Life with Harry and Draco: Into Every Life...

See chapter one for disclaimer, etc.

Chapter 3 – Secrets Revealed

Harry awoke the next morning a new man. Just as he had said to Draco, his fears over their relationship falling by the wayside had completely vanished. He felt light and liberated, as if a dark shadow had been lifted from his soul. Life was good once again. He replayed recent events in his mind and a blush coloured his cheeks as a wave of embarrassment washed over him. He had really let his imagination run wild.

“No, I won’t feel guilty over it,” thought Harry. “It happened and I can’t change that. We both know my insecurity is a problem that I have to work on. With Draco’s help, I will conquer it. If there is anyone who can help me with this, it’s him.”

He stretched carefully so as not to waken Draco and rolled onto his side watching him sleep for some time. Harry smiled to himself; Draco looked gorgeous even with his mouth open and his hair in disarray on the pillow. He was quite certain that Draco would not agree with his assessment of his appearance but it was of no import. As far as Harry was concerned, it was the truth. A loud gurgle broke Harry’s reverie; he suddenly realised he was starving. He slipped from the bed and went out into the hall. After a quick stop in the loo, he headed for the kitchen. A big breakfast was definitely in order. Harry never realised that dealing with one’s emotions could work up such an appetite. Happy to have things back as they should be, he set about preparing a belting brekky for them both. Yes, life was most definitely good again.

&&&&&&

A week later, Harry and Draco sat at their kitchen table enjoying a light lunch and each other’s company.

“Thanks, Harry, that was delicious,” said Draco.

Harry wiped his mouth with his napkin and replied, “Glad you liked it. So, what are your plans for the rest of the day, love?”

“I thought that’d I’d go see my mother. I’ve been so busy at work I haven’t really had the chance of late. I don’t like neglecting her,” answered Draco.

“You don’t neglect her, Draco. It’s not that long since you went and you know she’s well cared for.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Sorry to say this, love, but she probably doesn’t even realise how long it has been.”

Draco sighed. “I know that as well. The point is, I know how long it’s been and it’s time for me to go.”

“Of course it is! I wasn’t suggesting otherwise. You’re a good son, Draco.”

“I do my best,” replied Draco as he arose. Giving Harry a kiss he said, “I won’t be late.”

“See you later, then. Give my love to your mum.”

“I will, Harry. Love you. Bye.”

Harry called out, “Love you, too.”

He knew that Draco had already gone but he said the words anyway. Harry looked down at the dirty dishes; he pulled out his wand and they were clean in the blink of an eye. He carefully manoeuvred them to the cupboard and then, satisfied that all was in order, left the flat himself. He popped over to Hermione’s on the off chance she might be free for a chat. Disappointed to find that she was not at home, he Apparated to Diagon Alley to have a look round the shops. Quite by chance, he ran into Seamus Finnigan in front of Quality Quidditch Supplies. The two old friends made their way to The Leaky Cauldron and spent the rest of the afternoon reminiscing about the good old days at Hogwarts and becoming pleasantly tipsy. They had started out with butterbeer and had quickly moved on to Old Ogden’s. Harry listened to Seamus recount the tale of his unhappy marriage and his rather sticky divorce.

“Me mam was right about her, Harry. She never liked Belinda, not from the first minute she met her. I wouldn’t listen, though,” said Seamus with regret.

“You were in love with her at the time, weren’t you?” inquired Harry.

“Yeah, head over heels.”

“Well then, there’s nothing anyone could have said to you that would have made any difference, Seamus. Merlin himself could have told you she wasn’t the girl for you and you would have ignored him. Have you heard the Muggle expression love is blind?”

Seamus nodded. “In this case, it was not only blind but deaf as well.”

“You said that you have a little girl?”

Seamus reached into his robes and pulled out a photo and handed it to Harry. “That’s me pride and joy.”

“She’s so beautiful! How old is she,” asked Harry looking at the photo of a little girl with long, dark hair. She was blowing kisses and giggling, more than likely at her daddy.

“Keira is three and is the sweetest child you’ll ever meet,” answered Seamus, his voice breaking up. He looked away from Harry.

“What’s wrong, mate?”

“It’s Belinda…she, she wants to keep me from seeing Keira.”

Harry gasped and said, “You can’t be serious! Why would she want to do that?”

“Because she’s a cold-hearted cow, that’s why, Harry. Can you imagine using your own child for revenge? That’s what it is, too. She knows that she’s got me by the balls. I’ll do anything for me daughter, Harry. Anything!”

“I can tell by the way you speak about Keira that you’re a good dad, Seamus. Everything will work out fine. You’ll see.”

“Hope you’re right, mate. Thanks for the vote of confidence. It feels good to have someone on my side for a change,” said Seamus with gratitude. “I won’t ask you to play Agony Aunt for me anymore today, Harry. Let’s change the subject.”

