I'm Beautiful, Damn It!
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Draco/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
21
Views:
11,311
Reviews:
32
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Draco/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
21
Views:
11,311
Reviews:
32
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Condoms, Pillow Fights, and Christmas Cards
A/N: ::::clutches our Academy Award::: You like us!!!! You really like us! lol We now officially have one reviewer!
doublelilly: We love you!!!!!! :::gives you cookies in the shape of Draco’s head:::
lol oh yeah, just in case you didn’t know, we don\'t own the Harry Potter, we only borrow him for awhile. Except he hasn’t even been in our story yet. hmm........maybe we should page him again.....
Anyway, on to the fic!!!!!!
Chapter 3
Condoms, Pillow Fights, and Christmas Cards
Draco eyed Pansy nervously.
“I think I’d rather do it in front of witnesses.” he replied hesitantly.
The dark haired Slytherin girl promptly seized him by the ear and drug him away from the group.
“I owled you every day and NO RESPONSE!” she bellowed. “What have you been doing that\'s more important than the love of your life?”
“Well, I’m a very busy man Pansy and...love of my life? When did that happen and why wasn’t I informed?” he replied, raising one eyebrow.
“Busy doing what?” she pressed.
“I don’t know, going to meetings, intimidating people, smacking around some first years. Normal shit, Pansy. Besides, we broke up in 5th year. Accept it. Embrace it. Please, before it destroys us both.” He turned to walk away.
Pansy, obviously ignoring the latter part of his speech, hurled herself at him. Placing kisses all over his neck and quickly closing in on his mouth.
He jerked from her embrace in a mixture of irritation and disgust.
Annoyed at his side-stepping of her advances, Pansy simply glared and replied
“You know Draco, if you’re not careful you just might lose me.” before storming up into the girls dormitory.
He called after her “I lost you two years ago!!”
“Bitches. Maybe I should stick to my own common room.” He thought
????????????????
Hermione was cozied up by the fireplace doing her required reading for Transfig. She was still slightly put out by the fact that though she had begged Professor McGonagall relentlessly, there was no way to reverse it. She was stuck with crotch pheasant for the remainder of the year. She felt Malfoy deserved it, sort of a like a tribute to his foul-mouthed friends, but not her.....What\'s a crotch pheasant anyway? or better yet....did she want to be one?
She was still pondering this when Malfoy stalked back into the common room. Something was different.....
“What the hell are you looking at, Granger?” he spat.
“You know, red is a sexy color, but it doesn’t go well with you skin tone. If you needed make-up advice I would have been happy to help you out.” she said trying hard to repress a giggle.
Draco sighed heavily. He looked around the empty common room.
“Hey, wheres your pet weasel? Is he up your ass because thats where he is most of the time.”
Hermione closed her book and set up straight.
“Rons a good friend and this is getting old.” she raised up off the couch, but loneliness and fear of an encore of Pansy made him reply quickly in an effort to get her to stay.
“No, no, stay. I might need protection later.”
Hermione sat back down and looked at him wide eyed.
“You mean like a condom??”
“You mean like ketchup?”
“No no thats a condiment. Condom as in..oh never mind. Pug faced girlfriend coming for a visit?” Hermione smiled.
“Shes not my girlfriend. Shes barely even a friend. Shes more like...my attacker. I’ve considered filing a complaint.” Draco stated matter-of-factly.
“Lovely, that really is Draco.”
“So, you still haven’t told me how things are with weasel-king.”
Hermione rose from the couch and said
“I thought I told you that was getting old.” She promptly picked up one of the sofa pillows and popped Draco in the head.
Draco didn’t know what to think of being attacked by a scrawny girl armed only with a ruffled pillow. He stood and drew his wand.
“What are you doing??” she asked incredulously.
“Um..I thought you wanted to duel. You obviously have your weapon of choice, this just happens to be mine.”
“No no,” Hermione stated. It was like dealing with a small child. A small, smug, smirking, rude, (slightly hot) child.
“Haven’t you ever had a pillow fight?” she asked “Like a slumber party?”
