Our Wasted Love

Chapter Three: Careful What You Wish For

Sometimes when you wish for something that you want so bad it can come true. But you must be careful, for sometimes what you wish for, you might very well get. And it’s not always as you thought it would be.

It wasn’t anything like he’d dreamt it would be. Only because Harry hadn’t kissed him back. But despite that Draco was on Cloud 9. He’d had his lips and hands on Harry, and that was all that mattered.

But Harry hadn’t pushed him away either; which had been almost as nice as if he’d actually kissed Draco back. He had expected shock and anger from Harry, but both were far from his face. He looked calm and normal, as if nothing had happened.

Damn him! Was he so unaffected by that kiss? It has me all in knots and I only want to kiss him again and again. I want to do a lot more than that to him. Damn him!

He looked at Harry and Harry looked back. Neither boy said a word and Draco didn’t take his hands off Harry’s shoulders. He didn’t want to lose that small contact he had with the boy, and he was sure it would be the last.

“Will you fucking say something, Potter?” he finally spat at the dark-haired boy.

“Why should I say anything?”

“Forget it; I just wanted to let you know that I’m interested okay? But try to keep it under wraps. I don’t like to flaunt my attraction to the same sex, as some of us do.” He raised his eyebrows and smirked.

Harry shrugged his shoulders, showing his indifference, and also forcing Draco to let his hands fall down to his sides and hang limply in defeat. He knew he’d never made a bigger fool of himself as he just had. He only hoped Harry wouldn’t go tell everyone that Draco Malfoy had hit on him. He could deny it, but who besides the other Slytherins would believe him? Not that he cared what any of the other houses thought of him.

“Just think about it, Potter. I can promise you a night of fun.” Draco walked passed Harry and left the dungeon with as much dignity as he could muster considering the fact that he’d just thrown himself at someone who was obviously not interested.

******

“What’s wrong, Harry? You seem so out of it tonight,” Hermione asked him as they sat around in the Gryffindor common room Tuesday evening.

Hooray for you, you’ve finally noticed that I’m not myself. Too bad it’s taken you this long to notice. Harry thought sarcastically.

“I’m fine, just a little tired.” Harry gazed into the fire across from him and wondered if that would placate her. When he looked back at her she had her nose back in her book, while Ron stroked her leg and she pretended not to notice. Yeah, his lie had kept her from seeing the real reason.

Harry tried to pinpoint the exact moment when he had become this nothingness. He wasn’t sure if it had been when he’d finally accepted Sirius’s death or the night that he had found out that his parents had been killed because of him. He wasn’t sure which it was, but it didn’t really matter did it? Here he was and nothing could change it.

Ginny stared at him from across the room and so did Colin. He didn’t acknowledge either of them. They knew he knew that they were staring at him. He didn’t care. He’d gotten used to both of their eyes being on him. He could feel the hurt from Ginny, and Colin’s eagerness for more of Harry.

Their stares didn’t bother him but he soon grew tired of them and went up to his dormitory, telling Hermione and Ron the he was going to bed for the night. They didn’t question him, or even look up at him as he left. Harry shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

Once in bed he thought about what Draco had said the other day.

He was considering the boy’s offer. Why shouldn’t he? The Slytherin had practically thrown himself at Harry and for once he thought he might be able to enjoy the sex. He felt nothing for Malfoy; an old hatred that had died out along with the rest of his feelings.

And besides, what else did he have to do? He was stuck in this damn school and needed something to do other than wait. And he didn’t want to have to go to Colin again. Not that he had any trouble finding someone new to fuck, but with everyone else he had to act. With Draco he figured he could just be.

Anyway, nothing had to be decided tonight. Harry wanted to make Draco sweat and feel as if he’d failed to get what he wanted for a little while. Just so someone else could feel something that he couldn’t, and wasn’t even sure he ever would again.

******

“What’s the matter, Draco? You’ve been in a foul mood all week,” Blaise asked the blond that night. Draco had told him to be there, and here he was. Just like a dog; he comes whenever his master calls.

“It’s nothing,” he growled.

Blaise wondered what was wrong, but knew better than to ask. Draco would only pull further away from him. He tended to do that when he was in a bad mood, Blaise noted.

