Confusing Emotions

Chapter 3

They were both startled awake when the clock in the living room chimed the ten o’clock hour. Harry turned to ask Severus something but was interrupted by Severus.

“Potter, get out. You know our arrangement.” With that he turned and climbed out of his bed. He had to act like he didn’t care for both their sakes. If Harry figured out he loved him then he didn’t know what he would do.

“But why, Severus? I thought tonight was different?” Harry asked confused.

“You know what I said the first time we did this. I don’t care; if you do then that’s your business.” He walked over and entered the bathroom, not caring about his own nakedness. He knew that he was hurting Harry but he couldn’t help it. This is how it is meant to be, he thought.

Harry watched Severus walk to the bathroom and enter it before he got up and started pulling on his clothes, moving from the bedroom to the living room and pulling on his clothes as he went. Once he was dressed and in a decent condition he looked back through the doorway leading to the bedroom to see if he could catch one last glimpse of Severus but only heard the shower going. He turned and opened the doorway to the hallway and left, hoping that he didn’t see anyone on his way out of the dungeons.

Severus stood on the other side of the door to the bathroom, listening for the door to shut before he slid down to the floor and buried his head in his hands. Why is this so hard? Why can’t I just love him like I want to? he thought. Because you must stay strong, because you know that he can’t love you if nobody is to know about this relationship, said a small voice in the back of his mind.

He picked himself off the floor and walked to the shower and entered it, hoping to drown his sorrow under the pounding water of the shower.

The next morning Severus sat at the Head Table and looked around the hall not really touching his breakfast. His gaze landed on the Gryffindor table to see that Harry was sitting away from the second half of the Golden Trio. Harry was picking at his food, moving it around on his plate. He had a sad expression on his face and Severus had to avert his eyes when Harry looked up at the Head Table. He was brought out of his mussing by the Headmaster talking to him.

“Severus, can you come up to my office before the end of the day? I have something important to discuss with you.” said Dumbledore. He had a twinkle in his eyes that were something akin to mischief, and a kind smile playing on his lips.

“Yes, Headmaster.” said Severus, although he didn’t really want to through the rounds with Dumbledore. Severus picked himself up and with one last glance in Harry’s direction he left the Great Hall. He made his way to his classroom to get ready for today’s lessons. Merlin, sometimes I hate teaching this imbecile children, he thought. The rest of the day was spent avoiding exploding cauldrons and botched potions. He still had an hour before dinner so he decided to get the Headmaster out of the way so that he could relax for the rest of the day.

He walked up to the griffin and said the password of the week, “Vampire Blood Pops.” He walked onto the revolving stairs and knocked on the door.

“Come in, Severus,” called the Headmaster.

As Severus walked in the door he saw the Headmaster reach for his bowl of Lemon Drops and decided to head off the Headmaster. “No thank you on both the tea and the Lemon Drops. What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” he asked.

“Ah, getting straight to business Severus? Well I wanted to ask you about your relationship with young Mr. Potter.” Albus said, the twinkle in his eyes brightening.

“What do you mean, Headmaster?” Severus asked in a calm voice, although he was starting to get nervous. How could the Headmaster possibly know about us being together? he thought.

“I know that in the past few days I noticed that your relationship outside of the class room was strained. I also know that he spent last night for a couple hours that he spent time in your private quarters.” Albus explained.

“I…I don’t know what to say,” Severus stammered. He knows, oh Merlin, what are we going to do, he thought.

“Severus, you know that student and teacher relationships aren’t allowed, but I want you to know that I fully support you and Harry’s relationship.” Albus said the twinkle in his going up a few knots.

“You do?” Severus asked, confused.

“Yes. Both of you deserve each other. You both have had a terrible past, and I think that both of you should love each other.” Albus said. “I know that this has to stay secret so if both of you agree I am going to be moving Harry down to the dungeons on the pretense that his nightmares and visions are getting worse. That way you won’t get caught with sneaking him out of the dungeons.” Albus’s eyes were laughing at him.

“I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything. Why don’t you send an owl to Harry telling him to meet both of us up here after dinner so that we can discuss this?”

“Alright, but can I ask you to not say anything about our relationship; about how I really love him. I want to talk to him about it tonight, if that is alright?” Severus said, a small smile curving his mouth.

“Alright my boy, now let’s be off to the Great Hall. Dinner should be starting in twenty minutes, plenty of time for you to send the letter to Harry.”

Severus walked out behind the Headmaster before turning and heading to the Owlery. He choose Harry owl and quickly wrote the message and told Hedwig to deliver the note at dinner. He turned and walked back out, going to the Great Hall and sitting down in his normal seat.

Harry’s day was anything from perfect. When he awoke this morning he knew that he was early. He walked at the dormitory showers and took a quick shower before getting dressed. Seeing that it was just dawn he decided to go out to the pitch and ride his broom, hoping that it would clear his thoughts. After a while even that couldn’t take his mind off what had happened the night before.

It was as if he really did care. I mean he treated me so carefully, he even called me Harry. Why did he push me away? he thought. He walked back inside after he placed his broom back in the broom shed. He saw that Hermione and Ron were just about to enter the Hall when they called out to him. Not in the mood to deal with his friends today he ignored them and walked into the Hall sitting at the end of the table away from his friends.

The rest of the day was as if he was set on autopilot. Transfiguration he didn’t pay attention to what Professor McGonagall was saying, something about turning into an animagus. He really didn’t need to listen because he already mastered his form, which was a black wolf. In History with Binns he stared off into space and in Divination he simply didn’t go deciding that it really wasn’t worth the trouble.

