Penance is the Play

\"Get some sleep, Potter,\" Snape said against Harry\'s hair.

\"But I\'m not tired,\" Harry said, looking up at Snape. Then a wide yawn took control of his mouth.

\"Petulant child,\" Snape muttered. He reached for his wand, and cast a quick cleaning spell on them both. \"Have you perhaps considered I\'m tired?\"

Harry\'s eyes drooped shut. \"No. But we\'ll go to sleep. Though it\'s not my fault you\'re too old to keep up with me.\"

Snape released a loud snort, but didn\'t comment. He turned off the lights and wrapped an arm around Harry\'s waist. Harry curled against him, resting his cheek on Snape\'s warm chest.

It had been a good day. There had been potions brewing, defensive charms, Occlumency, a defense lesson Snape had won, and sex. Harry liked the latter best. He hadn\'t minded one bit Snape had won a blow job again. Though this time Snape had wanted his reward upstairs, in bed, and afterward Harry\'d rubbed against him until he came. And now they were lying close together, comfortably, and Harry liked that very much, too.

At some point, Harry\'s thoughts turned to dreams, and he found himself in their workroom, and Snape was naked and hard, and Harry sucked Snape\'s cock, and Snape told him he was much better at it than Voldemort --

Searing pain ripping through his head yanked Harry from his dreams, and he sat up with a gasp, clutching his forehead in his hands. The lights came on, and beside him, Snape grimaced with pain, his left arm pressed against his chest.

\"God, that hurts,\" Harry moaned. The pain lost its heat, and slowly burned down to nothing. Harry\'s scar throbbed, and he lowered his hands and looked at Snape.

Dropping his left arm to the sheets, Snape\'s expression relaxed, and he inhaled a few quivering breaths. He looked back at Harry. \"Were you dreaming? What were you dreaming?\"

\"Er...just something irrelevant.\"

\"Are you sure, Potter? It couldn\'t have been a foretelling dream?\"

Harry chuckled. \"I dreamed I was sucking your cock in the workroom. And I think you mentioned Vol – him. That was it.\"

\"I daresay that is a foretelling dream, though not one of any particular use,\" Snape said, and chuckled as well.

Smiling, Harry looked down Snape\'s body, and noticed the Dark Mark on Snape\'s arm. It was as black as Snape\'s eyes, and stood out against his pale skin. Harry pursed his lips. \"Did he just summon you?\" he asked. \"Do you have to leave now?\"

Snape shook his head. \"That was a summons, however, I don\'t answer them.\"

\"Ah.\" Harry was relieved to hear that, though it also confused him. \"I thought you were spying for the Order.\"

\"What I do for the Order is none of your concern, Potter,\" Snape said, and he sounded distant and cold.

\"I was just worried,\" Harry said, looking away from Snape.

Snape sighed. \"What I meant to say was, it\'s safer for both of us if you don\'t know my exact work.\" He stroked the tip of his finger over Harry\'s scar. \"You are too close to him.\"

\"You mean, he could...?\"

\"If he ever found a new way into your mind, then yes, it\'s safer if you don\'t know certain things.\"

\"I get it,\" Harry said. He looked down at the Dark Mark on Snape\'s arm again. \"Can I touch it?\"

Snape stared at his arm as though it didn\'t belong to him. \"You want to touch it?\"

\"Yeah,\" Harry said, and didn\'t wait for anymore consent. He lay down on his stomach, and ran a finger over the Dark Mark. It felt scorching against his skin, and Snape jerked. \"Does it hurt?\"

\"No, it\'s merely sensitive at this moment.\"

Harry traced the shape of the snake with his finger. \"Can it ever be removed? Or is it like my scar?\"

When Snape didn\'t answer him, Harry glanced up. Snape was looking at him as though Harry\'d just transformed into Voldemort himself.

\"What?\"

\"Do try to speak English in the future.\"

\"Huh?\"

\"You were hissing, Potter,\" Snape said, and pulled his arm out of Harry\'s reach.

\"Oh.\" Harry frowned. \"Parseltongue. I was looking at the snake. Sorry.\"

\"Yes, well, I don\'t think it\'s such a good idea to speak that language to a Dark Mark. Who knows what it may trigger.\"

\"Yeah, you\'re right. I don\'t have much control over it, though. Usually, when I see a snake, I start to talk like that. I hardly ever notice I\'m doing it.\"

Snape looked thoughtful. \"Then I suggest you start working on gaining control over that ability. We\'ll include it in our lessons tomorrow.\"

\"Is there anything you don\'t want me to learn this summer?\" Harry asked, snickering.

Snape looked dead serious. \"No, because we are running out of time.\"

\"We are?\"

\"Yes, and you are running out of luck. You\'ve faced the Dark Lord twice in the last two years, and both times it was luck rather than skill that got you out of there alive. Your luck won\'t hold, so it\'s time you master the skills necessary to defeat him.\"

Harry rolled onto his back, considering Snape\'s words. \"Yeah, I think you\'re right. It\'s just...the idea of facing him again is a bit daunting.\"

\"The more skills you learn, the less daunting it will be,\" Snape said, and stretched out beside Harry. They stayed silent for a while, Harry lost in thoughts of his lessons and his past encounters with Voldemort, and Snape lost in thoughts of his own.

\"Will you tell me about him?\" Harry asked.

\"Tell you what?\"

\"Tell me about him. What\'s he like? What was he like before? Why did so many people join him?\" At Snape\'s hesitant look, Harry added, \"You don\'t have to tell me anything you don\'t want me to know. I just want to know more about him, because all I know is that he killed my parents and wants to kill me, really.\"

\"That seems like a reasonable request,\" Snape said. \"Very well.\"

Harry rolled onto his side, head propped on his hand.

\"When the Dark Lord rose to power before you were born, he told people what they wanted to hear. You have to understand that in the decades prior to that, a group of wizards started pushing for exposure of our world. They said Muggles had stopped seeing magic as the devil\'s tool. They\'d stopped trying to burn witches at the stakes. And according to those people, our world would benefit from collaborating with the Muggle world.

\"Quite a few people, mostly purebloods, didn\'t agree. And the Dark Lord easily used their fears to manipulate them to his side. The Dark Lord started out very much like a politician, and a skilled politician at that, if there ever were such a thing.

\"Of course, once you pledged your loyalty to him,\" Snape glanced at the Dark Mark on his arm, \"you were in it for life. Most wizards didn\'t realize that little clause until it was too late.\"

\"Yeah,\" Harry said. \"Sirius told me Regulus wanted out, and that got him killed.\"

Snape\'s expression tightened. \"I\'m well aware of that, Potter. I killed him.\"

The mattress seemed to drop out from under Harry, and he felt as if he\'d just tumbled to the floor. \"Sirius never said that,\" he whispered.

\"That\'s because he didn\'t know. I do believe he\'d have skinned me alive if he had known.\"

Harry bit his lip. \"Why did you...er...kill him?\"

\"I can assure you, it wasn\'t voluntary on my part. The Dark Lord knew there were traitors among his followers. He suspected me, though I was still loyal to him at that time, and he learned Regulus wanted out. He ordered me to kill him to prove my loyalty. So I did.\"

Glancing down, Harry wasn\'t sure any longer what to think of Snape, and it gnawed at his heart.

\"Oh, come now, Potter. Surely you already knew being a Death Eater isn\'t exactly the equivalent of being a member of a chess club. We were all forced to do things we did not want to do.\"

\"I know,\" Harry said, worrying the corner of his pillow between his fingers. \"Is that when you crossed over to Dumbledore?\"

Snape gave an indignant huff. \"Crossed over? No, I never fled to Dumbledore to beg him for forgiveness, if that is what you mean. I did, however, start collecting information I could conveniently let slip to Dumbledore\'s side. I knew the only way I could get out from under the Dark Lord\'s power was to help their side win.\"

\"Our side,\" Harry said, giving Snape an insecure smile.

\"At that time, I still considered it to be their side. That didn\'t change until after you disposed of the Dark Lord, and Dumbledore kept me out of Azkaban and offered me sanctuary at Hogwarts.\"

\"But if he was gone, why did you need sanctuary?\"

\"Because many of his followers were still on the loose. Do you know what happened to the Longbottoms?\"

Harry nodded, remembering his trip to St Mungo\'s the previous year.

\"That happened after the Dark Lord vanished. His followers were set on bringing him back and taking care of any disloyal Death Eaters. Since my work as a spy was all that could keep me out of Azkaban, Dumbledore had no choice but to publicly announce my true alliance. And thus I had no choice but to seek sanctuary at Hogwarts.\"

\"And you\'ve stayed there all these years,\" Harry mused.

\"Indeed. Dumbledore didn\'t believe the Dark Lord was gone for good. I agreed with him. And we\'ve been proved right, unfortunately.\"

\"But you\'re on our side now,\" Harry said, sounding hopeful.

Snape rolled his eyes. \"I think the fact that I\'m in bed with you, telling you bedtime stories, instead of handing you over to the Dark Lord proves that much.\"

Harry snickered. \"Yeah, I think so.\"

\"Is there anything more you need to know to satisfy your chronic curiosity?\"

\"What\'s he like as a person? Did he already look like a snake when you joined him?\"

\"No, he still looked mostly human during his rise to power.\" Snape gave Harry a careful look. \"The Dark Lord has a formidable temper, but he isn\'t a rash man. In fact, the only time I\'ve seen him act rash was when he went after you. And as we all know, that proved to be his downfall.

\"He\'s an intelligent man. A very powerful wizard. He knows more magic than half the wizarding world combined. And if he favors you, he can be a surprisingly kind man. Of course, if you dare cross him, he will unleash his cruelty on you. He can be a very cruel man.\"

\"You sound like you admire him,\" Harry said, feeling petulant.

Snape stayed silent, his dark eyes fixed on Harry.