Malfoy burst into hysterics.
“You mean those things where muggles gather together and sleep in the same room. Sorry, I’m not taking muggle studies. Therefore, I\'m slightly out of practice.” Draco wiped his eyes, still chuckling slightly.
“Ok, look” she said, taking the nearest pillow. “Its really fun, promise. Just take this pillow and hit me.” she said, handing him the fluffy object.
“I can hit you?” he said “With this?” he said pointing at the pillow.
“Yea, I mean, don’t like belt me with it but, yea, hit me. Toss it gently in my general direction.” she smiled.
Draco eyed her warily. What if this was just another excuse to slap him like she did in third year. He thought about it momentarily, playing with the fringe on the pillow.
What the hell, right? he thought. Lets engage in some muggledom.
He lightly tossed the pillow at her head. To his surprise, she laughed and tossed hers back.
Hey, hehe, this isn’t so bad.
Thats when the pillow fight broke out into an all out pillow war. Hermione belted Draco in the back of the head and ran for cover. He cornered her near the couch and swung her over his shoulder and began to spin her around. She was laughing and swatting playfully at his back. When the laughter subsided he slid her back down to her feet. There was an awkward silence. They were staring into each others faces as though they were seeing them for the first time.
“I have to go” he said, his facing losing the appealing smile it had just held.
“OooOOooh whats the matter Mr. Pillow-fight man?” Hermione called after him. “Embarrassed that you actually just did something fun?? EEEEW and with a mudblood too!! You engaged in MUGGLEDOM! Wait till Pansy hears!! You’ll be off her Christmas card list for good, I tell you.”
“I don’t particularly care what Pansy thinks and what the hell is a Christmas card? CROTCH PHEASANT!” he called as he disappeared into his bedroom. He stopped and turned around because her bedroom portrait flung open as well.
He raised an eyebrow.
“WellIthinkyourerightthatsenoughfunforthiseveninggoodnightmalfoy” she stated quickly before disappearing into her room.
A/N: Damn we’re on a roll!!! We’re getting ready to start chapter 4! I’m going to turn the helm of this bitch over to my beautiful “crotch pheasant”, Stefanie! Stay tuned!
doublelilly: We love you!!!!!! :::gives you cookies in the shape of Draco’s head:::
lol oh yeah, just in case you didn’t know, we don\'t own the Harry Potter, we only borrow him for awhile. Except he hasn’t even been in our story yet. hmm........maybe we should page him again.....
Anyway, on to the fic!!!!!!
Chapter 3
Condoms, Pillow Fights, and Christmas Cards
Draco eyed Pansy nervously.
“I think I’d rather do it in front of witnesses.” he replied hesitantly.
The dark haired Slytherin girl promptly seized him by the ear and drug him away from the group.
“I owled you every day and NO RESPONSE!” she bellowed. “What have you been doing that\'s more important than the love of your life?”
“Well, I’m a very busy man Pansy and...love of my life? When did that happen and why wasn’t I informed?” he replied, raising one eyebrow.
“Busy doing what?” she pressed.
“I don’t know, going to meetings, intimidating people, smacking around some first years. Normal shit, Pansy. Besides, we broke up in 5th year. Accept it. Embrace it. Please, before it destroys us both.” He turned to walk away.
Pansy, obviously ignoring the latter part of his speech, hurled herself at him. Placing kisses all over his neck and quickly closing in on his mouth.
He jerked from her embrace in a mixture of irritation and disgust.
Annoyed at his side-stepping of her advances, Pansy simply glared and replied
“You know Draco, if you’re not careful you just might lose me.” before storming up into the girls dormitory.
He called after her “I lost you two years ago!!”
“Bitches. Maybe I should stick to my own common room.” He thought
????????????????
Hermione was cozied up by the fireplace doing her required reading for Transfig. She was still slightly put out by the fact that though she had begged Professor McGonagall relentlessly, there was no way to reverse it. She was stuck with crotch pheasant for the remainder of the year. She felt Malfoy deserved it, sort of a like a tribute to his foul-mouthed friends, but not her.....What\'s a crotch pheasant anyway? or better yet....did she want to be one?
