Light on the Dark Side of Me

Title: Light on the Dark Side of Me
Author: cocoa-snape
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter belongs exclusively to JKR...she is a goddess. I am making no money from this.

Chapter 3: Double detention with Snape

The next morning after breakfast, Harry was talking with Ron and Hermione inside the courtyard before Transfiguration. Ron still could not believe what Dumbledore had wanted to talk to Harry about. After Ron’s laughter subsided, Harry said: “Well at least this whole mess is almost over. I just have detention from Snape tonight for Parvati kissing me. Of course I get a detention and she gets nothing. But, whatever. We’re free in less than two weeks!”

Hermione seemed only too happy to ruin the mood. “Harry you should prepare yourself for the possibility that Professor Snape is going to bring up the incident with Parvati. He might not know that Professor Dumbledore spoke with you.”

“Oh great!” Harry said. “That’s the last thing I need is ‘the talk’ from Snape.”

Ron seemed eager to reaffirm Harry’s fears of how dreadful that would be. “Oh my God, how horrible would that be - a sex talk from Snape? I mean, what does he know anyway? Who would ever have sex with him? Can you even imagine?” Ron snickered.

“Ron, don’t be stupid,” Hermione said, with annoyance in her voice. Hermione seemed determined to counter Ron. “I, for one, can imagine him having sex. He’s a very intense person. Intense people tend to have intense sex.”

Ron managed to say “That’s disgusting Hermione,” but Harry barely heard him and Hermione continued: “He’s got piercing eyes and he’s got very strong hands...”

Don’t forget that sexy voice, Harry added in his thoughts. His hands. He hadn’t thought about his hands before. Now that Hermione mentioned it, he would have to look at them more carefully. ‘Intense people have intense sex’ Harry revisited. Snape was certainly nothing if not intense - he flushed deeply at the thought. “Kill me now,” Harry said, realizing a second too late he had verbalized this last thought.

“Tell me about it,” Ron said. “Why are you looking at his hands anyway, Hermione?”

“He teaches Potions, Ron. He’s always using his hands. I was just trying to point out to you that if someone doesn’t fit your notions of what is sexy, someone else might have a very different idea. I’m sure a lot of witches are interested in him” Hermione said.

“Okay, whatever,” Ron continued. “So maybe he has sex, eww gross, but if he does it’s with men. He’s queer that way you know.”

Harry felt himself grow quite hot. He hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“Ron!” Hermione scolded.

“How do you know that?” Harry asked, without thinking.

“Bill told me. It’s gross to think about, isn’t it? And don’t you see the way he looks at his Slytherins. It’s depraved.”

Harry was very quiet. But Ron prodded him: “Don’t you think Harry?”

“Yeah,” Harry forced out in a quiet whisper, not knowing what else to say.

The fates seemed determined to contradict Harry’s thought that this moment could not get any more awkward. From behind the stone pillar, Harry heard that distinctive voice speak: “Your impertinence, Mr. Weasley, never ceases to astound. 50 points from Gryffindor. Now get on to class.”

At that moment, Harry felt as though he was going to throw up. Slowly, he turned around.

“Potter, I’ll be seeing you in detention tonight,” Snape said coldly, a menacing gleam entering his eyes. “Do NOT be late,” Snape finished and silently swept down the hall.

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At dinner that evening, Hermione was berating Ron for his earlier comments.

“Ron, really it was horrible what you said. I think you should apologize to Professor Snape.”

“Absolutely not. He’s a git, Hermione. No way,” Ron asserted.

“Fine. I’m sure Harry will be happy to take the full force of the blame tonight in detention.”

“Sorry mate,” Ron offered unhelpfully.

Harry wasn’t listening. He was thinking that the detention was the least of his worries. He couldn’t say that he was surprised by Ron’s feelings on the subject of same-sex relationships, but he still couldn’t help feeling disappointed in his best friend. He hoped that Ron’s distasteful remarks were directed specifically at Snape rather than the concept as a whole. But the whole incident had sparked the idea in Harry’s mind that perhaps Dumbledore was in the minority of people who thought such feelings were normal.

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Harry took a deep breath before entering Professor Snape’s office.

Snape was sitting at his workbench, apparently grading papers while keeping careful watch over a potion that was gently simmering on the table. He did not look up, but spoke in his usual contemptuous tone: “You will scrub all of the cauldrons in my workroom until they are spotless. And since one detention is apparently not enough to knock some respect into you, after you finish, you will inventory my potions cupboards in my workroom and office.”

“But sir,” Harry starting pleadingly, “tomorrow is Saturday, and I have Quidditch practice early in the morning.”

“Perhaps you should have thought of that before you went and opened your foul little mouth with your friends,” Snape spat. “And if you want to make it to your precious Quidditch practice, I suggest you get to work and stop gawking at me.”

Harry said nothing, but he felt his blood boiling in anger. He hadn’t even earned the first detention - that was Parvati’s doing. And the second back-to-back detention that Snape had imposed, well, that was Ron’s fault. Yes, Harry had reluctantly said he agreed with Ron, but if Snape only knew what was really going on inside his head as Ron was saying those horrible things. As Harry worked, he ran Ron’s comments over in his head, and again wondered if Dumbledore was perhaps humoring him with the reassuring comment that he was normal.