Harry laughed and replied, “I didn’t mind at all. I’ve been told I’m a good listener. Another one?” Seamus nodded and Harry poured them both another shot of Firewhisky.

Taking a sip of his drink, Seamus asked, “Tell me something, Harry. Is it true what I’ve heard about you?”

“Depends upon what it is you’ve heard, mate.”

Clearing his throat, Seamus said, “That you and Malfoy are, well, you know…”

“Lovers? You can say it aloud. Being gay isn’t a crime,” answered Harry with annoyance.

Seamus’ cheeks flushed bright pink. “I didn’t mean to imply that there was anything wrong, Harry. Sorry. I have no problem with you being gay.”

“So then you have a problem with Draco?”

“No, no that’s not it either.” Carefully choosing his words, Seamus continued, “It’s just that I am surprised that you and he are together. He’s the last person on this earth that I thought you’d end up with, Harry. After all, you weren’t exactly best mates back at Hogwarts. Bloody hell, you two hated each other! And now I find out it’s true that you and he are lovers. Surely you can understand my surprise.”

Harry said with relief, “Yeah, I can. I guess I overreacted a wee bit, Seamus. I thought you were implying something else. I’m sorry, too.”

“No problem, Harry me laddo. So, you and Malfoy have been taking turns riding the old broomstick, then?” inquired Seamus with a glint in his eye and a smirk on his lips.

Harry choked on his drink at the Irishman’s rather bold question. After he had finished his coughing fit, he said, “No one has ever quite put it like that before, but yes, I guess we have been. It’s brilliant too! Draco and I are mad for each other.”

“If you don’t mind, mate, I’ll skip the details,” said Seamus jovially. “Mad for each other huh? As in let’s shag each other silly since we can’t keep our hands off one another or as in you are in love truly, madly, deeply?”

“Both, if the truth be told. It’ll soon be our first anniversary and we couldn’t be happier. Everything is just perfect between us.”

“Mal…I mean Draco, does he feel the same about you, Harry?”

Harry’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, “Oh yes! What we share is something quite special.”

“As long as you’re happy.”

There was something in the tone of Seamus’ voice that Harry didn’t like. “What? What is it that you’re not saying?” he asked.

“Nothing, Harry,” answered Seamus.

“I don’t believe you. Say it, whatever it is.”

Seamus replied, “I just hope it stays that way. Belinda and I were like that once. Look how we ended up.”

“I’m really very sorry for all the troubles you’re going through right now, but it will never happen to Draco and me. We are soul mates, so you see, this is forever.”

“Sure, Harry, whatever you say.” Holding out his glass he said, “Pour us another one, will ya? Me throat’s parched from all this gabbin’. Anyone would think that we’re a couple of old biddies gossiping across the back fence!”

Harry laughed at the picture Seamus had painted of the two of them and happily refilled the glasses. Before long, their conversation drifted back to Seamus’ marital problems. The Firewhisky loosened the Irishman’s tongue and he told Harry all the sordid details of his wife’s infidelity. As they said their goodbyes, Harry did his best to reassure his friend.

“It’s been great to see you again, Seamus.” Taking a hold of his hand he said, “It’ll all work itself out. I know it will. Have faith.”

“I’m tryin’ Harry lad, but it isn’t easy,” said Seamus with a sigh. He clapped Harry on the shoulder and added, “It’s been brilliant seeing you too, Harry! Give my regards to Draco. That should surprise the hell out of him!”

“It probably will,” chuckled Harry. “Take care, Seamus. Let me know how you make out.”

“That I will, Harry. Cheers!”

Seamus was the first to Apparate away, followed quickly by Harry.

“I’m home!” called Harry upon his arrival back in the flat. He was met with silence. “He must still be with his mum. Oh well, guess I’ll get a bite to eat.”

Harry trotted off to the kitchen and fixed himself a sandwich. He settled down in the living room with a glass of milk and a few crisps to round out his meal. After he had eaten his fill, he lay down on the sofa to relax and promptly fell asleep. He was out for quite some time and awoke to darkness. He listened carefully for any sign of Draco being home but found none. He lit some lights and sat up, stretching and blinking, feeling quite refreshed after his little catnap. Peering at the clock, he realised that it wasn’t that late. It could still be sometime before Draco did come home. He arose and went to the CD player. He loaded some of his favourites into the machine and began to sway as the music began. It had been some time since he and Draco had gone dancing. Although he was nowhere as good of a dancer as his love, Harry enjoyed dancing nonetheless. Their anniversary was coming up and perhaps he could persuade Draco to take him to that new club that had just opened up on Diagon Alley. It had received quite the favourable write-up in the Prophet and Harry had been itching to go ever since.

“I had better get a little practice in if I want to keep up with Draco,” Harry said to himself as he began dancing in earnest.