\"You do,\" Harry said, surprised. \"You do admire him.\"

\"I do,\" Snape said, nodding. \"I admire his skill as a wizard. I admire his power. However, I do not admire his desire to rule others, nor his murderous streaks.\"

\"Is that why you joined him? It\'s just...you seem smarter than to believe his lies.\"

\"Potter, I was sixteen when I first met him, and seventeen when I took his mark. I was young. I had never met anyone like him. Someone who made me feel as though I deserved the life he could give me. As though I deserved the attention he gave me. I believed him. It was quite that simple.\"

\"I suppose,\" Harry said, and averted his gaze. \"I know what it\'s like to think you don\'t deserve the things you have. I\'ve thought that for a long time. Still do, sometimes. The Dursleys always make sure to remind me.\" He gave Snape a careful look. \"You always reminded me.\"

\"I don\'t think anyone deserves the role this world has pushed you into,\" Snape said, and placed a hand on Harry\'s hip.

\"You don\'t hate me, do you?\" Harry asked, and he despised how small he sounded.

\"For a very long time, I\'ve thought of you as a nasty, spoiled, impudent child. You gave me no reason to think differently of you.\" Snape\'s hand slid up, and rested on Harry\'s back. \"However, those circumstances have changed. I would never share a bed with someone I hate.\"

\"You shared a bed with him,\" Harry whispered.

\"I\'ve never claimed to hate him, Potter.\"

\"God, you are so difficult to understand,\" Harry said, exasperated.

Snape laughed, and pulled Harry closer. \"That\'s exactly what I prefer to be.\"

\"Yeah, well, whatever you\'re doing, it works.\" Harry pressed his lips to Snape\'s throat. \"I would never share a bed with someone I hate, either.\"

\"Good. Now get some sleep.\" Snape extinguished the lights, and Harry settled in his embrace.

\"You know, I really appreciate what you\'re doing for me,\" Harry whispered, placing soft kisses on Snape\'s throat. \"I\'d never thought I\'d ever like you, but --\"

\"Oh, do be quiet, Potter. Just because I don\'t hate you doesn\'t mean I have any desire to listen to confessions of infatuation in the dark.\"

Harry snorted with laughter. He raised his head, and pressed his lips to Snape\'s in a gentle kiss. \"I like you, too.\"

Snape released a long-suffering sigh. Then he kissed Harry, slowly, and Harry was sure he felt Snape smile against his lips.


*~*~*~*~*


When Harry entered the kitchen the next morning, Snape handed him the Daily Prophet.

\"It seems he was in a particularly good mood last night,\" Snape said, and went back to the eggs in the frying pan.

Harry stared at the headline.

\'SEVEN MUGGLEBORNS DIE IN GRUESOME ATTACK – YOU KNOW WHO WAGES OPEN WAR ON WIZARDING WORLD\'

\"That explains why my scar hurt,\" Harry said. He put the newspaper down. He didn\'t feel like reading the article. \"Was anyone we know attacked?\"

Snape shook his head. \"No current Hogwarts students.\"

\"Well, that\'s something.\" Harry sat down, releasing a defeated sigh. \"I hate being locked up here.\"

\"There\'s nothing you could have done,\" Snape said. He turned to look at Harry, leaning against the counter.

\"I still feel like I should do something.\"

\"You should practice. You should learn your lessons. And then, one day in the future, you will be able to do something.\"

\"It\'s really strange when you\'re being so reasonable,\" Harry said, and offered Snape a small smile. \"I think I prefer you mean and nasty.\"

\"Very well. You\'re a stupid, talentless Gryffindor with an ego so enormous you believe it\'s up to you to save this world.\"

Harry grinned. \"And you\'re a power-hungry, psychopathic Slytherin with a preference for scaly old cocks.\"

Snape chuckled. \"Feeling better?\"

\"Yeah.\"

\"Eggs?\"

\"Yes, please. Is there toast?\"

\"There will be if you get up from your lazy backside and make it.\"

Harry gave Snape a mock-pout as he got up. \"Don\'t say nasty things about my backside. You like my backside.\"

\"I like most of you. That\'s never stopped me from insulting you.\"

\"You\'re making real progress. Getting in touch with your feelings. Voicing them.\" Harry ducked when Snape threw a slice of bread at him. \"Though you still have a few issues with your temper.\"

\"I suggest you make that toast, or I\'ll show you my temper, Potter.\"

\"Yes, sir.\" Harry walked to Snape, pressed a kiss to his lips, ignored Snape\'s glare, and started on the toast. \"Child molester,\" he muttered, glancing at Snape from the corner of his eye.

Snape dropped his spatula, which sent Harry into a victorious burst of laughter.


*~*~*~*~*


\"Careful, Potter,\" Snape said, as Harry levitated the fire crab shell, and filled a second vial of Veritaserum. Once the vial was full, he lowered the shell, and gave Snape an expectant look.

\"Now we test it,\" Snape said, and for a moment Harry thought Snape would use it on him. But Snape pulled out a sheet of parchment, and poured three drops of Harry\'s Veritaserum on it. Then he reached for a second vial. Harry had no idea what he was doing, but he noticed Snape\'s severe look, so he leaned his elbows on the table and watched quietly, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

Snape poured three drops of some blue potion on the Veritaserum, and Harry watched how the wet spot on the parchment turned to pink. Snape released a deep breath.

\"What happened?\" Harry asked, confused.

\"Your Veritaserum is adequate.\"

\"Yes!\" Harry yelled, and jumped up and down. \"I\'ve brewed Veritaserum! Ha!\" He punched Snape on the arm in sheer excitement.

\"Potter! This is a potions laboratory. Please refrain from those childish antics.\"

\"I\'ve brewed Veritaserum!\" Harry yelled again, as if Snape hadn\'t been there every step of the way. \"Does that mean you\'ll let me in your Potions class? I\'ve brewed Veritaserum.\" Harry gestured at his private potions supply, which had quite a few potions in it already. \"And I\'ve brewed all that.\"

\"Hmm,\" Snape said, stoppering one of the vials of Veritaserum before slipping it inside his robes. \"Let\'s see.\"

\"Oh, come on! I\'ve spent two weeks in here. I\'ve brewed everything you told me to.\"

\"However, you did manage to ruin your first batch of blood-replenishing potion,\" Snape said, and made it sound like a grave mistake.

\"That was your fault.\"

\"I beg your pardon?\"

\"I was distracted. You kept making suggestive motions with your ladle.\"

Snape snorted with laughter. \"Very well. I\'ll allow you in my class.\"

\"Yes, thank you!\" Harry threw his arms around Snape, who took a step backward to keep his balance.

\"Potter, your exuberance is tiring. Do control yourself.\"

Harry grinned, and gave Snape a long, deep, grateful kiss. Snape allowed it, and then dislodged Harry\'s arms from his neck. Harry smiled at him, and he found it hard to believe their two weeks together were about to end. The next day, Remus would return. The time Harry spent with Snape had gone by in a blur of lessons and sex, and Harry had learned a great deal on all subjects.

He knew more defense charms and minor curses than were available through Hogwarts\' curriculum. He\'d got very good at Occlumency; he was finally able to keep Snape completely out of his mind. He\'d become a decent potions brewer, with an admirable collection of potions. And he\'d become an expert at blow jobs, seeing as he\'d yet to win one of their defense lessons.

\"I\'ll write to Professor McGonagall to tell her of my decision,\" Snape said, and added the second vial of Veritaserum to Harry\'s potions box. \"Have you sent the list of your N.E.W.T. classes to Hogwarts already?\"

Harry nodded, and closed his potions box. A very satisfied feeling warmed his chest.

\"Good. Then I think it\'s time I taught you the Mirror Shield Charm. Follow me.\"

\"Only took you two weeks,\" Harry muttered, but made sure it sounded teasing.

\"And look how many blow jobs I got out of it,\" Snape said with a satisfied smirk.

Harry snickered. \"I\'ll just think of that as yet another lesson I had to learn.\"

\"Very wise.\" Snape walked up the stairs, Harry following him closely.


*~*~*~*~*


\"Protego Specularis!\" Harry shouted, for the umpteenth time that day. He\'d practiced all afternoon, and he\'d continued right after supper -- stew, since Snape had cooked.

\"You\'re close. But it needs more of your magic.\"

\"I don\'t think I can give more,\" Harry said, sighing. Snape stepped up behind Harry, and placed his hand on Harry\'s elbow.

\"Don\'t tense your arm. It needs to come from within you, not from this appendage. Try again.\"

Harry inhaled a few shaky breaths, and tried to concentrate on his own magic, on that dormant fire within him. \"Protego Specularis!\"

Sunlight on a mirror, Harry thought, before the world turned black around him.

\"Potter. Wake up.\"

\"Huh?\" Harry blinked his eyes open, and wondered how he\'d got from the drawing room to his own bedroom. Snape stared down at him, seated on the edge of the bed.

\"You cast a perfect Mirror Shield Charm. Unfortunately, it took too much out of you.\"

\"I fainted?\" Harry asked, his voice hoarse.

\"You passed out. It\'s not uncommon when you\'ve been casting that much powerful magic in one afternoon. We\'ll continue with your lesson tomorrow.\"

\"Okay,\" Harry said, not liking how weak his voice sounded.

\"How are you feeling?\"

\"Like I\'ve played ten Quidditch matches in a row. And I don\'t think I\'ve won any of them.\"

Snape chuckled. \"Get undressed. I have something that will help you.\" Snape got up and swept from the room. Harry stared after him, and then set about taking his clothes off, which was easier said than done.

He was down to his boxers and socks when Snape returned, holding a bottle with something creamy inside. Snape helped him with his last garments, and then urged him to lie on his stomach.

\"What are you going to do?\" Harry asked, pillowing his head on his arms.

\"Be quiet.\" Snape seated himself on the bed again, and opened the bottle. He poured some of the cream on his hands, and rubbed them together.

\"Ah,\" Harry moaned, when Snape\'s hand touched his back. \"That\'s cold.\"

\"It\'ll get hot very quickly.\" Snape curled his fingers around Harry\'s shoulders, and started kneading the knots in Harry\'s muscles. And it did become hot, Harry noticed. It felt like liquid fire leaking down into his body.

\"What is that stuff?\" he whispered, relaxing under Snape\'s hands, which traveled down his back, massaging every inch of skin they encountered.

\"A healing salve designed to help against extreme exhaustion,\" Snape said in his lecturing voice.