Well past 1:00 am, Harry had finally finished cleaning the cauldrons and the inventory of Snape’s workroom and now moved back out into the office to finish the inventory there. Snape was writing something down, while simultaneously stirring and adding droplets of some unknown liquid to the cauldron he’d been watching over the last 6 hours. Occasionally, he would take a sip from a glass that Harry suspected was some sort of alcoholic beverage. Harry had been watching Snape’s hands for some time now. Hermione was right. Snape’s hands were gorgeous! How had he not noticed them before? The way he held that quill nearly made Harry’s heart stop. He would have to send flowers anonymously to Hermione for making him take notice and giving him something else to fantasize about. As he watched Snape, Harry couldn’t help but wonder if this was what the Potions Master did every Friday night.

“Do you always work this late, sir or just when you have a detention?”

Snape did not look up at him and continued his writing. “Do you really think I’d stay up to baby-sit you if I wasn’t working here anyway? You do flatter yourself don’t you, Potter.”

“Professor...I wanted to say that I’m....I’m sorry about what Ron said about you. And that I don’t agree with what he said.” Harry was embarrassed by how weak his voice sounded.

No response came from Snape.

“Professor?” Harry asked.

“You are laboring under the delusion that I care what rumors your imbecilic friends spread about me.”

Rumors? So it’s not true? Harry thought, feeling oddly disappointed.

Harry wasn’t sure what compelled him to speak. “I could take care of it...Ron, I mean, the rumor, as you said, I could...if it’s not true...”

Snape still had not looked up or acknowledged Harry.

Harry continued: “So it’s not true then?”

The quill which had been making scratching noises for some time now abruptly halted its movements. Snape lifted his head, his eyes meeting Harry’s and Harry stifled a shiver. Snape’s glare said it all, but he spoke anyway: “For your sake Potter, I am going to pretend you did not just ask me a question whose answer is none of your concern.”

“Oh okay. Sorry Professor.”

Snape went back to his work.

After a minute of so, Harry felt compelled to speak again. “It’s just that I....the thing is I...” Harry was unsure of how to finish his thought.

Snape did not look up, but spoke after an annoyed sigh. “Potter you are trying my patience - finish your thought so I can go back to my work in peace,” he said, his lip curling in annoyance.

The gesture was not lost on Harry. He felt flushed. I can’t believe he’s even talking to me. It must be whatever he’s drinking!

Harry was not sure where he mustered up the courage to continue with his question. Thinking back on it later, he thought it might have been the fumes from the cauldrons. Or perhaps it was being down in the dungeon in the middle of the night with a man he harbored a secret crush for that created a false sense of intimacy that emboldened him.

“I didn’t mean to pry sir. I just wanted to know...if it’s normal is all.”

“What? Be specific Potter.”

Harry was sweating now. He tried to remain calm. I’m deep in it now, might as well finish. “I mean, if you’re...that way...if that’s normal. That came out wrong - I didn’t mean if you’re normal. I uhmm...I mean, do you think it’s normal to be that way?”

Harry was worried Snape was going to hex him, but oddly enough, Snape looked only mildly annoyed, and surprisingly, not particularly murderous. What is he thinking? Harry wondered.

Snape was deep in thought. Potter looks sick, almost like he’s in pain. It doesn’t look like he’s being his crude usual self. Hmm. Interesting.

“Potter you’re babbling,” Snape said, his voice raised. He added quickly: “And sit down before you fall down and make more of an inconvenience out of yourself. I don’t want to have to call Poppy down here.”

“Thanks sir. It’s just that I had ‘the talk’ yesterday from Dumbledore, well sort of.”

“The headmaster talked to you about sex?” Snape asked, unable to hide an amused smile.

Harry felt his heart leap out of his chest. He had never seen anything resembling a smile cross Snape’s face before. Harry never wanted it to go away, but a second later it was gone, and Harry wondered what it would take to get Snape to smile for real.

“That must have been something Potter. Lemon drops and pumpkin pies. I take it you got this special treat because of all your extracurricular activities?” Snape said, slipping quickly back into his usual biting humor. “Seems at least the Headmaster didn’t need to explain the mechanics of it to you, seeing how busy you’ve been of late.”

Harry quelled his annoyance. There was no good answer to this. He decided to ignore the comment and resume his original train of thought.

“Anyway, somewhere in that talk, he mentioned men liking other men,” Harry said.

“He did?” Snape asked, he eyebrows raising in surprise. “He was being quite thorough wasn’t he?”

“I guess. Well, he said it was normal, but my uncle - well you know they’re Muggles - he doesn’t seem to think it is...normal, that is. And I just wondered what you...well...because of what Ron said...I uhmm...” Harry was once again unable to find the right words for his awkward questions.

“Potter, there are plenty of books on this subject if you are interested. I’m surprised the Headmaster did not give you a book that covers this topic in fact, given his propensity for thoroughness.”

The book! I forgot! Damn! I can’t believe I went through this torture without even looking in that book!

Snape continued: “That said...your uncle’s an idiot. Now, finish up. My potion is almost done. You have 20 minutes.” Snape resumed his writing again.

What kind of answer was that? ‘Your uncle’s an idiot.’ Harry already knew that. What Harry didn’t know was the answer to the original question he had asked Snape. Damn his vagueness!

Harry finished up quickly and left, thanking Professor Snape on his way out.

Snape wondered what was going on with Harry Potter. Was he just curious or was he confused? Why do you care Severus? He is quite handsome. Why did I just think that? Snape snapped himself out of these musings. Three girls in one week - all the evidence you need!

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A/N: Hoped you enjoyed this one - I really liked writing it. Read and review please. Specifics are appreciated.
The next chapter will be: Chapter 4: Sacrificing a memory.