Harry really got into the music and gave the dancing his best shot. As hard as he tried, he still found that his movements were a little stilted and lacking grace. Deciding to give what little talent he had a boost, he went to the sideboard and poured himself a large Cognac. He took a gulp and felt the strong liquor burn warmly in his belly. He finished the drink off quickly and poured another. He knew that he should be sipping the Cognac slowly and savouring its superior qualities. After all, it was the best money could buy – Draco made sure of that. Harry smiled at the thought of what his lover would say if he saw him chugging his fine spirits. A lecture would no doubt be in the offing! Cupping the snifter in his hand, he resumed dancing and sipping his drink, swirling the amber liquid in time with the music.

As he moved about the room, his thoughts turned to Draco. How he wished he were there right now, shaking his cute little arse and making him more and more randy with each movement. Harry closed his eyes and remembered Draco dancing at the reunion. He had been so turned on that night! Just the thought of it now was having the same effect. Harry glanced at the clock once again, hoping that Draco would appear and calm the fires that had started burning deep within. The CD changed and the rhythm was now slow and easy. Harry set his glass on the table and flopped down on the sofa, just a little out of breath and more than a little hard. He wanted to wait for Draco to come home and was determined to do so. He thought of Seamus and how unfortunate he was. His wife sounded like a right bitch. Seamus had been dead wrong to think that he and Draco would ever end up like them. He hadn’t been joking when he had told Seamus that what they had was perfect. To Harry, it was and nothing was ever going to change it. They were together forever. Harry had tried to will away his erection by thinking about Seamus and his woes but it had the opposite effect. He was thinking about Draco even more – the way he smiled, the way he smelled, the way he tasted. Before he realised what he was doing, the flat of his hand had traveled down his stomach and had come to rest on his cock. He moaned as he gave himself a squeeze. Blast this; he’d just have to start alone!

Harry let his thumb trace circles around the head of his cock and he felt himself grow harder under the light touch. He shifted his hips in an attempt to find a more comfortable position, but his trousers held him tightly. Realising that the only thing that would ease his discomfort would be freedom for his poor entrapped member, he quickly slid down his zipper. Harry pulled the waistband of his boxers down under his balls and brought them and his cock to the light of day.

“Much better,” said Harry with a groan as he began to stroke himself freely.

Harry pumped himself rather vigorously and then suddenly stopped; he was close to coming. Deciding that the sensations he was experiencing were far too good to end so quickly, Harry changed his pace and began teasing himself more languidly. He pulled up his shirt and exposed his flat belly, running his palm upward until his fingers brushed his chest. He gave a nipple ring a tug or two and then feathered his fingertips lightly downward until he reached his cock. He pushed it upwards so it stood tall and proud, pulling the foreskin back just enough to reveal a glistening, red head. He was so hard! Harry moved his hand up and down slowly, gradually speeding up until he was almost at the brink again. Once more he pushed back his orgasm, and after regaining control, began the process over again. There was something to be said for age, Harry thought. He remembered back to his younger days; he would never have been able to bring himself so close to coming and then stop; he would orgasm so quickly and easily that no spell on earth would have been able to stop it. With the passage of time, he had learned many things, control being one of the most important. He was now able to keep the pleasure going for quite some time before release became ultimately required. Harry was grateful he had mastered the technique, as was Draco.

Harry watched himself as the pressure rose anew. He envisioned Draco suddenly appearing and swallowing him down whole. A loud moan escaped Harry’s lips. Draco was very talented with his mouth. Harry then imagined the blonde impaling himself ever so slowly on his hard cock. He saw the look in the smouldering grey eyes, heard the sounds of pleasure, felt the silken heat surrounding him. Making love with Draco was always amazing, no matter how, where or when. But it was like this, with Draco riding him, that Harry came undone. For him, it was his ultimate pleasure. The crystal clear images of Draco took Harry to the point of no return. Realising this, Harry closed his eyes and began stroking himself rapidly.

“Oh Draco!” moaned Harry.

“Harry?” said a voice out of nowhere.

Harry’s eyes sprung open in shock to find Draco staring at him. The corners of Harry’s mouth curled up into a grin. Without a word, he once again closed his eyes and continued pleasuring himself as if he were still alone. He felt the cushions of the sofa move and he knew that Draco had settled at the end opposite him and was watching. He briefly considered sharing his thoughts as he went, but decided in the end to keep silent. His actions would speak louder than words.

The added presence of his lover took Harry to a new high and it wasn’t very long at all before his climax came upon him. His back arched and he cried out loudly as ropes of thick, white come landed on his belly. His eyes still tightly closed, Harry squeezed his pulsing cock until every last drop of vital fluid had been spent. With a satisfied groan, he reached over for a tissue and cleaned himself up.

