of Severus's robes. "He hurt you... do you remember how you felt? How you just... reacted?" Remus continued. "I loved you…I loved you because I saw myself in you."

Remus's voice was getting higher as he went on, "You were different from everyone else like me. You knew how it felt to be tormented because of something no one else understood. And now... I don't feel that way anymore. And you did that. You did it. You broke my heart, Severus."


"Love, Remus. Love is weakness. I HATE weakness," Severus seethed, shuddering violently. Severus rounded on Remus, looking him squarely in the eye.

"Why? Why do I want to be like him? It is all I know. I had two choices. Live or die. I chose my path. Long before you ever existed Lupin. You know nothing. You would not understand," Severus finished, glaring before turning away. By that point Harry had become so confused and disoriented that he had passed out.

"I understand love. I understand your father never gave it to you. I tried to show you, Severus, I did." he squeaked, tears forming in his eyes. "But just when I thought I had... i started to see you change." He cried, "Love isn't weakness. If love was weakness then why were did you used to be the one who made me stronger than I ever felt?" the werewolf sobbed.

"Do you remember what I said to you the very first night we spend together? That your love kept me here. That your love made nothing else matter. Nothing changed that, except for you." He finished, "I hate you."

"You do NOT understand Remus!" Severus shouted.

"I do not know what love is. I do not want to know. I was stupid, foolish all those years ago. But you...you were more foolish than I. You Gryffindors, you trust to easily with blind faith," he continued, his voice echoing off the wall of the room.

"Hate is something I understand. It is inherent. Pain...is shelter. You get lost in it and you are safe," he finished, his voice falling slightly in volume.

"What are you saying?" Remus whimpered. "Severus please. I don't even care if you didn't love me back that long time ago anymore...but please listen to what I’m saying now." he said, stroking Severus's face gently.

"Do you feel that?" the weary wizard asked softly. He kissed Severus tenderly on the lips...slowly...gently. "Did you feel that?" he queried softly.

"Don't keep pushing. Close you eyes and feel it... that was affection. The opposite of pain. Please tell me that you felt it. Power is nothing Severus. Power destroys man. Love keeps us together."

Severus began to shake.

"Then let me be destroyed. I cannot fight it. It calls to me. It is inescapable. Don't you see? I am not a man. I am something deadly, hideous. I cannot feel anymore. I don't remember the last time I could feel. So hate me Remus. I have my life. My choice. Do you know what that choice was?" Severus questioned slowly.

Remus felt his tears stream down his cheeks more violently. "Please don't say it..." He choked, shaking his head,

"Severus, if pain has made you numb let love make you whole again. Please. Severus, I was hollow until I found you. I had no one to share a life with... the trauma ate at me. But see how love made me strong? My mother gave me care until she passed and then I thought I’d never be loved again. Never... gain compassion. But when you used to hold me. It was like I had everything back. Like I’d never be alone again."

"I chose to live Remus. But in so doing, he had to die. I did it Remus. I was seven years old and I did it. And now it fills my thoughts. I cannot escape it. You do not want me Remus. You do not want a creature such as I, who does not flinch at death, at the pain of others. I enjoyed it. Every second of it," he hissed, his eyes filled with wistful lust.

"I do want you..." Remus spat, and then he thought better of himself.

"I mean I did. But you've hurt me too much for me to come back to you." he finished. "Because it seems you will never truly open your eyes, Severus.
At this, Severus could not contain himself. "My eyes are open Remus. Open to the things you only dream of. The shadows that sneak behind corners in your mind. I see them, clear as day," he hissed.

"What shadows?" Remus questioned softly. "What... what do you see?"

"The darkness of your fears Remus. I see them. The feelings that haunt you. They are inescapable. I cannot fight them," he whispered again. He had never been so open before about all of this. He had never stopped to think of fighting it. He could not try now. He surely couldn't survive without it.

"You traumatized me..." Remus whispered, turning away from Severus "I had nightmares every night." He croaked, going over to the window and resting his hands upon it.

"I know," Severus admitted simply.

He fell silent. He didn't like this. He felt vulnerable. Vulnerability was never a good thing. He had to be strong, to fight this weakness. After all he could not stand weakness. Composing himself, he waited for Remus to speak.

"Severus, showing emotion is not weakness." Remus said, "It is being human."

"Yes it is. Emotions make you vulnerable," Severus spat angrily.

"I do not expect you to understand Lupin. You have settled with your lot in life and so have I. Nothing, I repeat nothing, will change it. Without the darkness I do not exist. It nourishes me. I have caused you pain. I know that. I always knew. But it fed me. I knew nothing else since I was a child," Severus expounded, his eyes growing hard and unreadable.

"If you continue to think this way, you will be alone. If you gain power, what is the point? Everything will be destroyed and you will have nothing, and then what else?" Remus shouted, turning to face him,

"What power saved the boy who lay in this very room with us from Voldemort?! Tell me Severus!"

"Like I said. You don't understand," Severus growled, casting a look at Harry.