\"God, it feels spectacular,\" Harry moaned. \"You are so good with your hands. Don\'t stop.\"

\"I don\'t intend to stop,\" Snape said, tracing his fingers over Harry\'s lower back, working Harry\'s skin and muscles in secure strokes.

\"Fuck, this is making me hard.\" Harry rubbed his growing erection against the sheets, unable to resist the pleasant friction.

Snape snorted, and guided his hands down Harry\'s arse. \"Potter, is there ever a time you\'re not hard?\"

\"Not when you\'re touching me like this, no,\" Harry said, and he parted his legs, giving Snape all the access he needed to stroke his arse and dip between his cheeks.

They hadn\'t done more than rubbing together, and Snape stroking Harry to climax, while Harry spent a lot of time sucking Snape\'s cock. Snape had often teased Harry\'s entrance, never breaching it, but touching it, stroking it.

And Harry loved that feeling, and he had spent the last couple of days wondering what it would be like to feel Snape\'s fingers inside him. Or Snape\'s cock.

\"God, yeah,\" Harry moaned, when Snape\'s finger drew small circles around his entrance. \"That feels so good.\" He raised his hips, just a bit, and Snape stroked over the tight ring of muscles in response.

Harry glanced at Snape over his shoulder. \"Do you want to have sex with me?\"

\"I thought that\'s what we\'ve been doing these last two weeks,\" Snape said, still torturing Harry\'s pucker with light taps of his finger.

\"I mean, do you want to have sex with me there? Do you want to fuck me?\" Harry felt his cheeks flush.

\"Yes, Potter. I want to fuck you.\" Snape slid his finger past the tense muscles, and pushed it inside Harry to the knuckle.

\"Oh god.\" Harry jerked his hips at that invasive feeling. \"I want you to. I want you to fuck me.\"

\"Really?\" Snape moved his finger in and out of Harry, faster and faster. \"Do you want me to fuck you like this? Do you want to feel my cock inside you?\"

\"Yes!\" Harry cried, bucking his hips back against Snape\'s hand, trying to get more of Snape\'s finger inside him. It felt incredible to have something touching him inside his body. \"God, yes.\"

\"Don\'t move.\" Snape pulled his finger out, gently, and Harry heard the rustling of clothes. Snape was undressing himself.

\"Do you have any of that lubricant you brewed at hand?\" Snape asked. Harry felt Snape\'s naked thigh against his own.

\"Nightstand,\" Harry said. His heart was hammering in his chest. He couldn\'t believe they were finally going to do this. He was finally going to let Snape fuck him. It had to be the most arousing thing he\'d ever done, to let Snape put his cock inside Harry like that.

And then Snape\'s finger was back, slick and hot, and it found Harry\'s entrance and pushed inside without hesitation. Harry moaned, and spread his legs wider, eager to feel more, eager to get to the part where Snape would slide his cock inside.

\"Impatient boy,\" Snape said, his voice heavy. \"You\'re just begging for my cock, aren\'t you?\"

\"Yes, please,\" Harry breathed, and bit his lip when Snape slid a second finger inside. That feeling of being stretched was amazing. Harry was panting, and his own hard cock felt like it might burst against the sheets. Snape sat between Harry\'s legs, and urged him to raise his hips. Harry did, and Snape drove his fingers inside deeper. His strokes became faster, and he kept moving his hand until Harry was fucking himself on his fingers.

\"Please,\" Harry whispered. \"Please.\" He knew Snape loved hearing him beg, and oddly, Harry loved begging Snape. \"You make me feel so good.\"

Snape made a throaty sound of appreciation. He pulled his fingers out, and Harry glanced over his shoulder. Snape was kneeling behind him, his thick cock glistening, and he guided it to Harry\'s entrance.

\"Please,\" Harry whispered again, more urgently. \"God, I want to feel you inside me.\"

Snape closed his eyes, and pushed his cock against Harry\'s pucker.

\"Oh, yes,\" Harry moaned, bucking back as much as he dared. Snape\'s cock slid inside an inch, and Harry bucked back harder. Snape pushed forward, and he was sheathed inside Harry.

\"That feels good.\" Harry closed his eyes and raised his hips higher, hoping Snape could push in even further. \"That feels so full.\"

\"Do you want it hard, Potter?\"

\"Fuck, yeah.\"

\"Good.\" Snape gripped Harry\'s hips, and drew back, his cock sliding out of Harry, and just when Harry thought Snape\'s cock slid out of him completely, Snape drove it back inside him.

\"Ah! Ah, fuck!\"

Snape chuckled, deep and victorious, and that sound made Harry want Snape to fuck him even harder. Snape thrust into him, deep, and again, and again, and Harry had never felt anything like that. It was better than all the things they\'d done before. Snape\'s cock was thick and hot and filled him, and Harry didn\'t want Snape to ever stop.

\"Touch yourself.\"

Harry wormed one hand under his body, and pulled at his own cock. He tried to match Snape\'s rhythm, but Snape drove into him so hard and so fast, Harry had trouble keeping up. He was close, so close, the feeling of Snape\'s cock rubbing over his prostate more than enough to make him come.

\"Almost there,\" he whispered, and he felt helpless, and he loved that feeling, loved Snape being in control, taking him, using him. \"So close.\" He tugged harder on his prick, his teeth clenched, and his body shaking from Snape\'s thrusts. Snape was fucking him, and he was fucking him hard, and Harry came with a muffled cry, his cock spurting long strings of come to the sheets.

Snape moaned, an unfamiliar sound that made Harry shiver in delight. Snape was fucking him, and Snape liked it enough to moan. Harry drove his hips back, wanted to challenge Snape to fuck him harder, to take everything there was to take. Snape moaned again, and Harry smiled against his arm.

\"Yes,\" Snape hissed, his fingers digging into Harry\'s flesh. He thrust his cock inside as deep as he could, and Harry felt it twitch, and he was filled as Snape came, hips jerking against Harry\'s.

Snape slumped down on him, and Harry loved feeling Snape\'s weight on him, Snape\'s panted breaths on the back of his neck, Snape\'s spent cock softening inside him. Finally, when they\'d both caught their breaths, Snape pulled out and rolled onto his back beside Harry.

\"God, that was so good!\" Harry said, as if he were describing his first Quidditch victory. \"That was fantastic!\"

Staring up at the ceiling, sweat shining on his face, Snape released a sigh. \"You know, Potter, there is this thing called afterglow, and you\'re ruining it with your inane babbling.\"

Snickering, Harry shifted closer to Snape, and propped his chin up on Snape\'s chest so he could look at Snape\'s face. \"But this was really good. Really, really good. We have to do this more often.\"

\"As often as we can,\" Snape said, looking down at Harry over his hooked nose. \"Though perhaps I should remind you Lupin is returning tomorrow, which means our privacy will be mostly nonexistent.\"

Harry\'s face fell. \"I know. But you\'ll still teach me our lessons, right?\"

Snape raised a hand and stroked Harry\'s damp hair. \"Yes, we\'ll continue with our lessons. There are ways to ensure our privacy. Locking and silencing charms. Plus, you\'ve your own vial of Draught of the Living Dead. I\'m sure you can manage to dose Lupin\'s evening tea.\"

Harry\'s lips tugged up in a grin. \"You\'ve been thinking about this, haven\'t you?\"

Snape tried to look innocent, but it was ruined by the smirk on his face. \"I\'m a Slytherin, Potter. You\'d best remember that.\"

\"Poor Remus,\" Harry said, though he didn\'t mean it. \"He\'ll be hooked on every possible sleeping potion by the time we return to Hogwarts.\"

Chuckling, Snape curled a hand over Harry\'s arm, and pulled him up until their lips met. \"I have no intention to end this anytime soon.\" Snape emphasized \'this\' with a kiss. \"We\'ll find a way to continue our private time together.\"

\"I hope so,\" Harry whispered. \"I really like this.\" He pressed his lips to Snape, and let Snape tease his mouth open with tiny flicks of his tongue. Then he invaded Snape\'s mouth, and drew their kiss out as long as he could.

\"Though you must understand I won\'t be able to spend more than a few nights here once Lupin returns. It\'d be suspicious, seeing that I have plenty of work to do at Hogwarts in preparation of the new semester.\"

\"I understand,\" Harry said, and pressed small kisses on Snape\'s cheek. So this was their last night together. Harry placed his cheek on Snape\'s shoulder, hooked his leg around Snape\'s hips, and tightened an arm around Snape\'s chest.

\"Get some sleep, Potter,\" Snape said, as he turned off the lights.

\"Yes, sir,\" Harry whispered. He closed his eyes, but he was determined to stay awake as long as he could. He wanted to feel Snape against him for as long as his tired mind would let him.


*~*~*~*~*


\"Get up, Potter!\"

Harry woke up to a blur of motion. Snape was getting dressed in a hurry, his robes swirling around him as he searched for the buttons.

\"Huh?\" Harry glanced at the window. There was no light shining through the crack in the curtains. It wasn\'t even morning, and Snape was moving like a man possessed.

\"Get up! Now!\"

\"Why?\" Harry rubbed a hand over his eyes, still trying to catch up with reality.

\"Dumbledore has just arrived. And I think McGonagall is with him.\"

\"What?\" Harry sat up at once, his heartbeat going from calm to panicked in less than a second. \"Why is he here?\"

\"I have no idea. He can\'t find us in this state, or it will be my neck on the line. So get up and get dressed already.\" Snape reached for his wand, and cast a cleaning charm on the sheets. Then he pulled the sheets down and aimed his wand at Harry. His magic seemed to scorch Harry\'s skin, and for a moment Harry thought Snape had cast one of those skin curses he\'d read about.

But it turned out to be nothing more than an enthusiastic cleaning charm. The sheets fell back over Harry, who groped over the edge of his bed for his boxers.

\"Potter, listen to me,\" Snape said, an urgent edge to his voice. \"You are not to discuss any of the potions you\'ve brewed with the Headmaster. And you cannot mention any of the curses you\'ve been practicing. In fact, don\'t mention any of our lessons. If the Headmaster asks, let me address it.\"

Harry\'s mouth dropped open in confusion, but before he could question Snape, a voice rang through the hallway.

