My Life For You

A/N Wow the reviews were really coming in. Thank you to every one who reviewed and every one who answered my question. My Beta is still amazing.




Ch: The Thin line of Fear and Hope.


Severus held up the rosary to examine it * I never noticed how beautiful it was*. The rosary was his Grandmothers’ on his father’s side. A muggle, but still a fantastic woman, Vianne Snape was a religious woman, Catholic to be specific, and had given Severus her beautiful onyx, ruby and silver rosary to Severus as protection.

Severus closed his eyes and could still recall the simple explanation, if not a little prophetic reason for his dear Gram Vianne ‘one day Severus, what ever pagan God has given you this magic, will deliver you a chance to be good or to be bad Severus. Keep this close to you, until you know what choice you have made’. She kissed his crooked nose and sent him on his way with his Mother.


Severus looked at the rosary, both longing and ashamed, Severus knew his Gram was dead, she had passed away silently and at peace in her sleep. Severus thought morosely, it was the last letter he had gotten from his Mother. His choice had been made, you can’t fall any farther then being a Death Eater, Severus would always bear his mark. Severus was beyond redemption, he had hoped when he switched to the side of light that he could change the man he had become.

Severus laughed bitterly, “oh you poor twit, the only person who can offer you redemption is Potter, and that will never happen.” Severus spoke aloud to his empty house. The truth of that alone was almost crushing, knowing that nothing he did for the Order, following every command Albus gave him was worthless; he would always be a Death Eater and that would never change.

Severus stood up from his chair and paced his small living room, even if he was damned, Severus was not going to just sit and stew in self pity, that was never Severus’ style. Severus knew in his heart that even if he would never be redeemed in public, he still had the opportunity to be square with himself.

Severus nearly ran to his desk, he took out a quill, ink, and envelope, and some parchment. Severus quickly addressed the envelope as: Weasley, The Burrow, Deliver to Harry Potter. Severus kissed his rosary and let it slip into the envelope, after he quickly penned a note.

Harry, this rosary was meant for a better man, I hope that you find good use of it.

Severus charmed his handwriting to look slightly like Sirius Black’s handwriting but did not sign the letter. * It will be up to Potter to accept it, I have done my part.* Severus sealed the letter and quickly left his house to apparate to the nearest owl post, Severus was glad he still had his glamour on. Severus dropped the small package into the bin and silently prayed for it to reach Potter.

Severus was about to apparate back home when he felt the searing pain in his arm. He was being called by the Dark Lord; Severus stopped a moment to clear his thoughts and to remove his glamour. He apparated away to what ever location the Dark Lord was currently in.

The second Severus arrived he was hit with the cruciatus curse, Severus fell to the ground, careful not to bite his tongue off as he grinded his teeth while the convulsions passed through him, the pain was always on the verge on unbearable, every time the pain was fresh and new. A person was never able to get use to the pain, just prepared for it.

Severus was held under the curse for three minutes until it was lifted. “Come to me Severus”.

Lord Voldemort stood twenty or so paces away behind him Draco knelt over what looked like a body. Severus painfully got on his hands and knees and crawled to his master. Severus kissed Voldemort’s robes and waited to be instructed.

“Rise Severus, so I may speak to you properly” Voldemort spoke in a calm, relaxed voice. It sent a horrible creeping feeling through Severus’ body. It was never good when the dark lord was relaxed. Severus rose stiffly and painfully to his feet and downcast his eyes in respect. “Now Severus, tell me why you and Draco choose not to complete the mission I sent you on.”

Severus wanted to look past Voldemort to see what Draco was hunched over, but to do such a thing would get him cursed again. “My Lord, an unforeseen circumstance prevented us from completing our mission.”

“And this circumstance was, Severus?”

“Harry Potter, my Lord. He was at the same location you instructed my self and the Malfoys to be.” Severus answered dutifully; Severus continued “Lucius felt that capturing Potter was more important”. Severus finished with a slight bow.

Lord Voldemort started to laugh, “Move Malfoy, show Severus the result of Lucius’ plan.” Voldemort ordered.

Draco stood, stoned faced and eyes blank, Severus had been right before: it was a body. Lucius’ body. Severus said nothing, * why would the dark lord kill Malfoy, there isn’t a scratch on him, he simply used the Killing Curse, for what? Going after Potter?*

“My Lord I don’t understand”, it was the truth.

“Then let me educate you, Severus” Voldemont snapped out. Severus watched as the dark lord reached into his robe, and pulled out a glowing green orb. Severus knew what it was; the glowing orb was Lucius’ last memory. Only a skilled enough legilimens could retrieve a death memory, Severus only knew of three wizards who where that skilled, the creature standing in front of him, Albus Dumbledore, and himself.