He at last dared to look at Draco. He was sitting exactly how Harry had imagined, with one leg tucked under and the other bent up. Harry was surprised that Draco had not said more than his name since his arrival. The two men held each other’s regard for a short beat, neither one speaking. Harry was the first to move. He tucked himself back into his trousers but did not zip up. He slithered slowly toward Draco, the little grin having returned to his lips. He stopped short and kneeled, sitting back on his legs. He reached out and ran his hand up Draco’s thigh and over his crotch, eliciting a sharp intake of breathe from the blonde. Harry was quite happy to find Draco hard; he had been unsure of the reaction his little spectacle would produce. Encouraged, Harry leaned forward and brushed his lips across Draco’s but did not kiss him. Instead, he continued up along the jaw line until his mouth was beside Draco’s earlobe. Reaching out with his tongue, he tickled the fleshy appendage as he chose the right words to say. Harry took Draco’s hand in his and placed it on his own cloth-covered cock and gave it a squeeze.

In a thick voice, Harry whispered, “Touch yourself, Draco. Show me how you do it.”

Draco’s reaction was instantaneous; unfortunately, it was not what Harry had expected. Draco was trembling. The look in his eyes could only be described in one way – fear. Before Harry could ask what was wrong, Draco began to speak.

“P-please, d-don’t make me,” he stammered. “P-please, n-no!”

“Draco, what’s wrong, love?” asked Harry with concern. He reached out and caressed an arm.

Draco’s breaths were coming fast and sharp. He was clearly terrified. “D-don’t touch me. P-please k-keep away!”

Harry pulled back his hand as if he had been burned. How could Draco be afraid of him? This made no sense at all. “Draco! It’s me, Harry. I won’t hurt you.”

Draco cowered deeper into the corner of the sofa and buried his face in his hands, sobbing. Harry was also terrified; terrified of what was happening to his lover and that he had somehow once again been the cause. He wanted desperately to pull him close and hold him tightly in order to chase away the terror that held him captive. Harry did not dare touch him, but spoke in a calming voice.

“Draco, it’s Harry. Look at me, love. Please, you know I’d never hurt you.” Draco did not respond. “You’re safe at home; no one will hurt you here. I’ll look after you, love. Won’t you please look at me, Dray?”

Draco slowly pulled his face from his hands; his cheeks were tear streaked, his eyes red. “H-h-arry?” he whispered.

“Yes! What is it, my love? Let me help you.”

“I thought…” said Draco and then stopped. “Harry, I-I can’t b-breathe!”

“You have to calm down, Dray. You’re hyperventilating. Try to relax and take slow, deep breaths. Do as I do, love.”

Draco tried, but it didn’t help. “C-can’t…n-need fresh air,” he managed to gasp.

“NO! DON’T GO!” shouted Harry but it was too late, Draco had Disapparated out of their flat. “Bollocks!”

Harry had no idea where Draco could have gone and before long, he was frantic with worry. What if Draco’s breathing hadn’t settled down? In Draco’s frame of mind, he might not have the sense to seek medical attention if things got worse. Harry was pacing back and forth and had worked himself into a panic.

“Come on, Draco. Come back home now. Please, let me see that you’re okay,” he said aloud, almost as if Draco could hear him. He cursed himself for not placing a Locator spell on Draco’s bracelet. He would take care of that as soon as he came home. There was no way in the nine hells that he was going to ever go through this again!

An hour later, Harry sat on the sofa, chewing the last of his fingernails to the quick. He started when he heard the crack of Draco’s Apparition and ran out to greet him.

“Draco, thank Merlin you’re home! Are you okay, love?” asked Harry gently.

Draco turned to face Harry; he was pale, wrung out, almost fragile, but seemed otherwise fine. He nodded. Harry reached out hesitantly, unsure if he should touch Draco or not. When Draco nodded again, Harry stepped forward and gathered him into his arms tenderly.

“I have been so worried about you, Dray. Where were you?”

“The countryside. I needed to be somewhere…open.”

Harry pulled back and kissed Draco’s forehead. “I’m sorry I caused this upset. What happened to you? Why did you react the way you did?”

“I can’t talk about it right now. All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep. I’m worn out.”

“But I need…”

Draco looked at Harry with desperation in his eyes and cut him off, “Please, Harry, not now.”

Draco looked so mournful that Harry had no choice but to comply. “We’ll leave it for now then, love. You really think you’ll be able to sleep?” Draco nodded. Harry kissed him gently and running his fingers along his cheek said, “Pleasant dreams.”

“You’re not coming?” asked Draco.

“If you want me to, of course I’ll come.”

Harry extinguished the lights in the flat and the two walked hand in hand to the bedroom. They undressed in silence and slipped into bed.