\"Severus? Are you up here?\"

Snape raked his fingers through his hair, trying to flatten it. Then he stepped up to the bedroom door, and opened it.

Dumbledore stood in the doorway, McGonagall hovering just behind him.

\"Headmaster,\" Snape said, and Harry was impressed how calm and composed Snape seemed. \"I heard you arrive, and I was just trying to rouse the boy. He sleeps like the dead.\"

Snape stepped back from the door, and both Dumbledore and McGonagall looked at Harry, who still sat on the bed, boxers in his hand.

\"Sorry,\" he said. \"I\'ll get dressed.\"

\"Is something wrong, Headmaster?\" Snape asked, crossing his arms. \"I hadn\'t expected a visit at this time in the night.\"

\"Ah, yes, Severus. I\'m afraid something has happened. Let\'s discuss it over a cup of tea in the kitchen, shall we? Harry, I\'d like you to join us.\"

\"Yes, sir,\" Harry said, glancing down. \"I\'m very sorry. I had a busy day, and it always takes me a minute to wake up properly. Professor Snape came to wake me only just before you knocked on the door.\"

Snape gave him a nasty sneer in response, as though he was repulsed by Harry\'s sleeping habits.

\"Of course,\" Dumbledore said pleasantly. He gave Harry a searching look. \"Is everything all right, Harry?\"

As Harry glanced up at Dumbledore\'s kind, blue eyes, he had an epiphany. This was the perfect moment to execute the last stage of his plan. One word from him now, and Dumbledore would take action against Snape. Hell, Harry even had Veritaserum on hand, if he needed to convince Dumbledore of what had happened.

And Harry\'s revenge would be complete.

And then Harry looked at Snape, who stared at him as if he were the nastiest person he\'d ever met, and Harry realized he didn\'t want Dumbledore to take any action against Snape. He didn\'t want to stop doing the things he did with Snape.

Snape had taught him all those potions and charms. Snape had taken him into his bed. Snape had trusted him enough to talk honestly about his past.

Snape had made Harry feel competent and appreciated and lo--

\"Potter, answer the Headmaster,\" Snape snapped.

\"Huh? Yeah, I\'m fine. Shouldn\'t I be? What\'s wrong?\"

McGonagall managed a thin smile. \"Let\'s leave Mr Potter to wake up and get dressed.\"

\"Meet us in the kitchen, Harry,\" Dumbledore said, offering Harry a reassuring smile. Snape ignored Harry as he followed the other two out of the room.

As soon as they\'d left, Harry rose and got dressed. Then he went downstairs, and he found his professors in the kitchen. He sat down beside McGonagall, and nodded politely when Dumbledore offered him tea.

\"Harry, something has happened to Remus,\" Dumbledore said, his voice grave.

Harry, who\'d just lifted his cup of tea, lowered his cup so fast tea spilled over the sides. \"Is he all right?\"

\"He\'s alive, though he\'s been badly injured. He\'s in St Mungo\'s at the moment, receiving expert care.\"

\"What happened to him?\" Harry felt blood drain from his face. First Sirius, and now Remus.

\"As Remus was making his way back here, he was intercepted. We assume by Death Eaters. They were unable to kill him, or extract information from him, but they have injured him.\"

Harry glanced at Snape, but Snape\'s expression was blank. He didn\'t even meet Harry\'s gaze.

\"Remus will have to spend a few weeks in St Mungo\'s to recover,\" Dumbledore continued. He turned in his seat to look at Snape. \"Severus, I have a request to make.\"

Snape rolled his eyes in a grand gesture.

\"Your reports on Harry\'s progress have been favorable. I\'d like to ask you to remain here for the next two weeks, to supervise Harry and continue with his training.\"

\"Headmaster,\" Snape said, his voice tight. \"While I appreciate your faith in my teaching abilities, I do have a life at Hogwarts to get back to. I have classes to prepare and staff meetings to attend. I have no time to babysit this child for another two weeks.\"

Harry almost wanted to shoot Snape a dirty glare, but then he understood what Snape was doing. He couldn\'t seem too eager to stay, could he? That would rouse suspicion. They were supposed to hate each other, after all.

So Harry drooped in his chair and pretended to be miffed about having to spend another two weeks with Snape.

\"Severus, you never contribute anything to our staff meetings, besides demanding more severe detention methods,\" McGonagall said. Snape sneered at her. \"And you can compose your lesson plans here. If you require anything from Hogwarts, I can have it delivered for you.\"

Snape released an exasperated sigh. \"Very well. Your wish is my command.\"

\"Thank you,\" Dumbledore said, smiling.

\"Can I see Remus?\" Harry asked. \"Can I visit him in St Mungo\'s sometime soon?\"

Dumbledore shook his head. \"I\'m afraid a visit to St Mungo\'s wouldn\'t be safe, Harry. Voldemort knows about your connection to Remus. We can\'t risk an ambush.\"

\"Headmaster, I have no desire to listen to the boy nagging to see the werewolf for two weeks. Does anyone know Lupin has been admitted to St Mungo\'s yet?\"

Again, Dumbledore shook his head. \"No, we just came from St Mungo\'s. You\'re the first to hear.\"

\"Well, then. Shall we?\" Snape stood up, and straightened his robes. \"It\'s the middle of the night, so there\'s little chance anyone will see us. I\'ll stay by the boy\'s side at all times. Potter, get up.\"

Rising from his seat, Harry had to fight back the urge to throw his arms around Snape in appreciation.

\"Stand still, Potter. I\'ll cast a minor glamor charm on you to hide your distinctive features.\" Snape pointed his wand at Harry\'s face and muttered something, and Harry felt magic tickle his skin. He had no idea what Snape had just changed about him, but he trusted Snape to do a good job.

\"We\'ll floo together. Grab my arm,\" Snape said. Harry curled his fingers in Snape\'s sleeve and held on tight. Glancing over his shoulder, Snape said, \"Headmaster, Minerva.\" And then he threw a handful of Floo-powder in the fireplace.

\"St Mungo\'s!\"

After a nauseating trip, they tumbled out of one of the public fireplaces in St Mungo\'s main hall. Or rather, Snape stepped out, and Harry almost fell on his arse. Snape caught his arm. The reception area, which had been crowded the last time Harry\'d been there, was empty, save for a witch behind the desk.

As soon as he\'d steadied himself, Harry looked up at Snape. \"Thank you.\"

\"Do be quiet. I meant what I said. I have no desire to listen to you voicing your worries over that wolf for two weeks.\" Snape brushed soot off his sleeves. \"I do hope you remembered to bring your wand in your rush to get dressed.\"

Snickering, Harry nodded. \"I even brought the lube, though I have no idea why.\"

Curving an eyebrow, Snape gave Harry a curious look, which made Harry laugh louder.

\"Come on, Potter. Let\'s not waste any time here.\" Snape walked towards the desk, and Harry followed him closely.

\"Good evening,\" Snape said with a curt nod of his head. \"We\'re here to see Remus Lupin.\"

The witch gave them a suspicious look. \"It\'s long past visiting hours, sir.\"

\"He was just brought in, I\'m afraid.\"

\"Are you relatives? Only close relatives can visit upon arrival of a patient.\"

Snape huffed, as though the witch was stupid for even daring to suggest he wasn\'t a relative. \"I\'m his brother.\" He grabbed the back of Harry\'s neck, and pulled Harry against his side. \"And this is my son. We\'re very concerned.\"

The witch still looked suspicious. \"Very well. Names?\"

\"George and Richard Lupin,\" Snape said, stone-faced. Harry bit his lip to stop from snickering.

\"He\'s on the fourth floor, room three. Do be quiet in the corridors.\"

\"Certainly. Thank you.\" Snape guided Harry away from the desk. Harry thought they were going to take the lift, but as they reached it, Snape kept on walking.

\"We\'re not taking the lift?\" Harry asked, confused.

\"What have I taught you about small spaces with only one exit?\"

\"Ah.\"

\"We\'re taking the stairs.\" Snape pushed a door open, leading to a massive staircase that went several floors up. \"Stay close.\"

Harry did, and by the time they reached the fourth floor, he was slightly out of breath. As they rounded a corner to the corridor, a Healer blocked their way.

\"Mr Snape?\"

\"Yes?\"

The Healer lowered his voice. \"Dumbledore just contacted me and alerted me of your visit. This way, please.\"

Harry wondered how Dumbledore could have contacted the Healer so quickly, but he lost his train of thought when they reached door number three. The Healer went inside first, and Harry followed him with hesitant steps. Snape closed the door behind them.

It was a private room, small and dimly-lit, with a single bed against the wall. Remus lay in it, and he looked lifeless. Harry swallowed, and shuffled closer to the bed. Remus\' face had an odd gray color and his breathing was shallow.

The Healer started talking about curses Harry\'d never heard of, and he wished the man would shut up already.

\"Stay here,\" Snape said in his ear. \"I\'m going to talk to the Healer just outside the door.\"

\"Yes, sir,\" Harry muttered, grateful Snape was willing to give him some privacy. When Snape and the Healer had left, Harry stepped a little closer to the bed. He wasn\'t sure what to do. He wasn\'t even sure if Remus could hear him.

\"Remus?\" he asked, softly. He reached for Remus\' hand. It felt cold against his clammy palm. \"I\'m so sorry I yelled at you that evening when you left. I\'m so sorry I got angry with you. I know I was being childish. And I shouldn\'t have taken my temper out on you.\"

\"Harry?\" Remus\' voice was very soft. Remus didn\'t open his eyes, but he did turn his face towards Harry. \"Is that you?\"

\"Yeah,\" Harry said, squeezing Remus\' hand. \"I\'m here. How are you feeling?\"

\"Awful.\"

Harry released a nervous snicker. \"You look awful, too.\"

A tiny smile tugged on Remus\' lips. \"I\'m sure I do. How did you get here?\"

\"Snape took me. He\'s been very helpful. I\'ve learned a lot from him.\"

\"I\'m glad to hear that.\"

\"Do you need anything?\" Harry asked. \"I can send you some books if you like.\"

\"Books would be nice. The Healer told me I\'ll be here a few weeks.\"

\"What kind of books do you like?\"

\"Any book will do.\"

\"All right. I\'ll have Hedwig bring you a new book every day.\"

Remus squeezed Harry\'s hand, though his eyes remained closed. \"That would be too conspicuous. Once a week will do.\"

\"Okay. And chocolate? You like chocolate, don\'t you? It always makes me feel better.\"

Remus smiled again. \"Chocolate would be nice, too. Thank you.\"

The door opened and Snape entered the room.