"Love. I do not pretend I don't know that. But that does not mean I believe it. I am incapable of such things," Severus murmured.

He wished he could be consumed, consumed by the safety of escape. He was not happy. He had never truly been happy. Positive emotions did not work well with him.

"You know what you do? You know what your doing?! You don't want to be happy. You want to suffer and see others suffer in your hands. It's all you know I understand but you're not smart enough to see that you can't think this way." Remus went on, "I can show you love if you let me. I just know you won't, so why waste my time arguing something so stupid?" Remus went over and lifted Harry up with his wand, led him out into the corridor, and then started to follow him out of the room.

"What did you say?" Severus hissed.

Remus had just insulted his intelligence. That was not to be tolerated. He knew the werewolf was a lost cause to him. He reached out and stayed the other man. With a gentle flick, Harry was resting on the floor.

"I can see it in your eyes Remus. Revenge. Go ahead. Do it. I won't stop you," Severus murmured eerily.

"I don't want revenge. I do not enjoy hurting others. I am not you and I never will be you." Remus told him, "You don't want to even try to see what happiness is when i offered to stay by your side. Goodbye, Severus." Remus whispered, jerking his shoulder away from the man and moving towards the door again.

"Don't deny it Remus," Severus whispered, moving the block the other man’s way out of the room.

"If you do, it will haunt you too...the guilt...the guilt that you didn't defend all that you lost," he continued. "Do it...if nothing else...for Albus," he hissed.

"I don't kill. For anyone." Remus stated simply. "Now get out of my way." He whispered, trying to get by.

"No," Severus answered simply.

"Severus, please let me go." Remus asked calmly, his voice cracking.

Severus locked his gaze onto Remus and whispered two seemingly childish words, "Make me". He crossed his arms over his chest.

Remus sighed roughly, he had just been about to cry when this remark threw him off. "Severus, I don't want to see you anymore. I see you enough in my nightmares."

"Then get rid of me," Severus suggested, his posture unchanging.

He needed this. He needed blood on his hands, his own blood. The split path that had faced him as a child had now met again in one single road. He knew his choice would eventually lead to this.

"Severus, I can't... I won't..." And for the first time in years he looked into Severus's eyes and saw the boy... the boy from years ago... the boy he felt in love with. He leaned in and kissed Severus gently... but as quick as it happened he pulled away.

"Fuck." He whimpered, shaking his head. This was not the boy... this wasn't.

"I am tainted. I am darkness," Severus murmured repeatedly, a slender blade appearing in his hand. He took a ragged breath and held it out towards the werewolf.

"You can end it. You can end all of your pain," he rasped.

It was unclear whether the man was thinking rationally, whether he truly meant Remus or if the comment was to himself. Remus began to cry. He shook his head at the man, every screaming voice in his brain said not to go back... not to let his heart open again... trembling, he reached for the blade. He pulled it out of Severus's hand and held it high, seeing the look of acceptance in Severus's eye... and Remus threw the blade to the floor with a clatter behind him, wrapping his arms around the man and kissing him tenderly.

"I'll help you, my beautiful." He cooed in his loves ear, "I love you."

"No! If you love me you'll do it. You will end it," Severus seethed, pushing Remus away.

He could not stand it anymore. He had been driven to this...weakness. He had to eradicate it. He was now shaking in self-hatred. He had allowed himself to be driven this far. He only knew one way to cope; pain. He needed to feel safe. Remus had never seen the scars of endless nights of seeking shelter.

"NO!" Remus said, gripping Severus's hands tightly.

"Don't you understand? I won't give up on you. I will show you love, I will show you beauty, and I will be your escape, Severus. Please. Trust me. I love you and if I didn't I’d have done it. I'd have done it and you would be dead." Remus said, his lip quivering.

"Pain is not your friend. But I am your love. I am here. You don’t have to hurt again with me. You don’t have to want it anymore if you're with me. Just please... promise me you'll trust me."

Severus couldn't take it anymore. He lunged for the knife, grabbing the blade, drawing blood. His eyes lit up as he watched the red glucose filled substance roll over his pale skin. He made to push the weapon deeper, feeling it tickle bone. He let out a gasp. He was safe.

Remus lunged for the knife and whipped it out of Severus's hands. He held it behind his back, crying harder than ever.

"Why did you do that?" he sunk to the floor, all hope lost.

He couldn't save him. He couldn't save the man he loved.

"Severus, I'm sorry." Remus said in a hollow tone.

He kept his stare at Severus, wondering if the man could read his mind now as he concealed what was going on... His arms made a frantic movement from behind him and then his eyes rolled back into his head. He slumped forward onto the floor at that boy's feet, blood trickling from the blade embedded deeply into his lower back. Severus watched as Remus slumped over, blood seeping onto the floor. He sighed. It was almost over. Gingerly he made his way over to Remus and with a solemn whisper the slender knife grew until it protruded through the werewolf’s lower abdomen. Severus laid himself down and let out a half gasp half gurgle as he felt the blade run him through. With just enough consciousness left he wrapped Remus's limp arms about him.