Lost and Found

Chapter Three


Harry woke up some time later to a tapping on the window. He let Hedwig in and watched as she flew to the roost that Snape had set up for her. He was still reeling from the shock that he had received earlier. He didn’t know if he believed any of it, but he knew that his life was considerably improved since the Headmaster’s death. He was living at Grimmauld place instead of being forced upon the Dursleys. He could eat what he wanted when he wanted, and he had filled out considerably. He had full run of the house and more importantly the library. He had read just about every book available on defence and was currently working on those that featured some rather grey offensive spells. His training was going well and he knew he was stronger, faster, and more powerful than he had been before.


It felt blasphemous to even think he was better off without the man that he had come to think of like a grandfather. He didn’t like either of the men that shared this small house. Snape had always hated him and took every opportunity to belittle and insult him. He was viscous and cruel to Harry, largely because of events that happened before he was born. He had been down right caring since Harry had been here, and that was even more perplexing. Knowing that the man was as Slytherin as they came, he figured that man wanted something from him. Possibly he thought that Harry could help clear his name after the war, or maybe it was something more sinister. The man had saved his life several times, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t just saving him for some more dramatic exit.


Malfoy was also something of an enigma. He was acting almost motherly. He snorted to himself at the thought. He could still picture that little pointy face that he had first met at Madam Malkin\'s before his first year. He was already spouting out the hatred and bigotry the he had been taught at his mother’s tit. It seemed, unlikely at best, that he had changed so dramatically from the bigoted little brat that he had been for his entire life. Remembering Malfoy;s glee at Cedric’s death after the Triwizard tournament, he just couldn’t reconcile the change in behavior.

Looking around the small bedroom, he came to a conclusion of sorts. He hated his weakness as he walked, somewhat unsteadily, toward the door. He gestured to Hedwig and she flew the short distance to land on his shoulder. “Go back home, Girl. I will meet you there.” She nibbled affectionately on his ear and then took off through the still open window.

He felt a sense of deja vu as he once again entered the front room and both of the residents looked up at him. He almost forgot his planned speech when he saw Malfoy’s face. He wondered briefly what had happened to the famous cold indifference as he watched several emotions swim over the face in front of him. Glancing at Snape he noted that he, at least, was still able to hide what he was thinking, and for some reason it made Harry feel better. “I am going home.” He stated calmly. “I will not tell anyone where you are. I owe you that much for saving my life. I cannot promise you anything else. I have thought about what you told me and am forced to concede that some of it makes sense, but I cannot picture Dumbledore wanting me dead. I, also, have a hard time believing that the order would go along with a plan that would make it difficult to win this war.” Harry ended with a warning. “Stay out of this war. I will not hesitate to kill either of you if I see you on the battle field.” With a soft pop he disappeared.

“He’s not coming back is he?”

“No, Draco, there is no reason for him to.”

“Why did you and the rest of the order go along with Dumbledore? I don’t understand. He was a child and the hope of the light. Didn’t anyone want to help him?”

“Dumbledore was an icon and a powerful wizard who simply oozed kindness and reliability. Most people thought that he was omniscient. They believed him when he told then that Harry needed the blood protection that his mother’s sister provided. They, like, Harry wanted to believe the kindly grandfather act. Looking at Harry, no one, except Albus, saw the potential for him to become the next threat, so it wouldn’t occur to them that he was purposely held back.”

“What about you. You knew the truth. Why didn’t you stand up to the old man, or tell the rest the truth.” Draco spat at him.

Sneering, Snape stood up to tower over the younger man. “I was a Death Eater spy. I was in a precarious position at best trying to stay alive while providing information to both sides. Do you think that they would have listened to me over the man who defeated Grindelwald.” His voice dripped venom. “I do not need to justify my actions to you. You are not blameless in this little drama, yourself. If you had not been such an arrogant spoilt little bully to him for six years, we might have had a chance to tell him what we could offer him.”

Draco lowered his head. He didn’t fully understand why he was so angry. If someone had told him two years ago that little Potty was being abused at home, he would have used it as ammunition in their frequent verbal battles. He would have been thrilled to know that Dark Lord had an advantage due to Potter’s lack of training. Growing up with Lucius Malfoy, he had had the values of pureblood superiority drilled into him from the time he walk. It was easy for him to believe that it was right to kill Muggles and Mudbloods. They were a taint on the world. They polluted the world with their technology, and their weapons. They were a dangerous threat that needed to be eliminated. He had been excited to receive the mark and wanted very much to prove himself. What he hadn’t counted on was the difference between believing that someone should die and being the one to kill them. He had been literally unable to cast the curse that would end Dumbledore’s life. He had never seen death until Snape had swept in did what Draco could not.

His world had shattered when he was taken in front of the Dark Lord, held between two of his father’s friends while his mother was tortured. This was not a merciful Avada Kedavra. He still heard her screams in his nightmares. She had writhed in agony as he was forced to watch. The rest of the Death Eaters stood around as if nothing untoward was happening as she begged for her life. The Dark Lord looked almost bored as he kept her under the Cruciatus Curse until she stopped screaming and simply lay there her body racked by periodic spasms. Only then did he tell Bellatrix to end it.

