Shades of Darkness and Light

I thought he would come to “see” me later, but life\'s a bitch. So there he was. Standing in the doorway, looking from me at Neville and back. His eyes scanned the compartment. His clothes fascinated me, though I don\'t know why. He was wearing black jeans and a gray turtleneck. A turtleneck? In this heat? Some people never cease to amaze me.

His hair was a bit longer too. The tips brushed against his shoulders and seemed to be even more blonde then the years before. His face had a kind of lost look and his face was pale. I know he is pale, but now he looked more like “I\'m scared to death” pale. He looked as if he had lost weight too. So un-Malfoy like.

Then I noticed that his two lapdogs were missing. Since when does he go anywhere without them? Neville was looking at him to, but with a different look. I don\'t have to be a seer to know that he was remembering his past encounters with Malfoy. After a while he looked down at the ground again.

“Sorry. I though this one is empty.” Sorry? Malfoy just said sorry? And to Neville and Me? Is this the Apocalypse? He stepped back and made a turn to go, but for some unknown reason…I stopped him. I stood up and grabbed his arm. I could see that he flinched as I touched him and made him face me.

“What? No insults this time? No spells? And where are your goons, Malfoy?” His eyes looked at my hand, which was still clutching his arm. And I didn\'t let go.

“I don\'t know where they are. And why should I insult you? I don\'t even know you!” The last sentence made me frown. What did he mean with “I don\'t even know you”? Surely he wouldn\'t forget his long-time rival, enemy and competition!

“Don\'t play games with me, Malfoy. You know well who I am.” I held his arm tighter and he flinched again, but this time clearly in pain. I know what expression one has when in pain.

“I told you I don ´t know you. Would you mind letting go of my arm? It hurts.” Gods! His voice was as soft as ever and his eyes were so sad I almost pitied him. Almost. But I loosened my grip on his arm. But there is no way in Hell I was letting go. I wanted some answers first. So I pulled him, none too gently back into the compartment and pushed him so he had to sit down. He looked scared. A look I never saw on him. What the fuck happened to the Malfoy I knew and loved? Not in that sense! You know what I mean! Do you? Oh fuck!

I closed the door and sat next to Neville. He heard all of the conversation and looked as curious as I was. The cat was still in his lap, quietly purring and as Malfoy sat down it opened one eye and looked at him. Then it suddenly jumped from Neville\'s lap and landed in Malfoy´s. The blonde let out a gasp as the cat decided to use his lap as a temporary pillow. I tried my best now to laugh, but failed.

“Kreuz seems to like you, but I have no idea why.” Neville said to him and Malfoy looked at him, surprised.

“What do you know? Maybe he charmed it and made it think he is a friend.” I seriously couldn\'t think of a reason for the cat to like him. After my words Malfoy made a motion to get the cat off and back to Neville, but he only shook his head.

“If you try to move him against his will he will scratch you.” He told the blonde, who nodded in return, but still looked extremely nervous. His hands were folded in his lap next to the cat and his head was bowed, the blonde locks falling into his face and obscuring my view.

“What do you want from me?” I barely recognized the soft voice as his. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. I looked at Neville and he raised an eyebrow at me. I shook my head. If he didn\'t recognize us there was no need in telling him our names. At least yet.

“Maybe we just want to know why did you change? What\'s up with the asshole we knew for the past years? And what\'s with the turtleneck? It\'s hot in here!” Neville gave me a look at my last question and I shrugged. Why would someone wear a turtleneck in this heat?

Malfoy cringed at the last question and pulled the sleeves more down as if he was hiding something. Perhaps his wand? Or a pet snake that was just waiting for the right moment to jump at my neck and sink its fangs deep into my throat?

“In am…cold. And who are you? If you know what I was like in the past wouldn\'t I be supposed to know who you are to?” So he still didn\'t know who we are. A plan formed itself in my mind and I couldn\'t suppress the smirk. I stood up and sat down next to him. His head snapped up and he looked surprised and…frightened…

“It doesn\'t matter who we are. And no you are not cold.” I leaned closer to him. He tried to move away, but the moment his back hit the wall I knew I had him trapped. And he knew it too.

“What are you talking about? I AM cold. Why would I wear this if I wouldn\'t be?” Neville seemed a bit confused, but the amused look on his face told me how much he was actually enjoying the whole show.

“You might be cold in that sense. But the one I meant is different.” I leaned even closer to him and my lips brushed his ear as I spoke. “I think you\'re hot.” I licked his ear and started to suck on his earlobe. Only seconds later he pushed me away with a horrified look and a very, VERY cute blush on his cheeks.

He stood up and Kreuz fell from his knees on the floor and hissed. Then I spotted a few drops of blood next to the cat. I looked up at Malfoy who was holding his hand. The hand I was holding too minutes earlier. Blood seeped from between his fingers, but on his face was still the horrified look from earlier.