“Hold me, would you, Harry?” Harry opened his arms and Draco snuggled in, letting the warmth and strength of Harry’s body envelop him. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, baby,” cooed Harry. “Sleep now.”

Harry awoke and looked at the bedside clock – it was the middle of the night. He reached over and sat bolt upright. He was alone. Draco – where was Draco? He quickly climbed out of bed and ran into the hall. The loo was empty, as was the kitchen. Stepping into the living room, he breathed a sigh of relief when he found Draco sitting in an easy chair, hugging his knees and staring into the fire.

“Draco, what’s wrong?”

“Couldn’t sleep anymore. You go back. There’s no reason for us both to be awake.”

Harry walked over to the chair and kneeled down in front of Draco. “Can’t do that without you, love,” he said with a gentle smile. He took Draco’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Please go, Harry. You’ll be knackered in the morning.”

“That’s not important. What is important is you and what’s going on. I think you need to tell me about what happened tonight.”

Draco appeared almost spectral in the flickering firelight. He gazed down at Harry, unsure of what to say. “I don’t think I can, Harry.”

Grasping both hands now, Harry said calmly, “Yes, you can. You can tell me anything, Draco. You know that very well. I want to help. Please let me.”

“You don’t understand. I’ve…I’ve never told this to anyone.”

“I’ll be the first then, won’t I?”

Draco’s eyes were down-turned as he continued. “I’m afraid to tell you.”

“Why?”

“It’s because, well, I’m not sure how you’re going to take what I have to say. It might…change things between us.”

“There’s nothing you could say that could do that, Draco. You know how much I love you and that’s the way it will stay no matter what you tell me. I think you must realise that you need to tell someone about whatever this is. It’s eating you up inside, isn’t it?”

“I thought I had gotten over it, Harry. Hadn’t even really thought about it until recently and now it has come back to haunt me with a vengeance. You’re right, I do need to tell you but I don’t know where to start.”

“They say that the beginning is a good place,” said Harry with a gentle smile. “Come sit with me on the sofa.” The two lovers settled themselves facing one another and Harry reached out and took Draco’s hand in his. “Whenever you’re ready, love, I’m listening.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” said Draco, “but here goes nothing.” He paused and took a deep, cleansing breath. Weighing his words carefully, Draco began to speak. “It first happened when I was home for the Easter holiday during our third year. I had discovered the joys of wanking and I did it any opportunity I got. You remember what it was like, Harry? How difficult it was to keep your hands out of your trousers? Anyway, one day I was in my room, going at it in front of the mirror. Unfortunately, I had neglected to lock the door. Just as I came, my mother walked in on me.”

“You must have been so embarrassed!” exclaimed Harry.

“That is putting it mildly, love. Picture it – me standing naked as the day I was born, dick in hand, my come sliding down the mirror, and there is my mother staring at me with her mouth open in shock.”

“What happened next? Did she scold you?” inquired Harry, anxious to hear more.

“Never said a word to me about it. She turned, walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.”

“I’m surprised that she didn’t at least tell you to make sure to lock your door from then on, Draco.”

“At the time, I was too. I was positive I was going to get a lecture, but it never happened.”

“So, this is why you reacted so strongly every time the subject of masturbation came up? I understand that it was mortifying, but for you…”

Draco interrupted Harry mid-sentence. “No, there’s more to the story. Now comes the hard part. Gods, I don’t know how I can say this!”

“Just say it, love. You’re doing fine, so don’t stop now. What happened next?” inquired Harry, his voiced laced with concern.

Draco sighed and continued. “As I told you, my mother never said a word to me. However, she did say something to my father.”

At the mention of Lucius, the hairs on the back of Harry’s neck stood up. He was a cruel, evil man and Harry was suddenly very afraid of what was coming. He tightened his grip on Draco’s hand.

“That night, my father called me into his study. He made me sit in a chair while he circled, his eyes trained upon me, saying nothing. I was terrified but somehow found my voice. I asked if there was anything wrong. I’ll never forget the look on his face, Harry. A smile isn’t supposed to be hideous. My father had mastered the technique.” Draco shivered at the memory. “The next thing I knew, he was right up in my face, asking me if what my mother had said was true. What was I supposed to say? I had been caught in the act, so admitted it.”

“He didn’t punish you, did he?”

“Worse than that. He asked me to show him what I had done. He even conjured a mirror.”

Harry startled. “You mean he wanted you to do it in front of him?” Draco nodded. “My gods, how sick is that! You didn’t do it, did you?”

“I protested, tried to make him stop. I even begged him, but that only made him angrier. He told me to shut up and that a Malfoy never, ever begged. I started to cry and the next thing I knew he grabbed my jaw roughly and was telling me that I had better get on with it, if I knew what was good for me.”

“But surely he wouldn’t have hurt you!”

“You met my father, Harry. Would you have taken that chance?”

“No, I suppose not.”