\"My, my, Lupin. You look like death warmed over. Didn\'t your last transformation go as planned?\"

\"No, actually, Severus, your old friends decided to use me for target practice.\"

\"They did an admirable job.\"

\"You can say that again,\" Remus said with a soft chuckle.

\"Will you be all right?\" Harry asked. He was still holding Remus\' hand.

\"According to the Healers, I\'ll be up and running again in a few weeks.\"

\"Potter, it\'s time to go,\" Snape said. Harry nodded at him.

\"I won\'t be able to visit again. It\'s not safe. But I\'ll send you books and chocolate.\"

\"Thank you, Harry. I\'m glad you visited. And thank you, Severus, for taking him.\"

Snape made a vague sound of disgust.

Harry gently released Remus\' hand. He wasn\'t sure what else to say or do, and after a moment of dawdling on the spot, he leaned over Remus and pressed a kiss to his cheek. \"Get better soon, please.\" \'You\'re all I\'ve left\' was left unsaid.

Remus\' smile grew wider, and even though he knew Remus couldn\'t see him, Harry returned it. Then he followed Snape out of the room.

\"That just filled my quota of sentimental rubbish for the evening,\" Snape said once Harry fell into pace with him. Harry gave Snape a glare, but there wasn\'t any anger behind it.

\"The Healer told me Lupin isn\'t responding well to the normal healing potions. His condition is getting in the way of his recovery.\"

\"I thought werewolves always heal quickly?\"

\"Normally, yes. But the curses he\'s been struck with prevent his body from recovering on its own. I suggested to the Healer we\'d see if we can make a few modifications to the potions.\"

\"We?\"

\"Yes. You\'ll assist me. It\'ll be a good opportunity to learn how different ingredients react to each other in a potion.\"

And Harry said something he never thought he\'d ever say in relation to potions. \"I look forward to it.\"


*~*~*~*~*


They arrived home quickly and safely and, as if by an unspoken agreement, retired to Harry\'s bedroom. Snape did cast two locking charms on the bedroom door. He took Harry\'s glamor off with a flick of his wand, and started undressing.

Harry also took his clothes off, and slid under the sheets naked. They\'d always slept together naked, and he saw no reason why they should change that now. Snape apparently shared his view, and lay down beside him.

\"Get some sleep, Potter,\" Snape said. But Harry wasn\'t tired, because something kept gnawing at his mind.

\"What did you mean when you told me I couldn\'t tell Dumbledore about those potions and curses?\"

Snape turned on his side to look at Harry. \"I thought that was obvious. The Headmaster doesn\'t know I\'ve been teaching you those, and I\'d like to keep it that way.\"

\"What?\" Harry stared at Snape with wide eyes. \"I thought Dumbledore wanted you to teach me those things.\"

\"The Headmaster consented that I teach you basic defensive charms, yes. And he knows I\'ve been tutoring you in Potions to prepare you for my N.E.W.T. class. However, he\'s not aware of the other subjects on my private curriculum.\"

\"But...\" Harry wasn\'t sure what he wanted to say, because Snape had just knocked him off his guard with that news. \"But why?\"

Snape stayed quiet for a few seconds. \"There isn\'t an easy answer to that question, Potter.\"

\"Try me.\"

\"I do not agree with the Headmaster\'s decisions on keeping you in the dark. I believe last year proved it\'s foolish to do so. I also believe it\'s beneficial to teach you these skills. Without them, you\'re just another student. With them, you\'ll have the power and knowledge to eventually defeat the Dark Lord.\"

\"But why wouldn\'t Dumbledore want me to have those skills?\"

\"Because, Potter, the more powerful you become, the more difficult it\'ll be to control you. And the Headmaster likes to have a certain amount of control over people.\"

Harry still wasn\'t sure what Snape was saying. He couldn\'t believe Snape would go against Dumbledore\'s wishes like that. \"Dumbledore trusts you.\"

\"I\'m well aware of that. Dumbledore knows who I am. He also knows where my loyalties lie. It\'s his decision to trust me with your private education.\"

\"So you just lie to him.\"

\"Would you rather not have these skills? Would you rather sit back and wait for your next confrontation with the Dark Lord and hope you\'ll get lucky once again? There will be a next confrontation, Potter. Would you rather not be prepared?\"

\"No,\" Harry sighed. \"I want to be prepared. I just thought Dumbledore always wanted what\'s best for me.\"

\"He does, in his own way. However, the Headmaster thinks of you as a child. A boy who needs coddling and an occasional blind eye when it comes to breaking the rules. Plus, he\'s hesitant about giving you this much power.\"

\"What\'s wrong with power?\"

\"Power can be tempting,\" Snape said, his voice deepening. \"It can lead you astray.\"

\"I\'m not going anywhere,\" Harry objected.

Snape smirked. \"I wouldn\'t let you, even if you wanted to.\"

\"All right.\" Harry still felt a bit shocked by Snape\'s revelation, but he understood why Snape was doing it. And he appreciated it. \"So it\'s our secret?\"

\"Yes, Potter. It\'s our secret, and it\'s to remain that way.\"

Harry shifted closer to Snape, and placed his hand against Snape\'s chest. \"Our secret,\" he said, and pressed a kiss to Snape\'s lips.

\"Now it is time to get some sleep.\" Snape turned off the lights, and wrapped his arm around Harry\'s waist. Harry closed his eyes and pushed thoughts of Dumbledore out of his mind and focused on the fact that he and Snape had another two weeks together. By the time sleep claimed him, Harry was smiling.


*~*~*~*~*


\"I suggest you revise the Mirror Shield Charm today, Potter,\" Snape said from his spot at the table in the library.

\"Can I select a few books for Remus first?\" Harry asked, already standing near a bookshelf. \"I promised I\'d send him some books.\"

\"Very well. You have fifteen minutes.\" Snape went back to the book he was reading, and Harry tilted his head and looked at titles on the shelves.

He had no idea what Remus would like. Perhaps something about Dark Arts? It was his area of expertise, after all. Harry found a few books with titles that suggested Dark Arts subjects. One in particular caught his attention; he flipped open Dark Arts for Daily Use and scanned the contents list. Then he skimmed through the pages, curious what sort of Dark Arts could possibly be of daily use.

And there it was, halfway down page 63. The Blinding Curse.

Slowly, Harry lowered the book and stared at Snape. \"Have you been teaching me Dark Arts?\"

\"Hmm?\" Snape didn\'t look up from his book.

\"Answer me!\" Harry snapped, stalking towards the table. He slammed Dark Arts for Daily Use down in front of Snape. \"Have you?\"

Snape raised his head, eyes narrowed. \"Potter, what did you think a curse that blinds someone is? A simple household charm?\"

Harry\'s breath got caught in his throat. He wanted to punch Snape. \"You\'ve been teaching me Dark Arts! No wonder you want to keep that a secret from Dumbledore.\"

\"I\'m pleased to hear you\'re finally catching on, Potter,\" Snape said, and his casual tone infuriated Harry even more.

\"I can\'t believe you. You\'ve been teaching me fucking Dark Arts.\" Harry kicked against the table leg in frustration.

\"And what exactly is the problem?\" Snape asked, tilting his head.

\"They\'re Dark Arts. You can\'t be teaching me that,\" Harry said, wondering if Snape was just playing dumb. But this was Snape. He never played dumb.

\"You have a squadron of Death Eaters after you, all eager to end your miserable life,\" Snape said, his voice gaining a nasty edge. \"And you think a simple Stinging Hex or an innocent Feather Light Feet Charm is going to keep you alive? Of course I\'ve been teaching you Dark Arts, you idiot boy. It\'s exactly what they\'ll be using against you.\"

\"They\'re Dark Arts!\" Harry shouted, as though that explained the entire situation. \"You were going on and on about how they can unbalance your magic and how it\'s a downward spiral and whatnot!\"

Snape leaned back in his chair. \"I have said no such thing about Dark Arts. You\'re confusing Dark Arts with dark magic. They\'re not the same thing, Potter.\"

Harry\'s mouth sank open. \"Then what is the bloody difference? All I know is that in school I\'m taught Defense Against the Dark Arts. There must be something horribly wrong with it if we\'re expected to learn to defend ourselves against it.\"

\"All dark magic are Dark Arts, but not all Dark Arts are dark magic, Potter.\"

\"You\'re not making any sense!\" Harry shouted. Snape regarded him with an impassive stare.

\"Dark Arts are spells and curses designed to harm an opponent, though the effects often aren\'t lasting. Dark magic are curses designed to inflict serious injuries on an opponent, and they release so much magic it unbalances the caster. That\'s the difference, Potter.\"

Harry couldn\'t believe what he was hearing. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn\'t think of anything to say.

\"The Unforgivables are both Dark Arts and dark magic. The curses I\'ve been teaching you are merely Dark Arts,\" Snape said, and there was a hint of impatience in his voice.

\"So why are you teaching me those curses? Is that your way of luring me to the dark side? Are you trying to shape me into easy prey for Voldemort? Are you trying to unbalance my magic? Do you expect me to drop to my knees and take his cock up my arse, just like you have?\"

Snape rose from his seat, looming over Harry. \"Haven\'t you been listening to a word I\'ve said?\"

\"I have, but I still don\'t like what I\'m hearing!\"

Lips thinning, Snape gave Harry a venomous glare. \"Very well. Since you seem convinced I\'ve been polluting you with Dark Arts, let\'s give you a taste of what dark magic is really like. Perhaps then you\'ll be able to tell the difference.\"

\"I\'m not doing anything you tell me to! I\'ve had enough of this!\"

\"You will do as I say, Potter!\" Snape whipped his wand out, and transfigured the book he\'d been reading into a chicken. Then he shoved Death by Wand towards Harry, and flipped it open.