Until Snape had carried Harry into the cottage, the only human being he had seen for over a year was his former potions professor. During that time he had had plenty of time to rethink his world view. He found himself fixating on Harry Potter and his fight to end the abomination that was Voldemort. He would periodically dream of standing side by side with the hero as they fought together against the creatures that killed his mother. Now having seen the hero again, it made him ache inside that he couldn’t fulfill his dream. There was nothing he could say that would make Potter understand that he was different from boy who had gone to school with him. He didn’t really think that he had anything to offer anyway. He looked back up at Snape and nodded that he understood. They had both made a mistake that had cost them everything and now they would have to deal with consequences.


Harry arrived at the headquarters of the Order to find Moody and Remus in an heated argument about how to find the missing brat. Laughing he made his presence known. “The brat is back.”

Moody growled at him. “Where the hell have you been?”

“What the hell are you wearing?” Remus threw in.

“Helga’s cup is destroyed and these are known as pajamas.” Harry couldn’t help but laugh at the look on Remus’ face. “Moody, call a meeting. The only thing left to do is kill Voldemort and his pet.”

“That might prove to be a bit tricky don’t you think, boy?”

“Of course it might be tricky, Moody. That is why I wanted you to call a meeting. If I thought it would easy I would be out there doing it instead of bantering with you.”

Moody went to contact the others, mumbling something about irresponsible little brats. Remus waited until he was out of range before grabbing Harry into a tight hug. “You really had me worried this time. What were you thinking leaving without telling anyone? Do you have any idea what could have happened?”

Harry hugged the man back, enjoying the contact. Remus was the last link that he had to his parents and he had come to care for him very much. He pulled back so that Remus would be able to see how serious he was. “I do know, Remus. It did happen and I am very lucky to be standing here.”

“What happened?”

Harry told him the story watching as his normally pleasant face twisted at the mention of Snape. Harry left out the details of Snape’s confession. He didn’t try to hard to understand why he was reluctant to share the experience with his friend. Some part of him didn’t feel safe telling anyone that Dumbledore may have considered him a threat. He still didn’t know what to make of Snape’s story, but it was eating at the back of his mind. It would explain why Dumbledore was always keeping things from him. As he finished his tale he could tell that Remus was angry.

“Where is He?” He growled out.

“I am not going to tell you or anyone else. They saved my life and I promised them that I wouldn’t disclose their location.”

“He is a murderer and a traitor. He killed Albus in front of you, how can you cover for that piece of shit?”

Harry couldn’t remember ever seeing Remus this angry. “This is not up for discussion, Remus. I am sorry that you disapprove, but I will not change my mind.”

Whatever reply the other man would have made was interrupted by Moody’s return. “The meeting will be at six this evening.”

“Thank you. Do you think that I am ready to face him, Moody.”

He looked at Harry seriously his magical eye whirling. “No. I don’t think that you are ready. There is no question in my mind that you are the more powerful wizard, but you have only been training properly for about a year and you still have to think before you react. I would have liked to see you be at the point where your body knows what to do automatically when you are under attack, before you had to face him.”

“Why wasn’t I trained earlier?”

Remus seemed to come out of his stupor to answer. “Albus felt that it was more important that stay with your aunt. It wouldn’t do us any good to train you and then have you get killed by a Death Eater before you got the chance to face the Dark Lord.”

Harry could see the that Mad-Eye disagreed and he was starting to fear that at least some of what Snape told him might in fact be true. “What good does it do you to have me alive, if I do not have the skills to defeat Voldemort?”

“Albus said that you would be able to defeat him.”

Harry couldn’t believe that Remus was so gullible. He made it sound like Dumbledore didn’t have to justify his decision, it was enough that he said it. Feeling sick to his stomach, he wondered if he could even trust these people. He looked closely at Moody and saw that he himself was under the same consideration. He needed more information, and he needed it quickly. Schooling his features into a semblance of calm acceptance, he looked down at the green and silver pajamas and smiled wryly at the two men. “I better go change before the meeting.”

“Of course, Harry. You look entirely too Slytherin for my tastes.” Remus joked as Harry headed for his room.

Harry quickly changed into jeans and a tee shirt. Sitting on his bed he thought about his predicament. He was strongly tempted to confront the Order and demand that they explain their complacency, but he knew that if there were others that shared Albus’ apparent fear they may actively subdue him. He suspected that Moody believed that he should be controlled and he wondered if he was receiving the knowledge that he really needed to defeat Voldemort. Looking back over his life since entering the wizarding world he began to see a pattern of deceit and misdirection. Was there anyone that he could trust? Even as he asked himself the question, the answer presented itself, Ron and Hermione.

They were now full fledged members of the Order and would be at the meeting tonight. He would take them aside at some point and find out what they thought about the his suspicions.