His free period before dinner he went down to the dungeons thinking that he would ask Severus if he could visit with him tonight. He thought that he could convince Severus into admitting that he loved him. He knocked on Severus door and waited but nobody ever answered. He waited around for a little while later hidden in the shadows so that nobody could see him if the passed, before he gave up and decided to go get ready for dinner.

He took a quick shower and put away his school books before he headed down to the Hall. He in common room he saw Hermione and Ron laying in wait for him and put a smile on his face.

“Harry, what is the matter? You haven’t spoken to us all day. We’re worried about you.” Hermione said.

“Yeah mate, you didn’t even come to lunch today.” Ron said with a worried look on his freckled face.

“I’m sorry you guys, I’ve just got a lot on my mind. My nightmares are getting worse and I’m not sleeping very well,” he said. That wasn’t what was really going on but he couldn’t tell his friends his relationship with Severus. He knew that they wouldn’t understand but shrugged it off and said, “Well guys lets head to dinner. It should start in a few moments.”

“Alright lets go.” said Hermione.

They walked into the hall just as the food appeared. They took their normal seats and sat down. Harry glanced at the Head Table and saw Severus just sitting down. He was about to tuck into his food when Hedwig came through with a note attached. She set down in front of Harry and nudged the hand that he had extended. Harry took the note that was tied to her foot and gave her a piece of chicken off his plate. Opening the note he read,

“Harry,
Come to the Headmaster’s office when you are though with dinner. Professor Dumbledore has something that needs to be dealt with.
Severus”

Harry glanced back to the Head Table to see Severus looking at him and he noticed that he was smiling although it was a small smile that you couldn’t see unless you were really looking hard. Oh God, he should smile more often. I wonder why he is smiling, he thought. He turned back to his food and looked up to see his friends giving him puzzled looks. “Sorry guys that was a note from Dumbledore. He wants to talk to me about my nightmares.”

“Oh, ok mate.” With that they went back to eating their food. When Harry saw Dumbledore and Severus leave the Head Table he excused himself from his friends and headed up to the Headmaster’s office. He was anxious about what was happening. Why did Severus write the note like that, and why does the Headmaster have something to discuss with the both of us, he thought.

He had finally reached the griffin that led up to the Headmasters office and started to guess this week’s password, “Lemon Drops, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, Vampire Blood Pops…” With that last one the griffin moved aside and he stepped onto the revolving stairway. He stepped off when it stopped at the doorway and he knocked on the door.

“Come in Harry.” called the Headmaster. Harry stepped into the office and saw only the Headmaster. “Harry please have a seat. Now I know that you are wondering why I asked you here today.” the Headmaster said.

“Well yes. I got the note from Professor Snape but…” he trailed off when he felt someone behind him. Looking up he saw that it was Severus.

“Harry, the Headmaster knows about us.” Severus said in a calm voice.

“He… he knows about us? But how, when? You’re not in trouble are you? I mean, I’m the one that started this. I know that it was against the rules but…” Harry said in a rush, starting to hyperventilate.

“Harry, calm yourself. Here eat a lemon drop.” Dumbledore said handing the bowl to Harry. Harry took one and popped it into his mouth sucking on it and immediately felt himself calming. “Now Harry I would like you to know that I approve of this. Now I know that you have been telling your friends that you have been having nightmares a lot lately is that right?”

“Yes Headmaster.” Harry said, still perplexed about where this is going.

“That’s good, now I have an idea that I would like to put into place. How would you like to move into some rooms down in the dungeon on the pretense of Severus here monitoring you on your nightmares? I know that you have long master Occulmency so I feel this will better hide you and Severus’s relationship better.” Dumbledore explained.

“Is this for real? This isn’t a dream is it?” Harry asked looking up at Severus.

“It’s real. The Headmaster approached me earlier about this. He left the final decision to you though.” Severus said with a small smile.

“And all I have to tell my friends is that you are monitoring me for my nightmares since I have told them that they are getting worse?” Harry asked.

“Yes, if you want we can move you tonight if you want, Harry,” said Dumbledore.

“If that’s so then of course I will do this.” Harry said nearly bouncing out of his chair.

“Ok, I’ll send a house elf up to collect your things, do you want to send a note to your friends telling them where you have gone?” asked the Headmaster.

At Harry’s nod he pulled out a sheet of parchment and a quill and slid them across his desk. Harry wrote a quick note telling Hermione and Ron that he was moving down to the dungeons because of his nightmares and that he would see them in the morning. Handing everything back to the Headmaster he rose and said, “Thank you, Headmaster. Is that all you needed?”

“Yes Harry, now go along with Severus so that he can show you your new rooms.” said the Headmaster with a definite twinkle shinning in his bright blue eyes.

Harry followed Severus down to the dungeons but instead of stopping at Harry’s new rooms they entered Severus’s. As soon as the door was shut Severus immediately turned and pushed Harry against the door and attacked Harry’s lips. With a moan Harry gave in and moved his hand to grip the back of Severus’s neck.

After a moment they broke apart and Severus looked down into Harry’s emerald gaze and said, “Let’s take this to the bedroom.” At Harry’s silent nod they moved into the bedroom….


Sorry everyone but I am going to leave it there for now. Thanks everyone for the reviews. Please keep them coming I need food to keep this story coming. If anyone has any ideas on how this should continue just leave them with a review, because I always love getting someone’s views on how a story should go. Thanks again, Fae.