\"There. The Blood Boiling Curse. That should do nicely. Cast it!\"

\"You can\'t make me!\"

Snape\'s lips curled up in a nasty sneer. \"Believe me, Potter, I can make you. You cast this curse right now, or I\'ll put you under Cruciatus for as long as it takes you to see reason.\" Snape\'s voice had dropped to an urgent whisper, and it sounded scarier than had he been shouting. A shiver ran down Harry\'s spine. He was quite sure Snape wasn\'t making idle threats.

\"You\'re insane.\" Harry tried to hold Snape\'s dark gaze, but Snape\'s eyes looked so menacing and foreign, Harry looked away from them.

\"I\'m merely teaching you a lesson. Cast it!\"

\"No!\"

\"Cast it, or I swear I\'ll teach you the meaning of pain.\" Snape\'s wand pointed right between Harry\'s eyes, and for the first time that summer, Harry was afraid of Snape.

\"No,\" he said, softer. His hands were trembling.

\"Cast it!\"

\"You\'re mad,\" Harry whispered. There were tears prickling his eyes, and a sharp sting of rejection flared through his chest. \"You\'re fucking mad.\" But Harry did reach for his wand.

\"Cast it!\" Snape sounded impossibly more threatening.

\"Cruororis Concoquo!\"

The chicken made a horrible sound, a death shriek, as it fell against the table thrashing, but Harry hardly heard it. A rush swept through him, as if he\'d dived down a hundred meters on his broom. As if he\'d just had fifty orgasms at once. And it went on and on, and made his eyelids flutter and his knees tremble, and Harry knew without a doubt he\'d never felt anything that good or that powerful before in his life.

\"Oh god,\" he moaned, and if it weren\'t for Snape\'s arm catching him around the waist, he\'d have slumped to the floor.

\"Now that is what dark magic feels like,\" Snape whispered in his ear. Harry curled his fingers in Snape\'s robes and hung on for dear life as he fell and fell and fell.

By the time he regained control over his mind, he was panting. \"God,\" he whispered. \"That was...that was...\" But he couldn\'t find any words to describe the incredible rush he\'d felt.

\"Yes, I know,\" Snape said, and he did sound as if he knew exactly what Harry meant. \"Now do you understand the difference?\"

Harry nodded against Snape\'s chest.

\"Dark Arts will not change who you are, Potter. Dark magic will.\" Snape stroked a hand down Harry\'s back. \"This is the first and last time you\'ve ever cast dark magic. Try it again, and I promise I will use you for target practice and mount you on my office wall after I\'m done with you.\"

\"Yeah,\" Harry whispered. \"I can definitely see how this is addictive.\"

Snape led Harry to one of the leather chairs. He sat down, and pulled Harry in his lap. \"The more you cast it, the harder it will be to stop using it.\"

Curling against Snape\'s chest, legs drawn up, Harry glanced up at Snape. \"Have you ever been addicted to it?\"

\"There was a time in my life I enjoyed using it. However, I was forced to stop the day I moved to Hogwarts.\"

\"That must have been hard,\" Harry said. He\'d only used it once, and the idea of not ever feeling like that again was already slightly disturbing.

\"It was.\" Snape glanced down at him with a teasing smile. \"Now you know why I\'m not the most cheerful person at Hogwarts.\"

Harry snorted with laughter, and he muffled the sound by burying his face against Snape\'s throat. \"I\'m sorry I doubted you.\"

\"Do be quiet. I think I\'d have been more worried if you hadn\'t doubted me teaching you Dark Arts.\" Snape squeezed his arm around Harry, and it made Harry feel appreciated.

\"Is this why Dumbledore won\'t give you the Defense Against the Dark Arts job? Because you\'ve had a problem with dark magic?\"

\"Aren\'t we perceptive today, Potter,\" Snape said with a slight sneer.

\"No, not really,\" Harry said in all honesty. \"If I\'d been more perceptive, I\'d have understood what you were trying to explain to me. I\'m really -- \"

Snape silenced him with a kiss.


*~*~*~*~*


Harry yawned. Snape had insisted they get up at seven the next morning, so they had the whole day to work on altering the healing potions for Remus. Harry enjoyed working on potions with Snape, but he wasn\'t all that keen on rising early during his holidays.

\"Do stop behaving like a child, Potter. It\'s not my fault your relatives have pampered you all your life. I\'m sure you were allowed to laze about in bed all day at their house, but here there is work to do.\"

After listening to Snape\'s insults for close to three weeks, Harry didn\'t so much as flinch. He continued crushing the erumpent horn, and took his time to form a reply.

\"Oh yes, I know exactly what work you\'re referring to. Corrupting poor little me with Dark Arts and dark magic. I wonder what would happen if I told Dumbledore about all the things you\'ve been teaching me.\"

Snape chuckled. \"And now say it to me in parseltongue.\"

Every since Harry\'s encounter with Snape\'s Dark Mark, Snape had made him say random things in parseltongue. At first, Harry had needed to see an image of a snake to do so, but by now, he was able to speak parseltongue by only thinking of a snake. But he still needed Snape to tell him if he\'d succeeded; parseltongue and English sounded the same to Harry.

Harry thought of a snake – and he usually pictured a basilisk in his mind – and repeated what he\'d said. Then he looked at Snape.

\"Very good,\" Snape said, and continued stirring the healing potion he was brewing.

A shrill, high beeping sound filled the workroom, and Harry looked up. He had no idea what it was, but Snape stiffened at the sound.

\"If you\'ll excuse me, Potter,\" he said, and swept out the door.

Harry watched him leave, and wondered where Snape was going. The beeping sound stopped. Perhaps it was some sort of wizarding equivalent of a phone. Perhaps Dumbledore needed to speak to Snape.

As always, Harry\'s curiosity was piqued, and he was tempted to sneak after Snape. But he remembered Snape\'s words on it not being safe if Harry knew certain things. And he trusted Snape. Well, mostly. Snape would tell him if something important came up, that much Harry knew.

So Harry continued with the potions ingredients, and tried not to look up at the door every ten seconds.

After what seemed like ages, but probably came closer to fifteen minutes, Snape returned. He extinguished the fire under his cauldron with a flick of his wand, and looked at Harry.

\"I\'m leaving,\" Snape said.

\"You can\'t leave,\" Harry said. It was the first thing that came to his mind.

Snape arched an eyebrow. \"I\'m leaving, but I\'ll be back in three days.\"

\"But what about...?\" Harry closed his mouth. He\'d wanted to say \'me\', but that sounded a bit desperate. \"What about my lessons?\"

\"Dumbledore has arranged for a replacement to supervise you the coming days.\"

Harry didn\'t like what he was hearing. He remembered Remus lying in a hospital bed. If Snape left, he could get hurt, too. \"It\'s for Order business, isn\'t it?\"

\"You know I\'m not at liberty to say. I need to pack a few things.\"

\"I can help,\" Harry said hopefully.

\"No, I need you to clean up in here. Put the ingredients away. We will continue when I return. Then you\'re to wait in the kitchen for the replacement.\"

\"But --\"

\"Potter, be quiet and do as you\'re told.\" Snape sounded distracted. He glanced around the room once, and then left. His steps were hurried.

Harry tried to ignore the tight feeling in his chest as he placed the erumpent horn back in his potions box.


*~*~*~*~*


The kitchen looked different somehow, now Harry knew he wouldn\'t be sharing meals there with Snape the next few days. He hated that Snape was leaving. But he also knew there was little he could do about it. Sure, he could throw a tantrum, but Snape would hardly be impressed by that. It certainly wouldn\'t make him stay.

Harry sat at the kitchen table, feeling defeated, and he wondered since when he was able to evaluate his own emotions like that.

Snape had said something about a replacement, and Harry thought about the possible options. Perhaps the Weasleys were coming to stay with him for a few days. Harry didn\'t have any problem with that.

Or perhaps someone else from the order. McGonagall? Wouldn\'t be too bad. She could help Harry brush up on his Transfiguration. Moody? Not Harry\'s first choice, but he was an Auror, so he probably did know a lot of useful things. Tonks? Now that sounded like fun.

The sound of the front door opening and closing echoed through the hallway, and Harry sat up straighter in his chair. Heavy footsteps followed. Definitely not McGonagall or Tonks. They had lighter treads. And not Moody either. He clunked.

The kitchen door swung open, and Kingsley Shacklebolt gave Harry a kind smile.

\"Hey there, Harry.\"

\"Hullo, sir,\" Harry said. This wasn\'t half bad, he quickly decided. Kingsley was an Auror. Plenty of possibilities for interesting lessons.

\"It\'s Kingsley.\"

\"Okay.\" Harry smiled at him. Kingsley wasn\'t wearing any Ministry robes. Instead he was dressed in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, and he carried a duffel bag. Kingsley noticed Harry staring, and chuckled.

\"It\'s my holidays. Only time of the year I prefer Muggle clothes.\"

\"Would you like some tea?\" Harry asked. But before Kingsley could answer, Snape entered the kitchen.

\"Ah, Shacklebolt, you\'re here.\" He gave Kingsley a nod. \"I must be off at once. Potter, a word.\"

Harry followed Snape to the hallway, where Snape rounded on him with a severe look.

\"Potter, I expect you to behave. Don\'t mention any of the things we\'ve discussed to Shacklebolt. And do keep that great brute out of my workroom. I remember him from school. He\'s worse at Potions than Longbottom.\"

\"Yes, sir,\" Harry said. He wasn\'t sure what else to say.

\"Very well. Then I\'m off.\" Snape wanted to turn away, but Harry caught his sleeve. He pressed his mouth to Snape\'s in a rather desperate kiss.

\"Be careful,\" he whispered.

\"Save your sentiments for someone who needs them, Potter. Do you really believe you\'ll get rid of me that easily? Three days, and then I\'ll be back to make your life miserable.\" Snape\'s smirk was teasing, and Harry grinned in return.

And then Snape did turn away, and a moment later the front door shut behind him with an empty click.

Harry returned to the kitchen, squaring his shoulders. It wouldn\'t do for Kingsley to notice how miserable Harry felt about Snape\'s departure.

Kingsley had made tea. \"Milk and sugar, Harry?\"

\"Yes, please.\" Harry sat down, and smiled when Kingsley placed a cup of tea in front of him.