“He had been drinking. I could smell it on his breath. My father was a dangerous man. Alcohol amplified the danger to unknown heights. I did what he wanted, or at least I tried to.”

“What do you mean you tried?”

“I imagine that it was the combination of fear and humiliation, but I couldn’t get hard. I practically rubbed myself raw but it just wouldn’t happen. Father had a field day with that. He teased and taunted me, made fun of the size of my penis and told me it was useless. I remember him asking me what kind of a man I was.”

“What kind of man? He asked you what kind of man you were? Draco, you were only thirteen at the time! He should have asked himself the same question,” cried Harry angrily. “Bastard!”

“He finally dismissed me by saying that I disgusted him and to get out of his sight. Just as I was reaching for the door he added that if I breathed one word of this to anyone, he would see to it that it would be the last words I ever spoke. I took the threat seriously, which is why you are the first person I’ve ever told, Harry.”

“What about your mother? Did you not think of telling her?”

“How was I supposed to tell her? He threatened to kill me if I told anyone and that included her. I believe that Mother was just as afraid of him as I was. She loved him, but feared him as well. She would have been powerless to help me.”

“It was unfortunate that she had to tell him about your little incident, Draco.”

“I’ve thought about that a lot and I don’t blame her. I’m positive that she told him very casually, just as she would any other bit of news, never imagining what he would do with the information.”

Harry nodded. “You’re probably right, love. How were things afterward?”

“Father was a superb actor. Life at the Malfoy Manor was just as it always had been. He treated me exactly the same during the day, playing the role of dutiful father. It was at night, when he had been drinking, that his attitude changed.”

“You mean this wasn’t an isolated incident?” inquired Harry with dismay.

“It happened again a few days later and once more the last night before I had to return to school. I had never been so glad to go back to Hogwarts. The summer holidays were a nightmare. The second night back I was once again summoned to see my father. I prayed with all my might that it would be different, but it wasn’t. He was particularly drunk and he added a new twist to our little game. He told me it was time that I saw what a man looked like. He made me watch while he masturbated.”

“He didn’t!”

“Oh yes he did. I can’t begin to tell you the shame that I felt that night. As much as I hated what he was doing, I was also fascinated. I found I couldn’t look away. I had known for some time that I was gay and this was the first time I had seen an erection other than my own. I couldn’t help myself, but I got very hard. Sick, isn’t it? I guess I was a chip off the old block after all. I am so ashamed of myself.”

“No, Draco! Don’t say that! You aren’t like him at all. Hormones took control of your body and you had no choice. You have nothing to feel ashamed about.”

“That might be true, but I felt it nonetheless and I hated myself for it.”

“It’s him you should have hated, not yourself.”

“I hated him as well, don’t worry. As the summer progressed, he grew bolder. At first, he made me touch him and then, on the last night he…he made me suck him off.”

Harry’s stomach twisted in fear. “Please tell me that was as far as it went, Draco.”

Draco averted his eyes and said in a whisper, “I-I can’t do that.”

“You’re not telling me that he…he...” Harry found that he could not voice the words.

“Not just then, but over Christmas. He said he had a special present for me, one that couldn’t be put under the tree. Said it was time that I became a real man. My father, the man who was supposed to love and protect me…gods this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say! Oh Harry, my own father raped me!” Draco broke down under the weight of his admission. Burying his face in his hands, he cried, his shoulders heaving as gut-wrenching, heart-breaking sobs wracked his body.

Harry’s horror was overcome by concern for his lover. He pulled Draco to him and held him tightly, desperately, wishing with all his might that he could somehow carry the burden himself. Draco clung to Harry with equal strength, gradually calming down under the gentle attention Harry was showering upon him.

“My poor, poor, Draco! Let it all out, love. I’ve got you. There, there,” cooed Harry softly as he rubbed Draco’s back. He felt helpless, useless, but offered the best comfort he could. “He can’t hurt you anymore. You’re safe with me, my darling.”

Harry felt an anger growing deep in his belly. He wanted to do more than offer platitudes; he needed to make things right with Draco, to ease his pain and help him come to terms with his father’s misdeeds. He was unsure of how to accomplish this, but he knew that he had to try. A terrible hatred also swelled within him – a hatred of the man, nay, the monster that had done this to his love, his own son. Harry Potter had killed Voldemort and he knew at that very moment that he was capable of killing again. His love for Draco was so strong, had Lucius Malfoy not already been dead, Harry Potter would have done the job himself. The added thought that he would have enjoyed doing it scared Harry more than just a little. He pushed those feelings aside and buried them deep within, lest Draco see.

Sensing that Draco had cried himself out, Harry gently pulled back from the embrace. He ran his hand gently over a tear-stained cheek and a fevered brow. “Would you like a drink, love?” he asked, proffering a box of tissues.