Severus took the orb from Voldemort doing his best to not touch him, he slowly placed the orb to his temple and waited for it to absorb. Severus started to see a picture of it in his mind. Severus watched Lucius’ last memory

Lucius removed his glamour when he heard the door shut behind him, he was examining his face in the mirror, in the mirror a reflection could be seen of Harry potter. Potter seemed to have not noticed Lucius standing at the last sink.

Lucius turned around “Potter”; Lucius had his wand pointed at Potter, a large malicious grin on his face. Potter didn’t shriek, yell, cry, or even try to run, he didn’t even look frightened.

“I see you are out of Azkaban, Malfoy?” Potter asked, like he was speaking to an old chum.

Lucius did not have a chance to respond, suddenly that murderous look come back on Potters face, “Avada Kadava”, Potter hardly raised his voice to cast the wandless curse. Harry Potter was on the body of Lucius Malfoy a second after it hit the ground. Potter reached into his pocket and pulled out a golden locket with a serpentine S engraved into it.

Potter dangled the locket in front of Malfoy's cold, dead gaze “Hello there Tommy boy, does this little trinket look familiar? It should, it’s one of your horcuxes.” Potter grinned, it was a monstrous’ slow smile, that made him look like he was on the brink on insanity. “Now I don’t know which one of you will be watching this first, maybe you Tommy, maybe you Snape. So I will just say this and get going” Potter looked up a moment toward the door “ This is only the beginning, I’m coming after you, and it’s going to be so much fun”. Potter smiled again “oh P.S. Jasper Huff is mine, I dare you to touch him”.


The image faded, leaving Severus stunned and slightly horrified, “Potter did that?” Severus gasped aloud, * Potter uses wandless magic to cast an unforgivable, I have never heard such a thing*. Severus was almost completely positive that even the Dark Lord did not have that much power, he wondered if Albus did, but thought even if he did, he would never cast an unforgivable. Again Severus found himself thinking that Potter had more than a little darkness in his heart.

Severus was left to absorb this new information as Voldemort addressed the rest of the present death Eaters. “The next time any of you see Potter, or Huff, kill them, if you fail don’t expect to see your next birthday. Now LEAVE MY SIGHT” Voldemort screamed with a hiss.

Severus turned to leave with the rest but he was called back. “I am in need of a potion, recently I have been having horrible fits of vomiting and nausea, you will be staying here with me until you find something that will stop it.”

Severus knew better than to argue, he was positive a simple potion to calm the digestive system would be enough. “Yes my lord, I will start right away.”

Severus had finished his potion by the time the sun had come up, he called for Wormtail.

“Master will be very pleased, he has been sick all night, will this take effect right away?” Wormtail whimpered.

“Yes, now get out of my sight” Severus sneered.

Severus thought it unwise to leave with out first gaining permission from his master. Severus hurried up the stairs wanting to be out of the Dark Lord’s house as soon as possible. Severus calmed himself as he entered the sitting room, Lord Voldemort was perched on the edge of his chair, his left hand firmly over his mouth, he glared at Severus as he walked in, just before a mixture of vomit, blood, and the potion Severus had just finished gushed past his hand.

Wormtail immediately cleaned the mess “ get back to your cauldron Severus, and this time make me something that will work” Severus only understood a portion of what was said because Voldemont slipped in an out of Parseltounge.


Severus took a deep breath “Perhaps if you were to tell me the symptoms, I will be better prepared to make you the proper potion.” In spite of who he was making to potion for, Severus was excited to be able to be in a potion lab as grand as the one in the dark lords’ current residence.

Voldemort looked like he was about to be sick again but he held it back. “it’s starting to subside now, every 10 hours I become violently ill for an hour or more then it starts to go away until ten hours later, when the whole process starts again” Voldemort was sick again, this time more blood than vomit “it’s that wretched boy he’s poisoning me, some how he’s using his scar to poison me” Voldemort hissed through clenched teeth.

Severus excused himself, as he walked back down stairs he thought of what Voldemort had said, “How could Potter be poisoning him? Even if some how Potter managed to pass something through their link, he couldn’t possibly poison him.” Severus paced in front of his work table remembering Potter useing wandless magic to use the killing curse on Lucius.

“He didn’t even blink an eye, and when did he learn about death memories?” Severus stopped dead in his tracks, and started to grin like a mad man. “Potter might just kill him; I might just get to die a free man”. Severus smiled again. * But if I want to live to see the day, I better find a potion that will work*.