\"Minerva told me you want to become an Auror,\" Kingsley said, as he slid into a seat opposite Harry.

\"Yeah,\" Harry said. He felt a bit embarrassed admitting he wanted to be an Auror to a real Auror.

\"Interesting choice.\" Kingsley sipped his tea. \"It\'s a good job. Tough, but good.\"

\"I still have two years of school,\" Harry said, downplaying his interest somewhat. \"But yeah, becoming an Auror sounded interesting enough.\"

\"Well, I\'ll be here for three days. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them.\"

\"Thanks.\" Harry sipped his tea. Kingsley regarded him for a moment, and then slid his wand from his back pocket.

\"I heard you\'ve been training defense charms this summer. Care to show me some in a little duel?\" Kingsley\'s grin was wide, and Harry felt nicely challenged.

\"Sure.\" Harry reached for his wand as well. \"In here?\"

\"Why not?\" Kingsley rose from his seat, and Harry followed his example. They stood on opposite sides of the kitchen, and Harry waited for Kingsley to make the first move.

As soon as Kingsley cast a spell, Harry shouted, \"Protego Specularis!\" He didn\'t even know what Kingsley had cast at him, but he didn\'t have to. The Mirror Shield Charm would stop nearly any spell or curse, save for the Unforgivables.

Kingsley released a string of deep laughter. Apparently he\'d cast a Stinging Hex at Harry, which had backfired on him. He rubbed his shoulder. \"Looks like there isn\'t much left to teach you, Harry.\"

Smiling, Harry nodded. \"Snape taught me this one. It seems very effective.\"

\"It\'s one of the most useful defense charms to use in a duel. Good work.\" Kingsley strolled closer to Harry, and looked him up and down. \"But there still are a few things I can teach you. For example, if I do this,\" Kingsley closed his large hand around Harry\'s wrist, \"do you know how to stop me from flooring you?\"

And before Harry knew what happened, he found himself lying on the kitchen floor, Kingsley\'s knee digging into his chest.

\"Er...no?\" Harry said. Kingsley grinned at him, and offered a hand to pull him up.

\"There\'s always the possibility of losing your wand in a duel, Harry. So it\'s important to know how to defend yourself from a physical attack and how to take out an opponent using your body.\"

Harry nodded. It made sense.

\"How are your abs?\" Kingsley poked at Harry\'s stomach, and Harry flinched. \"They need work, definitely. Your abs are the center of your body. Strong abs give you good balance. Do you know how to do sit-ups? And push-ups?\"

\"I think so,\" Harry said.

\"We\'ll get to them later. First, I\'m going to teach you a Cushion Charm,\" Kingsley said with a grin. \"That way we can practice on each other without breaking any bones. You\'ll still feel the impact, though. And then I\'ll teach you how to lay a decent punch.\"

Kingsley pulled off his t-shirt, and Harry couldn\'t help staring at Kingsley\'s chest. Kingsley definitely had good abs, Harry noticed. Kingsley had a lot of really good muscles.

\"Take off your shirt, Harry. I need to show you where exactly to aim your punch. The human body has several weak spots you can exploit in a fight.\"

Harry took off his shirt. While he was still anything but pleased Snape had left, he did start to see the positive side of spending a few days with Kingsley. Having Kingsley manhandle him sounded like an excellent way to learn new things.


*~*~*~*~*


After three days of intense physical training, Harry was sore in places he didn\'t even know he had. The soles of his feet hurt. That back of his knees hurt. His arse hurt, though not in the way it had done after Snape had fucked him for the first time. His elbows hurt. His abs – yes, Harry had discovered he had abs – hurt.

Everything hurt.

And yet Harry felt enormously satisfied. Kingsley, who\'d turned out to be a kind man and an excellent teacher, had taught him everything Harry needed to know about engaging in physical fights. He\'d put Harry on a strict regimen of daily sit-ups and push-ups, and Harry planned to keep doing them every morning. He could use a bit more muscle on his scrawny figure.

And tomorrow, Snape would return. Finally.

Harry had kept busy and he\'d learned a lot of useful things, but he\'d missed Snape. Much more than he\'d expected he would. Kingsley was kind and funny and charming, but he wasn\'t Snape. And it wasn\'t just the sex Harry missed. He missed the conversations, and the bantering, and the insults, and Snape\'s own silent ways of letting Harry know he\'d done a good job.

Harry sat down on his bedroom floor and opened his trunk. He thought he\'d deserved a healing potion to help him sleep. So he took out his potions box, but just when he wanted to close his trunk again, he saw something glittering on the bottom.

He reached inside for the object and almost dropped it again when he saw what it was.

The mirror. The broken mirror.

Something strong and sharp cut through Harry\'s insides and it made him cringe.

Sirius.

And Harry understood something he hadn\'t seen before. Snape hadn\'t killed Sirius. Harry had. With his own impatience and stubbornness and arrogance and stupidity.

If he\'d only gone back to the castle to contact Snape. He\'d known Snape was in the Order. Or if he\'d only remembered the mirror. Sirius had given it to him, and he\'d forgotten all about it.

Sirius would be so proud of him if he could see him now. Sirius would be so proud of all the things he\'d learned. Sirius would kill him for having sex with Snape.

Harry grabbed the first object he could find – his Potions textbook – and flung it against the wall. He threw another book, and another, and they landed on his nightstand, tumbling items to the floor.

Pain ripped through Harry, but it wasn\'t like the pain he\'d got from training with Kingsley. It wasn\'t even like the pain from a Cruciatus. It was pain that felt like it would never go away again.

And it made Harry remember how good he\'d felt when he\'d cast that Blood Boiling Curse. Perhaps, if he just cast it again, he\'d feel better again. He wouldn\'t feel so empty and guilty and unworthy of life.

Snape didn\'t have to know Harry had used it one more time. Harry reached for his wand --

The bedroom door opened. \"Everything all right in here, Harry? I heard a bit of a ruckus.\" Kingsley gave him a curious look.

Harry dropped his wand as if it had burned him.

\"What did you do to your hand?\"

Glancing down, Harry only now noticed he had his fingers curled around one of the sharp shards of the mirror. Blood seeped between his fingers.

\"Sirius gave me this,\" he said, his voice broken. He suddenly noticed his cheeks were moist, and he wiped at them, furious Kingsley saw him like this. Some Auror he\'d make.

\"Harry, come here.\" Kingsley crouched down beside Harry and dislodged the shard from Harry\'s fingers. Then he produced a handkerchief and pressed it against Harry\'s bleeding palm. \"Let\'s sit down.\"

Before Harry could protest, Kingsley led him to the bed. He eased Harry down, and sat beside him.

\"What just happened? Is this about Sirius?\"

Harry looked away. \"I don\'t want to talk about it.\"

\"But you need to talk about it,\" Kingsley said, his voice as calm as ever. \"You want to be an Auror, right? Well, this is what Aurors do. It\'s called debriefing. We talk when something bad has happened. And I think you need to be debriefed about Sirius\' death.\"

Glancing up, Harry gave Kingsley a dubious look.

\"I\'m not pulling your leg, Harry. I can also get Moody to do the honors, but trust me, I\'m a much better listener.\"

Harry snorted.

\"Tell me what you were just thinking when you decided to vent some of your frustration on your innocent schoolbooks.\"

Staring at his injured hand, Harry released a sigh. Blood was seeping through the white cotton. He squeezed his hand into a fist. \"I shouldn\'t have rushed off to the Ministry like that.\"

When Harry stayed silent, Kingsley said softly, \"Go on.\"

\"If I hadn\'t rushed off to the Ministry like that, Sirius would still be alive.\"

Kingsley nodded. \"Let me tell you something about making decisions. It\'s an important part of what an Auror does for his job. We have to make decisions, and sometimes it\'s hard to see all the possible consequences.\"

\"Yeah, but if I\'d only stopped to think -- \"

\"I wasn\'t finished yet, Harry,\" Kingsley said, his voice patient. \"Please listen.\"

Harry nodded, worrying his lip.

\"Now, why did you decide to go to the Ministry?\"

\"Because I thought Voldemort had captured Sirius,\" Harry said, trying to see what Kingsley was getting at. \"But if I\'d only --\"

\"So you thought Sirius was in danger. And all the information you had led you to believe this. You couldn\'t predict any other consequences at that time. What did you think would happen to Sirius if you decided not to go to the Ministry?\"

\"I thought Voldemort would kill him. But if --\"

\"So you decided to go to the Ministry to save Sirius\' life, am I right?\"

\"I suppose,\" Harry said, still not sure what Kingsley meant to say.

\"Good. I want you to remember this. You decided to go to the Ministry, because you thought, based on the information you had, Sirius would die if you didn\'t.\"

\"Yeah.\"

Kingsley smiled at him. \"Now I want to focus on a different part of this puzzle. Tell me, who decided Sirius should go to the Ministry?\"

\"Er...\"

\"Did you decide Sirius should rush in to save you?\"

\"No.\"

\"Then who did?\" Kingsley asked, as though he didn\'t know the answer. \"Dumbledore? Snape? Remus? Me? Moody?\"

\"No,\" Harry sighed. \"Sirius decided to come after me.\"

\"Ah.\" A small smile tugged on Kingsley\'s lips. \"Sirius decided, against others\' advice I may add, to go after you.\"

Harry nodded.

\"And Sirius knew that one of the possible consequences of his actions was death. He made that decision with a clear mind. He knew, based on the information he had, what could happen to him. It\'s something we all know and consider, every time we face our enemy.\"

Harry nodded again.

\"You decided to go to the Ministry because you thought Sirius would die if you didn\'t go. That\'s all you knew. And Sirius decided to go to the Ministry, knowing full well what could happen to him. Whose decision weighs more heavily on what happened that day?\"

Harry tugged on the corner of the handkerchief. \"Sirius\',\" he whispered.