Draco wiped his eyes and blew his nose. “Yes, please,” said Draco quietly.

“Be right back.”

Draco gulped the juice greedily. “Thanks.”

“Here, wipe your face with this. I ran it under the cold water; it’ll make you feel better.” Draco took the flannel and did as he was told. He shivered as he placed the cloth on his neck.

Draco mustered a weak smile. “What would I do without you, Harry?”

“Well, for one thing, you wouldn’t have gone through all this upset if I hadn’t been around. Words can’t begin to describe how horrid I feel. I’m so sorry, Draco. Can you ever forgive me?”

“You had no way of knowing, Harry. There’s nothing to forgive.”

“But it was because of me that you had to relive this nightmare!”

“It was a set of unfortunate circumstances that brought it all back. You catching me in the shower, then tonight, you asking me to show you how I did it, coupled with the smell of liquor on your breath. I felt as if I were thirteen again.”

“Gods, I hate myself!”

“Don’t, Harry, please! I couldn’t stand you blaming yourself. Listen to me – you didn’t know about all this. It just happened. If there’s anyone to blame it’s me. I should have told you about this a long time ago.”

“It’s hardly the thing you’d bring up in everyday conversation, love.”

“No, but I had ample opportunity after the shower incident. The subject was on the table, so to speak. Don’t hate me for keeping silent.”

“Draco, I could never hate you! I understand completely. I appreciate how difficult it was for you to share this with me. I’m proud of you, my darling.”

Draco snorted and said, “I don’t feel as if there’s anything that you should be proud of, Harry. I feel…I feel like a freak, a pervert. Are you sure you still want to be with me? “

“Your tale has broken my heart, but it hasn’t changed how I feel about you. I love you, Draco, and I always will.”

“It doesn’t bother you being with someone who is tainted?” asked Draco with a sniff. His emotions were welling up anew.

Harry took Draco’s head in his hands and kissed his forehead. “You must stop thinking like that. You are neither a freak nor a pervert. It was him that was those things. You are a victim of his cruelty and perversion. You did not ask to be treated in such a fashion. You were still a child for Merlin’s sake! He forced you into such acts through fear and intimidation. He took your awakening sexuality and a perfectly normal action on your part and twisted them for his own sick needs. Listen to me – you have nothing to be ashamed of and you are by no means tainted. I have never loved you more than I do at this very moment.”

Draco wiped his tears away. “Thank you for that, Harry. I needed to hear you say it.” He sighed deeply. “I can’t believe that this is finally out in the open. I’ve been holding it in for so long. Do you want to know how it all came to an end?”

Harry blanched and replied with a question. “You mean to tell me that it happened more than just once?”

“Apparently I pleased my father because he buggered me any chance he got. By the time the next holidays rolled around what had been a once or twice a week occurrence started happening almost daily. I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided that I’d rather die than put up with his actions. That night I brought my wand and I pulled it out the second he touched me. I told him I’d curse him to hell and back if he didn’t stop. I stood there, fully prepared to go out in a green light, while he just stared at me.”

“My gods, Draco, what happened next?”

“He started to laugh. He said to me and I quote ‘It’s about fucking time you stood up to me’ and then he turned and walked very calmly out of the room. It was the last time he ever called on me.”

“You mean you wouldn’t have gone all through that if you had…”

“Spoken up sooner? Apparently. How fucked up is that, Harry? Do you know how that made me feel? Like the biggest moron that this planet has ever seen.”

“I think it was just another one of his mind games, Draco. You had gotten older and he probably realised you were capable of making good on your threat. It was a way for him to save face and make it look like it was your fault. Your father was one sick bastard.”

“I never looked at it like that, Harry. I think you’re right. And here was me kicking myself in the arse all these years for being an idiot.”

“Well, if you’re an idiot, you’re the smartest one I ever met, love,” said Harry with a grin. After a companionable silence, Harry spoke. “There’s still one thing you haven’t answered, Draco. I hope you don’t mind me asking the question again.”

“No, I don’t mind. I might as well get it all out into the open. What was it you wanted to know, Harry?”

“Why do you masturbate every day? I would think that after what happened, it would have put you off.”

Draco thought for a bit and then answered, “I never did it again when I was at home. I was afraid that he would somehow know what I had been doing and turn it against me. It was a different matter when I was at school, though. It was there that I started doing it everyday just because I could do it without fear. I didn’t care if Crabbe or Goyle caught me at it. They wouldn’t have dared say one word to anyone. If they ever saw me, they never let on.”

“So, you’re saying it’s just a habit that you got into?” asked Harry.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that. Who knows, maybe it was my way of getting even. When I was at Hogwarts, I was the one in control of my body, not him. I was free to do as I pleased. Anyway, I can’t give you the deep psychological reasons why I have continued all these years. It feels good, so I do it. And really, Harry, it is just as I said – it is no reflection on you or our relationship.”