She was still pondering this when Malfoy stalked back into the common room. Something was different.....
“What the hell are you looking at, Granger?” he spat.
“You know, red is a sexy color, but it doesn’t go well with you skin tone. If you needed make-up advice I would have been happy to help you out.” she said trying hard to repress a giggle.
Draco sighed heavily. He looked around the empty common room.
“Hey, wheres your pet weasel? Is he up your ass because thats where he is most of the time.”
Hermione closed her book and set up straight.
“Rons a good friend and this is getting old.” she raised up off the couch, but loneliness and fear of an encore of Pansy made him reply quickly in an effort to get her to stay.
“No, no, stay. I might need protection later.”
Hermione sat back down and looked at him wide eyed.
“You mean like a condom??”
“You mean like ketchup?”
“No no thats a condiment. Condom as in..oh never mind. Pug faced girlfriend coming for a visit?” Hermione smiled.
“Shes not my girlfriend. Shes barely even a friend. Shes more like...my attacker. I’ve considered filing a complaint.” Draco stated matter-of-factly.
“Lovely, that really is Draco.”
“So, you still haven’t told me how things are with weasel-king.”
Hermione rose from the couch and said
“I thought I told you that was getting old.” She promptly picked up one of the sofa pillows and popped Draco in the head.
Draco didn’t know what to think of being attacked by a scrawny girl armed only with a ruffled pillow. He stood and drew his wand.
“What are you doing??” she asked incredulously.
“Um..I thought you wanted to duel. You obviously have your weapon of choice, this just happens to be mine.”
“No no,” Hermione stated. It was like dealing with a small child. A small, smug, smirking, rude, (slightly hot) child.
“Haven’t you ever had a pillow fight?” she asked “Like a slumber party?”
Malfoy burst into hysterics.
“You mean those things where muggles gather together and sleep in the same room. Sorry, I’m not taking muggle studies. Therefore, I\'m slightly out of practice.” Draco wiped his eyes, still chuckling slightly.
“Ok, look” she said, taking the nearest pillow. “Its really fun, promise. Just take this pillow and hit me.” she said, handing him the fluffy object.
“I can hit you?” he said “With this?” he said pointing at the pillow.
“Yea, I mean, don’t like belt me with it but, yea, hit me. Toss it gently in my general direction.” she smiled.
Draco eyed her warily. What if this was just another excuse to slap him like she did in third year. He thought about it momentarily, playing with the fringe on the pillow.
What the hell, right? he thought. Lets engage in some muggledom.
He lightly tossed the pillow at her head. To his surprise, she laughed and tossed hers back.
Hey, hehe, this isn’t so bad.
Thats when the pillow fight broke out into an all out pillow war. Hermione belted Draco in the back of the head and ran for cover. He cornered her near the couch and swung her over his shoulder and began to spin her around. She was laughing and swatting playfully at his back. When the laughter subsided he slid her back down to her feet. There was an awkward silence. They were staring into each others faces as though they were seeing them for the first time.
“I have to go” he said, his facing losing the appealing smile it had just held.
“OooOOooh whats the matter Mr. Pillow-fight man?” Hermione called after him. “Embarrassed that you actually just did something fun?? EEEEW and with a mudblood too!! You engaged in MUGGLEDOM! Wait till Pansy hears!! You’ll be off her Christmas card list for good, I tell you.”
“I don’t particularly care what Pansy thinks and what the hell is a Christmas card? CROTCH PHEASANT!” he called as he disappeared into his bedroom. He stopped and turned around because her bedroom portrait flung open as well.
He raised an eyebrow.
“WellIthinkyourerightthatsenoughfunforthiseveninggoodnightmalfoy” she stated quickly before disappearing into her room.
A/N: Damn we’re on a roll!!! We’re getting ready to start chapter 4! I’m going to turn the helm of this bitch over to my beautiful “crotch pheasant”, Stefanie! Stay tuned!