50 Ways to Effectively Annoy Draco Malfoy

Draco was still banging his head on the potions table when Waffles jumped up from the floor to my shoulder.


A minute later Draco stopped banging his head and looked up. Then he fell backwards in his chair. I stared down at him.




"M-m-mmmm... MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Draco yelled and ran out of the room. I laughed, hard.


When I was done rolling on the floor laughing I got up. (Obviously)




Snape was staring at me like I was insane. A Hufflepuff laughing at a Slytherin was unheard of. Especially me, I was Hufflepuff's biggest loser.


Oh great. I'm in the body of Hogwart's biggest loser.




It's not MY fault you chose to inhabit my body. Is it? HUH? Come on you wanna go? Huh beotch. Let's take this outside whore. Just you and me.


I started punching my schizophrenic self, which was actually me...




Since I was so strong I accidentally knocked myself out.


I SWEAR, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!


Later I felt myself slip back into conciseness.


Am I in heaven yet?


I opened my eyes and saw Draco and Snape sitting there.


"OH NO I'VE GONE TO HELL!" Snape and his boy toy blinked.


(Kim: NO HE'S MY BOY TOY!)


(Meh: Yes, Kim is here again. I can't seem to kill- I mean get rid of her.)




(Kim: Oh that's nice.)


(Meh: ^_^)


"Draco would like to tell you something, Miss..." Snape said obviously having forgotten my name.




"Ottens."


"I knew that! HOW DARE YOU CORRECT A TEACHER! 5 million 20 thousand and 59 points from Gryffindor!"




"But I'm in Hufflepuff."


"EXACTLY! 5 MILLION 20 THOUSAND AND 59 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"


"Right... So Draco, what were you going to say?"




"I just wanted to say... I'M TELLING A TEACHER THAT YOU BROUGHT A MONKEY TO CLASS SO YOU GET EXPELLED AND DIE BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS WON'T TAKE YOU IN AND YOU'LL DIE A HORRIBLE PAINFUL DEATH ON THE STREETS OF LONDON!" He then turned to Snape. "Professor Snape, Miss Ottens here brought a monkey to class."


"Draco how observant of you! 5 gazillion bajillion points to Slytherin. And a gazillion points off for Gryffindor. And 1 point to Ravenclaw because I FEEL LIKE IT!"


I stared at Snape blankly.




I know how you feel...


AHH DIE!




I punched myself again.




"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" I screamed in pain and looked in the mirror across the room to see blood seeping out of my nose.




Draco was laughing so hard by now that he was on the floor. Snape just sighed and began walking out. Before he was completely out though he turned around.


"Draco if you want to maintain your 'A' average in potions come to my room to help me with my bath. Usual time."


It was my turn to laugh my ass off. Of course I just ended up hurting myself which caused Draco to laugh.




"Stupid butt monkey." I muttered under my breath but Draco heard me.


"OH MY MERLIN! THE MONKEY'S COMING BACK FOR ME! I DON'T WANT IT UP MY BUTT AGAIN! DADDY NO, PLEASE!"


This was by far the funniest thing I had ever heard. And when I looked at Draco quivering in the corner I cracked up even more.




I have to admit that IS kind of funny.


I KNOW!... Hey, wait... GET OUT OF MY HEAD!


Fine I'll go... for now...


I started dancing in the middle of the hospital wing. Then I realized, Draco was still there. I looked over at him expecting to see his smirking at me but instead he had fallen asleep.


"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" I squeed. (Meh: Squee is now an official word.)


Draco looked so... not Draco-ish. He was curled up in a little ball, sucking his thumb.


I walked over to him so I could wake him up in the worst way possible. (0=])


Then I started feeling lightheaded and I stopped at the foot of Draco's bed, holding my head in my hands. The feeling worsened and I blacked out, falling on Draco's. (Suprisingly, I didn't hit him.)


I woke up and felt someone's arm around my waist. I looked over and saw Draco.


"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RAPE!" I screamed and shot out of the bed.




Draco heard me spazzing and he sat up, saw me spazzing, went to put his head back down, hit his head on the back of the bed, and sat back up.


I stopped spazzing for a moment and started laughing hysterically.


"STOP LAUGHING! And why the bloody hell were you screaming before?" Draco yelled at me.




This of course made me remember why I was spazzing and I began to spaz more. I ran into a wall.




I was now sitting on the ground holding my nose. Draco sighed and just walked out of the hospital wing.


Why was he in here in the first place?




I just got up and dusted myself off. "If you're feeling like a pimp go and brush your shoulders off. Ladies is pimps too, go and brush your shoulders off." I began singing.


Since singing always put me in a good music I began skipping out of the hospital wing.


Only now I was singing at the top of my lungs, "NOTE TO SELF, I MISS YOU TERRIBLY! THIS IS WHAT, WE CALL A TRAGEDY!"


(Meh: "Note to self" by "From First to Last" Kick ass band, kick ass song. I'm listening to it right now. I'll see if I can get it for the music thingie in this quiz.)




Then I ran into someone. I looked up and saw................................................................................................. Celine.




I screamed in a joking matter, "DON'T HURT ME!"


Celine looked at me with a wicked grin and we both started cracking up.


We linked arms and began skipping down the hallway screaming. "WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ!"




People who didn't know anything about muggles were staring at us like we were insane. Maybe we were, who knows. o_O However, this didn't stop us.


"We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was. If ever oh ever a Wiz there was the Wizard of Oz is one because, because, because, because, because, BECAUSE, because of the wonderful things he does. What's the next line?" We both said the last thing at the same time and started cracking up.


"Well well well, they ARE retarded." A voice came from behind us.


"Yes, we happen to be retarded and if you would sink that low to talk about a mentally disabled person then you should go fuck a duck." I said and turned to face my roommates.




But wait! Kaylie was with them too. And she had the same smug look on her face as the rest of them.




"Don't look so surprised you tater tot. Kaylie has always been our friend. She was just hanging around with you because her parents were fighting. But now they're not anymore and she's hanging with us again." Dawn said.


"First off, did you just call me a tater tot? And secondly, yeah, go fuck a duck." I said and walked off with Celine dragging behind me. *cough*literally*cough*


The next thing I heard was them all shrieking with laughter then... "Lyke, Oh em em! Allison! Your hair is soooooooo fugly. Why'd you dye it orange?"


"I didn't dye it."


"So why is it orange?"


"Cows say dude."




"Oh yeah." They all chorused.


"Kaylie, why is your face polka dotted?"


"Spaghetti's straight until you heat it up."




"Oh yeah."




Celine and I were laughing hysterically thanks to the charms we had just cast on them all. Oh yeah, and their stupidity.




Then Celine and I walked into the great hall. I saw a huge crowd around my area of the Hufflepuff table and they were all chanting. "EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT..."


I walked over and saw Waffles sitting on my plate eating all of Hufflepuff's waffles.




...




...





MY WAFFLES!


I ran into the crowd hoping that they would let me through. They didn't. In fact someone turned around and shoved me back.




"Well well well. Look who we have here." I was SO not in the mood for him right now.


"Look but don't touch Malfoy." Celine spoke up for me.




I took advantage of the glaring contest going on between the two. "Waffles COME!"


Amazingly enough, Waffles came bounding over.




I shoved him in Draco's face. "Kiss him for me?"




"BUTT MONKEY!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Draco ran away screaming.




50 Ways to Effectively Annoy Draco Malfoy


1. Have Harry make out with his girlfriend


2. Tell Pansy that Draco fucks other girls.


3. Ask him to kiss the "butt monkey."