“Damn!” I took his hand to take a look at it. There was a deep scratch on his forearm. The cat\'s claws must have cut through his turtleneck because it was split and bloody. I took out my wand and muttered a healing spell I taught myself in the summer. I watched as the skin closed and then I wiped the blood away with my hand. That as when I noticed scratches and bruises on his arm. There was one red one, the one I inflicted, but the others seemed to be older. They were dark. Purple, dark green and blue on his pale flesh. Scratches were crossing them and they were not self-inflicted like my cuts.

No. Someone must have done this. Someone else.

“Thank you.” Malfoy´s voice interrupted my thoughts and withdrew his hand, slowly. And I knew why. He tried to pull down the sleeve again, but it was torn and didn\'t hide the bruises from my eyes.

“Kreuz! Stupid cat! I am sorry Malfoy.” Neville apologizing to Malfoy. That happened a few times already. But this time it wasn\'t a forced apology, but a sincere one. He slapped the cat on the side to show him that he was angry, but the slap wasn’t meant to hurt, but to threaten.

“That\'s ok. It was my fault. I am supposed to be sorry.” Ok. AM I in the Twilight zone or something? What the fuck is going on? Did I enter an alternate reality or something?

“Neville! The cat\'s a damn sadist!” I glared at Kreuz and he didn\'t even bother to meow at me. There was a loud gasp and I looked back at Malfoy. His eyes were wide and staring at Neville.

“Neville Longbottom? Oh God.” I didn\'t know whether the ”Oh God” was good or bad. Neville smiled a nervous smile and nodded.

“Yeah. It\'s me. Sorry about the cat. I should really train it better.”

“No. I-I am sorry. Really. -I have to go!” He opened the door and as calmly and quickly as possible walked out. I didn\'t even look at Neville and ran after Malfoy. He wasn\'t far and I easily caught up with him.

I grabbed his arm again and he let out a groan of pain. I suddenly remembered the bruises and loosened my grip, but a before, I didn\'t let go. I turned him to face me, but pulled a bit too strongly and as he turned sharply around he stumbled and fell into my arms and. Then I was aware of the soft and warm lips on my own and Malfoy´s startled eyes staring right into mine. He pulled quickly away and his other hand flew to his lips.

I couldn\'t move. My hand was still holding him and we stood so close that I felt his body heat mingle with mine. What the fuck just happened? Did I just kiss Draco Malfoy? Or did he kiss me? Who kissed whom here?

“I-I\'m sorry. I didn\'t mean to-I-“ He pulled his arm away from my grasp and slowly backed away from me. I still didn\'t move, I simply watched him. I watched him as he brushed the tips of his fingers against his lips. I watched him as his eyes met mine again. I watched him as a whirlwind of emotions reflected in his eyes. I watched him as he turned around and quickly walked away.

I stood there for who knows how long. I just kissed Draco Malfoy. Even if it was only by an accident. And he didn\'t seem to know who I am. But he knew now, right? Someone please tell me he knew it was I! Fuck! But how could he stumble like that because of the pull? Surely I didn’t get that strong. Bill always managed to handcuff me to bed. But maybe Malfoy got weaker…

As I walked slowly back to the compartment I couldn\'t think about anything else, but Malfoy. Why? Give me a break! I don’t know myself! I opened the door and entered. Neville was reading a Herbology book, Kreuz sleeping next to him curled up into a ball. I closed the door and sat back opposite of Neville.

One thing kept echoing in my mind. Gray. My favorite color. The thing I kept thinking about half of my sixth year and the summer. Gray. The color of everything. And Draco Malfoy had gray eyes. And they were sad. A sad shade of gray I never saw before. Not in any books. Not in the sky. Not on the TV I persuaded Remus to connect. Not on the Internet I used during the summer. Nowhere. And he had it.

The color of his eyes was my favorite color. And I loved it. The color burned more then a blazing inferno. His sad eyes filled with anxiety as I held his arm. With surprise as we accidentally kissed. With sadness as he turned and walked away.

Shit! I kept thinking about his eyes for nearly two hours! Good thing Neville fell asleep, or he would have thought I went mad or something. Well, I though it a bit myself. Gray…Stop it!

I stood up and stretched my limbs, which have fallen almost asleep. I heard my muscles pop back into place and a wicked idea came to my mind again. I took Kreuz and placed him on my place and took his. Then I gathered Neville into my arms and leaned back. His head was resting against my chest and his hair tickled my chin and I smiled. I wonder what his reaction will be when he wakes up.

I felt sleepy and decided to take a nap too. I just hoped I would wake up before Neville. But even though it was Neville in my arms as I fell slowly asleep, I though what would it feel like to hold Malfoy. His gray eyes kept following me. My every though. I think I need to see Madam Pomfrey when we get back. Something is wrong with me seriously wrong.

Gray…Fuck off! Gray…Damnit! I seriously hope that whenever I will see or think about gray a picture of Malfoy will pop up in my head! That would always make my day! And if you haven’t noticed the sarcasm you should start to. Because there is no way in Heaven or Hell that I would be attracted to Draco Malfoy! Never!

But then, why do I keep replaying the kiss in my head?

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