\"Yes. Tell me who cast the curse that sent Sirius behind the veil.\"

\"Bellatrix Lestrange.\"

\"Yes. Now tell me who is responsible for Sirius\' death.\"

\"Bellatrix Lestrange.\"

\"Yes,\" Kingsley said, and placed his hand on Harry\'s knee. \"She\'s the only one who is responsible for what happened. We all have to make decisions, we do it every day of our lives, and we do it based on the information we have. But having a decision turn out differently than we anticipated doesn\'t make anyone responsible for someone\'s death. Do you understand what I\'m saying?\"

Harry opened his hand, the handkerchief falling away. The cut on his palm had stopped bleeding. \"Yeah.\"

\"Good.\" Kingsley squeezed his knee. \"There\'s something else you should know. It\'s perfectly all right to be angry. It\'s all right be feel hurt. And it\'s even better to put those emotions into actions. Do you want to climb on top of the roof and scream for a bit? Say the word, and we\'ll do it.\"

Snickering, Harry shook his head.

\"You want to go another round with me?\"

\"I\'m too sore,\" Harry whispered, feeling an embarrassed flush heat his cheeks.

Kingsley laughed and clapped him on his back. \"We\'ll toughen you up. Feel better?\"

\"Yeah,\" Harry said, and he meant it. \"Thanks.\"

\"It\'s all part of being an Auror. You\'d better get used to this if you want to join us.\" Kingsley got up from the bed. \"Good night, Harry.\"

\"Good night.\" When Kingsley left the room, Harry fell back against the sheets. He was tired and sore, and even though he thought he\'d lay awake for a long time to process everything Kingsley had told him, he fell asleep almost at once.


*~*~*~*~*


\"Come on, Harry, you can do better than this!\" Kingsley shouted, and Harry shrieked with laughter. Kingsley had him pinned down to the couch in the drawing room. As they waited for Snape to return, Kingsley had suggested one last lesson in dislodging your opponent, and Harry had happily accepted the offer.

\"Use your legs!\"

\"You\'re twice my size,\" Harry said, his voice muffled by the pillow in his face.

\"It\'s not about size. It\'s about how you use what you\'ve got.\"

The door to the drawing room opened, and Harry could just peek over the armrest to see Snape standing in the doorway.

Snape looked murderous. And Harry had a pretty good idea why. He was well aware of how suggestive everything looked. Harry face-first on the couch, Kingsley lying half on top of him, while they were discussing their size.

\"Potter. Shacklebolt,\" Snape said, his voice so cold Harry expected ice to appear on Snape\'s black robes. Snape turned on his heel, and marched up the stairs.

\"Isn\'t he happy to be back,\" Kingsley said, pulling away from Harry.

\"Actually, I think that was his happy face,\" Harry said, trying to mask the discomfort he felt.

Kingsley laughed. \"Well, your guardian has returned. Time for me to go.\"

\"All right.\" When Kingsley had picked up his duffel bag, Harry walked him to the door. \"Thanks,\" he said, and didn\'t think that was adequate. \"For everything. I appreciate it.\"

\"You\'re welcome, Harry.\" Kingsley held out his hand, and Harry shook it. \"Keep up with your exercises.\"

\"I will.\"

\"See you around.\" Kingsley gave Harry one last smile, and stepped through the front door. Once he was gone, Harry released a deep breath. Time to deal with Snape. Harry had been looking forward to his return, but now he felt hesitant about talking to him. He hoped Snape wasn\'t too pissed off.

Harry took his time to climb the stairs, hoping he\'d find his courage somewhere along the way. He still felt quite uncomfortable when he reached Snape\'s door. He knocked once, and then entered.

\"I\'m busy, Potter. Go away,\" Snape snarled. He was unpacking a bag.

\"No,\" Harry said, and ignored Snape\'s glare. \"I have a few announcements to make.\"

\"Perhaps you should share them with Shacklebolt. You seemed close enough to him all of a sudden.\"

Harry bit his lip so he wouldn\'t laugh. Snape was jealous. It made Harry want to shout with joy, but he controlled himself. Snape wouldn\'t appreciate his sudden cheerfulness.

\"No, they\'re announcements you should hear.\"

Snape released a sigh. \"I\'m not interested.\"

\"I don\'t care,\" Harry said, and leaned against the wall, his arms crossed. \"My first announcement is that I\'m gay. I\'m so very gay.\"

That earned him an arched eyebrow from Snape. \"Don\'t waste my time with things I already know.\"

\"Maybe you knew for certain, but I still had my doubts. I thought maybe it was just you. But it\'s not.\"

Snape\'s eyes narrowed, and Harry realized how what he\'d said must sound.

\"Nothing happened,\" he said, quickly. \"Kingsley is very straight, for as far as I know. But being away from you and actually spending time with another bloke made me realize I feel attracted to men in general.\"

\"Congratulations. Now get out.\"

\"No, I\'m not done yet.\" Harry inhaled a deep breath. \"And I figured out who is responsible for Sirius\' death.\"

Snape stopped what he was doing and looked over his shoulder at Harry.

\"It\'s not me. It\'s not you, either. It\'s not even Dumbledore. It\'s Bellatrix Lestrange.\"

\"And that took you eight weeks to realize? Your incompetence astounds me, Potter.\"

\"Yeah, well, you know me and my enormous ego. It took me a while to deflate it enough to see the world doesn\'t revolve around me.\"

That got him a smile, but Snape turned his face away quickly. \"Are you done yet?\"

\"No.\" Harry stepped closer to Snape. \"I want to tell you that I missed you.\"

\"If you dare waste my time with foolish sentiments, I will hex you.\"

Harry sat down on Snape\'s bed so he could look up at Snape. \"And it\'s not just the sex. Though I did miss the sex an awful lot. But I missed you.\"

\"I think you\'ve been breathing in too many potions fumes,\" Snape said, shaking his head. \"But as it seems you can\'t stop babbling, you may as well tell me what you\'ve been up to these last three days. I do hope you\'ve not wasted all your time bonding with Shacklebolt.\"

Harry smiled. God, he\'d missed Snape talking to him like that. He dropped back against the bed, stretching his arms over his head. \"I\'ve spent three days getting in touch with the human body. Kingsley is an expert on the human body, Plus, Kingsley likes it hard. Really hard. You should see the bruises he gave me. My arse has hurt so badly ever since our first round together.\"

Snape\'s mouth sank open, and he dropped the robe he\'d been about to put away in the wardrobe. Harry doubled over with laughter. He stopped laughing, though, when Snape\'s hand curled in the front of his t-shirt and Snape yanked him up.

\"Bruises? What has that Ministry bastard been doing to you? Did he dare lay a hand on you? I will kill him!\"

\"No!\" Harry stared at Snape with wide eyes. He hadn\'t expected that response. \"It was nothing like that. Kingsley\'s been teaching me self-defense. Physical combat.\"

\"He hasn\'t hurt you?\" Snape narrowed his eyes, his lips pursed into a line.

\"Well, physical combat does lead to a few bruises, but that\'s all part of the program,\" Harry said, afraid of what Snape might do to Kingsley.

Snape snorted. \"Did that man do anything to you against your wish, Potter?\"

\"No, honestly.\" Harry dropped back to the bed when Snape released his shirt. \"It was very useful. I\'m sorry. I was just trying to tease you.\"

\"Do not tease me about physical abuse. I don\'t believe there\'s anything remotely funny about it.\" Snape turned away, his shoulders stiff.

\"Sorry. I hadn\'t thought of that.\" Harry pushed himself off the bed, and took a few hesitant steps towards Snape. He wanted to say so many things, but he couldn\'t find the right words. So he settled for the one word Snape loved to hear from him.

\"Please,\" Harry whispered, and ran his fingers down Snape\'s arm. \"Please.\"

Snape turned his face towards Harry, and Harry moved his hand up Snape\'s chest, and a second later, Snape\'s hand caught his. Harry flinched at the flare of pain that shot up his arm. Narrowing his eyes, Snape turned Harry\'s hand palm up. The cut looked raw and red.

\"What happened?\"

\"I had an accident last night,\" Harry said, shrugging.

\"And that idiot Auror didn\'t bother to heal it?\" Snape reached for his wand.

\"No, I didn\'t want it to be healed.\" Harry pulled his hand away from Snape. \"I want the scar. It\'s important.\"

Snape didn\'t seem to find that odd. \"Very well,\" he said, and raised a hand to cup the back of Harry\'s neck. He leaned closer to Harry, but Harry pulled back from him. There was one last thing he needed to tell Snape.

\"I...er...I was tempted last night.\"

\"Tempted?\" Snape\'s voice tightened.

\"Tempted to use dark magic.\" Harry glanced down, but Snape cupped his chin and forced his head back up. \"But I didn\'t use it,\" Harry added quickly.

\"Why were you tempted?\"

\"I was trying to deal with some issues. About Sirius. And I felt so fucked up, and I thought that if I used that I\'d feel better, but I didn\'t do it.\"

Snape pursed his lips and stayed quiet for a long time. \"I\'m changing our rules,\" he said, suddenly. \"You may cast all the dark magic you want.\" Snape pulled Harry\'s wand from his pocket and pressed it in Harry\'s hand. \"Here, go right ahead.\"

Staring at Snape with wide eyes, Harry didn\'t understand what he was saying.

\"But I can assure you one thing, Potter. If you start using dark magic, you won\'t defeat him. \" He leaned closer to Harry again, his lips brushing Harry\'s cheek. \"If you use dark magic, you will become Lord Voldemort,\" he whispered in Harry\'s ear.

A cold shiver trickled down Harry\'s spine. \"I don\'t want to become him.\"

\"See that you don\'t. Because I will kill you if you do.\" Snape crushed his lips to Harry\'s in a harsh, brutal kiss. Harry answered it, his teeth clinking against Snape\'s, tongues tangled and lips pressed together hard enough to bruise.

A warm wave of relief washed over Harry as he curled his arms around Snape\'s neck, his wand clattering to the floor. Snape was back and he was alive and he didn\'t hate Harry. He wanted Harry, and Harry wanted him more than he\'d ever done.

Harry pulled back from their kiss, panting against Snape\'s swollen lips. \"If I ever become like him, I want you to kill me, too,\" he said, and meant every word of it.

\"I won\'t let you,\" Snape said, and he sounded as though he meant it as well.

\"Good,\" Harry said with a smile. \"Now, please, fuck me.\"

Snape replied by devouring Harry\'s mouth again.