Four hours later Severus, felt the stirring of hunger, and the first gripping exhaustion, that often can take hold after not sleeping for a day and a half. Severus looked at the small cot in the corner of the room fondly, but quickly refocused on his work, in another hour he would be able to take a quick nap, Severus pushed the thought of food away, and he would never eat anything from one of the dark lords’ kitchens.

Severus stirred his potion three time counter clockwise, and then two clockwise, and added a pinch silverfish bladder. Severus was certain that this potion would work, it was his own invention. The still un-named potion worked on the blood system: cleaning each cell of what ever toxins, and would seek out toxins, viruses, and bacteria in the digestive and urinary system.

Severus was a clever man, put an idea in front of him and he could create five different potions and their antidotes. Yet, Severus was running out of ideas on how to help; Severus hated the idea of helping that manic upstairs, but what choice did he have? Severus knew a great deal of his mental blockage on the current situation was the fact he was working for a monster. Severus wouldn’t mind taking another round or two of the cruciatus curse, if it meant he could see the dark lord suffer. “Don’t wish such a thing Severus: you don’t have Poppy to repair you anymore.”

That line of thinking of brought Severus to the second reason for his blockage, Hogwarts. Severus was no longer at Hogwarts, when Severus was a professor his mind had been liquid, but since that dreaded night he stood off against Potter, every thing had become more solid.

Again Severus found his mind drifting to Potter; Severus had found himself thinking about Potter a lot these last six months. Severus thought the next time he saw Potter; he would be face to face with the same little boy, surrounded by Weasley and Granger, trying to get revenge. But the person Severus had watched at the pub, and then seen in the death memory was nothing like he would have ever expected.

Severus was brought out of his thoughts by a small chime, Severus sighed in relief, Severus lowered the flame under the caldron and reset his alarm charm, “if I don’t get interrupted, I can get two hours before the potion is done”. Severus fell asleep a total of 60 seconds after his head hit the pillow.


Severus normally did not dream much, and when Severus did, he seldom remembered them, the dreams were never very interesting anyways, so no big loss. But ten minutes into sleep, Severus was in a very vivid dream, and he wasn’t alone.

“Where is this place, why do I feel so feverish?” Severus asked aloud. Severus looked around, he was in a house, from the shadow and dank smell he figured the basement. Severus looked around, the only thing Severus could see was a couple of old boxes and stairs. Severus turned to go upstairs when the door at the top of the stair case burst open.

Severus watched stunned as Potter raced down the stairs, Severus didn’t move. Potter’s skin was red and his eyes had the unmistakable look of a fever. * Am I feverish because Potter’s feverish?*. Potter raced past Severus, and opened a door Severus must have missed. Severus heard shouting from upstairs, and a moment later, Hermione Granger, and Jasper Huff came running down the stairs.

“Harry, Harry no. You’re still getting over the last dose” Hermione shouted as she too ran past Severus into the other room, Severus followed her, Huff was right behind him. “Harry, please stop. You’re going to kill your self”. Hermione begged.

Severus was shocked by what he saw, Harry had stripped his shirt off, and was tying a tourniquet around his left arm, Severus noticed prior needle marks. “Potter’s become a junkie, how is this even possible?”

Huff stepped forward “listen HPB”, Huff said rationally, Potter glared at him.

“Don’t call me that Jasper” Potter snarled.

“Well they are your initials, and you’re hardly Harry Potter anymore, so what am I supposed to call you, GOD?” Huff said jokingly.

“HPB, since when are those Potter’s initials”? Severus asked confused.

Hermione looked over at Jasper completely relieved, Potter had loosened the tourniquet.

“HPB, it sounds too damn much like HBP”. Potter explained rather distracted. Potter got up and walked over to the mirror, behind his back Huff gave Hermione a confused look and Hermione mouthed back “HBP, Half-Blood Prince”.

“So Potter, you’re going to wait the full ten hours, right?” Huff asked as much as scolded.

Potter turned around, for the first time Severus noticed the tattoo Potter had over his heart. The tattoo was two reapers and their scythes curved and twisted together to form a morbid heart, in the middle of the bizarre heart was an capital S, coming off the S were tears of blood. Severus felt strangely moved by the work of art.

By this time Severus was 80 percent positive that this was some sort of vision, that somehow he had managed to astral-project himself to Potter. Such a thing was not unheard of, but it usually had to be done with conscious knowledge. He had simply fallen asleep thinking about Potter.

Potter walked around the small basement room, thinking. Hermione and Jasper just watched him, “ I will wait but I think you should know I’m upping the amount next time, not by much, just an extra cc or two, for two reasons: one, I’m going after Nagini sooner rather then later, and two it makes Voldemort sick as hell.” Potter explained, Severus was reminded of some mad scientist bringing his monster to life.