“Could I maybe help you feel better?” he asked the Seeker as he strutted up to where he was perched on his oversized four-poster.

Draco looked up at him and Blaise saw his eyes move down his body. When he looked back into Blaise’s deep blue eyes there was desire there. He also had an evil and quite sexy grin on his pale face. It was almost as frightening as it was beautiful. That look meant he wanted sex and would get it.

Blaise figured he should say no. His heart had another idea. So, when Draco stood up and pushed him roughly to the bed, he laughed in delight. It was the third time this week they would make love, and Blaise wanted it so much. He was starting to get his hopes up.

Blaise surprised himself by saying ‘I love you, Draco’ as the other Slytherin had entered him. Draco had remained silent and kept his eyes closed while they went at it. Blaise took this as a good sign, because he hadn’t pushed him away or cursed at him.

The last thing Blaise heard before he came was Draco shout, and then the oblivion had hit. It wasn’t until afterwards when Draco had already fallen asleep on top of him that he understood what Draco had yelled.

As Draco had been inside Blaise, pumping into him at the height of climax, he had screamed out, “Harry!”

Blaise’s heart tore in two.

******

He didn’t understand why Blaise had gotten up and left so quickly. He’d woken Draco up in his haste to leave. That pissed him off the most. Then he thought about why he would run off in such a huff, and if he’d really heard the boy crying as he left.

Suddenly he remembered he’d called out Harry’s name when he came. And that Blaise had said that he loved him.

I could’ve sworn he knew this was just for sex. Not love. Love him? Ridiculous. The boy is stupid. And, shit, now he knows I want Harry.

Draco decided he’d have to have a chat with the dark-haired Slytherin. This wouldn’t do at all. He thought he could hide his feelings so well. But he’d been imagining Harry writhing underneath him again, like he always did. Except this time he’d called out Harry’s name.

Damn.

It didn’t matter that he hurt Blaise. Why should it? He had no feelings for the boy whatsoever. It wasn’t Draco’s fault the fool boy had gone and fallen in love with him. Blaise was a git. Draco couldn’t love anyone but Harry. And now Blaise knew that. Well, he knew he wanted Harry, which was almost as bad.

The next evening Draco cornered Blaise after dinner. The Great Hall was empty except for the two of them. Blaise shrank away from Draco and tried to leave, but Draco wasn’t having it. He pushed him against the wall.

“You will say nothing about what you heard me say. Do you understand?” he said firmly.

The other boy started crying. Draco shook his head in disgust. “You’re pathetic you know that, Blaise. It’s not that big a deal.”

“Not that big of a deal!” he sobbed. “You called out another guy’s name while we were making love.”

“Making love? That’s not what we were doing. Not at all. We fuck>. That’s all it is. I thought you understood that.”

“You know, I knew you were mean, but I never thought you were this much of an asshole,” Blaise told him, his voice becoming stronger. He pushed Draco away from him, only to have the blond push him back against the wall.

“I will have your promise that you will say nothing of what has happened between us and my mention of Harry during our...time together. Say it.”

“I swear I won’t breathe a word. Of that you can be sure. I want nothing more to do with you,” Blaise recited and then stood up to his full height and started walking away.

“That’s good, because I’d already grown tired of you,” Draco called out in a chilling tone.

Blaise showed no signs of hearing him and continued walking until he’d left the Great Hall and Draco Malfoy behind him. Draco watched him leave, and didn’t feel the least bit upset over what had taken place. As long as he didn’t say anything to anyone Draco would be okay.

A slight movement caught Draco’s attention. It came from somewhere behind him, and when he turned he saw nothing but shadows. And yet he knew someone was there, hiding. “Come out whoever you are,” he spoke to the shadows. For a minute no one appeared and then Harry stepped forward, looking as gorgeous as ever.

“Lover’s spat?” he said coolly.

“It’s none of your business, Potter,” Draco spat at him. He wasn’t really in the mood for this today. What did Harry want? To mock him? Make him feel like a bigger idiot for throwing himself at the silly Scarhead?

Harry shrugged indifferently and watched Draco.