“I believe you, Draco. After what you have told me tonight, I understand it all, too. I’m also thinking back to our first night together.”

“What about it?”

“I am totally astounded that, after everything you’d been through, that you gave yourself to me so readily. I would have thought you’d be more wary.”

“I was a little surprised myself. It took me years to learn to trust again and I only ever bottomed for one other bloke before you. As to why I let you take me that night, I think it was because it all felt so right so quickly. I knew that by your side was where I belonged.”

“That you do, love, and don’t forget it. You amaze me, Draco. How did you ever learn to trust another man? It must have been difficult.”

“I took all this nasty business and hid it away in the back of my mind. I convinced myself that I had gotten over it. I also decided that I deserved to be happy and I wasn’t going to let him take that away from me. He had already stolen enough and I was bound and determined that there would be no more.”

“You’re very strong to have been able to do that.”

“Perhaps, but I wasn’t so strong a little while ago when I was weeping in your arms.”

“Emotional release, Draco. I think you’re entitled after bottling that up for so many years, don’t you agree? There is no shame in crying.”

“I know that, Harry. Hold me again, will you? I think I’ve got a little more to do.”

As he gathered Draco into his arms, Harry said with great tenderness, “I’ll hold you for as long as it takes, my love.”

Still snuggled against Harry’s chest, Draco whispered, “I’m so afraid, Harry.”

“Whatever of? He can’t hurt you anymore.”

Draco sat up and looked into the waning fire. “I am terrified that I’ll become just like him.”

“You have no reason to think like that, Draco. It’s ridiculous.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong,” said Draco quietly. “Do you remember me telling you that the day my father got Kissed was the worst of my life.”

“Yes, I remember it very clearly.”

“You undoubtedly thought it was because my father died that day.”

“Yes, that was what I thought you meant. Now, in light of what you told me tonight, I’m not sure.”

“There was a very, very tiny part of me that felt like that. He was still my father, after all. The truth was that I hated him. I hated him for what he had done to me and to my mother. It was the worst day of my life…” The words stuck in Draco’s throat.

“Tell me why, Draco.”

“It was because I was glad that he got the Kiss! I stood there, my face like stone, and watched as the Dementor took his soul. Inside, I rejoiced. It was all I could do not to shout out with glee, take that, you bastard! I could have danced a jig and spat in his face. Don’t you see, Harry, it was the worst day of my life because it was the happiest day of my life! What kind of a monster does that make me? It makes me just like him! I don’t want that, Harry; I can’t be like him, I won’t be like him. But I am petrified that there is nothing I can do to stop it. I feel like I am doomed to become my father’s son.”

Harry grabbed Draco by the upper arms and gave him a good shake to snap him out of his near hysterical state. “Now you listen and you listen closely. Your name is Draco Malfoy. Not Lucius. You are not your father and you never will be. You are your own man, Draco. What you felt that day was normal. Your father raped you repeatedly. If I had been in your shoes, Draco, I would have felt exactly the same. He deserved everything he got and you are not to beat yourself up over it. The mere fact that you’re worried about this should prove to you beyond a doubt that it will never happen. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“More importantly, do you believe me?”

“I want to.”

“Then just do it. What is your name?”

“You know my name.”

“Humour me.”

“Draco Malfoy.”

“And?”

“My name is Draco Malfoy and I am my own man, now and forever.”

“Excellent! That’s the ticket.”

“Harry, will you promise me that if you ever see me, you know, changing in a bad direction, you’ll tell me?”

“It will never happen, but if it’ll make you feel better, I promise to tell you.”

“Thanks. I love you, you know.”

“Love you, too, Dray.”

“I am emotionally and physically wiped, like I’ve been hit by a lorry. Can we go back to bed?”

“Sounds good to me. Come on,” said Harry, standing and offering a hand to Draco.

Draco climbed up into the big four-poster and let Harry drape himself around him like a blanket. He felt safe and warm, relieved that his dark secret had finally been set free. As tired as he was, his mind was still working.

“Harry?”

“Yes?”

“I was just thinking. Do you realise that we’re both victims of abuse?”

“Yes, I guess you’re right.”

“And that we both have a lot of emotional baggage that we’re dragging along with us?”

“That we do indeed.”

“Do you think there’s hope for a couple of screwed up wizards like us?”

Harry couldn’t help but chuckle. “Most definitely.”

“You sound pretty sure about that, Harry.”

“Oh but I am! I help you, you help me, throw a whole lot of love into the equation and there you have it. Together we can work out any problem that comes our way, Dray. We’ve got each other, and in the end, that’s all we need.”

Draco smiled; Harry had the knack of getting right to the heart of the matter. It was so simple.

“You’re right, love, it is all that we need.”

The End.