“What do you mean? How is that even possible?” Huff asked obviously confused, “I thought you weren’t having nightmares anymore”.

Potter grinned, Hermione huffed, obviously not pleased. “Jasper, Harry would have to actually sleep for him to have nightmares, but he can still have visions threw his connection of his scar. So it’s possible that Harry can know that Voldemont is sick but, Harry I don’t understand how you taking Vellamo’s venom could make him ill?” Severus recognized that familiar look come over Granger’s face, she was about to go into full lecture mode.

Harry shrugged his shoulders, a gesture that could have meant nothing or everything. “No clue, but it doesn’t matter really.” Potter looked back in the mirror “I’m thinking of getting another tattoo”.


Severus woke up, still a little warm, but even more tired than he was before going to sleep. Severus felt an extreme heaviness settle on him. He knew that if what Potter had said was true, then the only way to stop the dark Lord from being ill was for Potter to stop taking the venom, or Severus would have to get a sample of the serpent’s venom. Severus decided it was still best to finish the potion.


Nine days later, and 26 different potions, 6 hours of sleep, and two sandwiches, still yielded no results. Severus didn’t care if he died anymore, he just needed to rest. Lord Voldemort had, had enough of his sorry excuses for a Potions Master. Voldemort had changed his mind about killing him, after all he could use him until there was noting left except a dry husk. It was the first time the Dark Lord had smiled in ten days.


Severus hands shook, and bitter, frustrated tears burned his eyes, as he cut up the next ingredient for another pointless potion. Severus had not shared any of his new information with the Dark Lord, and he had been banned from sleeping and eating four days ago. Severus found it overwhelmingly ironic, that he would die right here, making potions “Making potions, making potions, making potions” Severus mocked, hysterically.


Wormtail snuck up and jabbed Severus in the ribs, which now because lack of food, could be felt, were he to lift his button down, you would see the gaunt flesh pulled tight over the bones.


Severus turned his eyes huge and sunken into their sockets, Severus’ face was pulled just as tight over his cheek bones. “What? What do you want can’t you see I’m making potions?” Severus hissed.

“Our master wishes to have a word with you”, Wormtail was nearly salivating, Wormtail was positive he would see blood tonight, Snapes' blood.

Severus followed behind Wormtail in a daze; he had mixed emotions, dread of what was to come, and elation, that this would be the end. Severus wasn’t a fool, he had highly displeased The Dark Lord, and he would be killed.

Severus was invited to sit, Voldemont stood by the fire, looking mildly ill, “I have taken precautions, and have moved one of my horcux into a cave, and it will also become a second meeting place. I want you to use this portkey immediately, I suspect that Potter will be showing up eventually, and when he does you will be there, I’m told there is a small pack of wolves that inhabit the cave. I’m sure they won’t be too much trouble”,

Severus said nothing at first, he wanted to laugh, he wanted to sob. * This is how he is going to get rid of me, just let Potter take care of me for him. That is if the wolves don’t get me first.*Severus weighed his options, there was a chance of survival, in the cave, their was zero chance here. * “Yes my Lord, I am honored”.

Voldemort smiled and pulled a small rock out of his pocket “ catch”, and Severus did, after the familiar pull, and the hard fall, Severus found himself in a cave as big as his house, there were chewed bones on the ground. “I see he was telling the truth about the wolves”. Severus immediately turned to the cave entrance, Severus would have run to the entrance, but he was so tired and so hungry. On top of that using the portkey had sapped the last of his strength.

Severus stumbled over the rock and moss to the cave opening, three feet from freedom, Severus was thrown back, he landed on his side at the back of the cave, he tasted blood in the back of his throat. Severus started to laugh hysterically, tears rolling down his dirty face. “He warded me in: he put me in a cage, no food, no water, I’m going to die before the wolves or Potter gets a chance.” Severus’ vision blurred, there was something sticky and warm running down his face, Severus fell back against the cold ground, he was in that horrible place between conscious and unconscious. For the first time in many years, Severus was deadly afraid of what was to come; his mother’s words rang in his ears.

“When you’re afraid, Severus my love, think of something beautiful”, the words were so close, Severus was afraid if he opened his eyes his mother wouldn’t be there. Severus kept his eyes squeezed shut and tried to think of his mother, it’s what he always did when he was younger; but as Severus slipped into unconsciousness, it wasn’t his mother he thought of, he thought of Harry Potter.

A/N I hope all of you enjoyed this chapter; I really enjoyed writing it, especially with my new Laptop, now I will be able to write all the time, not just the few hours I’m home. And as always please review, they really help me, they even make translating every thing from Catalan into English bearable. THANK YOU for reading, and please stay tuned for the next chapter.