His gaze was unnerving and Draco couldn’t stand it for very long. He didn’t want to be the first to break the silence that had fallen between them. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet nervously, waiting for Harry to speak. And still he said nothing.

“Well, what do you want?” Draco finally asked.

Harry looked into Draco’s eyes as if he hadn’t been aware that there was anyone else in the room. It made Draco feel as important as a speck of dust and that certainly didn’t sit well with him. His anger was gathering up inside him and he was about to start yelling until Harry said something, because his silence was driving him nuts.

“Calm down, Malfoy. I didn’t know your face could be any color except white. Well, except for that one time after you got turned back from being a ferret. Your face was pretty red then,” Harry said flatly.

“I thought you used to find that funny?”

“It is funny.”

“Then why aren’t you laughing?”

“I haven’t laughed in a long time,” he said quietly.

Draco raised his eyebrows. What was all this about? This isn’t Harry. Where were the insults? Why wasn’t he making him feel like an ass for what he’d done a few days ago? It had to be some kind of trick or game. And yet when Draco looked into Harry’s eyes he saw none of the mocking and anger that was usually there.

“What’s up with you these days?” he asked the dark-haired boy with his eyebrows raised.

“Nothing, I’m exactly the same as I have been all year.”

Draco didn’t believe him. There was something different, something so sad. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he wanted to help him, and it was such a strange feeling; wanting to help someone.

“So, are you taking up eavesdropping now? Or was it just an accident that you overheard Zabini and me talking?” Draco asked changing the subject back to why Harry was here in the first place.

He shrugged again and continued to stare at Draco as if he was looking at air and not a living human that wanted to rip off his clothes and take him right now. It didn’t matter if anyone saw them either, he wanted Harry so bad. It was this want that led him to do another stupid thing.

Draco walked over to Harry and kissed him firmly on the mouth, the second time in the same month. He was losing his mind for sure!

This time when he pulled back he looked at Harry and saw that nothing was registered on his face. Not anger or desire or shock. It looked as if he was reading the paper and nothing interesting was going on in the world.

Again Draco found his anger and he wanted so much to just hit Harry. He wanted to make the boy feel something. He looked dead, as if nothing could upset him. It was like he didn’t care about anything. Draco lifted his hand to slap Harry but was stopped by Harry grabbing his hand in midair.

“Why don’t you want me?!” Draco yelled in his face. Harry was still holding Draco’s hand in the air above them.

Harry pushed the blonde\'s hand away from him, as if it had bitten him. His eyes roamed over Draco, up and down and back again. For some reason this made Draco feel cheap. He wanted Harry to look at him, but not like that.

“You’ve been with a lot of people haven’t you, Malfoy?”

“A fair few,” Draco said in a low voice. He felt so stupid. What had made him think he could ever have Harry? He was never going to love him. Never even going to fuck him. He didn’t like feeling like he was beneath someone and Harry was making him feel that way right now. He had practically just asked him if he was the slut Harry had heard he was.

“Why?”

“Because I like to fuck, okay? Is that alright with you?”

“I don’t care.”

“Yeah, I can tell you don’t,” Draco spat. “I hear you’re not so inexperienced yourself.”

“I’m sure that whatever you’ve heard is true. Not much stays secret here.”

“Well, I’m sure there are a few things about people that not everyone knows.”

“Like you sleeping with guys?” Harry asked somberly. He was once again staring into Draco’s eyes with his deep green ones that were piercing through him to his soul.

“Well, I try to keep that between me and the boys I choose to fuck.”

“Like me?”

“Yes, like you. I do want you, Harry. You can not understand how much,” Draco told the boy. He couldn’t believe he’d just said that. Draco stepped back and didn’t let on that he had just blurted out something he didn’t really want Harry to know.

“Meet me in the empty classroom on the second floor. You know the one that hasn’t been used all year?”

“Yeah, I know the one. What time?” Draco couldn’t believe his ears. Could this mean what he thought it meant?

“One o’clock in the morning tomorrow night,” Harry answered as he walked past Draco to leave the Great Hall.

“Does this mean that you...”

“Maybe. You’ll have to show up to find out.” With that Harry Potter walked out of the Great Hall, leaving behind a wide-eyed Draco Malfoy with a gleam of hope in his eyes.